Week Three ~ Thought I Was Better ~ So Sad Again, Grief and Recovery Options

[luv_my_catz]

To All ,

This is week three without my sweetie Amber tabby ~ with all the comfort and prayers - thoughts and support ~ I have been finding some light in my dark spaces ~ However, yesterday was once again so filled with rain in my heart ~ I was sobbing on the pillow where she used to sleep ~ the wind waifting in the window was filled with Spring yet I wept because Amber would not know another Summer laying in the sunshine ~ yawning lazily at me ~ making my world somehow manageable in her simple sweet ways and yes KNOWING gazes and comments ~ I cannot believe she is gone ~ after 20 years ~ my little heart beat of my life ~ no longer is hovering around my life ~ editing my childlike antics with her dignified Per-Ows and Mord Bu's and Rad Ru's (there we these and many other "words" she knew ~ and repeated to me often)

The worst thing is that I feel as if I have failed her in some way ~ I know that her soul had become tired and in the end was fading away from me in front of my eyes ~ yet I did not want it to be so ~ I wanted to make her better ~ young again and free ~

Today I am back at work ~ I feel so devoid ~ yet I know things will be better ~ I am trying so hard to be strong ~ and trust that all is unfolding as it should be ~ I am moving forward in goodness and a state of loving ~ trying to emanate all the positive and compassionate energy toward life that I can ~ but it is just so sad and I just miss her little furry entity so much ~

My heart is aching ~ I am doing the deep breathing of healing light ~ prayer that I will come to understand these events as some meaningful part of the greater good in the universe ~ trying to find the love and get it moving within my soul to continue on my path ~ to be thankful for my own creation ~ and to honor my spirit by going forward with hopeful expectation ~ but today it is just so hard ~

I appreciate everyone that has posted here and continues to enhance my ability to heal and actually have enabled me to reach out and comfort others ~ everything we are doing together here is making the world a better place ~

Many Thanks ~ and Hugs ~ Kathryn

[Rusty's Mom]

Dear Kathryn,

I am so sorry you're not doing well. This is absolutely the worst pain, losing a furry pal. It's been over 4 months since my Rusty left and I know I'll never be the same. I look out in the yard where he's buried and it's still unbelievable to me that he's not in the house. It's a very hard adjustment.

Twenty years for you to have Amber in your life.............That's so long. You will find peace one day. Thank goodness we all have each other here. It really does help so much to be with people who truly understand and don't expect us to return to "normal" in a week or two.

Hang in there,

Hugs,
Lynn