It Is All My Fault Options

[Missing Kamikazi]

not a good day.....

talked to the HQ from the pet hospital, and she basically told me what I didnt want to accept..... She told me"Did we feed the dog the bones?" So basically... It is my fault... she is right. If he had not gotten into the chicken bones.... he would be alive today..... accident or not.... it was my fault.

Then... when I went to the doctor for a second opinion... he said essentially.... without seeing him it would be impossible to know they outcome... and I appreciated his honesty...But He did not think he even had a chance. Even had the vet been there....and started treatment right away..... so again... it is all my fault. I know he didnt mean it to sound like my fault....he said it to make me feel better. That all I would have gotten from starting treatment would have been a big bill and still no dog. And I know I am reading futher into it thatn he meant.... but that is what he sadi essentially.

so much for what I thought was great progress through the journey of grief... I am back to step one......if not worse.

Please Kamikazi... forgive me.... I am so sorry I didnt do enough to prevent this. I am so sorry I killed you.. I did not mean it and would give my life up today if I knew it would give yours back. I am so sorry.... I am going to Hell for this.

[Ben]

It is NOT your fault! You did nothing to harm him... you
never gave him the bones. If it's one thing I've realized, reaquainting myself
with death again through this, it's that the old adage is true... bleep happens...
life throws you curve balls.

There was a whole sequence of decisions I made about Sunne
that eventually lead to his passing... you made none that caused the passing of
Kamikaze- you kept treats away from him, you never gave him those bones, and
it sounds like you were a brilliant Mom to him... Don't torture yourself any more
than the pain you already feel in his absence - that alone is enough...

Easier said than done I know, but this is the empirical truth- it was not you.