Okay, I Need Some Advice...., Our Beloved Ernestine.... Options

[Guest_Muffins_*]

Hi Everyone:
Call me crazy/nuts, I don't know.
Last night I was actually looking in the computer at "no-kill" shelters, and looking at pictures of all kinds of "furbabies" that are looking for a home and to be loved.
Of course, before this, Ben & I were talking and (we were both "coherant"; ?spelling).
We, like everyone in here: Love all animals, have had much loved "fur-babies" all of our lives. We've loved, we've lost, but, Oh, how much fuller our hearts are for having loved our babies that have gone over the bridge to forever.

I was Ernestine's mom since she was six weeks old, in 1984; we had to put her and sick & hurting little body, to sleep on Saturday, February 7, 2004 at noon. My heart has tripled in size because of my girl... She loved me no matter what. And, I & Ben, always loved her & we always will. She takes up a huge part of our hearts.

I'm probably going to start rambling, and not sure if this will make sense TO ANYONE.......... Here goes....

I put in an e-mail application at this "no-kill" shelter, and I got an e-mail message, plus a phone call. They needed me to call my vet so they could "get a reference on us". That's fine, and very understandable.
I heard the call as I was waking up, and thought to myself, "Hmmm, what did I do????"
And then I started "name calling" myself in my head...... "You must be a non-caring, heartless, expletive(s), human being...." Of course, last night as Ben & I were talking, I felt happy & calm..
I said, "No disrespect at all to our beloved baby-girl ErnieBird, but, she made my heart so big..... I would really love to adopt a couple (so they can be playmates; I should've done that for my girl at when she was 6 weeks old), of babies, I feel good about it" And, again, "sincerely, there is "NO DISRESPECT" to my little girl Ernestine, at all"...

For, my little girl "lives in my heart", she is with me... She knows that we did all we could (medically) for her and she was so sick. I have every comfort in knowing that she is happy, healthy & running around playing... She's young again, and has no pain....

When I was looking through these shelters, dear God, there are sooooooooo many little ones looking for a home, looking to be loved.... It is very sad to see them all.
The "four" I looked at (two different shelters); Two sisters, "Margo & Rita", and the others were brother & sister (Pebbles & BamBam).

I am not a heartless human being, and neither is Ben.... Did "something" just "come over us" for our 2 hour talk last night, or, was it something else???

We "do not feel the need to have a couple of fur-babies", because really, don't our little ones OWN US????
But, we have a lot of love to give - our hearts are big.... Animal friends are the best; so trusting, non-judgemental, happy just to be petted & feel a little love in their hearts... They love their human family; after all, what's better than a full tummy, to be petted & brushed & to feel a kiss on the top of their head....etc., etc., etc....

We're not bad people at all, so I hope all of you won't think the things I said to myself in my head when that call came in......
We will always, always & forever love our girl Ernestine.... For, she really does live in our hearts and in our heads..
What do you think??? Have I gone crazy, or, is this "normal" for us??

Thank you so much for listening.....
Love, Denise & Ben

[Guest_Muffins_*]

I really cannot believe a place like this exists..... I really am overwhelmed by the understanding, caring, acceptance & "true love feeling" of everyone on this site. Being able to read all the posts have been SO VERY instrumental in the healing process of my heart; whether it has been a post to me, to someone else, or someone is writing in because their poor heart is breaking, or an old post of another "forum family-member".
Honestly, everyone here is so wonderful, I guess I just can't believe it!! :-)
I spoke with Leesa from the shelter about "Pebbles & Bam-Bam". They are brother & sister "fur-baby kitty cats". Leesa and another volunteer rescued them when they were about 7 weeks old. Their "home" was a "broken down abandoned dump truck".....
They were quickly adopted when they were kittens. Their "human family" is moving and they can't take all of their pets, so Pebbles & Bam-Bam are at a "no-kill" shelter. They're approximately 5 years old.
Last night, Ben & I went out to dinner. We had to pick up a few groceries on the way home, and quickly filled our basket....when, we came to the "pet food aisle"....
We both looked at each other & pretty much spoke at the same time..."Wow, it's strange not picking out 10 cans for Ernie" & "First time without cat food". Really, it was such a foreign feeling.
It will be "ONE WEEK" tomorrow, since we had to put our Ernestine to sleep. I really cannot believe that so much time has passed!!!!! I also CANNOT BELIEVE that I am smiling and laughing a heck of a lot more than I ever thought I would; ever again!!!
I REALLY BELIEVE THAT OUR "ERNIE-BIRD" IS HELPING ME FROM THE OTHER SIDE -^.^-
I truly know that God has been easing my sadness & filling up my head with funny thoughts of my girl.... Of course, Ben has always been so wonderful to me, and this past week, he has listened to all of my constant talking.. We both have a big hole in our hearts, for we do miss our girl.
We are awaiting Leesa's call (the volunteer from the shelter), as she was at work today and couldn't really talk. She shared with me that she has an 18 year old "fur-baby" and told me that she's worried about her baby...
So, I really feel that, "Life does go on....."
Thank you for listening everyone, and "thank you all for opening up your hearts".
Our world would be such a wonderful place if people were as nice as everyone here is....
After all, "we're all in this together"..
Love, Peace, Health & Happiness, Denise & Ben