Second Guessing Options

[margo]

All I ever do anymore is second guess my decision to have my cat Ashley put to sleep. The vet told me his liver and spleen were eaten up with tumors, which sounded so scary to me. He said with chemo he might conceivably have another 6 months or more. I thought it would't be worth the unpleasantness of the chemo. But now I think, damn, I could have had another 6 months with him! Maybe I didn't give him enough credit, maybe he could have come through it all right.

I would choose life for him next time. I can't shake the feeling that my decision was too hasty and panicky.

[margo]

Bless you Ann, I know you have gone though so much and you still reach out to us here and help us. Yes, that was what was uppermost in my mind too--I told the vet "you had better go on and give him the injection before he wakes up." For some reason my mind was filled with the thought of him waking up in pain. I have wondered if that thought crowded out everything else and caused me to make an unfair or irrational decision. But maybe my instinct was sounder than I thought.

I just have daydreams of taking him home from the vet's office and re-establishing a bond with him. I wonder if he was scared at the vet's or thought he wasn't my cat anymore. I feel bad for not visiting him while he was there. I saw him briefly on Monday afternoon, and got the call from the vet Tuesday morning. The whole thing is just consuming me. It's like I have to go over and over it from every angle...what if I had done this instead...I guess you understand that.