I bought Smedley flowers today for the holiday. Two-tone (light and dark) orange daisies, tuberoses, and orange tulips. I miss him so much. I put them by his ashes. I used to take "holiday" funny themed portraits with him. I wish so much I could do that today. He was so wonderful.

That is heartbreaking indeed. At least you have the pictures to remember him from. I hope the flowers cheer you up a little bit.

Hi, Heartbroken, indeed, the "first withouts" that include holidays can be very painful to endure. Not being able to take your precious Smedley's picture is one of the many painful reminders that he is no longer physically with you. I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, Heartbroken, but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here - - a safe shelter where we can come to share what is in our hearts with the resassurance we are not alone.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you... living a Smedley-less life is hard, and jarring at times, when it hits me again that he isn't here. I'm pretty busy right now and so I get distracted, but then the grief is always there waiting. I miss him so much.. and it hurts so much that he deserves to still be here, and isn't..

I've been getting flashbacks to finding Smedley sometimes when I see very relaxed cats, and it's been very difficult. I'm around cats constantly for my job, and sometimes seeing a cat sleeping in a certain way--plus I'm often around a cat who likes to make ample use of her third eyelids while sleeping, not really closing her eyes completely--seeing that causes an instant, unavoidable flashback to finding Smedley, which was a truly traumatic experience. The grief I have from losing him is so intense that I have to "go on" with life and sort of repress it, and then as soon as I have a quieter moment, it shows up, and then I get scared to grapple with it. I've accepted that I can't get him back, but the feeling of loss and pain is just indescribable.

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. It is very difficult particularly during the deep grief to have to put on the "public face" to get through the daily routines and expectations of jobs, shopping, gatherings with friends, family, colleagues, etc., and then needing to release the deep sorrow when we are finally in a "quieter moment." I remember all too well when I was working thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to regain my composure so that I could return to my desk to resume my work - - and then getting into the car for the drive home having the floodgates of gut-wrenching sorrow burst open no longer able to be contained. Scientific studies show that it is healthy to cry for the tears we cry are literally healing tears as they literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up from the stress of grieving. So - - cry as you need to, Heartbroken - - even if you must wait until you are in the privacy of a "quiet moment" to do so.

For different traumatic reasons I can also relate to your episodes of flashbacks to when you found your beloved Smedley. It is perfectly normal particularly during the deep grief for you to have a heightened awareness of similar circumstances with other companions that you experienced with your beloved Smedley. I promise you that as your deep grief eases the flashbacks and panic reactions will not always be so intense. I promise you that one day very likely when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Smedley and your heart will fill with the warmth of your many treasured memories and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - which is what your beloved Smedley wants. But until this day comes for you please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you to share with you your not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart can no longer bear the burden of your deepest sorrow.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you


I've been really missing the presence of a cat in the house. It just feels so empty without one. Even though I'm around cats all day long as part of my job, I still miss having one here at home. I miss Smedley so much. He should still be here.

Thanks I have a mixture of sad, traumatized, and happy memory moments much of the time.

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "I've been really missing the presence of a cat in the house. It just feels so empty without one. Even though I'm around cats all day long as part of my job, I still miss having one here at home. I miss Smedley so much. He should still be here."

One of the many difficult things we endure during our grief adjustment journey is the profound sound of silence that invades our home and lives when our beloved companion is no longer physically with us - - even when we have other precious companions still sharing our earthly journey. Scientific studies prove that every living being has an "energy". When this "energy" is no longer present - - for whatever reason - - there is a profound grief response to the physical absence of that "energy." In addition to our own grief response, it can feel as though the very structure of the home is also grieving. Those who remain are now faced with the task of "re-inventing" and "re-structuring" their lives in response to the loss. This is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so painful both emotionally and physically.

Sadly there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. There are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process of make it automatically disappear. The good news is that your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever with you - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. And we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am in the same situation, but I still have three cats here. When you lose the special one, the other ones don't fill the void. It is very sad.

The past few days have been miserable. All the imposed repression of my feelings by the obligations of daily life have broken down. I have been crying off and on and have been feeling so much pain and loss. I've been having these horrible dreams where he is still alive, but very sick and in the process of dying. I don't understand why that has to happen right now. I still have so much to go through and it's so hard to manage.. I just want him back, I don't really care about anything else.

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal.

Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will help to make their loss less painful. Clinical studies prove that suppressed grief actually prolongs the deep sorrow and puts more stress on the body which may lead to medical intervention at some point in time. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears as they literally wash away the toxins that build up in our bodies from the stress of grief. So it is very important for your health that you find opportunities to release your deep sorrow - - even if you need to find a private place away from other people to do so.

I also know from first hand experience how disturbing it is to have unhappy dreams of our loved ones - - whoever the life form - - who are no longer physically with us. Scientific studies on dreams indicate that our dreams are one of the ways that our minds try to reconcile the events that happen in our lives. Although I am no dream "expert," I truly believe that right now your heart and mind are trying to cope with the physical absence of your beloved Smedley, and this is being reflected in your dreams. I hope that as your deep grief eases and you are better able to focus on the many treasured memories you and your beloved Smedley share, you will begin to have happier dreams of your beloved Smedley.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I miss Smedley so much...

For me the grieving really has been in ebbs and flows - I have periods of time where I feel ok or even numb and then other times breakdowns where all the pent up grief that is not acceptable to show in everyday life spills out.

As much support as I have had from people in my life, I don't think they can really ever know how much losing him devastated me and how it has changed me on a deep level. I'm not the same person anymore, part of me really did go with him.

Heartbroken,

Thanks for checking in. I'm so sorry about how difficult things have been for you! You will continue to be in my prayers.

And I hope knowing that Smedley is still with you (just not in physical form, which makes things so difficult to grasp) brings at least some measure of comfort.

We are here for you!

Kathy

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief. Indeed, when our beloved companions precede us to the angels they take a part of us that belongs only to them so that they can have a part of us with them as they patiently wait for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. So it is perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do when you share with us: "I'm not the same person anymore, part of me really did go with him."

The good news in the midst of all this deep sorrow is that you are your beloved Smedley's sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love. He has entrusted to you ALL of his heart and treasured memories to you to carry with you as you continue your earthly journey. Hopefully in time this will bring comfort to your heart as the deep grief eases. And please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you as your travel your adjustment journey - - for you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Sometime this week (I don't have the exact day but have it down to the week based on records) would have been his 11th birthday. He deserved to still be here for it. I just remember how sometimes while petting him I would almost cry because I loved him so much. Happy birthday Smedley. I'm completely lost without you.

Dear Heartbroken,

I am so sorry about how painful things are.

Smedley is right there with you and feels your love.

I know it is hard without his physical presence!!

For his birthday I'm sure Smedley would like nothing more than for you to have some peace.

Blessings,

Kathy

Hi, Heartbroken, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the "first withouts" are very painful particularly during the deep grief. I know very well how you feel when you share with us: "I just remember how sometimes while petting him I would almost cry because I loved him so much." I have been the same way with each of my beloved companions who are now with the angels, as I am with my precious Noah who is my sole surviving companion in a household that used to have 4 precious companions, including my precious Noah.

While we are in this physical world, one of the ways we measure our journey is through events such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc.. But when we transition to eternal joy, there is no more "time" to measure for we - - and our beloved companions - - are restored to our former youthfulness - - there is no "aging" in eternal joy. I don't know if this is helpful to you, particularly right now in your deep sorrow, but I hope in time you will come to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you, and he is now "age free" from all the bonds of this physical earthly journey. For those of us who remain in this physical earthly realm, the "transition" in our hearts to the adjustment without the sweet physical presence of our beloved companions is a very painful one, and can only happen one day at a time, one moment at a time.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Heartbroken, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Smedley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks everyone..

His birthday was very very hard for me. I got him some (very orange) tulips on his birthday and had a breakdown after that. It still hurts so much. I loved him more than anything.