Tears Soaked My Pillow, Crying All Night Options

[Ann H]

Just when I think I am doing so well terrible waves of sadness have overtaken me. I have been awake crying most of the night from missing my girls. It hasn't been this bad for me in a while now. The night has been so long and lonely and some kind of empty feeling has washed over me and has ripped the scars off my heart again.

Ok if I want to be truthful I looked at all the pictures of my little Snookie while she was so sick and dying and some of her after she had passed away. I don't know why I do that to myself it just causes me more pain. I have been strong and stayed away from them since my one post confessing what I was doing.

I just feel so empty, broken, so lost, and in so much pain today. All of the wonderful memories have been going through my mind. It seems to hurt my heart even more when I think of the blessing I have had and all I have lost. I feel so weak in my spirit, my heart screams I can't go on, the pain is to bad. Yet I know for the family I have to go on but I am so weary.

I held my Snookie's urn and hugged and kissed it, and today I may go fling myself on Chili Bean's grave. I have tried so hard to let joy come back into my life but today it seems to have escaped me. My heart and soul and tears have given way to the pain and sorrow of missing my wonderful darling girls.
Ann

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[Ladypurr]

Dear Ann,

the pictures you've posted of your precious little girls are so cute!! We can only imagine how much you loved them (and still do!).

Please know that they are in the most perfect place now--free of pain and so well cared for. They are with God now.

These dear souls who have loved us so deeply and unconditionally, that have brought joy and fun and adventure to our lives like nothing else has, will be there for us again one day.

Only time and your slowly healing broken heart will permit you to focus on the wonderful memories. Losing these babies is like losing one of our limbs. The hurt is indescribable and all we want to do at times is go into a dark room and shut everything out.

Ann, hold fast to the truth that one day your heart won't be aching so and you will be able to remember all the lovely times you spent with Snookie and Chili Bean. It has been 31 years since I said "goodbye" to the most wonderful dog I've ever known, my German Shepherd, Shep. He lived more than 13 years (a long time for a Shepherd). One day everything just stopped working. He lost control of his bowels and his ability to get up. He looked at me with such pleading eyes that I felt my heart screaming, "Oh God, I must let you go." He was such a beautiful, dignified dog. I couldn't bear to make him live another day in such a pathetic state.

That evening at the vet's office, our whole family was there to bid our farewells. Me, my Mom and my sisters were going to see a wonderful horse spectacle that evening at Hershey Park. I remember how beautiful those horses were but the entire performance was clouded in a huge veil of tears. We all sat in our seats practically sobbing the whole time. I'm sure people in the audience could not understand.

Now when I think of Shep I think of a dog that was more like a brother than a four-legged creature with fur. We did everything with Shep. My sisters played dolls with him. He'd pull our sleighs in the winter and race after my sisters pulling us and we'd laugh so hard we'd practically pee ourselves. He was a protector and a clown extraordinairre. He'd pile in the car with us and the neighborhood kids and my Dad would drive us all to the local ice cream store. People would laugh and point, "Look, that dog has his OWN dish of ice cream!" Yep, Shep got his own dish of vanilla ice cream and then he'd patiently watch each of us as we ate our's, hoping that his look of extreme longing would motivate us to save a few licks for him. He always got more than his share, I can assure you!

Oh, I will tell you, Ann, my precious Shep will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge one day. He'll come bounding to me and the joy I'll experience in seeing him again will be beyond my wildest expectations!

You will be with Snookie and Chili Bean again. Hold tight. We're here for you!

With love and sympathy (((and purrs, woofs, whinneys, etc.!),

--Susan
~ a voice for the voiceless ~