Despite Knowing It Was Coming..., "We" are having a hard time with it... Options

[Zato]

Lastnight/Early this morning:
I had to have my 13 yr cat, Abram, put to sleep early this morning, 29-Mar-05. He seemed fine when I got home from work at about 7pm. He and Titus (his brother) met me at the door as soon as they heard my car, they both gave me the rituall meows and headbutts-to-the-leg and they received thier pats and ear scratchies. I gave Abram his meds (we had been dealing with hyperthyroidism for about 1 1/2 years or so) and gave them both thier dinner, took a few minutes to care for my other pets (conure and a budgie) and proceeded to do some work on my PC at home. Within about 45 mins, he was vomiting, which with hyperthyroid is normal occasionally, but this time, he started vomiting every hour or so and was not normal at all. During the next couple of hours, he seemed to get weaker and weaker which I took to be from the energy expended from vomitting, but after the 4th episode, I noticed he was starting to have trouble walking and immediately called the emergency room. By this time, it was shortly after midnight, and by 3:30am, the doctor had done everthing she could for him, including IVs, and oxygen tent therapy, but determined that he was unlikely to recover and asked that I go in and see him to decide if it was time. Even though I knew that his disease would eventually take him, I did not expect him to take such a drastic turn for the worse in such a short time and was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. While I am not new to grieving for a pet, it has been a VERY long time since I have had a pet that was my own and not the family pet.

About "The Boys and thier siblings":
My sister's cat had kittens in May of 1992, and I had first pick of the litter. I originally only choose Titus because despite being the smallest and the runt, he had the most spark and energy. The more I visited them as kittens the harder it got to not want them all. But my sister had found homes for Sara, Ezekiel, and Job already and Abram was the only one left. He had a deformed foot and I ended up deciding to take him as well because my sister was uncertain if she would find someone to take him and care for him with his foot. I had always intended that they be indoor cats and being in college and later gone during the day at work, I figured it would be best for Titus to have company to play with in my absence and Abram would always be safe indoors with his foot being the way it was. Thankfully, after about 5 months, Abram's foot straightened itself out (no bone deformation, just the way he was positioned in the womb forced his leg to develop as it did) and he was as normal as any cat, and ended up being far more personable then most which made the decision to take him total justified and his loss more painful. Of the 5, only Titus is left, I'm not certain how the others passed, I only know that they had. Thinking about it now, its seems rather humorous that the runt of the litter would end up outliving his mostly healthier siblings. I had hoped, considering the parents had lived well into the 17-18 year old range, that they would also at least have a shot at it with proper vet care and baring any serious injuries.. It depresses me (more) to think that 13 years have passed by already and only one of the litter has made it this far without anything more serious happening to him than a bladder infection.

Going forward:
Titus and Abram had never been separated for more than a day or two, werer from the same litter and from parents of remarkable pesonalites themselves, yet both were so different in thier own personalities. Abram was always the first looking for "rubbies" and hugs, and after 5 minutes of cautious inspection of visitors, would have no problem coming up and making friends. Titus would only warm up to someone after Abram had and seemed driven by jealousy of the attention given to Abram at times. Titus is as much an affectionate cat as Abram was, but it is on different and seemingly more strigent terms. I have to wonder that now that there is no other cat in the house (Titus doesnt get jealous of my Parrot, a sun conure named Duffy) if his "rules" will change about getting and giving attention. Based on how he as been acting today, searching the house, meowing loudly, etc, and probably wondering why I brought home the cat carrier without Abram which I hadnt done before, I have think Titus knows Abram is gone and is as lonely for Abram as I am already, and I dont know what to do about helping him (or myself for that matter) other than giving him more attention which may spoil him more than he already is. If anyone has suggestions how to help a pet who is grieving/searching constantly for a lost sibling/mate, I'd appreciate hearing them. Life is never going to be the same in this house without Abram. I'm not sure if I am going to get another cat just yet. I will probably wait for a while because I can't imagine my house without 2 cats under my feet (or huddled up in bed with me) all the time, but I'm afraid that Titus wont recieve new members well (we have had other cats over for short periods of babysitting and that didnt go too well).

I'm not really sure why I posted here other than I think putting this "out there" is somewhat theraputic for me. I sorta feel weird being a man and having these strong feelings over a losing a pet. And posting will memorialize Abram for a time as well, at least until I get he cremated remains back which will be in about 4-6 weeks according to the crematorium.

Sorry for all the details and rambling, and thank you for spending a few minutes reading it.

[Zato]

Steve,

You have nothing to be sorry for, your post was great and I do appreciate the effort despite your current situation. I feel badly for you about the way your buddy passed. I wish everyone had enough forewarning about their pet's "time" so they can be with them at the end to say goodbye and comfort them as I was with Abram. I read the story you gave the link to, and it reminded me of how Abram was in many ways, especially hiding in bags, and licking on the nose. Abram was quite the talker as is Titus, and the 3 of us could meow and yap all night it seemed at times, it was hilarious.

As far as the felineway product goes, it sounds promising and I will be looking into it if Titus continues pacing the house and meowing. He isnt peeing or hiding anywhere, just wanders about like he is lost. Lastnight was tough, he would climb into bed with me, and then climb back out. I think he knew that someone was missing from the pile and wanted to go get him. Neither of us slept very well.

Ann,

Thank you for welcoming me. I am a frequent poster on several other forums, mainly hobby related ones, and knew that there was more than likely a forum to deal with pet loss. It didnt take but a couple of minutes to find this site.

Duffy doesnt talk, and as far as I can tell, so far hasnt shown any sign that he realizes Abram is missing. The boys tended to shy away from him, which I think because his shrill screech hurt thier ears. He does pick up on my emotions fairly well and does react accordingly, and last night while I was on the PC, he snuggled under my flannel shirt and stayed quiet instead of trying to play like he usually does.

Abram was the kind of cat that even friends of mine who didnt care for cats would say he was the exception to thier dislike of them. All of my pets have some trait that most people pick up on and always have commented how cool they are (the only exception being the budgie, he is untamable and just a wild guy, but he makes the sweetest sounds so I dont press taming with him).

I have been blessed with some very cool pets for certain, and when the time comes to add another to my household, its going to be tough to find the right one. I read a post somewhere else on this forum asking the question if it was wrong to be browsing the internet looking at replacements, and I have to admit, I was doing that today during lunch. I have no idea why really, but I know I felt worse once I realized what I was doing. But I know I will end up with another puddy tat, its just a matter of when. I have had some folks suggest that I shouldnt wait too long otherwise Titus may become too territorial and never accept a new buddy. He has always had to Abram to snuggle with while Im at work or out for the weekend and the rational is that he probably would prefer having a companion, even if there is difficulty in acceptance at first. We have had "guests" stay with us before for a couple of days or so and neither of the boys tolerated it well and I have no idea how long it would take Titus to become tolerant of a new addition.

Kristie,

Thank you for your post, and I am sorry for your loss as well. Your picture of your boy cuddling with dad was awesome. Titus still piled on me for snuggles and snoozes lastnight, but he realized that there is supposed to be another in the pile and kept coming and going trying to find Abram so neither of us slept well.

If and when I do decide the time is right to bring home a new buddy, I will most likely get a large indoor kennel to keep him in while Im at work so that the 2 wont tear each other up and only allow him/her to run loose while Im there to supervise during the adjustment. At this point, Im wondering if maybe I should wait until Titus' time comes then after some period of time to deal with his loss, pick up 2 more litter mates like I did with these two. I dont know if I can wait that long though, I have always preferred 2 puddies to keep each other company and to have each other to play with while Im away. I dont know how Titus will be emotionally if he is alone all the time now and that worries me some.

Again, thank you all for replying. I really appreciate it, and it does make some of pain more bearable. I will be around for sometime I think because this is much harder to deal with than I expected, and I dont have much family to speak of or close enough to help either.