I Can't Believe Nikki's Gone, missing my Nik-Nik Options

[dawnb93]

In 1997, I went to the SPCA looking for a puppy. I got an angel instead. Those huge knowing eyes staring out at me from behind the metal cage begged to be loved as no other did. She survived the mean streets of New Orleans, then parvovirus (which she had contracted at the shelter), mange, coccidia, and kennel cough. And that was all in the first three months of her life. She was the sweetest, most loyal, loving dog I'll ever have the privilage of sharing my life with. I was only graced with her presence for a mere eight years, but even a hundred years wouldn't have been enough. We had a connection, a bond that formed between us from the day I brought her home and introduced her into the family. She sensed when I was sad, when I was mad, and even when I was coming home from work. It didn't matter what time of day, if I came home five hours early, she would know and would be waiting by the window as I turned down the street. And when she died this morning, she was in the hospital across the lake, I was at home getting ready to go see her, and I knew. I knew she had passed. We beat the parvovirus, but couldn't beat the cancers that ravaged her liver and pancreas. She was the sweetest, most beautiful girl that God ever put on this planet and she is already sorely missed by Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, her four legged sisters and brother, and everyone whose life she touched. To my Nik-Nik, my Nicker-do, my Nicker-doodle-dandy, I love you so much. You can never be replaced. You will remain in my heart forever and ever. I just can't see how I can go on without you in my life. I can't bear to think of another day without those bright eyes looking up at me and that broad smile that always made me smile. What I wouldn't give to scratch behind those little rose ears again or to take you out back for a quick game of fetch. She was my baby, my light, my heart. Now my light has been extinguished and my heart has been ripped from my chest. I adore her still and I miss her more than words can say. I've lost pets before when I was a child, but nothing could have prepared me for this pain. "If tears could build a staircase and heartache make a lane, I'd walk the path to Heaven to bring you back again."

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[dawnb93]

It's day four without my Nik. Today was especially hard for me. I had to go to the Vet to pick up her ashes. Somehow that made it seem even more real. Now I've awakened and I'm living the nightmare. I'm trying to remember the good times and console myself with the knowledge that if I had not chosen her in the first place, she wouldn't have even had eight years. She would've died from the parvovirus. And she was happy and healthy for most of those years. Luckily for us, her illness in the end was short lived and she went quickly. But that also made it very unexpected and possibly even harder to take. I don't know. Is it better to know that the end is coming? Does that give you time to prepare? Or would that have made it even more agonizing, knowing that she was dying? All I know now is that I miss her terribly and I want her back. She was my first baby, my big girl, my sweet Nik-Nik. My house, my life will never be the same without her.