Tears Soaked My Pillow, Crying All Night Options

[Ann H]

Just when I think I am doing so well terrible waves of sadness have overtaken me. I have been awake crying most of the night from missing my girls. It hasn't been this bad for me in a while now. The night has been so long and lonely and some kind of empty feeling has washed over me and has ripped the scars off my heart again.

Ok if I want to be truthful I looked at all the pictures of my little Snookie while she was so sick and dying and some of her after she had passed away. I don't know why I do that to myself it just causes me more pain. I have been strong and stayed away from them since my one post confessing what I was doing.

I just feel so empty, broken, so lost, and in so much pain today. All of the wonderful memories have been going through my mind. It seems to hurt my heart even more when I think of the blessing I have had and all I have lost. I feel so weak in my spirit, my heart screams I can't go on, the pain is to bad. Yet I know for the family I have to go on but I am so weary.

I held my Snookie's urn and hugged and kissed it, and today I may go fling myself on Chili Bean's grave. I have tried so hard to let joy come back into my life but today it seems to have escaped me. My heart and soul and tears have given way to the pain and sorrow of missing my wonderful darling girls.
Ann

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[Dawn]

Dear Ann,
I can understand your pain. I have had alot of ups and downs with all the loss of my pets. I posted regarding my most recent loss sandy just a week ago, but it seems an eternity. I sat at the kitchen table the other nite and just sobbed at the quiet in my house, becasuse sandy was such a vocal and loud dog, it filled the whole house. The silence is so painful. I think of her in the good years, and then my mind flashes to the horrible bed sores that filled her body, patches where her hair would never grow back, places i couldnt pet her, but the life in her eyes is what killed me to make the decison to put her to sleep. I know she was in pain to some extent, but she couldnt talk, and her bad days were so bad, but her good were so wonderful. I wish i could have given her more good days. When she would get really sick the sores on her were bad from not being mobile, and i would shampoo carpets endlessly where she layed. She had her own down comforter in my closet, her favorite place, but i didnt discourage her from hopping on my bed, so i would wash linen constantly. I did this for six years on and off threw her illness. Every time i would think she was so bad it was over, she would get better, and it would seem like she was going to be alright, but the time always came where she became sick again. I think i did more for her than some people are willing to do for sick humans, and it doesnt seem fair that i ultimately had to make the decision that enough was enough, and i couldnt let her hit that really bad point again. I think looking at the good and bad is ok, and it helps in the process. take care and know that you are not alone in your grieving. We all get threw this in different ways, and i hope you find comfort in whatever you feel necessary to do to get threw this.