Week Three ~ Thought I Was Better ~ So Sad Again, Grief and Recovery Options

[luv_my_catz]

To All ,

This is week three without my sweetie Amber tabby ~ with all the comfort and prayers - thoughts and support ~ I have been finding some light in my dark spaces ~ However, yesterday was once again so filled with rain in my heart ~ I was sobbing on the pillow where she used to sleep ~ the wind waifting in the window was filled with Spring yet I wept because Amber would not know another Summer laying in the sunshine ~ yawning lazily at me ~ making my world somehow manageable in her simple sweet ways and yes KNOWING gazes and comments ~ I cannot believe she is gone ~ after 20 years ~ my little heart beat of my life ~ no longer is hovering around my life ~ editing my childlike antics with her dignified Per-Ows and Mord Bu's and Rad Ru's (there we these and many other "words" she knew ~ and repeated to me often)

The worst thing is that I feel as if I have failed her in some way ~ I know that her soul had become tired and in the end was fading away from me in front of my eyes ~ yet I did not want it to be so ~ I wanted to make her better ~ young again and free ~

Today I am back at work ~ I feel so devoid ~ yet I know things will be better ~ I am trying so hard to be strong ~ and trust that all is unfolding as it should be ~ I am moving forward in goodness and a state of loving ~ trying to emanate all the positive and compassionate energy toward life that I can ~ but it is just so sad and I just miss her little furry entity so much ~

My heart is aching ~ I am doing the deep breathing of healing light ~ prayer that I will come to understand these events as some meaningful part of the greater good in the universe ~ trying to find the love and get it moving within my soul to continue on my path ~ to be thankful for my own creation ~ and to honor my spirit by going forward with hopeful expectation ~ but today it is just so hard ~

I appreciate everyone that has posted here and continues to enhance my ability to heal and actually have enabled me to reach out and comfort others ~ everything we are doing together here is making the world a better place ~

Many Thanks ~ and Hugs ~ Kathryn