2 Weeks Ago Options

[Bacchus]

I put my 13 year old cat, Bacchus, to sleep two weeks ago, and this forum has been so helpful through the last two weeks of grieving, anger, and depression. Bacchus was an amazing feline. I once thought he might have been an alien with everything he had been through in his life: fighting with a chicken, riding on top of a car for several miles, surviving an attack by two coyotes. He had been getting sick every couple of months with dehydration and vomiting and would always get better after some fluids and antibiotics. Being a student, I couldn't afford to do a lot of tests financially.

Over the last month, he started to get thinner but would still play and cuddle and sleep with me every night. I had a feeling about a week before I made "the decision" that his time may be coming. I came home from school one day, and he had become jaundiced. The vet said that I could have done a feeding tube, ultrasound, bloodwork, etc., but I just could not afford that type of care. I feel horribly guilty for not being able to even see if this was something that could have been helped with treatment, but I would not have been able to pay the rent. Nor would I have wanted to put him through feeding tubes, injections and overall pain when I had a feeling that this was something very serious. I was in there with him when he passed. He cuddled with me in my arms before I let him go, and I feel that he knew what decision I had made and he was telling me it was okay.

I have moments of feeling like I did the right thing, but I never imagined the pain would be this great. This was the first pet that was truly mine and unfortunately, that brought the decision that I had to make. I just hope that he knows how much I love him and that I did this because I thought it was best for his well being.

Thank you all for posting your memories and emotions for others to see and relate to. Knowing that other people had the same feelings that I had has been so comforting.

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[luv_my_catz]

There are some quotes from your post that I can truly relate to ~ I have added some of my feelings below ~

Over the last month, he started to get thinner but would still play and cuddle and sleep with me every night. I had a feeling about a week before I made "the decision" that his time may be coming.

The feeling you had was communication from Bacchus ~ this is how it was for Amber and me she spent 2 days with me in this form of exchange ~ sending me truth and knowledge of what was to come

I was in there with him when he passed. He cuddled with me in my arms before I let him go, and I feel that he knew what decision I had made and he was telling me it was okay.

The exact same thing happened with Amber and I ~ our last moments together were filled with love and we were surrounded by a cloud of golden love

I have moments of feeling like I did the right thing, but I never imagined the pain would be this great. This was the first pet that was truly mine and unfortunately, that brought the decision that I had to make. I just hope that he knows how much I love him and that I did this because I thought it was best for his well being.

I too have only moments when I feel as though it was right because my physical self cannot believe she is gone ~ the human part of me never can understand why we have to be separated from those we love and it always feels wrong ~ Over the past months here I have learned with the help of others that there is a deeper more complex side to existence that resides in the spirit and takes embodiment in the soul ~ as time goes by I am learning to understand this part more and as a result the guilt and despair is not so great and the moments of knowing that we decided this together and that she actually was the one to tell ME that it was her time are more frequent than before ~

I wish you peace and comfort in the days ahead - I am so sorry for your loss

Sincerely,
Kathryn