Please Help With This Unbearable Grief. Options

[ginosmom]

Gino was our beloved yellow lab. He loved everything - life, people, animals, food. He was happy. He was healthy. He was 9 years old.

While in Vancouver with my twelve-year-old son yesterday, Gino and my schnauzer Zeke (best buds) were in the care of my neighbor as they often are when we are out of town. We received a call when still5 hours driving time away that Gino was dead. The neighbor left for the store for 20 minutes and returned home to find Gino had suffocated inside a bag of cat food he'd gotten into. THere was no reviving him.

As we drove frantically home, I was hysterical and not believing what was said. I sent many people, including our vet, up to the house. All confirmed....Gino was gone.

Gino was my best friend. He has been by my side through the darkest times of my life. My divorce. So many things. He and my son grew up together from puppyhood and toddlerhood. He was full of life. He had two cruciate ligament replacement surgeries over the last 2 years, upwards of $10,000, to repair his blown-out knee joints. After each surgery, he was happy. He was like a new dog each time. He never complained about wearing a cone on his head or taking his medicine or limping. He was always just happy.

I had taken him to the dog park every day last week. He ran in the field and swam in the creek and rolled on his back in the grass. I promised to take him to the beach lots this summer, as I've been so busy with my work. THese are all now things we'll never get to do.

I don't understand.

I read through these grief pages and feel compassion for everyone who lost a pet, but what I read is of old pets and sick pets. Not my Gino. He was not old. He was not sick. He had so much life left to live. Why did this happen? WHy did I go away? Why did I leave him?

I DIDN"T EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE TO HIM. I didn't tell him I loved him. But I did. Oh how I did.

He was my friend. He kept me safe on the 12 acres of property I live on by myself. My other dog is still with me but nothing is the same. It will never be the same. Can anyone help?

Everyone says they can't imagine what I feel. That isn't helping. I need to hear that others have experienced this grief, this TRAGIC grief, this accident, and that life somehow moved them forward. I can't imagine.

Today we went to the vet's office where his body had been taken. I wasn't going to see him but I had to, to say goodbye. He had been wrapped in plastic and put in the freezer, covered in a blanket. I lay beside the mound of beloved dog that was no longer.......just the body, but the body of the dog I loved with all my heart. THe dog I could've been better to, could've done more for, could've appreciated more. I took for granted he'd always be here. I lay beside him and wept and said goodbye and said thank you. The body smelled badly. I wish I hadn't seen that or smelled that. That isn't my Gino.

Please help me and my son, anyone. Not by saying I have a right to feel sad or that you can't imagine my pain....but something, anytthing that will help. Thank you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, ginosmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Gino. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Ginosmom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. When our companions come into our hearts our lives are changed for the better. They become the center of our universe as they are entirely dependent upon us for their every need - - feeding, exercising, emotional support, grooming, medical care. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. We are faced with the incredibly daunting task of re-inventing our lives that no longer includes the physical care of our companion - - and this is both an emotionally and physically painful adjustment to make. It isn't accomplished overnight, or in a day, a week, a month - - or even 6 months. This grief adjustment journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, and it can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time.

Although each of my beloved companions' journey home to the angels was due to end stage terminal illness, for different tragic events I have had in my life I do understand how this tragedy with your beloved Gino has deeply shattered your heart, and I fully understand how you feel when you say that nothing will ever be the same. I do not know "why" tragic events happen, ginosmom. However I do know that love is eternal, and I know NOTHING will ever separate you from the eternal love bond you share with your beloved Gino. Since love is eternal it also continues to be a living and growing presence. Even though your beloved Gino's precious physical body is no longer with you, his sweet Living Spirit IS and always will be. He is forever a part of you, ginosmom - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know this doesn't help you NOW when your heart is filled with the deepest seering pain of sorrow. I know there are no adequate words in any language that can truly be of comfort. I can only hope that the words I share with you will eventually offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement and hope as you travel your grief journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone, ginosmom. Each of us do understand the deep sorrow you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Gino with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, ginosmom, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Bobbie]

Dear ginosmom,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the tragic loss of your best friend, Gino. Human words are woefully inadequate to bring you the comfort that you seek right now, but that doesn't stop many f us from trying. For, although the circumstances of our beloved companions death may not be exactly the same, the feelings of loss, confusion, anger, guilt, sorrow, pain, questioning, and so on, are so very much understood. I am so very sorry that you have to go through this awful period in your life; you and your son.

I lost my Trevor, the bravest little dog that ever lived last July 22. I had to have him put to sleep because of the severe neurologic problems he was suffering from. They made his pain unbearable. And, although, he was about 11 years old, he and I were together for only 2 years and 2 months. No time at all! To this day, on my grief journey, I miss Trevor more and more. But this is NOT about me or Trevor. YOU need help and support and understanding right now. Not those cliches or standard phrases that mean nothing to you or anyone else.

I will say, first of all, that Gino sounds like a magnificent Lab! Labs are such wonderful animals! They have a natural joie de vivre that is so contageous. And it sounds like Gino grabbed onto every ounce of joy and life every day. He will surely be missed. Ginosmom, I have no answers to the question, "why?". I don't think there is one on this earth. I've actually given up seeking the answer because I've never gotten as satisfactory answer. But what I do believe, and know, is that your Gino, just like my Trevor, has left his physical body behind on this earth. He has NOT left you. Animals have a spirit that contiues to live right next to you (in your heart or soul or wherever is most comfortable for the two of you) and at the same time, Gino and Trevor have ascended to a Perfect World that we can only imagine until we, too, leave our physical bodies behind on this earth and join them. This World is called anything that makes peace and sense to you. In this World there is only health, happiness, joy, warmth, peace, companionship, play and full tummies. I believe there is also a whole lot of bragging about their moms and dads going on all the time.

Gino is always around to talk to, cry with, cry over, kiss his pictures and listen to his mom. Right now, you are in the earliest stages of grief, which is the hardest of all. Everything is so fresh and unreal. And that is where every person on this LS site comes in. WE are here FOR you: to give you support, to listen to your every word, to hold you up when you cannot do it yourself, to love you and every one of your memories. WE do not judge nor give advice that you must follow. WE have all been as close to the death of our loved ones as you are now. Now it is OUR turn to help as we have been helped in the past. IF you have questions, ask. If you are angry, tell us. If you are sad, we'll cry with you. When happy memories appear, we'll smile with you. No, you are never alone on this roller coaster from Hell.

Again, I am so, so sorry that your precious Gino died so tragically when you were so far away. I am here to offer a shoulder, an ear and a heart any and every time you need them. I write Trevor a love note every night on this site, so I'm never far away.

Blessings to you and your son.......................................
Trevor's mom (Bobbie)

[hesista]

Gino's mom,
I ubderstand trajedy. My stunningly beautiful and amazingly wonderful cat Beauty died suddenly at the age of 6 1/2. I can't believe how this could be. I ALWAYS thought I had her for another 14 years . I thought atleast with beauty I don't have to suffer the grief of her death for years to come, then suddenly, it happened so soon after my prince and incredible inspiration of my life rocky died. Beauty, too was so young and vibrant. Oh, she loved this world and life. My dogs loved her, she was their special kitty. I fed her the healthiest organic meats, eggs, yogurt, anythin she wanted. I made sure she knew that she was cherished and adored. I thought this would ensure her that she would be protected and safe with me, even my dogs protected her diligently. But death can happen regardless of how we try to keep it away.

I write this to let you know there are those of us here whose babies died tragically when it shouldn't have. Its still unbelievable to me, I still can't believe it

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello Gino's mom

My heart is with you in your shock and grief at the sudden and SO unexpected passing of precious Mr. Gino. I'm one of those whose loved dog, Gretta, went because of problems associated with age, although she did crash in just one day.

There are people who have posted here who have lost their soul-mates in unexpected and tragic ways. You can sometimes tell from their subtitles (accidents, attacks by other dogs, etc.) They may be more able to help you right now when you heart has been shot through its center and you're in shock and awe. Last night I was thinking about you and thought that your experience is much more like PTSD - because the sudden and totally unexpected loss of Mr Gino IS truly a TRAUMA - al least as much as things like traffic accidents, severe injuries, etc. I don't know any good PTSD sites and maybe your heart is just not of a mind to go there.

What I can say is that the pain is so severe in the beginning that you can hardly breathe. That lasts a long time. Your only assignment during this time IS to keep breathing - seriously. Keeping alive - it takes ALL your strength - especially for your son. Everywhere you look is a shock - cuz someone is not there. You're assured that Gino is in a safe and perfect place. Your job now is just to live. Cry a thousand times a day (I'm crying now writing this and Gretta has been gone for a year). Sleep when you can - I know, hard to do with a lively boy! The only - yes, the only - thing that relieves your suffering a tiny bit is time - a LOT of time. Every day, every HOUR is a won at an awful cost to the heart. I think that hardest thing to deal with is the anger - the teeth-clenching, sofa-puching, screaming anger - all related to two questions: why? and what if? And the worst thing is these are questions that cannot be answered - certainly not in a way that your heart will relate to.

That's why we're here, Gino's mom. To stand by you in your pain. To care for you unconditionally. To be there WHENEVER you need us. Never be afraid to share you feelings if you want to - even the negative ones. Losing a soul-mate is NOT a soft-music-and-tenderness moment. It is H**)*& and that's a fact. This site is the best support site of ANY kind that I have come across. People here care, they're sane, they're unselfish. You're in the right place, Gino's mom - even though it doesn't seem like we're being of any help. It's like blowing dandelion seeds on a gaping wound - doesn't help much at the time. If you can, trust the people here. You WILL come out on the other side. After a long while and many tears.

Here's all my strength for you to use today. Give a good, loud scream with it and let me take on the sore throat.

Please be gentle with yourself, Gino's mom.

Gretta's mom

[ginosmom]

Thank you so much for the wonderful, supportive words of everyone who replied. My life feels so empty. I've stayed at a friend's house since it happened....I can't bear sleeping at my house without Gino. Yesterday I went to his body at the vet's to say goodbye. It was under a blanket, cold, lifeless and beginning to smell. I wonder if i should've done that but I did, I wanted to say goodbye. That wasn't my dog anymore though. My dog didn't ever for a moment lie still on the floor. Oh my sweet precious dog loved every moment of his all too short life. What do I do now?????

Why did this happen to him??? Not him!!! Not the dog hat survived two knee replacements and went missing for 4 days but found his way back. Not him! I DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE.

I promised him so many things that I didn't deliver. We had so much left to do together. He loved me no matter what I said, did, looked like.

Yesterday we scattered his ashes in the forest behind my home. He loved it there. I carefully held each handful of ash of this creature that blessed my life for almost a decade. This is what he's reduced to. Ashes in a box. Ashes and the nuts and bolts they found during his cremation that were his hind knees. My sweet amazing companion.....in a scatter box.

I don't know what to do or how to make sense of this tragedy that should never have happened. I don't know how long to be sad. I don't know if I'll ever feel happy. How to work again. How to be in my home again that I shared with my companion. His bed still lies at the foot of my own bed, covered in his fur and his stinky doggy smell that comforted me every day that I came home. How can I bear it?

Please tell me.

I know everyone loves their pets and mourns them when they go. But how much? What is normal? Have you loved your dog they way i love my Gino? I took him for granted and assumed he'd a,ways just be there, as he always was. A part of my life. I feel I'm bleeding to death from my heart.

Melina

[Bobbie]

Dear Gino's mom,

Thank you for writing and letting us know what is going on with you today. I am so very sorry that you have to suffer the agony and feelings of defeat and anger that immediately decended on you when your amazing Gino died. Everything I read in your message is absolutely true and real. These next days and even weeks to months will be the absolute worst you will ever endure. You say that you feel like you are bleeding to death from your heart. I felt that my heart was shredded into a billion pieces, over and over and over. And that my soul had been crushed by a 10 ton boulder. And, you know, Gino's mom, I still feel that way, nine months later. That's not to say that I haven't learned how to exist in this world with out Trevor's physical presence, but a mother's love lasts forever.

I have also found that the true answer to that all-important question "WHY?" doesn't come to us on this earth. Because there is no answer. Did that stop my from asking the question a million times? Nope. But reminding myself that I won't find an answer in this life has helped a tiny bit. I can pull myself away from the sadness of that question, to deal with all the other aspects of Trevor's death.

I think your gift to Gino of giving his body, in the form of ashes, back to Mother Nature was one of the most loving and selfless acts you could have done. The earth is where we ALL have come from and will all be going back to some day. Gino got there before you so that he could help prepare your way in the future (whenever that may be). If your son was with you, I think you taught him a very valuable lesson that he will soon not forget. Mother Earth cares for all of her children all of the time. And, please know that your companion, Gino's body was in that scatter box, not THE Gino you knew and loved. He is a Spirit Dog whose spirit lives on forever and is right beside your heart this very minute, even if you cannot feel it. (I've never felt Trevor next to my heart, yet, either, but I know he's there.)

Gino's mom, there are no rules or time table for grieving. People may try to make you think there are, but they are wrong. And "normal" is YOUR normal and not one other person's. We all suffer a bit differently, but we all suffer together. How long? As long as YOU need. This is not measured in hours or days or even months/years. This grief process takes not one minute longer than what you need to heal. And how do we know when we are "healed"? A lot of times we don't until something shows us that we are not quite as devastated as we were a little while ago. It comes as surprises to me. "Oh! That memory wasn't as awful and sad as it has been - it felt a teeny bit comforting. That's different. Maybe I'm healing????"

This may sound crazy, but TIME is your best healer. Time has a way of moving forward no matter what we try to do to stop it. That doesn't mean we have to keep up with it, but it is a very gentle helper on your grief journey. And your journey will be your own - totally legitimate and totally right. Some people write journals, others gather pictures (I have them of Trevor all over the house, even though I have two new rescue dogs now), some write poetry, others keep silent for periods of time. I might suggest that you do whatever feels comfortable for you and Gino, even if that turns out to be just sitting andthinking of him and/or talking to him. He can hear and understand every single thing you think or say. And I don't know if the crying ever ends. It hasn't for me. Even talking about Trevor can choke me up in a matter of seconds. And that is perfectly OK by me.

Oh, dear Gino's mom, you really don't HAVE to do anything - except breathe because even your heart beats on its own. And I am as serious about that as my sister (Gretta's mom) is. Get done what absolutely HAS to be done to survive in this world and society and beyond that, there is not one thing you have to do. You will know when the time is right to do the next thing, whatever that may be. I never move my becloved boys' things for months and months after they have passed. I kept my Birney's blankets in our upstairs hallway (where he liked to sleep toward the end) for over a year and there were 3 comforters there! I wanted and needed them there and demanded my wishes be honored and respected. (they were)

The last thing I would like to tell you tonight is that all LS'ers are here for you. Some may just read your posts, but you will find that many respond in time. I promise you that I will always be here for you. I check this site 2 times daily and write to Trevor every night. I've already told him about Gino and, by now, I'm sure they are fast friends, even though Trevor is a C. Spaniel. Lean on us. Take our strength. Take our love and our understanding. WE have all been brought together by something so incredibly sad that we cannot find adequate words to describe it. And that makes us a band of sisters and brothers forever.

Try to get some rest tonight, even if sleep doesn't come. And try to eat a little something in the morning. Until we "message" again..........

Love,
Bobbie

[ginosmom]

Thank you Bobbie for your soulful words of comfort. My eyes seem to be dry of tears, but if there were any tears left I know they'd still be flowing.

Yes it was a tragedy. Truly, a horrible, ridiculous, senseless tragedy, and while I wish there was some comfort in that explanation, I can't find it yet....because tragedies happen to other people, and maybe to dogs who aren't so loved and valued, but not to MY dog, not to MY Gino, who was just doing what he always did, which was sneaking food! I'd always laugh about his clever ways to sneak food. He used to eat tissues out of the tissue box sometimes! And we'd laugh.

Oh GOD I miss him. I miss his physical body. I miss his smell and his kisses. I miss how he always smiled....yes, SMILED. He had a permanent smile on his face. He was always happy. Always good. Always giving. IT ISN"T FAIR.

I'm supposed to go back to work today. I am a music teacher, I put on huge productions with singers of all ages, and we are in the throes of one right now. TOday is my kids' group - 13 girls under the age of 9. I can't face them. I can't bear their questions about where GIno is, because my studio is attached to my home.

I can't get rid of the awful images in my head of Gino's suffocation, even though I wasn't there to see it. I can't get rid of the memory of lying beside his body in the basement of the vet's office - not even 24 hours after his death, and how the body smelled and felt like a ton of bricks, and cold.....should I not have said goodbye to him that way but remembered him how he was? Bounding through the woods and jumping in the creek and happy?

And then when the pet cremation handed over his box....a little CARDBOARD box of my dog's ashes....it said "Gino Moore' in script printing....

I'm sorry to make no sense here, but these are the images, and I'm wondering if I am losing my mind because they are haunting me. Everyone else, at day #4 today, seems to be "over it" - even all those who said they loved Gino....they seem to be over it. Going about their lives, telling me I MUST do the same, that GIno would want me to be happy, blah blah blah.....but I'm not OVER it and my tears keep coming and I can't just go about my life while these images play in my head. SO maybe I AM crazy and will just lose my mind....I don't even care.

One of the few helpful thiings is your comments, Bobbie, and others. Thank you for that small solace.

Melina

[moon_beam]

Hi, ginosmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Ah yes - - the going back to work. Putting on that "public face" and the struggle to get through what needs to be done - - struggling to concentrate and showing some signs of "life" in the process.

Ginosmom, it is IMPOSSIBLE for you to "get over" the physical absence of your beloved Gino because you are his Forever Mom. During his earthly journey YOU were his primary caregiver of all of his needs - - feeding, grooming, medical care, exercise, emotional support. The bond you and your beloved Gino developed is eternal - - there is no "getting over" eternal love.

Ginosmom, there is no "sense" to this grief journey, particularly during the time of surviving the deep seering pain that is in your heart. Please let me try to offer you some reassurance that the grief you are feeling is NORMAL - - I assure you you are NOT losing your mind. This grief journey is filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds it can literally make us feel like we are going insane. This is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

Please know you are NOT alone in your grief journey, ginosmom. Each of us are here with you, for you, and beside you as you travel your journey. Through our individual and collective strength we will embrace you to hold you up when you can no longer stand, we will walk each step with you and catch you when you feel you cannot take another step forward. We are here to share your worst days, your not so bad days, and your better days. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope you are able to endure through today, ginosmom. I promise you there will come a time eventually when the deep seering pain will ease. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Gretta's Mom]

Dear Gino's mom

OK at day 4! No one who has truly loved a special animal and has been loved back is OK at day 4 ... well maybe if they're still in absolute shock, but never otherwise. My Gretta left me a little over a year ago and I'm wondering if I'll be any different by YEAR 4!

Oh, yes, no matter how the images hurt you now, you were definitely right in going to say goodbye to Gino. No matter how it goes down, there are images which stab you in the heart. The look on my Gretta's face when the vet and the tech wheeled her into the grief room - her head was up, ears forward, eyes looking directly at me. I can hardly think of it NOW and not burst into a river of tears.

And how well I, too, remember the day I went to the vet school to pick up her ashes. Just like you said, a flimsy cardboard box - heavy beyond its dimensions - was all the physical matter that remained of my Gretta. The vet school had taken a plaster paw print and that was in the bag with the box of ashes. I STILL can't look at that paw print.

Gino's mom, it takes time, a lot of time, hundreds of times more than you think and a thousand times more than "people think" you should take. Only one thing matters - YOU, and YOUR heart, and YOUR love for Gino, and YOUR grief. That's all. As MoonBeam has often said, there is no "normal" and no "closure" and no "getting over. What the H does 'closure" mean anyway? Doesn't it seem strange that the only time you hear that word is when it's being used about SOMEBODY ELSE!

No, Gino's mom, you listen to your OWN heart. Hold Gino's blankets, talk to him (if you want to), take your time moving his things. (I went back on a promise I made to Gretta that no other dog would drink out of her doggie drinking station.)

The only two things that are absolute facts are that love never dies (so your and Gino's love will go on forever) and that you WILL live - even though it doesn't seem like it right now.

We are a family of brothers and sisters who are united in the bond of love of special animals ... from whom we are separated ... but only temporarily. Alone, we can't make it, but together we're strong and we can help each other stand tall and say, "Dino LOVES me and I love HIM."

Gretta's mom

[Bobbie]

Dear Gino's Mom,

So many of my thoughts and words have been used by Moon_Beam and Gretta's mom already. Let me just add for tonight, that you don't have to "SHOULD" on yourself.....EVER!!!!!! I am thinking of you every minute and praying for you and your son (who seems to have gotten a bit lost in here). You and I are sisters-in-loss, so you always have someone to count on.

Blessings.................
Bobbie and Trevor

[ginosmom]

Bobbie, Gretta's Mom, MoonBeam.......THANK YOU.

Your words have healing in them, I know it and can feel it, and I thank you for taking the time out of your lives to help me in my grief. Truly I do.

Today is Thursday. Gino died on Sunday. It stills seems totally surreal to write those words. I saw him in his boundless energy and perpetually joyful state just on Saturday as I left on what I thought was a simple overnight away.

Last night I prayed before I fell asleep that Gino would visit me in my dreams, to tell me he was ok. I asked him to just stop in for a few moments, and let me know he is happy, safe, getting all the food and pets and attention he could possbily desire. I hoped beyond hope that he would visit, but I didn't get a visit last night. That makes me so sad. It makes me wonder where he is, and it makes the very realistic, intellectual side of my brain (I hate that side) question whether or not there really IS a heaven, or if the gray, chalky ashes I held in my hands on Monday were truly the only final remains of my precious dog, and that he's just....gone.

I can't bear the thought of him just being gone. But WHY didn't he visit me? Through his life, he was always there for me, always and in ALL ways. He came when I called. Why didn't he last night? What if he is somewhere unhappy, or if he's scared, or lonely, or sad that he left us all......again, thoughts that fill me with sorrow, but also make me think I might be losing my marbles.

My other dog, my Schnorkie, Zeke, is probably the most amazing source of comfort to me. He literally has not left my side. When I feed him now, he will only eat his food if I'm standing right beside him. If I walk away, he follows. Yesterday, he walked with me for hours and hours and hours, without complaint. He is 5. He was a birthday present for my son's 7th birthday (my Justin is 12 now), but it was clear from the start that he was really MY dog. He and GIno were best buds. Gino taught him all the ropes. Zeke was so insanely easy to train, to housebreak....evetrything.....because Gino taught him, I'm convinced. And GIno accepted him into our home without the blink of an eye. They were brothers from another mother.

I am now terrified of something happening to Zeke. I took him to the vet yesterday and spend hundreds of dollars getting him every vaccination, immunization and prevention known to man. I bought him the highest quality dogfood (which I could never afford to feed both him and Gino, as Gino was an eating machine - another reason I'm feeling guilty now), omega 3 fish oil supplements....you name it. I can't lose another dog. Ever. I can't lose anyone now. Ever. The pain is too great. If this life is about feeling this level of pain, maybe I'm just not cut out for it.

My son, who I worried severely for when this all happened and who wept in my arms for almost 2 days straight is now doing really well. Back at school, filled with happy memories of Gino, surrounded by good friends who knew Gino and have cried with him.....he's an only child and perhaps even more attached to his dogs than one with siblings might be. I'm so relieved he is ok. He's only had one or two tearful moments in the last 2 days, so when I'm around him, I now sneak into the bathroom to cry.

However, we haven't been back to our home yet.

Today is going to be my first time back at the house, and I'm scared. I suppose you could say I've "run away".......we've been staying (Zeke too) at my boyfriend's place downtown, and I've believed it to be a blessing....for one thing, I can walk Zeke everywhere, whereas I can't at my house, as we live in the forest. Gino loved the forest.

The one thing I'm looking forward to about going home is getting my laptop back, which stores hundreds of pictures of Gino. I thought I would come up with a plan for a shadowbox to be made to commemorate Gino. There is a great framing business in my town, and I want to bring them Gino's collar, a few pictures of him, his two metal discs (which they found during his cremation; he had two knee replacements and we used to call him our Bionic Dog) and the tuft of fur the vet's office cut from him for me to keep. I thought the framing place could put something beautiful together that we could put on our wall at home. Or is it morbid? Please advise me on this, those who have been through it?

I suppose that's my rambling for today.

I still feel so very, very sad.

Melina

[Gretta's Mom]

Gino's mom

Please don't worry about not seeing Gino in your dreams. Some animals give frequent signs and some give none at all. One thing I do know is that whatever signs there might be come totally unexpectedly, are usually incredibly fleeting and sometimes happen to people other than yourself. Sometimes these "other" people are pretty far removed from you. My sister Bobbie got a sign from Trevor in a dream that a Lightning Strike's friend's MOTHER had! And as much as Bobbie loves Trevor, I don't think she has ever received a direct sign from him.

DO NOT give up the idea that there is a heaven (Perfect World, or whatever name you want to call it). The certainly is that LOVE IS ETERNAL. And your love for Gino and his love for you certainly hasn't evaporated! Ergo ......

And please, please take special care of your heart in these first few days (and weeks). Everything is new - and hurts like H$&($#&(. Resolve to make no major decisions - including your choice (a wonderful old Black baptist pastor taught me that faith is a CHOICE) to believe in Gino's continued existence, in a safe and perfect place, where he and all of our animals await us. (Hey - if it's not true for you then maybe it's not true for us either - AND WE KNOW FOR SURE THAT ISN'T TRUE !!!)

Have the calmest rest of the day possible, Gino's mom. Ginos is sending down rays of love even as we "speak".

Gretta's mom

[petloveru]

Hello Ginosmom...

I stumbled across this forum late last night and read your post about Gino. Moved by your story, I cried myself to sleep. Your pain ("bleeding to death from my heart" -- so well said) from the loss of your beloved friend came through so vividly it took me back years to the memories of my grief over the death of my "soul pets."

I have a message of hope for you...

I've run a home-based animal shelter for almost 30 years. Among the hundreds of furry kids I've brought into my home, I was privileged to have 2 or 3 very special BFFs (best furry friends) share my life. One of them, Snoopee, was my second soul cat. He died unexpectedly after a brief illness. Like you, I was devastated. My world was topsy turvy. Eating, working, shopping...everything I did was overshadowed by a terrible black cloud of emotional pain. I wondered how to go on living without my sweet Snoopee, my love, my little clown...I wanted to die to be with him.

I visited a friend, a psychic (the real deal). She proved to me by what she said that she had seen and contacted my kitty on the other side and that he would return to me, but on his timetable, not mine. I was very comforted by her words.

A few days after his passing, Snoope began to communicate with me. I'd get telepathic messages in my head I just knew were from him, like: "Mom, I love you and am very happy here in heaven with many friends around me. Please don't be so sad. It's OK." At first I was spooked out, but soon understood these "voices" really were from my friend. This continued for months. Every few days I'd receive a comforting, loving "tele-gram" from him. Sometimes he'd tell me to turn on the radio, that there was something I should listen to. Each time when I did, a song about friendship, devotion and eternal love would play. These were songs I'd never heard before and never would again. I was totally amazed!

As I rescued cats, I couldn't help looking for Snoopee in each new furry face. I was disappointed every time. About a year after Snoopee's death,
feeling cynical and negative about him ever returning, he popped into my head, saying: "Mom, go into this store. There's something I want you to buy." I was walking in front of a discount store, not in the mood to shop. But I could never ignore my friend. It was spring, close to Easter. As I perused the potpourri of plastic bunnies and baskets, I found a display of small music boxes, which I love. One of them (the only one) had a sculpted figurine of a cat inside the glass globe. It was gray & white (my Snoopee's colors) and sat with a single red rose lying in front of it. Shocked, I raised it and wound the key. It played the tune from my favorite song..."You've Got a Friend." I was overwhelmed and cried as I checked out.

This incredible gift from my soul pet changed my entire view of pet spirituality and heaven. There is more to this story, which I've put in a book I'm writing. I plan to offer it free for a short time this summer. I'll keep everyone here "posted" in case they're interested.

ginosmom -- I now know, without a doubt, that pets live on after leaving their earthly bodies. From what you've said, Gino was a wonderful and loving friend and guardian. The depth of your feelings reflects your great love for him. I understand and am reaching out to you and your family with healing prayers. Your plans with him were cut short by a Higher Power that had other missions for Gino to fulfill. I agree with several of the eloquent people here who have assured you Gino is still by your side. In fact, being free of gravity, time and space, he is here, there and everywhere. He's your pet guardian angel now and he will take care of you better than ever, from a higher elevation in pet heaven.

I encourage you to speak to Gino every time you think of him. I'm sure he's anxiously waiting to hear from you and will reply in some way. I know he loves you in return, is very grateful for the time and care you gave him, and would never want to see you feeling guilty and hurting so badly over his passing. Time will ease your pain, but the love will remain. Call out to him, anytime, and he will come to you.

The lyrics to the music box song -- "You've Got a Friend" -- include these lines:

You just call out my name,
and you know wherever I am
I'll come running
to see you again.
Winter spring summer or fall,
all you gotta do is call
and I'll be there...
You've got a friend.

(Copyright Carole King)


I hope this has helped you...
Hugs,
Barbara

[moon_beam]

Hi, Melina, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that your plans on doing a shadow box for your beloved Gina is a WONDERFUL idea, and I hope the framing business in your area will do a beautiful job for you. Please let us know how this goes for you.

Clinical professionals recognize that children grieve differently from adults, but hopefully you know that your son will not forget Gino in the process. Your concern, and fears, about Zeke are very normal, Melina. Hopefully in time you will begin to feel less stressed and more at ease about Zeke's health status.

I know going back home is going to be very stressful. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers that your heart will not be overwhelmed with grief as you walk in and through your home. Thank you again, Melina, for sharing your beloved Gino with us, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Bobbie]

Dear Melina/Gino's Mom,

Thank you, again, for letting us know how you are doing. Again, right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I have never gotten ANY sort of message from any of my eight dogs that lived with me, loved me and passed on to that great place I call Heaven. At first I was sad about that. I thought, what am I doing wrong or what did I do wrong to (insert dog's name) to make him so upset that he won't contact me in any way? I never came across a statue or picture that looked like any of my boys (all C. Spaniels), never "heard" a message to do or listen to anything. As my sister told you, my LS friend, Hermy's Mommy's mother had a dream in which she saw both Hermy (the bunny) and a tan dog (assumed to be Trevor) as best friends. That's as close as I've ever come.

However, Whenever I've gone to the cemetery, over these many years, to fuss with their headstones and decorate their graves (which I do all year long) a sense of comfort slowly inches its was into my heart and I find myself much more content with what I am doing and not quite as many tears fall from my leaky eyes. Oh! I still cry for Trevor and his earlier brother, Rudy, but at their graves the tears are not so hurtful or bitter or I don't know the words I want to use. When I cry(sob) at home, the feeling of loss is sharper, deeper, more acute than when I am closer to my boys physically (although they are all in the ground, of course). I think THAT is the closest I'm ever going to come to "communicating" with my boys. And that's Ok, too, because each time I've lost a boy, I've either had another one already or one comes along soon after.

Boy, I can understand your going to the Vet and having Zeke immunized, tested,, examined head-to-toe, etc. And I really hear you when you say you absolutely do not want anything to happen to Zeke, ever. How old is he? When it is the appropriate time, we will talk about everyone's mortality, including Zeke, Rufus, and my Dreamer and Kelley. But not now. I just thought of something: Zeke's extreme attachment to you right now could possibly be part-Gino checking up on you? Our forever dogs are amazing creatures and we cannot put anything past them.

The shadow box sounds like a loving, beautiful tribute to Mr. Gino. Being able to look at his pictures, his collar, his artificial knees and his bit of fur will ultimately bring you comfort and happiness at the many memories you hold in your hearts (you and your son and Gino). Be sure not to skimp on size - you can always have them make something smaller if you need to. I have only one picture of Trevor up, but it is everywhere in the house (because it's the best picture of him). I have many collages that I have to put together from several of my boys. Talk about a negligent mother???

Good luck with going back home. I'm saying extra prayers for you and Justin today and tonight. You don't have to even pretend to be brave, but I thnk you will actually feel better being closer to Gino's home. Please let me know how it goes - when you are ready. Many years ago, I had a girlfriend who lost her husband at a young age and she stayed at my place (with her 5 y.o. daughter) and other places for over 6 months because she couldn't go back and spend the night. You are doing just fine.

My Trevor died on a Friday and I have found that every single Friday since July 22, 2011 have been sadder than other days of the week. I call it my boulder in the road of my grief journey. I say this only because I don't want you to think anyting badly about yourself if the same thing should happen to you on Sundays from now on. Sometimes it helps to light a candle on that say or spend time hugging his picture or walking in the woods he loved and telling him all of your thoughts and wishes. Whatever feels the most comfortable for you, even if t is nothing, is what you do!

AND FINALLY () I KNOW that Gino is in the safest place possible, short of being in your arms. That heavenly Home that he now shares with every other one of God's creatures who have passed before us, is filled with love, warmth, security, safety, friendship, GOOD food, lots of cool water, and so many other things that make our beloved companions, and even those who have no one to remember them, feel great. I can imagine how much Gino has bragged to the others about you and Justin. I know he is so proud of you and so happy that he got to be your dog! Gino will never hurt again, be scared, worry or feel anything, but love from now on. He hears you, knows what you are thinking, and his Spirit is right beside that big, loving heart of yours. So, don't worry if you don't see or hear from him. He's already a heartbeat next to you. Take the baby steps along your grief journey, knowing that everyone of us at LS is beside, in front, behind, above and below you. I'm especially below you so I can hold you up, as so many others have done for me, whenever and wherever you need me.

Bless you, Melina. (that's a relly pretty name) Until the next post.........................
XOXOxoxo
Bobbie & Trevor

[petloveru]

Dear Melina/Gino's Mom,

Thank you, again, for letting us know how you are doing. Again, right off the bat, I'm going to tell you that I have never gotten ANY sort of message from any of my eight dogs that lived with me, loved me and passed on to that great place I call Heaven. At first I was sad about that. I thought, what am I doing wrong or what did I do wrong to (insert dog's name) to make him so upset that he won't contact me in any way? I never came across a statue or picture that looked like any of my boys (all C. Spaniels), never "heard" a message to do or listen to anything. As my sister told you, my LS friend, Hermy's Mommy's mother had a dream in which she saw both Hermy (the bunny) and a tan dog (assumed to be Trevor) as best friends. That's as close as I've ever come.

However, Whenever I've gone to the cemetery, over these many years, to fuss with their headstones and decorate their graves (which I do all year long) a sense of comfort slowly inches its was into my heart and I find myself much more content with what I am doing and not quite as many tears fall from my leaky eyes. Oh! I still cry for Trevor and his earlier brother, Rudy, but at their graves the tears are not so hurtful or bitter or I don't know the words I want to use. When I cry(sob) at home, the feeling of loss is sharper, deeper, more acute than when I am closer to my boys physically (although they are all in the ground, of course). I think THAT is the closest I'm ever going to come to "communicating" with my boys. And that's Ok, too, because each time I've lost a boy, I've either had another one already or one comes along soon after.

Boy, I can understand your going to the Vet and having Zeke immunized, tested,, examined head-to-toe, etc. And I really hear you when you say you absolutely do not want anything to happen to Zeke, ever. How old is he? When it is the appropriate time, we will talk about everyone's mortality, including Zeke, Rufus, and my Dreamer and Kelley. But not now. I just thought of something: Zeke's extreme attachment to you right now could possibly be part-Gino checking up on you? Our forever dogs are amazing creatures and we cannot put anything past them.

The shadow box sounds like a loving, beautiful tribute to Mr. Gino. Being able to look at his pictures, his collar, his artificial knees and his bit of fur will ultimately bring you comfort and happiness at the many memories you hold in your hearts (you and your son and Gino). Be sure not to skimp on size - you can always have them make something smaller if you need to. I have only one picture of Trevor up, but it is everywhere in the house (because it's the best picture of him). I have many collages that I have to put together from several of my boys. Talk about a negligent mother???

Good luck with going back home. I'm saying extra prayers for you and Justin today and tonight. You don't have to even pretend to be brave, but I thnk you will actually feel better being closer to Gino's home. Please let me know how it goes - when you are ready. Many years ago, I had a girlfriend who lost her husband at a young age and she stayed at my place (with her 5 y.o. daughter) and other places for over 6 months because she couldn't go back and spend the night. You are doing just fine.

My Trevor died on a Friday and I have found that every single Friday since July 22, 2011 have been sadder than other days of the week. I call it my boulder in the road of my grief journey. I say this only because I don't want you to think anyting badly about yourself if the same thing should happen to you on Sundays from now on. Sometimes it helps to light a candle on that say or spend time hugging his picture or walking in the woods he loved and telling him all of your thoughts and wishes. Whatever feels the most comfortable for you, even if t is nothing, is what you do!

AND FINALLY () I KNOW that Gino is in the safest place possible, short of being in your arms. That heavenly Home that he now shares with every other one of God's creatures who have passed before us, is filled with love, warmth, security, safety, friendship, GOOD food, lots of cool water, and so many other things that make our beloved companions, and even those who have no one to remember them, feel great. I can imagine how much Gino has bragged to the others about you and Justin. I know he is so proud of you and so happy that he got to be your dog! Gino will never hurt again, be scared, worry or feel anything, but love from now on. He hears you, knows what you are thinking, and his Spirit is right beside that big, loving heart of yours. So, don't worry if you don't see or hear from him. He's already a heartbeat next to you. Take the baby steps along your grief journey, knowing that everyone of us at LS is beside, in front, behind, above and below you. I'm especially below you so I can hold you up, as so many others have done for me, whenever and wherever you need me.

Bless you, Melina. (that's a relly pretty name) Until the next post.........................
XOXOxoxo
Bobbie & Trevor

[petloveru]

I have to agree with Bobbie that among the many pets I've rescued and loved, only Snoopee was able to come through to me so dramatically in the physical world. After alot of research, I've never heard of another case like it. However, a few other animals have also contacted me from the other side in different ways, like messages and dreams.

Getting a direct message or seeing some physical phenomenon is a wonderful surprise, a mini-miracle, but doesn't happen for everyone. Each person has a different level of intuition. And, like radio, a signal has to be sent and a receiver must be available to accept the transmission. People who do not believe it is possible to contact pets on the other side will not likely even try. However, if you do take the time to communicate with your pet angel on a regular basis, messages from them become more likely. No one is doing anything "wrong" if they attempt contact and don't feel they receive a direct response. It can take time and practice and may never happen. From what I've been told, there is usually an initiation period when pets first pass to spirit, and animals may not be able to contact us much during that time.

Even if a telepathic message or dream (you can recall) doesn't happen, you still give and receive love and energy to/from your friend when you meditate about them. Simply talking to your furry friend and sharing your thoughts and feelings IS communicating with them, helping you both to stay in touch and keep your bond strong. And if you do get a "hit," hey, that's sweet! Please let me know!!

Take care of you,
Barbara

[Pam K]

Dear Gino's Mom,

I found this site this past Wednesday, the day after my dear Peanut died. I can't write about that here yet, but your story touched me so deeply, and I think of you, often. I wanted you to know that, and that I understand how unbearable the pain is. The whirring of the rest of life can make you feel so utterly alone, but please know you're not. Gino's love isn't gone, love doesn't leave. Love transforms. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, it is especially traumatic when it is sudden, I know. Take care, I wish you peace and comfort, Peanut's Mom Pam

[Bobbie]

Hi Melina!

I'm sorry to be a bit slow on the draw, but I'm back to stay! How was your time in the house? I hope you were able to get a little bit of peace and comfort from Gino's items in the house. That is the closest and most wonderful physical connection you will have with him from now on. Please don't forget to take your time with every step. There is no rush at all........only your own sense of urgency if that is indeed real.

Trevor and I have been thinking about you and taking care of Gino in Heaven until you can get there. I sure hope Gino likes bunnies, and not for lunch, because Trevor's best friend is a beautiful girl-bunny named Hermy.

I'm going to bed now. My nephew is out of the hospital, lives alone across town and has Stage 4 kidney cancer. This is just the beginning. No whining, just stating the facts, ma-am!

Please have a rest-filled night, my friend. Hope to hear from you soon!

XOXOxoxo
Trevor's mom (Bobbie)