My Heart Is Broken Options

[Casey's Mom]

I lost my Casey on Sunday morning at 11:35 and I am completely devastated. Casey was my best friend and baby girl. I rescued her from the animal shelter 16 1/2 years ago when she was just 6 weeks old, and she has been the biggest part of my life since. I'm beating myself up over every time I fussed at her over the years ... I can't help it. She was the sweetest girl in the world, and never failed to show me how much she loved me. She died in my arms and I miss her more than I thought possible.

She had a place in everything that I do every day ... she would lay at my feet while I was putting on makeup every morning, she would meow "MaMa" when she saw me after I got home from work every day ... we had a routine each day of taking care of her and now I'm so very lost. I never realized how un-alone I was until Sunday afternoon, and even though I want to be home a greiving, home isn't the same place anymore. I see her everywhere ... my life centered around her and taking care of her (especially lately when she started to not feel 100%), and now I just don't know what to do with myself. Coming home from work yesterday to a completely empty house for the first time was horrible. I coulnd't do anything but lay on the couch, hold her picture, one of her bed cushions and a towel that was hers, and cry and keep asking myself if there was anything else I could have done for her. I still tell her goodnight when I lay my head down on my pillow because I've done it for almost 17 years and I just can't stop abruptly. The first day was awful, the 2nd day was awful, and the 3rd day is still awful ... when does the grief get any better? I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I know that she's healthy and waiting on me, but I am hurting so very much right now. I know that God will send me a sign from her when the time is right ... He has answered all of my other prayers for her in His way ... I just need to know that she is okay and happy and taken care of.

I apologize for rambling, but my thoughts are just so all over the place right now ...

She will always be my precious baby girl and I will always be her MaMa ... I just feel so completely lost and alone right now.

[Dianaa]

Dearest Casey's Mom,

Oh, your Casey sounds so precious and beautiful-- I'm so so sorry to hear about your loss. I know so well what you're going through. I lost my Yogi just nine days ago and it is still so fresh and so hard.

I will tell you a few things I learned here that really helped-- let yourself cry and cry and cry, as much as you need to.

Write down your thoughts and feelings about Casey-- let yourself go and don't worry about making sense or anything.

Talk with a sympathetic friend about Casey, let it all out.

I also began a ritual of visiting a special "Yogi place." It can be their grave, but it could also be a place that Casey loved, or a special tree or anything. I go there every day, at least once a day, to talk to Yogi and tell her how much I love her. I find it very helpful to have that daily contact.

And trust that it will, slowly, slowly, get a bit better. For me it's been very cyclical-- the whole first week was terrible for me, but I found the waves of grief would come and go. Now I can go for a few hours feeling human and then I have what I've been calling a "sadness heartattack." They hit and they pass.

Don't worry though-- Casey will always be close to you. It's part of her gift-- the pain does begin to subside and you're able to feel the sweetness of her love and presence.

Take good care of yourself through these difficult days, and do keep returning here-- this is such a wonderful site, filled with so much compassion and wisdom.
Big hugs,
Diana

[Casey's Mom]

Thank you for the kind thoughts and hugs Diana. I'm so sorry about your loss of Yogi. Thank you for offering me words of comfort when you are also going through such an awful time. The crying is not a problem ... believe me. Just trying to hold it together at work is difficult, so I am planning to take a break and go down to my car for a while to let everything out. I've been reading the posts here and am very comforted by everyone's kind words.

I'm really dreading the holidays. My birthday is 4 days after Christmas, and the thought of having Christmas and my birthday without my baby girl is heartbreaking. Thankfully I've taken lots of pictures of Casey over the past year.

Thank you again for all of your advice and warm thoughts. I'll remember you and Yogi in my prayers.

Lisa

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Casey. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the cir%%stances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Your tears are healing tears that will eventually be replaced with smiles as you remember your life together with Casey on this side of eternity. But unfortunately there is no easy way to get through this grief journey. Almost two years ago my number one kitty son Eli needed to be released from his failing body due to end stage Lymphoma - - 2 weeks before Christmas. How well I remember the gut wrenching sobbing - - thank goodness for the restroom during the day at work where I could have some privacy for a few minutes to release the built up sorrow and regain my composure to resume my job. Then there was the driving to and from work. And even though I have other furkids home - - who also were grieving the loss of Eli - - our home was changed forever because Eli's physical presence is no longer with us. It was a good thing that I had a job during the day so that my furkids did not have to listen to mommy crying all the time - - just when she was home. My little kitty boy Noah was very close to his big adopted kitty brother and he went through a very difficult grief journey. I had to be strong for him - - and my other furbabies - - to let them know that everything was going to be okay - - eventually. The loss is both physical and emotional, so it is important that you do what is comforting for you to help ease this loss. I used to sleep with my Eli's collar under my pillow and would hold it close to me or one of his blankets when the physical ache of not being able to hold him in my arms became unbearable. My Noah slept on one of Eli's comforters where he could snuggle down into Eli's lingering scent. The mental health profession now recognizes that the healing journey of the loss of a beloved companion is identical to the loss of a human family member or friend. The grief stages are identical, and it is recognized that the first year post-loss is the year of "adjustment" - - for it has all of the "firsts" without our beloved companion: The first day, the first week, the first month, the first holidays, the first birthdays, the first EVERYTHING - - is a reminder that the physical presence of one of our family members is missing. But this is a journey that does not need to be traveled alone. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[beth26]

Casey's Mom-

I completely understand how you feel! I went through the same feeling of loss on August 1st. I had my kitty for 16 1/2 years and felt such a huge loss too. The feeling of losing your "home" when you lose your lovely pet is so familiar. All those connections you had with Casey is so hard to lose. My thoughts are with you!

-Beth

[LuvLabs]

Lisa, I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss of your dearest Casey. I am glad you found this site, and I hope we will be able to comfort you through your sorrow.

Through your post I can see that Casey found a very loving home. I know you are in pain right now. I hope that the happy memories of Casey will come shining through, and bring you peace. You were so very fortunate to have Casey for 16 1/2 yrs. I understand we would love our pets to live forever. But, I often remind myself of this. Our fur babies are precious gifts given to us to care for. They provide unconditional love, in return for their care. Often times we are closer to our babies then we are to anyone else. For they can be fully trusted and non judgemental. I also believe that each pet teaches us things. They are given to us for a reason. And when they grow old and their body is tired, we must give our gift back. However, our babies leave paw prints on our heart....they truly remain with us forever.

Nancy

[ann]

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going thru, 'cuz I'm going thru the same. You were certainly blessed to have had her all those years. My baby was only 2 1/2. Like you, I took care of him everyday. Couldn't bear a day without him. I see him everywhere, the house is as empty as my heart. I gave up 5 weeks of planned vacation this summer, 'cuz I couldn't bear not being with him. It's so very hard. It's getting close to 6mo for me and I still cry. I got caught at work crying just last night. Even still, time doesn't complete heal the hurt, but the pain will ease. . Make a photo album or scrape book, write little poems. Post them here if you like. Everything Nancy said is true. She was with you forever, her forever, and she never wanted to be anywhere else. You gave her the best life. And as much as your heart is broken now, keep remembering how happy she made you. Keep talking to her(I talk to my Arthur all the time especially in my car. Thank goodness for handless cell phones 'cuz if people see me they're probably thinking I'm a little strange.)It will lessen with time, how long, is only up to us. I read a lot of posts here and lots of times I will come across one that really helps me. I hope you find comfort here..Casey will be sending you lots of signs so pay attention..Hugs.. Ann

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Lisa, I'm so terribly sorry about your loss and can truly feel your pain and anguish. It's palpable, your heart is breaking and world appears to be tumbling down around you. My own loss was one year ago just this past month on October 16, 2007 and I still cry lots especially due to the circumstances of Alex being taken, he had not even reached half of his life expectancy and, like your fur kid, he was the wind beneath my wings, my heart, my soul and my life as well as my very best friend and constant companion all day long. So very lonely now. I do understand. I sure do . . .

So, you see, I weep with you, Dear One. To me, these are the most gosh awful difficult times in our lives bar none. I'm trying so hard to think of genuine and sincere words that will be of some small comfort to you. Like yourself, I also know that I will see Alex again and that does bring me comfort. If your PC has the capability to view a "flash show" (I don't know what else to call it), then please turn up your volume and click on the kitty Rainbow Bridge below.

Please click on Kitty Rainbow Bridge

I pray that helped you at least a little. I know it does for me. Also, I highly recommend reading a couple of articles right here on this board in the area called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" where I made a post with links to Websites as well as printed two very, very helpful articles which may aid you on your road to healing or at least to understanding your feelings. The name of the post is "Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane" as I titled and illustrated it. Both articles are rich with help to understand, validate your feelings and help you cope, however the second article has actual case histories of real people like us, what happened to them and their fur babies, how they felt, reacted, more and what got them through this terrible time of grief, sorrow and devastation.

Another thing I find very comforting is coming here just to talk with my Alex as well as bringing him images, photos and videos that he loved so much when I had him and as those I know he'd enjoy lots. I know he sees and hears them, too. Speaking with your fur kid here really helps many of us and we do that. So, please don't hesitate to talk with your most beloved, cherished fur baby Casey.

You can also light virtual candles for Casey, yourself or any reason you wish. Please click right HERE to take you directly to a different post and thread in the same area mentioned above. It's "Light a Candle" online, it's completely free, you can light as many as you wish as often as you wish and each candle burns virtually for 48 hours. Please do click on that link to read about this very lovely and loving experience. So calming, soothing and it's like your fur baby Casey is right there with you ...

Which brings me to one last thing for now. The greatest knowledge which brings me comfort is knowing that my baby isn't really gone and is right here with me only a breath away. Lisa, just a breath away is not far at all to where your precious Casey is to you, Dear One. I'll type in the lyrics in case your PC doesn't have the capability to hear and view videos but I sure hope you can see and hear this one. If so, please turn up your volume to see how your fur baby Casey is right there with you now ... And is only just a breath away.

Please click on Angel

"To Where You Are"

Who can say for certain maybe you're still here. I feel you all around me. Your memory's so clear.
Deep in the stillness, I can hear you speak. You're still an inspiration. Can it be? That you are my Forever Love. And you are watching over me from up above!

Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star. I wish upon tonight to see you smile!
If only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are.

Are you gently sleeping here inside my dream? And isn't faith believing all power can't be seen.
As my heart holds you just one beat away, I cherish all you gave me everyday!

'Cause you are my Forever Love watching me from up above.
And I believe that Angels breathe and that love will live on and never leave!

Fly me up to where you are, beyond the distant star! I wish upon tonight to see you smile.
If only for a while to know you're there. A breath away's not far to where you are!

I know you're there! A breath away's not far to where you are!

Big Comforting Hugs, Love, Peace and Many Angels to You and Casey!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

[Casey's Mom]

Thank you all so much for all of your kind words, prayers and support. I absolutely need all of them right now. I'm feeling guilty about everything ... from vaccuuming my house (which I haven't done yet) to going out of town tomorrow to visit my best friend, because I feel that in some way it is disrespectful to Casey. I'm still questioning everything and reliving every moment of my last night with her. I'm picking it apart ... praying that I didn't do anything wrong by trying to syringe feed her a tiny bit of food (which I know that she swallowed okay) to worrying that the beef baby food that I gave her on Friday night hurt her in any way (I remember the ER vet told me once a year ago that it was okay to give them that to stimulate their appetite as long as there were no onions/onion powder in the food).

This is killing me. Has anyone else had this type of guilt? Is this just part of the grieving process?

Thanks in advance for any help that anyone can give me.

Lisa

[Bubba]

Hi Casey's Mom---------You are in the right place,Lisa.This is the place of absolute and ultimate understanding of this gut wrenching loss.Alot has been posted already but if I may suggest,Get a copy soon of the book 'Cold Noses At The Pearly Gates' by Gary Kurz.By far the most compelling,biblically based argument for an afterlife with our departed babies that I have read and I read all the time.
We hera at LS ache for you Lisa.Post often.
Your buddy, Bubba.....................

[Casey's Mom]

Thank you Bubba ... I saw that book mentioned on the Rainbow Bridge website I think, and definitely think I need to get it. I definitely have very deep Faith, and I know that God was with me when Casey left me and has been carrying me every moment since. I will never understand how anyone that ever owned a pet could ever doubt that that pet has a soul ...

[AngelCareOne]

Dearest Casey's Mom, (I am sorry as I did believe your name is Lisa. My apologies), I very much recommend that book as well. So very many pearls of wisdom. For now, if you haven't yet taken a look at those articles, you'll see special categories or stages described and explained in that second article and one of those stages/phases of grief is "Guilt." Please do take a look at least at that one stage and see what it says as it may be of great help to you. Each stage is printed in bold so you can't miss it. Again, it's in the area on this board called "Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles" and titled: 'Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going Insane' and tagged "Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss."

Here is a direct link that will lead you there if you'll please click Here. You're suffering so much pain and devastation and reading at least a little of those two articles at this time may be of some help to you. I can barley see the PC monitor for my tears as I do truly and deeply feel your sorrow, grief and more, Dear One.

As far as animals possessing a soul, yes. They most certainly do. Not only did I serve as a nurse in the human medical field for 26 plus years but also served in Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation for almost 30 years. Both vocations were a labor of love and I still do what I can with animals of most species when I'm asked. If I'm not able to serve "hands on" then I still freely serve as a consultant and I never charge. I wish so much to share much of what I've experienced so you'll know what I know.

You may or may not be Catholic but even the Pope declared all animals have souls back in 2002. Please see the following excerpt if it will be of any comfort to you, Cassy's Mom ...

"Benedict XVI Continues Tradition of Papal Concern for Animals" (Pope John Paul II Also.) . . .

When he was asked about the rights of animals in a 2002 interview, he said, "That is a very serious question. At any rate, we can see that they are given into our care, that we cannot just do whatever we want with them. Animals, too, are God's creatures . . . Certainly, a sort of industrial use of creatures, so that geese are fed in such a way as to produce as large a liver as possible, or hens live so packed together that they become just caricatures of birds, this degrading of living creatures to a commodity seems to me in fact to contradict the relationship of mutuality that comes across in the Bible."

Cardinal Ratzinger was echoing official church teachings, as laid out in the Catholic Catechism, which states clearly that "Animals are God's creatures. He surrounds them with his providential care. By their mere existence they bless him and give him glory. Thus men owe them kindness. We should recall the gentleness with which saints like St. Francis of Assisi or St. Philip Neri treated animals. . . . It is contrary to human dignity to cause animals to suffer or die needlessly."

Compassion for animals was also a prominent theme in John Paul II's papacy. Pope John Paul proclaimed that "the animals possess a soul and men must love and feel solidarity with our smaller brethren." He went on to say that all animals are "fruit of the creative action of the Holy Spirit and merit respect" and that they are "as near to God as men are." Animal lovers everywhere were overjoyed! He reminded people that all living beings, including animals, came into being because of the "breath" of God. Animals possess the divine spark of life"the living quality that is the soul"and they are not inferior beings, as factory farmers, fur farmers, and others who exploit animals for profit would have us believe. After he became Pope John Paul II, His Holiness went to Assisi, the birthplace of St. Francis, and spoke of the saint's love for animals. He declared, "We, too, are called to a similar attitude."

There's so very much more I wish to share and want to make sure you're ready to hear. At this point, it appears to me that you need comfort and assurance more than anything else ... Except, of course, your fur baby. I am so sorry!

Please do read at least the "Guilt" section of the second article at that link to the area on this board and that may lead you wishing to read the rest, the other article and the one for which I left a link but didn't print.

Please let me know if there is anything in the world I can do to help. Any questions I can answer. I'm here and will try to be here as much as I can to see you through this. Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many Angels to soothe and guide you through what mush be just about the most gosh awful time in your life.

Many Comforting Hugs, Love, Peace and Angels to You and Casey!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox.

[Casey's Mom]

Thank you so much Dottie! (My name is Lisa - you were right) Your words have brought me a lot of comfort. I know that my faith in God will carry me through this awful time in my life. I absolutely do have faith that Casey and I will be together again, and that it is my human nature that brings the grief and sadness. I read in a book the other day that if we were given everything on this earth that we longed for, then we would never believe in Heaven or strive to be there. I truly believe that. You are welcome to share anything at all with me, Dottie ... I appreciate any and all help and comfort. I know that Casey stayed with me as long as she could, and when she knew that I could accept it, she felt that she could go to the Bridge. I feel so very blessed to have been able to call her my baby for 16 1/2 years and wouldn't give anything for that time. Since I don't have any children, she was truly my child.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and comfort. Please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa

[magdalene]

Lisa,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's only been a few days, and I know when it was only a few days for me it felt like my heart was literally breaking. I know it's probably not much comfort now, but I promise promise promise, it will get a little better. It just takes a lot of time and a lot of grieving first.

It helped me to make a scrapbook of my baby. And I put her ashes in a little box on my mantle and I light candles next to it a lot. I still talk to her, and it's been over two years. Coming here helps me, because here are people who understand how much it hurts.

Guilt is part of the grieving process, but you have to try to let that go. You didn't do anything wrong. You took good care of your Casey. She knew she was loved. And she loved you.

Magdalene

[AngelCareOne]

Thank you so much Dottie! (My name is Lisa - you were right) Your words have brought me a lot of comfort. I know that my faith in God will carry me through this awful time in my life. I absolutely do have faith that Casey and I will be together again, and that it is my human nature that brings the grief and sadness. I read in a book the other day that if we were given everything on this earth that we longed for, then we would never believe in Heaven or strive to be there. I truly believe that. You are welcome to share anything at all with me, Dottie ... I appreciate any and all help and comfort. I know that Casey stayed with me as long as she could, and when she knew that I could accept it, she felt that she could go to the Bridge. I feel so very blessed to have been able to call her my baby for 16 1/2 years and wouldn't give anything for that time. Since I don't have any children, she was truly my child.

Thank you again for your kind thoughts and comfort. Please keep me in your prayers.

Take care,
Lisa

{{{{{{{Lisa}}}}}}} You are such a dear, loving, wonderful person and fur kid Mommy. What a treasure you are and I really mean that, Hon. Please know that not only is it okay to grieve but very important to grieve in the way you choose for as long as you choose. You'll read about that in those two short articles and why. Well, when I say "in the way you choose," you know I don't mean for you to paint your body red, run out in the street, swing a telephone over your head a cluck like a chicken. Sorry, I know that sounded funny but that's what some people do when they snap and it can only get you beat up, arrested or taken to the funny farm. Again, sorry. I got that line from an episode of the old, old Dick Van Dyke Show TV series.

Of course, it's most acceptable and understandable to (in private) go to the floor, beat your fists on a cushion or carpet (don't want you to hurt yourself), scream, cry, shout ... Just to get it out. If you don't release or "turn" that little valve on top of the boiling pressure cooker to release a little steam, man oh man ... You know what happens then. Eeekkkk. So do express your grief, sorrow, pain, loneliness, devastation. Here at LS, you will be understood no matter how long. Hey, last month on October 16th was one year for me but I think I told you that. In the beginning and for months, I did scream like I was being tortured, cried like a wounded canine or primate. Just make sure your neighbors know you're all right should they hear you or they may become concerned that you're being attacked. Yes, that happened and bless my neighbor for calling the authorities to make sure I was not under attack. Still you know what I'm saying ... Take ... Your ... Time ... To ... Grieve.

There are those close real life friends be they coworkers or friends at church or what have you that will sympathize for a short time then look at you like you with confusion, disinterest, avoid you ... Forgive them. They don't understand but sure would if they read those articles written by physicians who are professionals in this area. It is normal to feel as much or even more grief from the loss of a beloved fur or feather kid as from a parent, sibling or even spouse. That's right. The same or even more.

You said you have no children. That is also covered in those two articles. Lisa, I was so very, very, very relieved to find those articles because I thought I was going insane. Oh My Gosh. Then, all I felt, my behavior and more were all validated, explained and I found those who reacted even "crazier" than I did. Those poor souls. No, I never "should" on anyone so I'm certainly not going to tell you that you "should" read them. However, I hope to gently coax you in that direction because ... Well, because and I'll leave it at that except to say that I guarantee you won't regret reading them and will read them again and again and again.

Lisa, I read one other concern of yours causing you guilt ... Let me scroll down to make sure I have it right. BRB. Okay. Here's part of a quote from you which appears to be a very big upset, worry and you're eating yourself up, Dear One ...

I'm picking it apart ... praying that I didn't do anything wrong by trying to syringe feed her a tiny bit of food (which I know that she swallowed okay) to worrying that the beef baby food that I gave her on Friday night hurt her in any way ...

Lisa, I've told you about my expertise. What you don't know are two things. 1. I'm very gosh dang good at what I do with animals and if I'm not sure, I either consult or refer to someone more familiar with that breed. And ... 2. I don't lie except for 2 exceptions which are to hide a surprise birthday party or to "fib" a compliment to a live friend. Hey, it's a little white fib and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Other than that, I either tell the truth or I say nothing at all ....

So here is the truth. Regarding your great "guilt concern" that I quoted you expressing: You did nothing wrong. Promise. I did see where you wrote that your fur baby could swallow, you remembered what the ER Vet had said, and you did fine when you fed Casey via the syringe. You did absolutely fine and not a thing in the world wrong. Would I have done anything differently? I doubt it except I may have just tried fluid instead then again I may have done exactly as you did. Honest and for true. Now, you've heard it from a trained professional who would either tell you the truth or say nothing at all.

Hon, do you have any other questions at all? I can assure you of so much that you "might think" Casey was adversely experiencing when she, in fact, was not. Please do let me know. I'm here, Lisa.

On another note, even though it never matters to us how young or old our fur kids are when they go to The Rainbow Bridge, you have many, many wonderful years to reminisce about the great times ... That is after your own personal grieving period which may take some or a long time. Ahhh, but when you're ready somewhere down the road, what great memories of all kinds you'll have to smile about, share and keep Casey alive each time you tell her story of all she is and does. Yes, I have a song about that, too. I mostly express myself using images, songs and the like. Here though, I am hoping and praying that I'm of some help. I want to help more. Don't be afraid to say something because one of us at LS will be here for you!

More Comforting Hugs, Love Peace and Angels to You and Fur Baby Casey!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox[

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, yes, guilt is always a part of the grieving process - - unfortunately. We always second guess ourselves and go through the "what if" "if only" "why didn't I" "I should have" torture. Please believe me you did everything you possibly could to help your precious Casey. And yes, I have given baby food to my furkids when they have not had an appetite, too, and always syringed fed my babies to try to get some food into them when they were very sick. Please don't feel guilty about going to visit your friend. If you don't feel up to it, could you call and ask to reschedule your visit for another time? Then again, visiting your friend may be what you need right now. When we are going through the grieving journey making decisions on any level is difficult because of the high emotional stress we are under. One of the best gifts you can give to yourself is to try to remove as much stress as possible - - keep things as simple as possible until you are feeling stronger and more sure of yourself again. And I promise you this will happen, but you need ot give yourself the opportunity for it happen in your own time - - not on someone else's expectations. This grief journey has so many twists and turns. Just when we think we have come through the diffiuclt parts we can find ourselves blindsided by a memory which makes us drop to our knees in grief as though our loss has just happened. So, please know you are not alone in your journey, Lisa. And please know that Casey is with you wherever you go - - for she is forever indelibly ethched in your heart and your memories. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Casey's Mom]

I want to thank everyone for all of their kind words, thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow will be one week since I lost Casey ... it seems like just yesterday one minute, and then an eternity ago another. I did go visit my friend, and her kids really helped lift my mood a little. My friends are like my sisters, and they really tried to help me. The way home wasn't as great ... kept thinking about returning to an empty house. Then when I did, I automatically went back to Casey's room and she wasn't there. This is about the time that everything started going downhill for us last Saturday night, and I'm reliving every minute ... both being so incredibly sad that I can't describe it and thanking God for allowing me to hold her all night for her last night.

I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke. Dottie - hope you're reading this ... could her being in the ER with the really upset and mean cat have caused this in any way? I just have to figure this out in my head ...

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow and not sure what to do with myself. Please keep me in your prayers ...

Thanks to all for their help,
Lisa

[AngelCareOne]

Hi, Sweet Lisa. You betcha I'm here and reading. Let me put your question in quotes then answer you ...

I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke. Dottie - hope you're reading this ... could her being in the ER with the really upset and mean cat have caused this in any way? I just have to figure this out in my head ...

Lisa, I honest to gosh feel very certain that the mean kitty being in the ER DID NOT cause Casey girl to have a stroke but to be certain, I'd need more specific medical history regarding Casey. I'm basing my very educated opinion upon all you've posted so far regarding Casey like her age of 16 and 1/2 years old, how she "came to not feel 100%" and that continued as you also shared and there's more.
You've not really given me a lot to go on but I can tell you from almost 30 years of experience that it is highly unlikely and would certainly surprise the heck out of me ... Actually, it would be a first to my knowledge (but please don't hold me to that) if that kitty acting so mean and cutting up in the ER had anything at all to do with ... Well, to do with anything whatsoever which did happen to your fur baby Casey when she was there, especially not a stroke.

Also, you said, and I'll repeat this so please forgive that ...

I think I've been able to piece together what happened to cause Casey's passing ... we think she had a stroke.

So, you really don't know for certain if Casey did have a stoke and only a necropsy would reveal that. Hon, what leads you to believe she may have had a stroke? Were there any past/previous symptoms or other health problems such as chronic and/or acute hypertension (high blood pressure), episodes like TIAs, any other type of seizure disorders ... Or are you feeling that it's because of the mean acting kitty in the ER? See what I'm saying?

No, Hon. With what I know from you about Casey along with all my many years of experience in the animal and human medical fields, that would not have caused a stroke ... Well, not even in a very sick human if there was a really mean person or more acting up right there nearby in the ER. Did that help you at all, Dear One? I pray that's of comfort to you. Hugs!!!

And, Oh My Gosh! What a darling, sweet, precious, beautiful. awesome photo! You know that I'm going to take it to a couple programs and make something pretty for you, Lisa. I hope you'll like it.

Please, please, please don't hesitate to ask me anything at all. If I don't know the answer I'll tell you while I phone around to see if there is an answer. If I do know, I'll tell you as gently as I possibly can. I hope you know that. Okay? Kisses to You and Casey!!!

Big Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

PS. I'm not sure if you know what a TIA is. It means Transient Ischemic Attack and is a mini-stroke so to speak. Many times they are nothing much and other times the symptoms are a bit more obvious. Hey, I've had them since I was in my 20's, never let them stop me and just kept on trucking while right in the middle of a TIA. See? It can be that mild in intensity. More Hugs!!!

[ann]

Casey's gorgeous!..You have to keep telling yourself over and over she lived a long and happy life. I know you have guilt. A lot of us do. Should have, could have, would have. It eats us alive. I think the guilt comes because we feel like we failed them. They trust us and how could we let anything happen to them. In a perfect world nothing happens, everyone and everything dies of old age. You have nothing to feel guilty about, none of us do, including myself. It's all part of the greiving process. Hugs to you and Casey. Ann

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, I'm getting caught on the posts, and as a trained Veterinary Assistant I agree with Dottie that being in a noisy ER with other animals who are not behaving very well is usually not the cause of a stroke, heart attack, etc. But as Dottie pointed out a necropsy - - the animal version of a human autopsy - - is really the only way to determine the cause of death. I am glad you had a good visit with your friends, and I can certainly relate to your feelings of returning to "reality" - - the apprehension of returning home knowing there is emptiness waiting there. But these feelings are only temporary, Lisa, because right now you are in deep grief, and everyone here understands how you are feeling. Hopefully as time progresses you will begin to embrace the truth that Casey's sweet living Spirit is still with you as she always has been - - that your relationship with her has only temporarily transformed to a different dimension. This grief journey is both physical and emotional, Lisa, so it is important that you do what you need to do to help ease the emptiness you are feeling right now - - like holding something that belonged only to Casey or sleeping with something that belonged to her. Talk to her, Lisa, for she is listening as intently to you now as she always has. And hopefully as time goes on you will be thinking of her and find yourself smiling - - and then you will know that Casey is always with you in your heart and your memories - - which nothing and no one can ever take away from you. Perhaps in time you may want to do a memorial for her - - like a scrapbook or garden - - or donation to the local shelter in Casey's name, etc.. The mental health professionals now agree that the loss of a beloved companion is as devastating as, if not worse as, losing a human family member or friend. The grief stages are identical. The first year post-loss is one of great struggle because it is filled with all the firsts: The first hour, the first day, the first month, the first birthday, the first holidays, the first whatever - - are constant reminders that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us. But the emphasis is on the word "physical" because they are still with us - - always with us - - through time and space. Lisa, we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam