Lost My Amber After Nearly 20 Years, Pet Loss and Grief Options

[luv_my_catz]

Good Day all ~ I am a new comer here ~ I have recently lost my tabby cat named Amber after nearly 20 years of constant companionship and love ~ She died 03/28/05 from End Stage CRF after a valiant battle, we had to help her cross ~as I held her on my chest over my heart and told her how much I loved her ~ Yet ~ I am sitting here today "Day 3" of being without her and am at a loss at how to proceed. As life is never easy I am also recouperating from a horrible case of the flu virus that wracked my body physically for the past week during which I have had to deal with the loss of my Angel Tabby Amber ~ I have screamed her name in the night ~ laid on her bed and could barely get up ~ I cannot go in my bedroom and turn off her music or touch anything in the room - she lived in the Master suite during her last years to keep her safe from the other male cat who saw her old age as liscence to attack her continually - it is hard for me to describe the feeling of emptiness that remains there in that room and in my heart - we loved sharing everything in there - it was our sanctuary away from everything - My other cat has no adjustments - he is actually happy I no longer dissapear into the Master Suite for parts of each day - I cannot think of what to do next. I have no reference point for that part of my life that Amber "directed" (Cat owners you know what I mean ....) Where can I find info on how to cope with this - she was the littlest angel with the biggest and sweetest heart - and an opinion about everything I did - she kept me inline and now I just don't know what to do. My heart aches and my soul feels hollow...thanks for listening - I am trying so hard to figure out what to do - I will get her ashes back this week - I don't know what to do with them either - Many thanks ~ Kathryn and Angel Ambie

[luv_my_catz]

Good Morning All, Today is Saturday April 9th ~ it is almost 2 weeks since I lost my baby and this forum has saved my sanity ~ I am so thankful that you are all "there" whether is be answering my post or simply sharing your own feelings and/or adding to others ~ it has given me strength to take my grief and use it to help someone else who is experiencing their own losses and recoveries from those losses ~ This day is day number 12 ~ the way it goes every morning is that I wake up with an empty space in my heart ~ I am sleeping on the couch fold out bed ~ It hurts too much to sleep in my bedroom ~ However, sometimes in late afternoons when at home, I find that I can go in there, and when I do - I am beginning to find peace ~ and reflection ~ it beins to feel safer ~ as though the essence of what we shared there is sill there for me now ~ I begin to feel peace ~ and I do feel so thankful that I was able to make her final years ones of pure cat moments ~ she had good days there ~ At night - without her - however ~ I feel safer only downstairs on the sofa bed ~ where it reminds me of my old apartment where I only had three rooms and it was all cozy and warm ~ and my Amber also lived there for 14 years with me ~ But for today, I am moving forward slowly ~ I have a heart shaped pillow on the sofa now with a photo of Ambie in it ~ she is sitting on a pile of pillows on my old sofa ~ the funny thing is that last night my other cat C.C. saw it there and went to the end of the couch and sat on a pile of pillows next to the photo ~ that was the oddest thing ~ he even looked at me odd like why am I doing this ~ he has never done that before ~ Yesterday I tried to get back into a routine - but found myself nesting in the recliner with the quilt several times ~ still needing comfort ~ I gazed out the window and saw my first Robin ~ Hope for Spring and Healing ~ Thanks for being "here" ~ Peace Be With You All ~ Love, Kathryn , Angel Amber and C.C.