Two Months Without Lacy, now more bad news Options

[drifty1027]

I haven't written for sometime because it has been so hard for me but I have
read so much of what all of you have said and it sure hits home.
I lost my Lacy 2 months ago. Yes, it is easier than the first few weeks but
sometimes the pain is still unbearable. I still catch myself looking for her
and waiting for her little command to let me know when she was hungry.
Or just any little bark to let me know she was there. I also feel like
Abby's mom, I don't think I can get another baby . I don't think I can take
this pain again.I have had other dogs that I lost when I was younger and I don't
remember that hurt being this bad. Maybe because I am older, 44, that
has something to do with it.

We have 2 other dogs , Weimaraners, Duke and Roxy who are 12.
When we took them for the yearly shots in march, the vet took blood just
to check to make sure all was o.k. Well, Roxy's liver numbers were up
and we had to wait about a month for a recheck. We did that this week
and now the Vet says the numbers are still up and she could possibly
have Cushings disease. I have to take her for a test in 2 weeks. He said if that
comes back negative, we are probably looking at Liver cancer. She doesn't even act like anything is wrong. She is eating and drinking like normal.

I really wasn't ready for this bad news. I am still grieving over Lacy being gone
and just the thought of losing another baby this soon is just killing me. My life
feels like a roller coaster. Just when I think I am doing o.k., I just lose it.

Lacy is buried in our backyard and I went to her grave today and just cried
my eyes out. Then just the thought of her little body being buried in the
ground hit me so hard. I just don't know when this all will end.

Reading all of these post at LS have been so helpful because I know we all
can relate to each other. I just feel myself in so many of them.

Thanks for being there,
Julie

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[Ann H]

Dear Julie, I know you must be missing your precious Lacy so much and the heartbreak of thinking about losing Roxy feels almost more than you can take. The loss of one is just terrible to live through but a second one just about destroys the heart, soul, and mind. The pain is horrific and more.

We lost our little Chili Bean a sweet chihuahua. We did not even know that she had cancer. She was being treated for asthma and for congestive heart failure. The day I took her to the vet she was suffocating. The cancer hit a couple of nerves in her face, she had cancer of the upper pallete. She had just turned 10 and the vet said he could do surgery but that he didn't think she would pull through given her age and health. He recommended putting her to sleep. It hurt me so bad to have her put to sleep.

Months before that my little Snookie was so sick she had to go into the hospital and we were afraid she would not make it. Up until that day she was eating and playing like a puppy. After many tests such as blood work, ultrasounds, biopsies and other test she was diagnosed with liver cancer and cushings disease. Whenever she would throw up green bile I would rush her back to the hospital, she also had slimy dark red blood in her poo poo when she became so sick.

Later the cancer spread to other places I ran her from vet to vet they all said no operation could save her. They said she might live to August. She was in and out of the hospital but would always recover. Then she got diabetes which the vet said was most likely caused by the cushings. She could not hang on, her pancreas shut down and the day after Christmas she left this world. Snookie was almost 11.

So we lost both our babies just 6 weeks and 3 days apart. I thought I would lose my mind. I might have had it not been for all the wondeful people here at LS. I have never had such pain in all my life, my world crashed in all around me.

I have never been the same since. The first few weeks after Snookie died I lost over 30 pounds. I could not eat or sleep. I had a secret desire to go be with my girls. I tortured myself with the pictures I took of Snookie when she was sick, and of those I took after she died. My grand daughter asked me if I was going to die like Chili Bean and Snookie die. I looked at those tears streaming down her face and knew I had to do something so I went to the doctor.

The pain of not knowing when my Snookie might leave me was so terrible I cried every day for almost 11 months. I clung to her, stayed with her almost 24/7 I was so afraid she would die without me. I took many pictures, cut some of her hair off to put it in a locket, made a foot print of her and things like that. She was already spoiled rotten but I spoiled her every more. I sniffed her hair often so I would never forget what it was like.

I know the torment you are feeling and I am so sorry if they can't save your little girl. Should you baby be sick we will help you all you can. It will be the worst pain you have ever felt in your life should you lose Roxy too. But we will help you and as horrific as the pain will be you will make it through.

Oh I meant to say that unless Snookie was having a real bad time she ate and ate and ate. The vet said she was famished because of the cushings and I let her eat all she wanted. Poor baby could never seem to get full because of it, she was hungry all the time. I know this is long but I wanted you to tell you the whole story. I know the pain and torment you are feeling.
Hugs, Ann