Lost My Amber After Nearly 20 Years, Pet Loss and Grief Options

[luv_my_catz]

Good Day all ~ I am a new comer here ~ I have recently lost my tabby cat named Amber after nearly 20 years of constant companionship and love ~ She died 03/28/05 from End Stage CRF after a valiant battle, we had to help her cross ~as I held her on my chest over my heart and told her how much I loved her ~ Yet ~ I am sitting here today "Day 3" of being without her and am at a loss at how to proceed. As life is never easy I am also recouperating from a horrible case of the flu virus that wracked my body physically for the past week during which I have had to deal with the loss of my Angel Tabby Amber ~ I have screamed her name in the night ~ laid on her bed and could barely get up ~ I cannot go in my bedroom and turn off her music or touch anything in the room - she lived in the Master suite during her last years to keep her safe from the other male cat who saw her old age as liscence to attack her continually - it is hard for me to describe the feeling of emptiness that remains there in that room and in my heart - we loved sharing everything in there - it was our sanctuary away from everything - My other cat has no adjustments - he is actually happy I no longer dissapear into the Master Suite for parts of each day - I cannot think of what to do next. I have no reference point for that part of my life that Amber "directed" (Cat owners you know what I mean ....) Where can I find info on how to cope with this - she was the littlest angel with the biggest and sweetest heart - and an opinion about everything I did - she kept me inline and now I just don't know what to do. My heart aches and my soul feels hollow...thanks for listening - I am trying so hard to figure out what to do - I will get her ashes back this week - I don't know what to do with them either - Many thanks ~ Kathryn and Angel Ambie

[jillybromley]

Hello Kathryn
I am so sorry that you have lost your angel Amber. I know how hard it is and how very painful and devastating the feelings are. It's like having a great big heavy hole in you heart.

I could change nothing in my house for weeks after Ellie died.. When I started to, I had to do it very slowly and just one small thing at a time so I didn't notice it too much. Everytime I looked at something that wasn't there any more it was so painful, so it all had to be done very gently.

In the first few days I found that all I could do was things for her. Making a little memorial in the garden. Putting up a collage of pictures. Carefully wrapping up her special toys and making a special place for them by her favorite Teddy. It was very difficult to focus on anything else at all.

So it is a time for gentleness on yourself and to take things slowly. I could not move Ellie's blanket off my bed for nearly a month and would still lie in bed in the same position that I did when she was still alive. I found it very difficult to accept the fact that she was no longer physically there.

My heart and thoughts are with you and your precious Angel Amber
with love jilly