The Loss Of My Baby, death of a pet Options

[Dawn]

Last week i was faced with the hardest decison. I had taken Sandy repeatedly to the vet, set in my mind that this was it, but i kept fighting. Sandy had a chronic illness, and at 1 year of age, she was suppossed to be put to sleep. I refused to give up and came home and did my research. I went back to the vet and had him order treatment from Purdue University. It was a last hope. The medicine was so strong, it could have killed her and i sat up all nite with her after each treatment. The next six years we battled it back and forth, every time she became worse, i was sure it was the end. Maybe i kept her around for my own selfish reasons. I layed with her on the bed on Tuesday nite, asking God to give me a sign, because she was getting really bad. She had developed sores from the illness, and when she rolled over she left huge spots of blood. I knew this was the sign. I scratched her belly in places she wasn't hurting, i got up and cooked her a wonderul meal, and spent the rest of the nite doing her favorite things... On Wednesay, i said goodbye. Still battling with myself whether she still had some life in her, and if i was making the right decision. I have always had rescue animals, a sharpei that was blind, that lived with us for 10 years, and a cat that was abused and crossed eyed, and a broken tail I was the one keeping animals alive, how could i now be taking one's life away. It just about killed me to make the decision, and i havent stopped crying since. I feel just terrible, and am trying any way just to make it threw this. I miss her so much... and i feel so guilty, did i do too much, did i not do enough.. I hope someone out there can share with me something to help me through this.

[encouragingangel]

dearest dawn,
your love for sandy is so intensely visible, and i'm so very sorry for her death. i know the deep pain that you speak of- almost 8 weeks ago, i helped my beloved cat jupiter die, and have experienced guilt and questions too.
all that people have said is true- that you took on her pain and suffering so that she didn't have to feel those anymore.
when you're ready, you can put that suffering down too.
you are one of the "animal angels" who followed divine guidance....
please be VERY kind and gentle with yourSELF. sandy wants this gentleness for you too.
i'm sending you love and healing.