Missing Jameel, Not wanting to let go... Options

[cwgrlsrck]

It's been over a month since I put my beloved horse Jameel down. It's been several weeks since I've been to the site as well. I have not allowed myself to cry or feel those painful emotions that go along with the loss of my pet, that was until yesterday when my friend came out to trim my other horses feet. He asked where the "old black mare" was and when I said that she had colicked and I had to put her to sleep, it was like tearing an old wound open again. I so much want her to be there every morning waiting for me when I wake up. I can't stop looking for her.

I can't seem to let go of her and believing that she will be there waiting for me when I open the door to go feed the others. I can't seem to get past this...

[Ann H]

I am glad to see you are back and sorry to hear you have not allowed yourself to cry. I know how very painful it is and my heart has had a hard time healing too. But don't you see as painful as it is we all need to cry. We need the tears to help cleanse the heart and to allow us to grieve for all we have lost. All it will do is fester and the scars will never heal if we hold the pain and tears in.

The tears are for healing and I know many people say our babies would not want us to keep being sad. They say to remember the good times and that's what I do. But sometimes it is those memories that keep our hearts and souls longing for our babies. They loved us with a love so pure and good.

I know that it is not good to cry all the time but when I yearn for my darlings I can't help it. I just want to be holding them and touching them and have them run to greet me. But these things can never be again upon the face of this earth. So I think we have every right, every reason to cry when we need too.

Stay with us this time, let us hold your hand and share in your pain. The pain does lessen but the longing to see and hold our babies remain. It is hard to give up their earthly body but we will make it. We will learn to learn a new way of living with out them. We will learn to laugh and smile again and perhaps give our hearts to many others throughout our life time. Don't give up, hang in there and come back often. Hugs
Ann