My Beautiful Aretha Is Gone..., Feline leukemia took my baby away Options

[Aretha's mom]

On Thursday afternoon, my beautiful, beautiful baby, Aretha, passed...
She was only 20 months old, a unique cat in every way. Beautiful, intelligent, loving and devoted.
We rescued her from the street, when she was only 6 weeks old. She lived indoors, so the leukemia virus was probably passed on to her by her mother, when she was born. She was completely healthy at first, started showing the first symptoms when she became one year old. We had her tested and she was found positive for the FeLV.
During the past 8 months we tried EVERYTHING: dimethylglycine, steroids, regular interferon administered orally, feline interferon by injection. Nothing seemed to work. My poor baby kept losing weight and becoming weaker and weaker, her hematocrit kept getting lower. On Thursday morning, I woke up and found her breathing very heavily. I rushed her to the vet who did a CBC and found that her hematocrit was terribly low -barely 10. He told me that euthanasia was the only humane option.
Deep down I knew it too, I had known it for some time now. But no matter how prepared you think you are, when that time comes you feel so helpless and frustrated. I stayed with her for about 2 hours, crying my heart out, until I could finally muster the strength to tell him to proceed with the injection.

She was my baby, I miss her so much it feels like my insides have been torn apart. I still can't sleep for longer than a couple of hours without waking up in tears. My boyfriend and my other cat, Leon, (who fortunately tested negative for this horrible disease) are doing their best to comfort me and I'm grateful for that. But I just can't get her out of my mind. It hurts so much, even physically.

My beautiful girl, I love you so much...

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[BlackCatLady]

Hi Aretha's Mom - making that decision it truly the worst thing! Your Aretha looks like she was one special little lady! I am so sorry for your loss. My pain at losing my Roman is very fresh, so I can't think of alot to say, but I wanted you to know that I understand your pain, and I wish you peace with the decision you made to end her suffering. Hugs to you!

[sissycat]

First let me say I am so sorry about your precious Aretha!!!
Sometimes the gift we give them of making that decision for them to have no more pain and sickness causes us so much grief. But we know in our heart is was the best thing for them.
My loss is almost 3 months ago, so I may not be the best to give you any advice.
I am sorry you only had a short time with her. I bet the time you had was wonderful and you two created many memories. You have a big heart to take her in off the street. Some furbabires never get that chance.
I can tell you the pain gets less intense over time. Don't get me wrong it is still there. I can function now and smile when I look at her pictures instead of bawling. I am thankful for the 2 years and 5 days I had with her. Would have loved more, but guess she had a special calling. I still have her sisters, but she was my special one.
We get by one day at a time. The seconds turn to minutes, then hours, then days, then weeks and then years.
They will be in our heart forever.
Please continue to post. Would like to hear stories of Aretha and pictures if you have more.

We are here for you.

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!

[Aretha's mom]

Thank you so much for your kind words. It's really helpful to know that other people are going through the same pain.

BlackCatLady, I'm very sorry for your Roman. Is he the one in your avatar? Black cats are really special aren't they? I used to call Aretha my litlle panther...

Sissycat, it's true, we only had a short time together and it seems so unfair. Yet I feel like I've known her for all my life, we had formed a very special bond. She came to my bed every night, to "knead" on my arm and purr until we both fell asleep. She ate off my hand, she came to the door to greet me when I came home. She was always in the same room with me, brushing her tail against my legs. She loved having her fur brushed, whenever she saw me holding her brush she would come running to me, making the cutest "rrrrrrr" sound. I miss her every single moment.
I keep looking at photographs of her and crying. I can't believe I'm never going to see her again, smell her, touch her, hug her, listen to her voice.

Here are two more pictures of her, the first one was taken the day we found her. She was so little...

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[sissycat]

Beautiful pictures. Looked like she was posing and her fur is so shinny.

Continue to heal by talking about her here.

[Lynsey]

She was a beautiful kitten. I am glad that you found her and she only knew love and kindness in her life. I know how hard it is to lose a pet so young. My kitten was only seven months old when she passed away and I was, and still am, devastated. I'm sure that you were chosen to find her.

[LoveThem]

Those pictures are beautiful. Aretha kind of reminds me of my Little Girl. She was a black short-haired. Her brothers, who were twins, were also black but were medium or long-haired (I'm no expert). I lost her in 2006, the boys..one in 2002 and my Little Guy..who is my avatar was last September. I have her pictures in the Tributes Section here if you want to see what I mean about looking similar.

My 3 kittens were born in my backyard to a feral mom. When I took over their care, they first went to the vet and were checked out and tested for FeLV. I 'm glad they were negative considering they were born to a feral mom and dad. At least they had a starting chance. Your baby deserved so much more time...I'm so sorry she had the disease.

Yes, the pain is horribly intense and it is there physically too. No matter how much time we have with them...it is never long enough but it is especially heartbreaking when one is so young like Aretha. I love her kitten picture when you first got her. And then I could see she was growing up into a gorgeous young lady. Diseases will take many of these special ones as they age but what comes when they are so young is even more cruel. And yes, as you said, when the time comes...you feel so helpless and frustrated...that happens every time.

It helps me to believe that these sweethearts have a time they will leave us and when that time comes, we will be helpless and frustrated because there will be nothing we can do to cure them..that is the cruelest thing of all. If we are lucky, they will be with us longer but whether the time is long or short...the pain is the same...it is intense..it is devastating. All we can do is cry, and cry again.
The tears do not take away the pain but they are the best outlet we can think of at the time. It is missing them that causes so much pain and since we will always miss them...the pain never goes away completely. Over time, it becomes less intense and we can look at their pictures without crying each time. But when the loss is recent....we do whatever helps us get through each day.

I am glad you have the support of your boyfriend and your other sweetheart, Leon. Hugging both of them can help. And
remembering what one Mom here said I live by: The pain of losing her will never ever be greater than the joy of knowing her.
And, we KNOW how great this pain is but it still does not compare with that JOY. I have pictures of my babies in every room so I look into their eyes when I enter a room and I find a comfort in that although I know they are not with me physically, the fact they ARE in that picture..healthy and happy...helps. I also have my Little Guy as my desktop wallpaper and each morning I see his face when I turn on the computer and say Good Morning and when I turn it off, I say Goodnight. It's all I have left where I can look into his eyes and remember they were always watching me.

When we make the decision to give them peace...our pain starts and it is so hurtful..but we can't get away from it. Knowing we helped them as best we could doesn't make anything any easier but knowing they are not suffering helps somewhat.

Your girl looks so precious...she had to be easy to hug. I am so very sorry she had that disease. You tried to help her and I am sure she tried her best to stay but these horrible diseases always win the battle. That is hard to take. But the pain will always be the price we pay for letting them into our lives and our hearts....and...we would never give up having them..no matter what.

Hugs You have a pain we all know all too well for it is a part of us also. Write here to your baby's topic when you feel like it. Post more pictures if you feel like it. And, sometimes we even feel like writing a little letter to our special one...a way of talking to them again. Whatever makes you feel better is the right thing to do.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Aretha's mom. Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Aretha. What a besutiful baby girl she is, and I do say the present tense because she is alive and healthy now playing with the angels in heaven's perfect garden. Veterinary medicine has come a very long way over recent years. Most of the treatments that have been available in human medicine are now being adapted for our furkids. But just like human medicine, there is just so much that can be done for the mortal physical bodies of our beloved furkids. There comes a time when we have to let them go back to the angels so that they can be totally and perfectly healed from their afflictions. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids even though it is made at great sacrifice to us to have to adjust our lives without their sweet physical presence with us. This grief journey is both an emotional and physical loss to adjust to, and it just takes time, Aretha's mom. Crying is very healthy and healing because it helps to rid the body of the toxic chemicals that build up from the stress of grieving. Unfortunately there is no fast forward button you can press to speed up the grief journey, but please know you are not alone. Each of us here totally understands the brokenness you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing pictures of your sweet Aretha with us, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ann]

Hi, Aretha's mom. Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Aretha. What a besutiful baby girl she is, and I do say the present tense because she is alive and healthy now playing with the angels in heaven's perfect garden. Veterinary medicine has come a very long way over recent years. Most of the treatments that have been available in human medicine are now being adapted for our furkids. But just like human medicine, there is just so much that can be done for the mortal physical bodies of our beloved furkids. There comes a time when we have to let them go back to the angels so that they can be totally and perfectly healed from their afflictions. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make, but it is the last gift of love we can give to our furkids even though it is made at great sacrifice to us to have to adjust our lives without their sweet physical presence with us. This grief journey is both an emotional and physical loss to adjust to, and it just takes time, Aretha's mom. Crying is very healthy and healing because it helps to rid the body of the toxic chemicals that build up from the stress of grieving. Unfortunately there is no fast forward button you can press to speed up the grief journey, but please know you are not alone. Each of us here totally understands the brokenness you are feeling, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing pictures of your sweet Aretha with us, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. She was so beautiful and so very muched loved. Like Sissycat I too lost my baby Arthur at 2 1/2 due to an injury. It's so hard to see them suffer. She was lucky to have a loved and wonderful life in her short time. She did not die alone, as he may have if you hadn't have found her. You were so brave to have stayed with her so long b4 you made "that" decision. With us the vet called at 4am and said Arthur had a bad night and wasn't doing well at all. He was having a hard time breathing. When we got there he struggled to give us a meow. It tore my heart out. We said our goodbyes within 5min and had "it" done. I knew if I waited it wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have let it. The past few days I've been thinking about that so much. If only I had stayed with him longer. If only they would have let me stay with him longer the night b4. He was so hurt and so scared in a strange place with strangers. At least you have Leon to occuppy you. The hurt of loosing them is so hard to bear at times, but the bond we make with them is so powerful, it stays with us forever. Post often anytime you need too, we are here for you.. Hugs Ann

[Aretha's mom]

Aretha kind of reminds me of my Little Girl. She was a black short-haired. Her brothers, who were twins, were also black but were medium or long-haired (I'm no expert). I lost her in 2006, the boys..one in 2002 and my Little Guy..who is my avatar was last September. I have her pictures in the Tributes Section here if you want to see what I mean about looking similar.

OMG, LoveThem, you're right!! I saw your Little Girl's photographs and she really looks a lot like Aretha. So beautiful, both of them... I even have a picture of Aretha in the bookcase, very similar to the one you have of Little Girl. Look:

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[LoveThem]

OMG! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PICTURE! I love it! Am so glad you posted it.

Yes, it does remind me of my girl who loved bookcases. When she was a kitten we had shelves in our den to the ceiling with lots of books. The shelves were staggered so one COULD hop from one to another. She was the size of your first picture of Aretha as a kitten...and she was constantly climbing up to the ceiling. She figured out how to jump from one to the other until she got to the one just below the ceiling...but she never figured out how to get back down so I spent many times climbing up there and bringing her down. She also liked to climb our drapes (which is why we changed to blinds later on) to the ceiling and again I got a ladder to unhook her from the drapes as she was hanging on by her claws after she used them to climb as high as she could. What little devils!

But as for the bookcases......there has to be some reason Aretha and Little Girl were so fascinated with them. I never caught her actually READING any.....

Thanks for the photo...it really made me laugh today.

In fact, just yesterday my husband and I were talking about the fact that our new cat, Lucky has started to really look at our bookshelves and tries our patience by squatting like he is about to jump. The shelves are filled with pictures and stuff so there is no room but he sure looks like he want to climb up there and get in one. I said he reminded me of the Little Girl climbing our shelves (that story I put above) and then we realized she wasn't here anymore...we lost her last year and we both had the sad face of remembering that...yes..she loved to get into places.

And yet, we could also smile....remembering the love connected with having her around.

That picture is precious. I think it would make a good desktop photo for a computer. Imagine looking at her looking back at you...from that bookcase

Thanks again for sharing.

Judy

[Aretha's mom]

This morning I found a video of Aretha and me lying on the bed, Aretha kneading on my arm and purring, half asleep. I keep watching it over and over and over. It made me cry the first time, but she looks so healthy in this video, so happy and calm, that looking at her has actually helped me feel a bit better. This is exactly how I want to remember her, happy and peaceful, loving and loved.

I miss having her around so much... I can still feel her in the house, it's such a weird and sad feeling. Each time I pass by one of her favourite places I expect to see her there and my heart sinks. I can still smell her, as if she was standing right next to me.

I dreamt about her last night. She was sitting at her usual spot by the window and I was there, not paying any special attention to her, just knowing she was close by. I had this feeling that something wasn't quite right but I couldn't put my finger on it. Then suddenly I realized that she wasn't supposed to be there any more and the shock woke me up. It wasn't a nice dream, it made me feel very, very sad and empty.

[LauraK]

I am so sorry about Aretha. She is such a beautiful cat. That picture of her in the bookcase is priceless! I am glad that no matter how short Aretha's life was, that she was blessed with having you as her mum, and was shown exactly what love is.
The video is a special keepsake for you, showing exactly the bond between you and Aretha.

Keeping you in my thoughts

Laura x

[sissycat]

I am so glad you found a video. I have gone through several of our home videos hoping for a glimps of Sissycat. No luck yet, but still have several tapes left.

I have wished so much for a dream of her. Been almost 3 months and nothing. Will keep hoping.

Many Hugs to YOu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[oliver's mama]

I am very sorry for your loss, she was so pretty and shiny. I had a cat that was FeLV positive from the get-go and it is a very long yet short and rocky road. You are very special to have opted to maximize the time she was here, many people in the world would not. I have an 18 second video of Oliver snoring and then stretching and meowing that at the time I did just to try out my new camera. Now it is one of the most treasured things I own. Those dreams are rough, the initial shock when you awake is awful and then the reality comes smashing in. I haven't had them about Oliver but other things in my life have produced them and I know exactly what you are talking about. After Oliver died, I would wake up and the first thought everyday for weeks was he's gone. I hope you are able to find peace and come here often.

Sarah