Missing Jameel, Not wanting to let go... Options

[cwgrlsrck]

It's been over a month since I put my beloved horse Jameel down. It's been several weeks since I've been to the site as well. I have not allowed myself to cry or feel those painful emotions that go along with the loss of my pet, that was until yesterday when my friend came out to trim my other horses feet. He asked where the "old black mare" was and when I said that she had colicked and I had to put her to sleep, it was like tearing an old wound open again. I so much want her to be there every morning waiting for me when I wake up. I can't stop looking for her.

I can't seem to let go of her and believing that she will be there waiting for me when I open the door to go feed the others. I can't seem to get past this...

[Pamela]

cwgrlsrckI just wanted to say to you I know how you long for your horse. These beings that grace us, come in all shapes and sizes, each one has a unique personality and there is not another exact. I think they come to us for reasons...
Not crying is not a good thing because it comes out in other ways..the grief cannot stay down!! My grief for my parents came out 2ys later, not that I did'nt grieve when I lost them but I didn't grieve as fully as I needed to and supressed alot of feelings. Then I wondered why I started having panic attacks, tired all the time, couldn't make decisions...it was that grief I had tucked away. I had dreaded that time(losing my parents) for my whole life and it was just a bit more than I could handle.
So maybe this is your lesson......to not hold things in anymore. Pamela