Hard Decision, Putting My Sammi To Sleep Options

[hdickens]

Hello:

Today was probably one of the most hardest days of my life. My dear cat Sammi (my baby) had to be put to sleep. She was diagnosed with cancer just yesterday. She had an infection of the pancreas last week and we thought that was all there was to it. Antibiotics and low fat food for a few days, but Sunday she had major trouble moving her hind legs. We thought perhaps the anesthetic but the vet said everything should have been back to normal by 24 hrs. I know that for the last couple of months she was having trouble jumping up or down and she was not spending as much time outside as usual The vet checked her xrays last night and called us this morning saying that one of her lungs looked quite a bit denser then the other therefore cancer had invaded and moved to her spine cutting off nerve endings. What was the hardest to hear was that it would only get worse and we knew that we would have to make a difficult decision. My son went with me to the clinic today and when we got there the pain in my heart intensified 100 fold. The vet was very gentle and very loving to Sammi and my son and I stood by her side and touched her as the needle was given. I realize that she probably didn''t know what was going to happen to her but we sure did. Now I sit at home looking at my surroundings and wonder how I will cope with the feelings I am having. Guilt for sure. I most vividly remember giving her some of her kitty treats this morning (this is after making the hard choice) and she was gobbling them up like there was no tomorrow. When I think of that image I so feel like I condemned her and she was actually eating her last meal. This hurts so bad. I just want to be able to share these intense emotions to someone who would understand.
Please help.
Heidi Dickens
In Memory of Sammi born Nov 21, 1991 Passed Away June 23, 2005

[mosmommy]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Sammi. It is so hard to believe that our babies could get so sick that there is no other way than to let them go. I had to put Cosmo down on May 24 for kidney failure. It was the hardest decision, because my selfishness wanted to try anything and everything to make him better, but that would have been wrong for him. I believe that I put him down while he still had dignity. He was really only sick with the kidney symptoms for a couple days, and the night before he died, he was at the vet receiving treatment. When I called the next morning though, they told me that the numbers for kidney function in his blood work were so high, (some of those were off the charts) that the best thing would be to let him go. I had to put one of our cats down last May also, but it was an easier choice because I saw that he was having trouble for awhile, and everything we were doing to conquer it eventually stopped working. I think I may start to dread the month of May now.
I know that it hurts more than words can describe, and I am still quite fresh in my grief, even after a month. You will feel better though, a little each day. All we can hope for is progress each day that will lead us toward healing. We will never forget our loss, but the guilt will subside, and eventually the pain will begin to be replaced by happy memories. I want to commend you for having the courage to be there for Sammi during her final moments, I know how hard it is to make that choice, but she felt the comfort of your presence, I believe.
I am glad you found us all here at this pet loss grief forum. All of us here know that there is no time limit to our grieving and noone here will ever tell you to "move on". When those close to you begin to move on, but you haven't been able to, then reach out for us here, we'll understand.
I hope that soon you will begin to feel a little more peace, and then you can begin to memorialize her with a special plant or flower in your yard, or a framed picture with a poem or special message. I just finished my grave marker for Cosmo last night, and it is helping me find peace. I chose a perrenial called "Jacob's Ladder" to plant next to his grave, because it blooms in May, and that is when he passed.
I will pray for you and your family during this intense time of loss and grief. Please know, you DID do the right thing. Sammi will live on in spirit as well as in your memories and in your heart. Your courage spoke volumes to her when you let her go in peace.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle