I Had To Let Her Go Options

[Golden327]

Last night, after my cat had stopped eating for a few days, I decided to take her to the vet. She refused to eat anything I put in front of her, even a piece of turkey which a week before she would have begged me for. When I took her in, it was evident that it was over. She had kidney failure and heart disease. She couldn't make it anymore.
My poor Butterscotch. It's the hardest thing I ever had to do, handing her to the vet and saying goodbye. Mentally she was still there and I just ache wondering whether she knew what was happening. I just hope she wasn't angry at me for taking her there. She was just in too much pain.
I've had her since I was six, since first grade. I'm 24 now and she's been with me for every important thing I've ever went through. Every memory I have, includes her. I don't know how to get through this. I cry so much because everywhere I look reminds me of her. Every sound I hear, I look, thinking it's her.
We have a golden Retriever also, and i feel that she is confused. She wants to know where her buddy of 13 years is.
My kitty gave me so much joy over the years and I love her so much. I found this site while I was crying tonight. I've lost a pet before, but never one who I had been through so much with. She was always there when I came home, and always crawling on my lap when I needed her. I miss her warmth.
One of the hardest things is that the man that I am in love with is allergic to cats. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to fill the void that she left behind. Not that I would want to replace her.... but it's hard, when I'm such a cat person.

[Golden327]

I'm still fighting with my guilt. I know eventually it will go away, but it still hurts for now. I think of the last few days... I was really busy and didn't spend as much time with her as I should have. Her last night here at the house, I wasn't here. I had previously made plans to go down to my boyfriends. If only I had known it would have been her last night. I think I was still figuring that she would get better, that it wasn't anything serious. My mom took her in to her room that night though and she slept in my mom's bed. So at least she wasn't alone. Though I still feel guilty that I wasn't with her. Then saturday I had plans to go to the Detroit Pistons game. I was going with three friends, and they all only knew each other through me, so for me to bail last minute would have meant a very awkward time for them. I wanted to stay with Butterscotch, but I felt bad ditching my friends. Still i thought that she would be alright. Perhaps it was only a virus and something that could be fixed at the vet with some medicine.
It's all those what ifs that we struggle with after a loved one is gone. I was at my boyfriend's last night and it's all I could think about. The fact that I was there, and not with my cat when she needed me. I cried on his shoulder for awhile. He's been so supportive. he never grew up with animals, just fish. he tries so hard to understand what I'm going through and I love him for that.
I was going to take her newer litter boxes and some food and kitty litter to the humane society today.. but I still don't have it in my heart to go. I want to go in and see the kitties and older cats. Just maybe to hold them and feel their warmth. Will it hurt me more, or help me? I'm not sure. I think maybe I'll wait and go when a friend can go with me, so I'm not all alone.
Does anyone know if they will even take donations like these? They are very clean and I would hate to just throw them away. But as my boyfriend is very allergic to cats, I don't see myself being able to get one in the near future.

I'm crying a little less every day... I'm getting there, just not sure where "there" is

Kendra