Two Months Without Lacy, now more bad news Options

[drifty1027]

I haven't written for sometime because it has been so hard for me but I have
read so much of what all of you have said and it sure hits home.
I lost my Lacy 2 months ago. Yes, it is easier than the first few weeks but
sometimes the pain is still unbearable. I still catch myself looking for her
and waiting for her little command to let me know when she was hungry.
Or just any little bark to let me know she was there. I also feel like
Abby's mom, I don't think I can get another baby . I don't think I can take
this pain again.I have had other dogs that I lost when I was younger and I don't
remember that hurt being this bad. Maybe because I am older, 44, that
has something to do with it.

We have 2 other dogs , Weimaraners, Duke and Roxy who are 12.
When we took them for the yearly shots in march, the vet took blood just
to check to make sure all was o.k. Well, Roxy's liver numbers were up
and we had to wait about a month for a recheck. We did that this week
and now the Vet says the numbers are still up and she could possibly
have Cushings disease. I have to take her for a test in 2 weeks. He said if that
comes back negative, we are probably looking at Liver cancer. She doesn't even act like anything is wrong. She is eating and drinking like normal.

I really wasn't ready for this bad news. I am still grieving over Lacy being gone
and just the thought of losing another baby this soon is just killing me. My life
feels like a roller coaster. Just when I think I am doing o.k., I just lose it.

Lacy is buried in our backyard and I went to her grave today and just cried
my eyes out. Then just the thought of her little body being buried in the
ground hit me so hard. I just don't know when this all will end.

Reading all of these post at LS have been so helpful because I know we all
can relate to each other. I just feel myself in so many of them.

Thanks for being there,
Julie

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[luv_my_catz]

Dear Julie,

My heart goes out to you , I can identify with the feelings you have expressed regarding Roxie ~ of"what if"~ I am relating this same feeling state in thinking about my remaining pet also ~ I was just remembering of what someone once reminded me during this time of personal devestation and grief ~that the level to which we are able to love and feel joy ~ it the level that we grieve ~ It did not take away my sadness ~ however it does help me to know and remember that it is the LOVE that in the interwoven golden thread in all of my sorrows ~ we all have LOVED and continue to love even more ~ and in the end it will and already has made the universe sing ~

The reason I have brought this forward today is because I too get pulled into the shadows of my pain ~ Something I have noticed is that my heart actually does ache ~ a whirl of cold smoke blows in my soul ~ I hear your fear ~ because it is also mine ~ I have to think that remembering and then fostering the love is really the underlying thing that is getting us through ~ that God is holding us in the hollow of his hand ~

I also wanted to say something about the pawprint that Ann mentioned ~ because I never thought of this in my hours of grief nor at the end ~ yet ~ last night in the mail I did receive one from my Vet ~ I just cried such tears of so many emotions sitting there in the car by the mailboxes ~ It cleansed my heart ~ that is still so heavy with sorrow ~

I continue to find strength here ~ everyone is a ray of light and hope ~ please know my thoughts are with you ~ I wish You Comfort, Peace and Healing , Kathryn