Obsessive Guilt, I still have trouble with it sometimes Options

[BabyHannahsMom]

I have read a lot of your posts about your losses, your pain and your guilt. I truly do understand. It has been 10 months -- today is ten months ago since I had the most precious little girl I have ever known in my life put to sleep.

I am going to bring back some of the initial threads I posted. I sometimes still tend to get on those "guilt" tangents -- that's one reason I don't come on the board so much anymore -- any little thing can set it off and honestly when I read of all the heroic efforts so very many of you went through to save your babies, I can't help but start thinking that I just did not do enough. I know I cannot let those thoughts haunt me for the rest of my life, but I am still struggling. If and when I ever get the answer, I will certainly share it with you all.

My heart goes out to all of you, and I am so sorry I haven't been on here more and offered my help. I care so much for all of you. I understand the overwhelming pain and loss. Perhaps reading Hannah's and my story will help some of you somehow. There is no need to respond to these old posts for my sake. I do not want to take up time that needs to be spent helping the new members whose pain is so fresh and raw. If any of you want to "talk" to me about anything, please feel free to PM or email me.
Love,
Marcia

[Ann H]

Oh Marcia,
Please dont feel guilty not even one little bit. I know your sweet precious Hannah would not have lived as long as she did had you not taken the best care of her. I have real all your post from beginning to end and I know you loved her with all your heart and soul.

You did all you could to make her life the best it could be. You stayed with her until the end with no one to be there with you. Even when Hannah was so frightened she screamed in pain. You stayed there with Hannah with tears rolling down your face and held her and loved her. She had her Mama to help her across to the Rainbow Bridge.

Hannah knew that you would not do anything to harm her in any way. Our babies know those things and they trust us. My heart is with you and wrap your arms around yourself so you can have a hug from Ann.
Love, Ann

[IndysMom]

Marcia-
You have helped so many, including me and I thank you.
You've been able to offer so many comforting words despite your own pain.
I too have days where I cannot come to LS or read others' stories becasue it casues
my own deep sorrow to come to the surface.
Other days I am stronger and feel I can offer something to both new and long time members.
I'm glad you brought back some of the old threads. It does help some of us "newbies" to see how far
you've come in 10 months but reminds us that it is not an easy road to travel.

Love, Fran

[Rusty's Mom]

Dear Marcia,

Please don't blame yourself and feel any more guilt over losing precious Hannah. You did everything you could for her and were the best mom she could have had. You were both very lucky to have had each other.

Love,
Lynn

[Pamela]

When the guilt comes try and make your self stop and remember just how much you loved her. Maybe it is just part of the deep saddness you feel and you dont know what to do with it but turn it inwards. I think alot of us do that to ourselves for that reason. I know that I did.
Hang in there Hannah's mommy, someday it will all be okay. Love, Pamela

[Steph]

My friend, how strange that you and I are so often going through the rough spots at the same time.

I too have been struggling with the obsessive grief again over the last few weeks. I really thought that I was through it. I completely understand how you feel. Even though our furbabies had different deaths the guilt is so hard to get over in both of our cases.

I wish I knew what to say. I'm considering going back to couselling if it doesn't settle down again.

Hugs to you. Please realise you have been a great help to me over the past 8.5 months. Thank you.

[jan]

Marcia, sweetie - you have got to stop this guilt feeling. Don't you know that Hannah is SO HAPPY (to paraphrase my favorite commercial) now?!!!

Hannah is young, healthy, happy, and enjoying the next phase of all our lives.

Look, what I'm about to say is harsh but it's said in love for you. I know all about this because I have really heavy depression - it runs in the family.

You can either keep wallowing in the guilt and it WILL stunt your life. Or, you can realize that YOU DID ALL YOU COULD FOR HANNAH - AND HANNAH KNOWS IT! When the guilt feeling starts to hit - you need to actually say out loud "NO!"

Unfortunately, we're the ones left after our babies pass on - I think we definitely have the harder part of it. But, we have to put aside the guilt and the grief and keep moving or we will be plowed under.

Please, please know I say this in love for you.

We all know that Baby Hannah will never, ever be replaced - because they are all individuals like we are. But, I can tell you, that coming home on Friday after helping Corky pass on was made much more bearable because I came home to some other little faces.

There are so many furbabies out there who need YOU. Have you thought at all about adopting again?

I care a lot about you, Marcia. And, I just hate to "hear" you feeling so bad.

I really hope what I'm trying to say is coming out in the right way.


Jan

[Muffins]

Dear "Angel" Marcia:

You came along here about 6 weeks after I did, Marcia.........
And, I sincerely THANK YOU for all the help you gave me way back when.....and, even
help that you have given me much more recently....my friend...

I believe that it's a "great thing" to bring back your old posts...... I think it's
wonderful for other's to read how far you've come in 10 months....
(And, come far.....You have..........although it still hurts......)

YOU DID EVERYTHING (ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING) IN your power, my sweet friend,
to help your sweet Hannah Girl......

You and your sweet lil' baby girl......You two were meant for one another.....

Love, Denise xo