Lost My Amber After Nearly 20 Years, Pet Loss and Grief Options

[luv_my_catz]

Good Day all ~ I am a new comer here ~ I have recently lost my tabby cat named Amber after nearly 20 years of constant companionship and love ~ She died 03/28/05 from End Stage CRF after a valiant battle, we had to help her cross ~as I held her on my chest over my heart and told her how much I loved her ~ Yet ~ I am sitting here today "Day 3" of being without her and am at a loss at how to proceed. As life is never easy I am also recouperating from a horrible case of the flu virus that wracked my body physically for the past week during which I have had to deal with the loss of my Angel Tabby Amber ~ I have screamed her name in the night ~ laid on her bed and could barely get up ~ I cannot go in my bedroom and turn off her music or touch anything in the room - she lived in the Master suite during her last years to keep her safe from the other male cat who saw her old age as liscence to attack her continually - it is hard for me to describe the feeling of emptiness that remains there in that room and in my heart - we loved sharing everything in there - it was our sanctuary away from everything - My other cat has no adjustments - he is actually happy I no longer dissapear into the Master Suite for parts of each day - I cannot think of what to do next. I have no reference point for that part of my life that Amber "directed" (Cat owners you know what I mean ....) Where can I find info on how to cope with this - she was the littlest angel with the biggest and sweetest heart - and an opinion about everything I did - she kept me inline and now I just don't know what to do. My heart aches and my soul feels hollow...thanks for listening - I am trying so hard to figure out what to do - I will get her ashes back this week - I don't know what to do with them either - Many thanks ~ Kathryn and Angel Ambie

[luv_my_catz]

Many thanks for the kind words of comfort and support ~ today I really can feel the ache in my heart ~ I have learned here that I have a right to grieve in my own way and in my own time ~ my life has changed forever ~ I will take the gentleness of spirit and fiesty independence from my days with Amber and weave them into my soul in a different way than having her here to physically hug and commune with in her unique style ~ She was always "in command" at 7 pounds and totally fearless ~ she was a survivor ~ and in the end she is the one who decided it was time to go ~ I can see that now ~ but I would give anything to have her back to hug and dance with as we made our way through life ~ now I will have to learn to do it with her in my heart ~ I will be going back to work on Wednesday and I cannot think how I can do that ~ I have a high stress job and 70 mile commute ~ already I am dreading to return ~ there is no sympathy for anything personal there ~ I needed to share that here ~ I still want to stay safe and warm on my couch with my quilt and the other cat nestled at my side ~ he has no idea what has happened ~ but his presence is strangely familiar ~ I know this will pass ~ today I am still wishing I could hide away forever ~ but I know I will find a way ~ my heart just aches so much ~ thanks for listening ~ Peace to All ~ Kathryn , Angel Amber and C.C.