Gone With The Wind Options

[Faded_Grace]

Seventeen years old, Carey Sue has been with me since I was literally a babe in swaddling. Ever ready with an endless supply of love and affection, she has been my companion over many tumultuous years, bearing many of my own heart aches and trials with her beautiful hazel eyes. She was an Australian Shepherd, the kindest creature I've yet to see under heaven. Yesterday we had to put her down due to severe neurological distress and anemia brought on by old age and the feasting of countless fleas. I cannot deny that I feel more than partially responsible for the pure torment that was her last few hours on this earth, but I know it was simply her time. Guilt serves nothing but to further my own anguish. I am lost, though, and desperate. Every time I blink, I can't help but see that familiar black-and-gray shadow in the corner of my eye - even though it's no longer there. Every time I sigh, I can't help but hear the prancing of her paws on our hardwood floors - even though it's no longer there. It seems the world has lost all color, all hope... and I just don't know what to do now, how to carry on. Such a big piece of my life, and she's gone.

The last few months have been very hectic, and really the only two things that have kept me going have been the love of this amazing animal, and the love of my mother. Now that love is halved, and I feel confused and helpless. What should I do? Should I simply clutch impotently at her brown leash and ponder all the walks she and I will never go on again? Should I get a new pet to ease the loss of my unconditional lover? The idea seems strange, and I feel guilty for even considering it, but there is a huge void in my life now, and it needs to be filled if I am to meet the day and continue moving forward. Please help me.

[Faded_Grace]

Hi all. Bad day today. I've called out from work for the past three days - ever since we put our baby Carey Sue down - and today I attempted to regain some composure and go in to accomplish *something*. It well hellish, all of it. I spent the whole day nodding off into strange day dreams in which I'd invision my sweet honey girl drifting away on a pair of white-feathered wings, never to return. I could do nothing at all but stare mutely and try my damnedest not to cry. (And it almost worked.)My mood was evident to all of my coworkers, though; they wouldn't leave me alone.

Toward the end of the night, I felt I'd waded through the worst - at least for the moment; I felt I could start to resume some semblance of normal life. And then I got home, unlocked the door into my dark house. It was empty, cold, quiet. I felt almost afraid to enter. And then I saw her leash and collar clumped up where I'd left them this morning and completely broke down. I'm still crying.

This is so hard. Just to wake up, roll over and get out of bed. My eye always falls immediately on her favorite sleeping spot right next to the bed. And no matter where I am in the house, her dishes are always *right there*. I don't know what to do. I'm going crazy with this - can someone help me?