I Had To Let Her Go Options

[Golden327]

Last night, after my cat had stopped eating for a few days, I decided to take her to the vet. She refused to eat anything I put in front of her, even a piece of turkey which a week before she would have begged me for. When I took her in, it was evident that it was over. She had kidney failure and heart disease. She couldn't make it anymore.
My poor Butterscotch. It's the hardest thing I ever had to do, handing her to the vet and saying goodbye. Mentally she was still there and I just ache wondering whether she knew what was happening. I just hope she wasn't angry at me for taking her there. She was just in too much pain.
I've had her since I was six, since first grade. I'm 24 now and she's been with me for every important thing I've ever went through. Every memory I have, includes her. I don't know how to get through this. I cry so much because everywhere I look reminds me of her. Every sound I hear, I look, thinking it's her.
We have a golden Retriever also, and i feel that she is confused. She wants to know where her buddy of 13 years is.
My kitty gave me so much joy over the years and I love her so much. I found this site while I was crying tonight. I've lost a pet before, but never one who I had been through so much with. She was always there when I came home, and always crawling on my lap when I needed her. I miss her warmth.
One of the hardest things is that the man that I am in love with is allergic to cats. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to fill the void that she left behind. Not that I would want to replace her.... but it's hard, when I'm such a cat person.

[Golden327]

I had a rough night last night. I was doing my laundry, and I had my fleece from the night I took her to the vet. It was still covered in her hair, and I had wanted to get some of the hair off it to put in a frame before I washed it. So I was taking the hair off, and it got to me.I just started crying. I haven't cried in almost a week. Then I smelled the fleece, and there it was, my cat's smell. It was her. I couldn't bring myself to wash it. It was the last thing that I have to remind me of her. I have picture, but no actual physical evidence of her. I just can't do that yet. I know I will at some point, but just not yet.
Then last night, I had two dreams about her. The first one was she was still here, and for some reason we hadn't put her to sleep yet. And she started eating like normal. She was playing around and being goofy. But I didn't have a litter box or much food for her, because I had given it all to the humane society last week. So I didn't know what to do. Then the dream later was her just being there, and I got to hold her again and play with her. She layed on my chest and we snuggled like we used to. I somehow knew that her toxin levels were still too high for her to live much longer, but I didn't know what to do.
Was it a message from her? Telling me that she was back to her old playful self and she is ok? Or is it just my self conscious wishing she was back, not willing to let her go yet.
I'm not sure....

Kendra