Tears Soaked My Pillow, Crying All Night Options

[Ann H]

Just when I think I am doing so well terrible waves of sadness have overtaken me. I have been awake crying most of the night from missing my girls. It hasn't been this bad for me in a while now. The night has been so long and lonely and some kind of empty feeling has washed over me and has ripped the scars off my heart again.

Ok if I want to be truthful I looked at all the pictures of my little Snookie while she was so sick and dying and some of her after she had passed away. I don't know why I do that to myself it just causes me more pain. I have been strong and stayed away from them since my one post confessing what I was doing.

I just feel so empty, broken, so lost, and in so much pain today. All of the wonderful memories have been going through my mind. It seems to hurt my heart even more when I think of the blessing I have had and all I have lost. I feel so weak in my spirit, my heart screams I can't go on, the pain is to bad. Yet I know for the family I have to go on but I am so weary.

I held my Snookie's urn and hugged and kissed it, and today I may go fling myself on Chili Bean's grave. I have tried so hard to let joy come back into my life but today it seems to have escaped me. My heart and soul and tears have given way to the pain and sorrow of missing my wonderful darling girls.
Ann

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[jzzlvr13]

Hi Anne,
I was just going to post a similar message when I saw your. We lost our Sam in January and for the most part the last few weeks have been OK. Yesterday, however, I started in a funk and just could not get him out of my mind all day. I was teary during the entire day and I'm not the teary kind of gal. It is so hard to lose one, I can't imagine what you have been going through losing two in such a short period of time. From your posts it looks like you've got a number of pets at home which I'm sure helps. My problem is that for 28 years we've had at least one dog in the house. Now, without any, the emptiness is very hard to endure. I need a dog in the house and am working on my husband now. He had to take him over to the vet and is not quite ready for another dog, but I think he will be soon. When you are a dog lover it's hard not to have one to focus on and there is a big hole in your heart that is always there. I am like another post I read this morning. After the year long struggle with kidney disease and then the loss of Sam,I am paranoid about having to go through it again. If and when we get another pup the first thing I'm going to do is have bloodwork done and have it done after that every three months. It's not going to blindside me again!
I hope today is better for you....I am doing OK. I know it will probably hit again, but hopefully less frequently and with less impact.
Have a good day and love your other furballs!
Barbara and Sam 1/10/05