Thanks Moon_Beam. If you remember recently, I spoke of a small homeless dog at the local Home Depot/Tractot Supply parking lot. I asked this AM at the Tractor Supply if they were still seeing the dog, and the lady said 'YES', that they were still feeding it, and they also couldn't catch it. They also have a list of customers to contact if they ever catch it, to adopt the dog.

News like that restores your faith in humans. Sometimes you think 'You' are the only one that 'Cares'. 'News' like this also serves to turn a bad day into a good day.

I hope you and Noah have a blessed day and evening.

Yes it is an idividual decision, some people take time to be ready for another animal others like me tend to jump straight in. Although I always plan to try and choose carefully. This doesnt always work, my dogs seem to just happen. A rescue here, a good working litter there, usually at the worst possible timing but dogs in my life seem to just find me rather than the other way around.

I think losing a companion animal any way is just plain bad. I have lost to old age, sickness and to tragic accident. I am currently dealing with a 6yo dog with elbow dysplasia which is hard enough because it is a never ending battle against a slowly crippling arthritis. I am using all sorts of joint supplements, joint injections and pain medication when required and did have bilateral surgery for her some years ago which helped immensely. I have no idea how fast it will progress. It is a shame to have to limit a high drive playful young dog in her activities.

Yes I felt the same way about professional help although it does help some people immensly. I had some after my car accident. It was pretty bad caused by a driver who lost control of their car at high speed and ploughed head on in to me. Holly was with me as a puppy and survived. The police who &%^ysed the scene told me that the only reason I survived was due to the split second decisions I had made. After that I found it almost impossible to be a passenger or to travel in a car with electric windows. That fear of being trapped inside or not in control was too much. Made it difficult as in my job at the time there was a lot of travelling long distances in cars with electric windows and sharing the driving with other people, a few of whom were terrible drivers. I knew really that only I could work through the issues.

Yes there is certainly more a sense of urgency when you get older. I was thinking about that the other day in relation to owning dogs, and there was nothing good about that thought, so now I try not to think too much about it, although it does flit around in the back of my mind. My youngest is only 2 so I have a bit of time hopefully to ponder on what it might mean for the future.

I hope you are having a few more good days Earl. I think about my Holly for a lot of the day, in everything I do actually but I am still managing to enjoy my other dogs. I have a fair bit of sheep work coming up so will be relying heavily on my working dogs. I do love working sheep dogs. They are so amazing, another thing that makes me happy, the wide open sky and paddocks and the dogs.

Sounds like both you and Moon_Beam are extremely lucky to be here today, as per your auto-accidents. Holly was definitely lucky to have survived that type of collision. Yes, you and her had a long journey together.

You know SummerHolly, I know I sound like a repetitious so-and-so, but, I just simply cannot find a relief button on Steffie being only 9. It doesn't matter that I had a 3.5 yr notice of her fate........I just can't shake the 'robbed' scenario. Its not an everyday thing, but, it won't go away.

Professional help wouldn't apply in my particular situation. Someway, somehow, I'm hoping against hope that time will somehow take care of this.

Had a friend call me(I grew up with him through High School) yesterday, to see if I was still alive. Last time I talked to him was in mid-late October when things were getting worse with Steffie. Friend asked me if I was going to get another puppy and I told him no. He then said that I needed to live my own life, etc.. Of course, my real reason for saying I wasn't getting another was in Steffie's Name, not for what he probably thought was 'not being bogged-down again'.

I don't know about you, if you have had similar occurences with friends after loosing Holly. I find it amazing that no one outside of this site, except for my Parents, really understands all of this. Of course, this friend has been married three times, with a total of six kids and a bunch of Grandkids. Guess you got to consider the source, but I still choose not to, usually, discuss Steffie with anyone. You just open yourself up.

IF....IF, I could ONLY make sense of the '9 Yrs' thing with Steffie. I'm afraid that it falls into a category, whereby, it's like leaving your gate open and your pet runs out into road and gets hit. I am SO GRATEFUL that scenario has never happened to me. I could NEVER get over something like that,......NEVER.

Guess you are still talking to Holly like I'm doing to Steffie. Every morning when I get up, I go to her pic on the refrig door, and every night when I'm going to bed. Before I drive off, I go to her grave and tell her I'll be back.

Most would think I'm nuts, but, it makes me feel good about it all. Guess thats all that counts at this stage.

Yes I always talk to Holly. I guess what makes it hard for me is that part of me thinks that I will never experience such an incredibly special dog again in my lifetime. That is the bit that I find hardest to shake. However there is nothing I can do about the whole situation so I choose to just think how lucky I was to have had such a brilliant dog and keeping moving forward and developing the realtionships with my others.

It isnt always easy. Time is helping but it isnt the total answer, you kind of have to make some choices about how you think about it all, this is what I do. I try different approaches, I look at photos and videos, I think about good times, I remember the feel of her, her bark, her eyes and all the the things that made her Holly.

I try not to dwell on the bad stuff, I did enough of that in the weeks following her death, I didnt really find any answers there but I needed to get it all out untill it exhausted me and then I could start rebuilding all the positive stuff.

You are stuck on making sense of the 9 years scenario, this is natural. I guess you will keeping working through it and it it will exhaust you and sap you and in a way it becomes unsustainable. Time will help but there will come a time when you know that you have to move forward. Whether this is with a new pup or in some other way. I think in doing so you will need to find a way to be a peace with Steffies memories rather than her physical prescence. You just have to be as nutty as you like to work thrrough this.

I still feel nearly 25 years later about how my hard working father was robbed of his retirement. My mother and he had so many plans to enjoy a well deserved retirement that never was to be. He was so looking forward to it. I have never entirely got over that but I now only think about all the fantastic times we had together as a family, doing some amazing things.

Because I train dogs I do know quite a lot of dog people who I see at trials. They also grieve for the loss of their dogs and they do totally understand. However we all keep moving on with our young dogs. Usually when dog dies there are a lot of heartfelt messages sent and people genuinely understand although any following conversations are usually about the happy memories.

A Canadian friend of mine lit a favourite candle for Holly and sent me a photo of it. She has had a few dog related tragedies and understood how I felt.

One woman I know came home from work and found her beautiful 4 yo dog dead. She had put a lot of work into this dog and they were working so well together as a team. No explanation was ever found and it certainly was quite shocking at the time. A friend of mine recently lost her young dog to metabolic genetic disease, that was tragic. She has since rescued a gorgeous young greyhound off the track that had nowhere to go and is working with him.

Well, Moon_Beam could appreciate this, as well as you too SummerHolly. Last night I got a call from the same old friend that called me day before yesterday. Our initial call was shortened and he said he would call me back yesterday. He knew I was in a pit and his call was to cheer me up, etc.. Well, ......'I'm now to get on with 'MY' life'......'Find someone and get married'.......'Don't get anymore dogs',.........'Quit worrying about my Parents, for they've lived a good life and now my Sister can be responsible for their extended health/life'(I looked after my Parents for 6 years, w/o any help from my Sister or Nephew),........'Quit feeling so bad about Steffie, afterall she was just a dog'. I could go on and on.

Even though in my friend's mine, he thought he was trying to help, he just doesn't understand that some people do not look at life the same way as him, or, with most married people with kids and Grandkids. The whole time I was listening to him, I thought,...."Lets see, you've been married three times, three divorces, 6 kids, etc., and you actually have some pointers for me, even though you mean well?"

Yes, I reconfirm,.....without this site to legitimately talk out your problems, you are on your own, UNLESS, you should be so lucky to have 'ONE' person/friend that .....'Understands'.....'You'.......'You not being married'.......'You are happy being single AND not married'........etc, etc..

In closing, there are a lot of 'misery loves company' scenarios/people out there that come forward with 'appearing to be' benevolent suggestions for your supposed 'pitiful lifestyle' and/or expected future as a Senior. Only 'YOU' know which scenario is best for 'YOU' and no one else.

Yes in the end only you know whats best for you. I have been fairly fortunate that people very rarely tell me whats good for me, they gave up a long time ago because they know I am happy with the way things are and have always done my own thing. It is not something they bother with anymore because they know it is pointless, they just accept me for who I am most of the time. Thank goodness, or it would be a right pain. What they really think I have no idea.

It is good to have sites like this to talk about how you are feeling about your animal companions. I might be strong and independent but I felt the loss of my Holly a lot. I think people understand that but it is not not really something you can talk endlessly about away from a site like this.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so sorry you were submitted to the insensitivity of your "friend's" misguided and unsolicited advice. From what you shared with us about HIS life choices, I have to chuckle at him being the source of counseling you as to how you "should " live YOUR life. I can so relate to your reaction, as my eldest brother has been married twice with 6 children with his first wife and is now living with a woman who is almost 40 years younger than him, my eldest sister has a history of alcholism and other substance abuse and has used up her family connections because of her behaviors, and my next to the oldest sister has made several disparaging comments to me about my single lifestyle while complaining that her husband doesn't show her any loving affection. And I'm supposed to ascertain from their example that I "should" fashion my lifestyle after theirs? I think not. As the saying goes, when seeking / accepting advice consider the source first.

Earl, whatever you decide concerning your life's course as you travel your grief adjustment journey will be the RIGHT ONE for you. NO ONE can tell you, or has the right to tell you, what you "should" do - - including when it comes to deciding about embracing a new companion. The blessing is that you ALWAYS have the freedom to change your mind to suit the circumstances as they arise in YOUR life. All we can do is share with you our individual experiences in the hope that somehow in the process it may help you in deciding what is helpful and what is not as you travel your journey. I hope you know that my only desire in sharing my life's experiences is to try to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement and hope - - NOT to try to influence you in "how" you "should" feel or "what" you "should" do.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, Feel assured, I have a very hard head when it comes to 'advice' outside this site. Like yourself and SummerHolly, 'I' and 'I Alone' knows whats best. Take for example the 'Retired Col' in Alabama,....he has been married 'SEVEN TIMES'. He has a PhD in Business. He came as close as anyone could possibly get to me as per his benevolent advice,...BUT, technically, he couldn't possibly be a member of 'You, SummerHolly and Myself'.

The friend that called last night, his Father was an Alcoholic and so is he and his older brother. I hardly ever see him, but we grew up together and he lived across the street. He really meant well, but, he demolished bridges when he commented on 'Just Dogs'. He shouldn't have 'Gone There'.

Moon_Beam, I appreciate your honesty in disclosing certain personal aspects of your life journey. In us doing so, is it any wonder that we are all 'Free Thinkers', otherwise known as 'Stubborn' and/or 'obstinate' to most?

Lucky for SummerHolly, that her friends 'Now Know' she is set in her ways and they reserve advice. Guess my friends are slow learners.

When all the smoke clears, as you know, there are basically two types of owners that have four legged friends,...A)Those that have them to just say they have them, B)Those that worship the ground they walk on.

As Will Rogers said, "When I Die, I want to go where Dogs Go after they die."

I hope you and Noah had a wonderful day together, and evening too.

Yes, you are lucky that your Friends finally 'Get It'. I think the deal on my end, it's 'Misery Loves Company'. Yow, it is a pain when they keep trying to 'Change You'.

As I'm sure you feel the same way, I just feel very lucky that I'm still single and not dealing with the problems I see elsewhere. I mean, can you imagine being married SEVEN times, like the Col Friend? He, my Sister, the friend last night, another friend thats on his 2nd,..........They would ALL remarry if their present spouse was gone, AND they are telling me to get on with my life, that basically, Steffie was a dog.....it's over.....'Move On'.

Their definition of 'Moving On' is why I'm here at this site.

The sport dog world is a real mix of married with kids, married without kids, defacto relationships, same sex relationships and singles with an age range from pre teens to eighties. In the end it is how you treat and train your dogs and your sportsmanship that people measure you by. Everyone is slightly crazy, (with apparently understanding partners if they have them)i so I don't feel too out of place. Friends outside of that world well they know what I am like and leave it at that. I guess I stayed single because although I have met some truly lovely men, I just like being free to follow my own path in life. I never really felt like I met a soul mate that I could commit to for the rest of my life. I liked being free to change the course of my life on a whim I guess. I have my fathers adventurous and restless spirit. That scares a lot of men anyway LOL.


Fortunately anyone who knows me well would not go there with telling me to get over it, because they know how much my dogs mean to me. However I guess once past the initial period directly after losing Holly it is not something I could go on about, which is why a site like this is good. Let's you talk about it in the company of people who also feel the need to talk about their pet for as long as they need to.

"Fortunately anyone who knows me well would not go there with telling me to get over it, because they know how much my dogs mean to me.".............Your statement here sums it up, but, do 'all of these' that know you well have pets themselves?

I had previously stated that only one friend had a family dog while growing up, but, their dog was taken in late in teen life as a stray. Never really think their dog meant much other than feed/water it.

This site is realistically, the end of the road.

Out of the three graves here, I poured a concrete cap over Steffie's. Tomorrow, I will mortar Steffie's headstone on it. I plan to pour the same cap on the other two. This way, when I'm gone, nothing can dig it up and/or will have no desire to demolish it. Now, most people wouldn't understand all of this work,....'Just For A Dog(s)'. Most people live in subdivisons, where local laws prevent them from burying their pets. If I chose to bury my pet, I would simply ignore such laws, especially if I couldn't afford a pet cemetery. A pet cemetery..........quite obviously, anyone that has buried their pets at a cemetery, are most definitely in the same category as you, Moon_Beam and I..........Our Companions weren't 'JUST A DOG'.

With all due respect to you and Moon_Beam, and I know you both will understand what I mean by this, ........the ONLY person that understands my present difficulty in 're-adjusting' w/o Steffie is simply me. The same applies to you and Holly, etc, etc.. For me, with Steffie at the end, ....I was a basket case, because I was fearing her having a seizure before the vet got here. I went through that with Schatszie. I can only describe it as horrible, not only with Schatszie, but Steffie too. But, then there was 'Victor'.

Its just doubtful for me that I'll get another one. Like you and Moon_Beam, we 'Truly' Love our companions, and would do ANYTHING to protect and maintain them. Daily, I consider all options, whether this and that would work, etc.. It ALL defaults back to simply,...."I want Steffie back and it isn't going to happen." Reality. Its a tough cookie to swallow.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "the ONLY person that understands my present difficulty in 're-adjusting' w/o Steffie is simply me." No one but you and your beloved Steffie absolutely, unequivocally KNOW the circumstances of your earthly journey together. While SummerHolly and I can very much relate to your feelings and experiences based on our own experiences, we have not been physically present with you and your beloved Steffie to share your experiences with you. Only YOU can decide what is the best path for you to take now in your grief adjustment journey, Earl - - and hopefully with the reassurance that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

What a labor of love to honor your beloved Steffie and Schatszie working on your beloved companions' resting places. I hope when your labors are completed you will be able to feel a peace in your heart in your accomplishment.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_Beam, Just as with me, you and SummerHolly only know yourselves about your past and present journeys with your Pets. Its an intricate and detailed journey that could be a book.

This morning I had an appt with my Doctor concerning a very minor medical issue that has existed since mid-October. My Parents also used this same Family Doctor, whom is ~70 yrs old. I had told him that my issue had been around since Oct, but I had too many things happen at once and I just put it off. He then asked me 'What kind of things?' I then tried to dodge it because I didn't want to break down in front of him. He asked me again, so I told him I had spent the last three + years keeping my dog alive with protein-loosing Nephropathy, but her kidneys finally failed.. He knows what I was going through with my Parents health issues, and he told me,..."That is really Hard.", concerning Steffie. He also commented that I needed to get on with my own life.

I don't know about you and SummerHolly with your past and present losses, but I just cannot talk to anyone in person about Steffie. I just break down, and I don't want to make a scene.

For all of those whom truly love their companions, and as I said on this site back in 2005 when I lost Schatszie,......."It Is The Hardest Thing You Will Ever Do".

Thank You Moon_Beam. I hope you and Noah are having a peaceful day.

No, not everyone I know, who knows me well has dogs but I guess they know how much my dogs mean to me so they have an empathy there.

I have 2 dogs in a dog cemetary and yes I thought a lot about what I wrote on their headstones. Sadly they are now about a 12 hour round trip away . Nothing wrong with spending time on their final resting place, this is a very powerful ritual and has been for millenia. I can relate to wanting Steffie back, I want my Holly back, I think about her all the time. Reality is often harsh and the older one gets the more this becomes apparent as the losses mount up.

The final end of all my dogs so far has been difficult, one in particular and it still brings tears to my eyes. The vet in that case mucked up and it was incredibly and horribly traumatic what happened to my sweet girl.

It is very difficult to talk about them with anyone which is why I find it easier to write down what I am feeling on a site like this. I would have tears in my eyes if I spoke to people I know, not that that worries me, but it is very painful.

It is an ongoing journey and I guess nothing in this life is without a price, one just had to make some sort of peace with it and keep moving forward as best one can.

I doubt I will ever truly get over my Holly but I am so glad this special animal was in my life.

I guess when one is hurting, you tend to repeat yourself like I've obviously been doing. I just simply cannot help it. When you love something as much as our Holly & Steffie, and all those wonderful times watching them grow from a puppy, you actually don't expect them to get sick, in a weird way. On October 31 I left Steffie with the Vet all day for a thorough intraveinous IV. Yes, it would only make her feel good for a short period of time, but, we left there with her tail wagging, big smile, plenty of entergy, she couldn't wait to eat her supper. It only lasted till the next day. That brings me down when I think about it, because I know she thought she had been cured. Its so damn sad.

Don't know about you, but I've two back to back bad days. I think what spurred it on was me putting the headstone on, as if, it was ending the story or something.

I will tell you this, in case you don't know about it. Its called the SDMA Kidney function test. I do know that 'IDEXX LABORATORIES' will be offering it with their testing. Instead of using the MA or the OLD Creatinine/Bun values(As well as Albumin values) as an indicator of Kidney Function, the SDMA(Symmetric dimethylarginine ) is an indicator of kidney problem not only months ahead, but years ahead of what the MA or Creatinine values would show up. Its something to ask your Vet friend about. I have no doubt that the test via the blood will have a hefty price. I asked my Vet today about it and she is going to investigate and let me know.

I can't speak highly enough about you and Moon_Beam. You are both Genuine, a very rare thing in this world. I don't mind including myself in that category also. As time proceeds forward, and as the world's population rapidly increases, you will see less and less of people like ourselves. The cost of things will steadily get worse. Eventually, having a companion will be a luxury for most, that is if you care for them till their last breath.

As Moon_Beam said,..."Sometimes, just one day at a time". This is obviously the scenario I'm presently existing in, because, in fear of repeating myself a hundred times, I will NEVER be able to find peace with Steffie being robbed of a longer life, and not having a life of fewer illnesses. These feelings are stuck deep inside me like a barbed hook.

Yes I had to go down to the council and deregister Holly and record her as deceased. That hurt quite a lot and things like that do set you back a little. Her loss still has a slightly unreal quality about it.

I dont think these losses are something you ever really completely get over. I think though that time does helpen soften the edges. I think that focussing over and over again on the really negative aspects doesnt help past a certain point, except to entrench it deeper and deeper. I guess my strategy is to bit by bit try and leave the negative thoughts behind and more and more try and focus on the really good times.

Like I do with certain dogs that are having a difficult time coping with certain aspects of life I try and slowly rewire their thought processes by pairing their fears with good things happening. None of my dogs passings have been particularly good so I try really hard to entrench all the really good times we had together and think about the wonderful qualities of each dog and what they taught me in life. I work towards a point where thinking of them makes me smile. I will always shed a tear from time to time for them but I find I can make the really good memories start toreplace the bad ones. This takes some effort but for it does help.

It is never an easy process because what you really want is to have them back again. However with each dog you have you know there is always going to be an end. I am trying to not take them so much for granted. I wish I had done more with Holly in the last few years and enjoyed every single day of her life with me. I often took her comforting prescence as a given. There are often many regrets but there are also many wonderful memories.

There really are no answers but I do try and work through focussing on the really good times. The unique things about them that made you really smile.

I can imagine it is extra hard for you because of the fact of Steffies health. However you gave her the best possible life ever. There still must be many memories of good times with her. I know you are struggling with her age and health. Sometimes there are much deeper sub concious reasons for some of this afecting the way they do.

I know you dont think professional help will be any use, but sometimes if you are finding it really difficult with no end in sight, it is a valid option to consider. Although again you need to find someone who is experienced with grief and sometimes you have to try a few different people to find someone who really can help. I used to be a bit sceptical but I have seen some cases where it can be really useful and really help to unpick what is really going on and work through it all. You keep mentioning Victor so I am thinking some of this goes deeper than you might think, there are also aspects of your life that may be contributing. Sometimes we just need a bit of help to sort through some of this.

When I was young, my Father bought a mare(Ginger) and she would be my Sister's horse. Later my Father had her bred and then there was 'Victor'. He would be mine all mine. He grew to be a very tall, beautiful horse and he towered over his Mother. We had been keeping them since day one at our 'weekend
' place located ~45minutes from our permanent home. We were at the weekend place during the week a lot after Victor was born. I never have made up my mind which is more exciting, a puppy or a colt. Eventually, going to feed them, etc., daily became a slight issue, but this was after Victor had matured. A lady friend of my Parents lived in this area and she had horses, and volunteered to feed for us off and on, as well as us helping her if she went out of town. This arrangement could last so long. My Father found 10 acres close to our permanent home that had a 6'chainlink fence around it and we could use it for free if we kept the grass mowed. My Father and I built a small barn for Victor & Ginger to get out of the weather and ran a make shift water line for the water trough. Located ~100 yds from there was a Electrical substation, same company my Father worked for, and there was personnel in & out of there 24hrs. About 3 miles from this location was the 'Port City Stockyards' where they railroaded in all forms of stock and had a butchering and rendering plant. They always had a rodent problem there, so they took grain and laced it with anticoagulants. One day my Father received a call from the substation that there was 3 black teens with ropes and a bucket trying to get ahold of one of the horses, and that they ran them off. My Father came and got me and we went immediately to find that Victor had severe rope burns around his upper neck, but Ginger appeared to be OK(she wasn't the friendliest around strangers and it saved her life). We knew a Vet at the stockyards and arranged to get Victor there just as soon as we could get the trailor and arrive. I stayed with Victor while my Father left for the trailor. It was about two hours later when my Father returned, and Victor began to act unruly. When we finally got him into trailer, he went totally mad and rared up 'through the roof' of trailer bending the angle iron framework that supported the canvas top of roof. My father then rushed to substation to call the vet to come to us. Vet had to put Victor down. After tests, he found that the feed in the bucket was rat poison taken from the railroad at the stockyards. Victor was only 2.5 years old.

Moon_Beam hit the nail squarely when she brought forth 'Caregivers Syndrome' as per my situation with Steffie being gone. Yes, like yourself, we were inundated with bad things at the same time that Holly and Steffie were dying. My situation with my Parents is technically an issue with me, but, truly, my struggle is with the roller coater of illness around every corner with her. Then those last 3+ years, considering everything, she was doing really good considering what was wrong with her. The terminal end with chronic kidney disease can vary. Its somewhat rare for one to get it at an early age and common at an older age. Then there are the symptoms as they approach stage 4. Anything is possible including seizures, heart attack, secondary infection, etc.. With Schatszie, at 12, she had lost some muscle mass on her hind legs but it wasn't a deplorable loss amount. It was the seizure she had. Steffie? It was literally an hour by hour of muscle loss. Even if I could have succeeded in geting more calories into her, it couldn't have kept up with the degree of tissue/protein loss. I had my Vet lead the way. Vet was not concerned that she was in 'pain', but it was a situation of controlling her gastro with medications and again trying to get some calories into her. Early on, the medications kept her from throwing up, till the end.

One thing I was relieved with, was that Steffie did not have a seizure toward the end, but, then, which would be worse,......a seizure early on, or watching her literally deteriorate to skin and bones.

I won't seek professional help for, really, one reason. 'They weren't 'there'. With either Victor, Schatszie or Steffie. There is 'no way' that they could feel the 'nightmare', the 'horror'. I have to work this out on my own, for there is no other way truthfully. You know now what I meant by 'Only I'. Same goes for both you and Moon_Beam,....'I wasn't there'.

It could very well be the anecdote I need by getting another puppy. Lord knows I need something, and I can't keep going the way I am at the present. I have ZERO zest for life right now. I simply force myself to stay busy, but then there are the mornings when I wake up, and the evenings, especially getting in bed and she isn't laying in her usual spot.

Needless to say, I'm a two time looser with experiencing chronic kidney failure, back to back, and it was not a result of neglect of their environment. In other words, I'm scared to death to love another 'True Friend' the way I did Schatszie & Steffie, in fear of CKF.

"Everyone and Everything comes into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime." I have not lost sight of this.

Earl that is absolutely terrible what happened to Victor, what a senseless waste. I can understand that memories of that would be pretty bad, brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

With professional help, if they are good, they dont need to have been there. The person I saw after my accident was able to listen and take me through stuff and help me see a clearer path. He had a good reputation for working with people suffering severe traumas. It is not a cure but it can help bring perspective. Often one can lose perspective because of the trauma.

There is a lot of stuff going on which makes you scared to love another friend. It may not do any harm to open yourself up to the possibility to get some help to work through it. If it doesnt help you havent lost anything, particularly given how you are currently feeling.

Maybe Moon_beam who has more experience in this area has some advice or words of wisdom.

Is CKF common in Weims? or were you just unlucky for both yours to have had this disease.

No, CKF is not common with Weims. Schatszie was ~11.5 when she developed it. Theres no doubt that Steffie, it was inherited, just like her triglyceride problem. Steffie's Sister had a bladder stone at birth that had to be removed before the breeder let her be adopted. The whole thing here, one starts to think this breeder is located at a deadend dirt road....nope. She STILL has a well known reputation. I just look back at the fact that there was only 3 pups in Steffie's Litter. That to me says a lot.

Theres no doubt that I have 'Lost Perspective'. I'm going to have to do something.

I've never been in this condition my entire life. I also have never had so MANY, MANY negative things fall into my lap at seemingly the same time. Make no mistake about it, our companions are our major life support system while making sense of bad things. Without them, you are on your own, butt naked. They ARE a very powerful support system in our lives.

Well, anyway, I've rambled too much. Hope your day is a peaceful one. Thanks for your advice SummerHolly.

Earl

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Victor. I can truly relate as to how heartbroken you are about what happened with him, as during my lifetime I have had two companions murdered at the hands of neighborhood delinquents. This is a trauma that is never forgotten, particularly during a time when there was no legal compensation or retribution for animal cruelty.

One of the primary purposes of seeking professional counseling is to be able to talk to someone who can offer an independent insight into our circumstances and thus help us to begin the process of finding a new way to put our lives back into a better balance. Of course this service is not free - - it takes resources either through insurance coverage or personal finances - - or both when there are insurance deductibles involved - - and most insurance companies limit professional counseling services - - which limits the ability of the "trial and error" process of finding a counselor you feel comfortable with. There are no easy answers when it comes to navigating the grief adjustment journey, Earl. I have heard there are some good grief hotlines available for individuals who are finding themselves struggling with the grief adjustment journey of a beloved companion, and perhaps this might be an option for you to consider - - in addition to the support I, and SummerHolly, offer you through this forum. Please know that whatever you decide we are always here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

As always, I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's, Steffie's, Victor's, and all of your beloved companions' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Earl, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam