I had to euthanize my 16 year old fur baby (a shih tzu) Fluffy, last Thursday, June 18, 2015. I've been crying since. I'm so miserable, hurt and missing her terribly. I feel physically sick. My eyes are swollen from crying but I just can't stop. I am a little better each day and for that I am truly grateful. I feel guilty for doing it but I know I did what was best for her. She was blind, deaf, unable to get up or down the steps to go outside to potty, having accidents all over the floor (which I did not mind cleaning up one bit), I could not remember the last time she wagged her tail or licked my fingers. She didn't recognize me or her Daddy and was startled every time we came near. She still ate good but that seemed like it was not pleasurable for her anymore. She was just existing.

Fluffy was my first pet as an adult that I got right after my husband and I got married. This is the first time I've had to do this and a first time I've had a pet cremated. I have her ashes sitting in a pet urn on my nightstand along with a picture of her when she was young.

I have SO MANY emotions that I am feeling and almost unable to cope with them all. I have been talking to her since her death and begging for signs. I have received several but still that isn't enough.

I just want to feel better again. I'm so extremely sad and I miss her so much. sad.gif

Dear Amy

First let me offer my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your precious Fur baby, Fluffy. I am so very sorry, that you had to make that terrible, but most caring decision, that all us Pet parents dread. But you did it because of your love for Fluffy.

We know in our hearts when it is time for them to be released from this Earthly place, time for them to move on, where they will be free from pain and suffering. However we all feel that same guilt and wonder if we did the right thing. Cry as much as you need, Amy. The tears and acknowledging your grief is all part of this dreadful experience, but it is just a part of the journey, and as you say, each day just get's that little bit more bearable. In time you will be able to think of Fluffy with a 'smile' and the good memories will come flooding back. I do believe also that our 'Angel Fur Babies' do send us signs, be it a white feather, a familiar smell, a sound. I have even felt a nudge at times, when no one else is there. Something my Pixie used to do to get my attention when on my PC

I am so very sorry, that you are going through this heartbreaking time, but sadly it is something we have to suffer to have that wonderful experience of sharing our lives with our Fur babies.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

Thankyou for sharing, and when you feel able it would be lovely to see some more pics of your precious Fluffy.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels
Tasha, Noushka and Pixie xx

Oh Amy I am so sorry about the physical loss of your precious Fluffy!

As Jan has assured you, you made this decision out of pure love for your baby. You--and Fluffy--knew that it was time. Please try not to feel guilty (even though guilt is an unfortunate part of this painful grief journey).

You and Fluffy will be fully reunited when it is your time. In the meantime, Fluffy is still with you, and experiencing only bliss, and is a free spirit. She wants you to be doing as well as possible and to be as happy as possible.

If you feel up to it sometime I would love to hear about the signs.

Please take good care of yourself and check in again when you can.

Prayers of peace to you,

Kathy

Hi, Amy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Fluffy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Amy, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It doesn't matter if it's our first experience or our thousandth - - each journey is uniquely painful because each relationship we have with each of our companions is uniquely individual. Unfortunately there is no "quick fix" way to navigate this grief adjustment journey - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

This grief journey is painful both emotionally and physically, so please let me try to add my reassurances to Jan's and Kathy's comforting replies that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will make the sorrow less painful. Clinical studies prove this is not the case. Rather suppressed grief can lead to more complicated grief symptoms at some point in time that may require medical intervention. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up from the stress of grieving. So, I add my encouragement for you to cry as you feel the need to, Amy - - even if you must find a private place away from others to release your sorrow.

Every time our companions rub against us / lick or kiss us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other humans on this planet. When they are no longer physically with us, we literally go through a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprint. This is another reason why this grief adjustment journey is so painful both emotionally and physically. But even though our beloved companion is no longer physically with us, there is one thing that never changes - - the love bond we share with them. Love is eternal, Amy - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Fluffy's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Fluffy with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Amy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Amy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Fluffy. All of the pain and sadness you are feeling is because you shared such a special bond with your dog. There will be a day when you are able to think about her without feeling sad or guilty. You will always miss her, but you will start to look back on your time together with joy and gratitude. I lost my special boy 16 days ago, and I can tell you that time helps. I still miss him terribly, but I feel less guilty about ending his pain and suffering each day. I wish for you the same.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am doing better. I still miss her and I still cry but the pain isn't as bad as it was. I've been able to think back on funny little things she used to do and talk about her with my husband. It has been two weeks and 1 day since she passed and it is hard to believe it has already been that long.

I've heard her bark, I've heard her little doggie nails click clack down the hall and my husband has heard her snort like she used to do. Both of us have felt her jump up on the side of the bed and the chair like she used to do when she wanted to get up. I've also felt her pushing against my leg in the bed like she used to when she was hogging the bed. We have gotten all of these signs from her since she passed and they have made us (especially me) feel so much better.

I still talk to her and she still responds in various ways. I feel like she is near me and that she is happy.

It is definitely a process and I can see myself going through varying stages.

I just finished reading a book by Jon Katz called Going Home: Find Peace When a Pet Dies. I have found so much solace between it's pages. I've just given it to my mother who lost her cat, Rose this past Tuesday. I hope this book helps her as much as it helped me.

I will be sure to post pics of Fluffy when I figure out how. I managed to get one on here.

Thank you again for your support. It is much needed and greatly appreciated.

Hi Amy,

Thank you for sharing the signs, and the picture of precious Fluffy. She is absolutely adorable.

Very glad the signs have been comforting! I love signs like those! They mean so much.

Yes, this is quite a process..

Fluffy is fine and she wants you to be too.

Check in any time!

Kathy

Hi, Amy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Fluffy. She is sooo adorable, and from the expression in her eyes and on her face she knows she is eternally loved. She is so blessed to have you for her Forever Mom, and you in turn are blessed to be her sole, and soul, heir to her eternal love.

This grief adjustment journey is filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. Please know we are here to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart is breaking under the heaviest burden of your deep sorrow.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Amy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Fluffy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam