As it appears the path of my grief is made of steep hills, long falls and curves leading to the same nooks of pain; emotional balance has been elusive because of this. I was gone for a while, I'm sorry, I just couldn’t read anymore, every word used to send me back to my most raw point of grief no matter what progress I’d made, no matter the good intentions behind them. Couldn’t talk to anyone but Danny about him either, if I tried I was reduced to tears unable to function properly. It became exhausting to search for composure when reality kept hitting so I encapsulated my self in research *again* -I’m taking your advise on trying to communicate with him, Monique-. I hope I didn’t offend anyone with my silence.

no offense taken- glad you are finding some things that are working for you.

xo

Still looking into it, over here animal communicators are not easy to find... I've found a couple, but I still don't know how reliable they are. I may have to learn to do it myself, it will take time. I don't know exactly what I will gain, I just know I can't NOT try it. I need him still. I miss him so.

i use kristine, http://www.northwestreiki.com/services.htm, "met" her during my active rescue days.

and we're not in the same state...

Hi, alicia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the deep grief journey has many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. It can seem like the deep grief will never end. It is vitally important that we find positive ways to help us endure through the deep grief, and sometimes this involves limiting our contact with others - - however well intentioned the offer of comfort may be.

I hope today is treating you kindly, alicia, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tristan's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Monique, I will check her out.

Hi Moon_beam,

Yes, it does seem never ending sometimes. I've had a few meetings at work, I've been able to concentrate and keep it together during them but once I'm alone reality crashes down on me. I've been lucky I can do most of my work from home, I don't know how else I would manage. I have to keep busy, my mind constantly wanders to him if I'm not. His siblings are reacting to his loss by trying to be closer to us, I'm not sure they know what has happened to him. They still won't use his spot on the bed. I have been giving them extra hugs, kisses and belly rubs. They seem to need them as much as I do.

Thank you so much for being here for me. All of you. I know I am among friends.

Hi Oscarbeans mom,

Thank you for reading and for writing back. Yes, this forum is very special, I've been able to find kindred sprits that understand the love I feel for my fur babies. People like you do make me feel safe and loved, thank you so much. I know you feel the same way I do, you lost Oscar 2 days before I lost Tris. We are both still "raw"... I don't know how else to put it. The hurt is however somewhat reassuring for me, it tells me his passing is not nothing; the day it happened -and every following day to be franc- the fact that life went on around me with no gray skies really bothered me. How can it go on -like every other day- when he's gone?! Any way, I'm rambling. I hope you have adjusted better. I hope this message finds you well or on the way to recovery and I send you too lots of love.

hi alicia,

i sent you a response. not sure it made it- please check when you have a chance. i will empty messages once i confirm receiving the archive and let you know.

xo

my mind traveled to this poem, as you try to make sense of all that happend and wonder where your sweet boy is...

I stood by your bed last night,

I came to have a peep.

I could see that you were crying,

You found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly

as you brushed away a tear,

"It's me, I haven't left you,

I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."

I was close to you at breakfast,

I watched you pour the tea,

You were thinking of the many times,

your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today,

Your arms were getting sore.

I longed to take your parcels,

I wish I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.

I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.

I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "it's me."

You looked so very tired,

and sank into a chair.

I tried so hard to let you know,

that I was standing there.

It's possible for me to be

so near you every day.

To say to you with certainty,

"I never want away."

You sat there very quietly,

then smiled, I think you knew.

In the stillness of that evening,

I was very close to you.

The day is over...I smile and watch you yawning.

I say, "Good-Night, God Bless, I'll see you in the morning."

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide.

I'll rush across to greet you, and we'll stand, side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.

Be patient, live your journey out, then come home to be with me.

~*~ Author Unknown ~*~

Hi, alicia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It is not uncommon for our surviving precious compaions to honor the areas that were used by their now missing housemate by not using them - - at least for awhile. They also greive in their own way, and they are also more sensitive to the presence of ther housemate's Living Spirit - - which may be another reason why they do not use your beloved Tristan's places. In comforting them in their adjustment journey will also offer you some measure of comfort in return.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you kindly, alicia, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tristan's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam