5 Months Tomorrow Options

[Tom's Dad]

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It's also the 5 months to the day I lost my Sir Thomas. Theresa still seems to be chasing his spirit throughout the apartment. For the past few weeks (mostly waiting for my bus home from work) I have had the Michael Jackson song 'You are not Alone' stuck in my head. I think this may yet be one more way Tom "talks" to me? I can imagine Mother's Day and Father's Day is difficult for we pet parents who have lost a fur baby. Banfield called to have Theresa come in for her check up. Today was the Kentucky Derby, and I learned the hard way long ago not to even try to get a cab that day. Even my regular guy warned me this time; no go. But he did offer tomorrow. But, it being the anniversary AND Mother's Day, I just didn't have it in me. For all of us pet parents, I hope tomorrow is not TOO difficult. I am thankful for all of you and this web site.

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Tom, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. The "angel-versaries" are a challenge to endure as they are reminders that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. And when they fall on memorable days like holidays or special celebration days, the "angel-versaries" can be even more difficult to endure. I am glad you are waiting to take Theresa in for her physical. You don't need the additional stress of transportation availability on top of everything else to manage.

I do believe your precious Sir Thomas is finding ways to "communicate" with you so that you will know it is definitely from him. Music is considered a universal language of the heart, so it is no surprise that your precious Sir Thomas is using this venue to let you know he is still with you, is always with you - - always a heartbeat close to you. And he is letting his sister know that she still has her brother, too.

Tom, I hope today is being kind to you and Theresa. Please know you and your little girl are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible. And - - please let us know how Theresa's check up goes, if you would like to do so.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Tom's Dad]

Thank you moon_beam. Tom does continue to make his presense known. Today, for example I heard the blinds to the sliding door to the balcony flapping and rustling quite vigorously. Theresa was on the easy chair, and the fan just wasn't blowing near or hard enough to account for it. Tom would often move around in the blinds to get my attenton. I read in another post your precious Noah is going to be 8. Theresa is somewhere between 8-9 also. Looks they both will be getting their senior check ups soon. Peace and blessings.

[Peggy's Human]

Dear Tom's Dad,

I've written several responses to your post over the past several days, only to delete them because they were woefully inadaquate. For some reason, I'm having trouble capturing what I'd like to say to you so I'll keep it simple. I just want you to know that I'm so sorry you lost Tom, for the way that arrogant Dr treated him just before he started his downward slide and I'm happy you and Theresa hear and sense him throughout your home. I know how difficult this 'adjustment' is and how difficult it is for our hearts to figure out how to release/overcome the pain. I admire your ability to share with us when talking about your guilt (a few weeks ago) and suspect that many of us have our own guilt about times we failed our beloved non-human family members but may be too ashamed to share it. I admire your courage and willingness to open yourself up in that manner. I think Tom and Theresa were blessed to have you in their lives, as were you by having them in yours. You obviously have a very loving heart and I wish I could find something to say that would help lighten your burden a little. Lacking that, please know that you're in my prayers and even if I'm not posting to you or (again)finding the right words, I always check your thread to see how you're doing (I do care even if I can't find the right words to share with you).

Please take care of yourself.

Peggy

[Tom's Dad]

Thank you Peggy. Any replies are appreciated. I don't post on other threads much myself for fear of not having the right thing to say. Yeah, I'm still angry at that so called vet. I feel if not for him, Tom might not have needed the extra care I could no longer afford. But, it won't bring my boy back, so I try to move forward. Today, as many a warm spring day, I went outside on my lunch to walk around the building and have myself a good cry away from everyone. The warm spring days make me think of Tom and how much he loved them. This coming Memorial Day, I finally qualify for paid holidays, and I'm going to take it off. If the weather is fair, I plan to drag my papasan chair out on the balcony, drink something cool and listen to soft music while enjoying nature with miss Theresa. I can think of no better way to honor Tom and his love of warm spring days on the balcony...

[moon_beam]

Hi, Tom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Congratulations on finally qualifying for paid vacation time. And just in time for the Memorial Day weekend. Good for you!!!! Sounds like you have a plan for you and Theresa, and I hope the weather will be good in your neighborhood to enjoy the weekend as you'd like to.

Tom, I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Theresa. Each day right now is a day closer to when you will be able to remember your precious Sir Thomas and truly smile - - from the tips of your toes all the way up to the depths of your heart. Please know you and your precious Theresa are in my thoughts and prayers, Tom, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Peggy's Human]

Hi Tom's Dad,

Congrats on finally qualifying for paid holiday's! Now we just need the weather to cooperate so you and Theresa can enjoy a proper spring day. I think you've planned a wonderful way to honor Tom and I'll keep my fingers crossed that the weather does its part . You and Theresa remain in my prayers. I hope you have a peaceful evening and dreams filled with visits from Tom.

Take care of yourself,

Peggy

[LoveMyMickey]

Hi Tom's Dad,

I, too, don't reply to everybody because it is hard to find the right words. But I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Sir Tom. That sounds like a nice plan for Memorial Day to remember Tom and hang out with Theresa. This Ky. weather is so unpreditable, but I hope it is a beautiful weekend.

My thoughts and prayers are with you....God Bless...

[Tom's Dad]

Thank you ladies for the kind words of support. Today I took a walk on my lunch outside and managed to not have any tears. I'm also not hearing that song in my head anymore. It's starting to seem like my missing Tom is more of an abstract concept, than an actual feeling. Like it's not real. Almost as if I were getting glimpses of other realities where my choices resulted in not having him in my life. If this is part of the healing process, I don't think I like it I don't much like feeling "nothing" - Tomorrow is the series finale of my all time favorite show, and Saturday I'm to take Theresa to the vet for her first follow up comprehensive since I signed her up for her wellness plan a few months ago. Endings, and beginnings (sigh) I hope all is well with miss Theresa. I plan to chat with the regular vet and get a realationship between the 3 of us like I had with Tom. Or something like that. Peace and blessings my LS friends.

[Abby's Mom]

My heart goes out to you Tom's Dad. Thank you again for your wonderful post in my thread about my beautiful Abby. Yesterday was 1 week since her loss and though I'm coping the best I can I am finding out that easy is definitely NOT a word to be associated with our situations. I'm crying less but still crying every single day for my little girl.

I'm sure Theresa will get a great report from the vet. I'm focusing a my remaining 2 furry children, Quincy and Murphy (both cats). And I can't even imagine anything going wrong with either of them right now.

Like Abby, I feel certain that Tom is at peace as he runs and plays in the elysian fields where there is no pain, illness or complications from age. The only thing missing is you. I am also certain that we will be reuinited with our babies again when the time is right.

In the meantime we have this amazing site to help us cope-

My thoughts and prayers are with you too Tom's Dad.

A friend sent me a quote which I have grown to love. "Don't cry because it's over...smile because it happened". I'm doing my best to do that and I know you are too-

Caroline

[Peggy's Human]

Hi Tom,

I'm glad you had a nice lunch walk today and I know what you mean about missing Tom seeming like an abstract concept. If it helps, I don't think it will last. I had several days of feeling that way about Peggy, and mistakenly thought all the pain had just magically drained away. Although like you, I wasn't thrilled with the feeling (or numbness) that took its place and was confused about how such intense feelings could just go away like that. Then, a few days later, BOOM, I was right back in full blown grief. I think the nothing or numbness is because our emotions have been on grief overload for too long and it's the body trying to protect itself by shutting it down for a while. In my case, when it came back, it was pretty bad for several days but slowly subsided into a very deep sadness and an intense longing to hug, pet and play with her again. It's been that way for a week or two now but I can feel it shifting back to the pain (maybe because her 11 week anniversary is tomorrow night??). This process does seem to work its way through in waves and all we can do is our best to ride them out.

I will keep you and Miss Theresa in my thoughts and prayers over the weekend and I hope all goes well. I hope you both have a peaceful weekend and feel Sir Tom's sweet presence throughout your home.

Please take care of yourself

Peggy

[Gretta's Mom]

Hi Tom

I second the words of the folks above (in this thread) about there being a period of abstractness. Yup, I got it, too for a couple of days. Then felt bad about NOT feeling so bad - geez, people are just too messed up in mind! Like Peggy's mom says, it's probably a protective shut-down reaction and, (un) fortunately, it, too will pass and the concrete block will retake it's place in your heart. It feels like a sine wave, up and down and up and down and ....... Sometimes I go to this site just to get the sadness gate to open and let some out. It's a good thing dogs know better! I, too have not had any visits for a long time. But that doesn't mean I miss by Gretta and less - especially when I start singing my new Gretta-words to the old Tom Paxton song "Ramblin' Boy."

The heartless people in the world are SO bad. Why do some of them go into the "helping professions"? They're like the Sam Cooke song lyrics, "Went to my brother, thought he'd help me out, He just kicked me to the ground." (Yeah, I'm a old song lover - nothign new under the sun.) For three weeks before Gretta passed, an MD was doing the exact same thing (with the exact same results) to a recently arrived immigrant family whose father had fallen into the wonderful doctor's care following a transplant-kidney failure. He eventually got an infection - FROM THE HOSPITAL - and passed away. In smugness (not a nice thing) I think that things do come around and what you sow, you end up reaping, that I don't have to be actively angry at Mr MD, whatever that would dish out it would be nothing compared to the inevitable cycle of life and karma that is certain to catch up with him.

The right vet - a loving, caring, capable person whose love extends to many species - is a Godsend. I'm SO blessed to have my Dr. Hinson. He's from Ghana and he has a heart as big as the Ritz. My wish for you is to find a vet like him. (In fact, Dr Hinson trained at UPENN and knnows wonderful vets all over the country. If you'd like I could ask him if he knows anybody in your area.)

Tom, Peggy, Gretta, Rudy .... they're all up there sending down blessings and guidance to us, who were truly loved by gentle souls. May their kindness and love shower on you today.

Gretta's mom

[moon_beam]

"I'm also not hearing that song in my head anymore. It's starting to seem like my missing Tom is more of an abstract concept, than an actual feeling. Like it's not real. Almost as if I were getting glimpses of other realities where my choices resulted in not having him in my life. If this is part of the healing process, I don't think I like it I don't much like feeling "nothing" - "


Hi, Tom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me reassure you that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Remember, the easing of each phase of grief is like peeling an onion - - each layer has it's own needs. And the body and the mind have their own way of letting you know that it needs some "down time" from the grieving - - which sometimes includes feeling like we're not feeling anything - - numb. Believe me, Tom, this is very normal. It's the mind's and body's way of giving you a respite from the deep grief you've been through. I assure you with all my heart that you are not forgetting your precious Sir Thomas, and there is no need for guilt about your choices you made for your precious Sir Thomas' care. And your precious Sir Thomas has not "left" you - - he is forever with you in your heart and memories - - always a heartbeat close to you, Tom. There is no other place he wants to be - - even when his "communicating" with you may seem "silent." He is still close to you, Tom - - always and forever.

I'll look forward to knowing how Theresa's check up goes, if you'd like to share it with us.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Tom. I hope you and Theresa will have a very peaceful weekend, and again that her check up goes okay. Please know you and your precious Theresa are in my thoughts and prayers, Tom, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Tom's Dad]

Thank you all, again for the words of encouragement. Today was a little off. I woke up feeling very not well. Not sick per se' but like something inside me was screaming not to go into work today. Although I can't really afford to lose the pay, I have learned to trust my gut. Who knows? Maybe I would have been in the wrong place at the wrong time and encountered some calamity. Besides, 2.5 days in just under 8 months is not what I'd call "bad" attendance. So today I just stayed home. At least the extra OT I've been working these past weeks will make the loss hurt less than say 6 months ago. I got a call from Banfield about Theresa's check up tomorrow, so that's still on. And I was assured Dr. Mills WILL be there. He is the only vet in that place I trust. From my previous posts most of you know why


I will post updates on how Theresa's comprehensive exam came out. Please an blessings all....

[Tom's Dad]

Well, I just got back from Theresa's vet appointment and it was a mixed bag. She's in good health except she somehow picked up tape worms (I think that's what they said) So between the injection to kill them and the 4 month supply of First Sheild, it was just over 70.00 with the wellness plan discount (sigh) So much for getting off easy. At least it's topical and not pills so I won't have to fight the Tazmanien Devil she becomes for that. On a brighter note, I was chatting with one of the nurses about how lonley she seems since Tom passed. This nurse who's been there the whole time I brought Tom there said they have one up for adoption, but not officially. He's an orange tabby named Tang (short for Tangello) one of the other nurses found him in the rain trying to get into her house. It seems the neighbors did a midnight move and left the poor little guy. She already had 3 cats and 2 dogs and could not keep him. He was skinny, dehydrated, and full of fleas that gave him heart worms. He was treated for all that there at Banfield and Dr. Mills also perfomed sugery to remove a tumor in or arounf the ear region. So, he will probably have to have his ears checked out regularly for life. My understanding is the only cost to me would be to put him on a plan like Theresa's which I would have done anyway. I was left in the examining room alone with both of them for about 30 minutes or so. Tang was shy and skittish, trying to get out the door. But eventually took to me when I got down on the floor with him. They seemed to avoid each other for the most part both looking to me I guess for guidance. Theresa did hiss at him twice when they got nose to nose. She didn't growl or swipe, and frankly the hisses sounded almost obligatary as if to say "I'm alpha just so you know" Tang did not respond which was good I think. The plan is to try to bring him home next weekend so I can observe them together to see if I think they would be OK alone. My gut says that he's mellow enough (only about 1-2 years old) and Theresa is more "show" than anything else. After her second "hiss" she started doing her aren't I cute rolling around on the floor routine. I don't know if it's too soon after Tom, and I am NOT trying to replace his as that would be quite impossible. But I think these things happen for a reason, don't you think? The first nurse said I was the first one she thought of considering my relationship with Tom when they decided to try to adopt him out. Thoughts?

[LoveMyMickey]

Hi Tom's Dad,

I hope you are feeling better today. I'm sorry your little Theresa has tapeworms and I hope the med takes care of it.

I don't think it's too soon to adopt "Tang" (I thought of the orange drink). lol....That is the way we found out about Mickey (from the vet's office) 5 months after our Annie died in 2001. It was the best decision we ever made. But that is up to you and your Theresa about how you feel toward Tang. I'm sure Tom would be happy for you and no, you aren't replacing him, you're just adding a little happiness to your life in the form of a sweet furbaby.

Good Luck and take care....God Bless.

LoveMyMickey

[Tom's Dad]

Thanks LovesMyMickey

He seemed a very mellow boy who just needs a real forever home. Theresa was a bit put off even when we got home. At this writing she is pouting in her carrier. But, I suppose the injenction may have taken a bit out of her too. We'll just have to see how it goes. Somehow I don't think the nurse would have even mentioned him if it was not meant to be. But who knows...

[moon_beam]

Hi, Tom, thank you so much for sharing with us how Theresa's check up went. Oh those pesky worms, but the good news is that this is easily treatable. Yes, I can relate to the "TD" description very easily. There just seems to be that "hate hate" relationship with pills and cats no matter how hard you try to "disguise" them. Do you by any chance have what is called a "pill popper?" It's like a syringe except that it's for dispensing pills. That came in handy a few times for Eli and Abbygayle, although I still had to make sure that they didn't somehow manage to spit the pill out behind my back. And with Eli it wasn't just a matter of spitting the pill out - - it was a matter of seeing how FAR he could spit the pill!!!

So, you may be bringing a new furbaby home in the next few days. The only advice I can give you is to give it a try and see what happens - - with the reassurance that if it doesn't work out that your vet will take the kitten back and try adoption with another loving family. I went through something similar like this last year, and unfortunately my Noah was not amenable to a new kitty brother to mentor. Thank goodness my vet had counseled me that the home visit was a "trial visit" and reassured me that they would take the kitten back if it didn't work out. The kitten did find a loving home with one of the vet's clients, and Noah and I have become closer than ever. I hope your Theresa embraces this new little waif, and will look forward to knowing how it goes. Will you keep his current name or have you thought of a new name for him?

Tom, each of us here knows you are not attempting to replace your precious Sir Thomas in any way, shape, or form. This is impossible to do for your precious Sir Thomas will ALWAYS AND FOREVER have his own place in your heart and home. The presence of this little waif - - or any other companion - - will NEVER take away your precious Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirit from you. But perhaps your precious Sir Thomas knows that this little waif needs you and ONLY you and his sister's loving care to grow and thrive, and therefore a part of your precious Sir Thomas will be a part of him as well.

Tom, I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Theresa, and thank you again so much for letting us know how Theresa's check up went yesterday. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Tom's Dad]

Thanks moon_beam. Today has been very blah. It went from being unseasonably hot last week to unseasonably cool this one. It's playing heck on my sinuses. But Theresa and I have had some good cuddle time on the couch. I've broached the subject of Tang with her to mixed responses. I've assured her that she will always be my little girl, and that I am concerned about her being all alone during the day since Tom passed. I guess we will have to see.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Tom, thank you for sharing with us how you and your precious Theresa are doing. I know what you mean about the weather - - we here in Virginia are also experiencing unseasonably cool weather this week with ongoing rain, fog, drizzle weather. It is really playing havoc with my sore bones and, like you, my sinuses, too. Today the sun has been playing "hide and seek" in between the rain and clouds and drizzle.

I'm smiling at your talking to your precious Theresa about little Tang. She understands what you're saying, and you're right - - the only thing you can do is give it a try. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Miss Theresa will be a gracious "big sister" to little Tang. I will look forward to knowing how things go.

Tom, I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Theresa. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam