"I am more an more starting to see Holly as a gift and we enriched each others lives, and that in it self must make me happy and be part of lifes journey. It is horrible that it is now gone but her legacy of who she was and the joy she bought me was worth having her in my life and funnily enough that makes my soul happy even though I can no longer feel her soft fur."........You are so right in 'Grabbing Hold of an anchor as you drift in Grief'. Oh, how I've tried in vain to 'grab ahold of something'.

Every since the March 2011 diagnosis and I was told Steffie's life would be cut short, everytime I hear someone say that their Pet is 12, 13, 14+ yrs old, my skin crawls, I want to run away, I can't tolerate hearing such. Why? Believe me, it's not jealousy,......its 'Severe Sorrow' and 'Envy'. 'Severe Sorrow' for Steffie.....She just doesn't deserve this. Even though CKF is prevalent out there, when it happens to your Dog, no one else seems to be going through it with their Pet, you are seemingly alone, totally abandoned.

Steffie's Parents were cleared of all the major things like hip dysplasia. This was 2005, and I cannot remember there being any DNA tests as per Renal. I'm not to sure that it is now included as a normal test by breeders outside you 'requesting the test'.. I can assure you though, in Steffie's name, if I or anyone else were to get a puppy from a breeder, there would be a DNA Test on the mutant gene of Renal Disease, in particular,....'Juvenile Renal Disease'.

SummerHolly, every since 2011 as well as after I said goodbye to Steffie, I haven't been able to 'shake-off' her living only to 9. I don't think I'll EVER shake it. It follows me wherever I go, 24/7. I've tried to acknowledge any and all positives of her 2nd chance extension of life, etc., but, it doesn't help. I understand that life's journey is not an interstate highway of no bumps.

In reality, as I stated in my first posting, "I saw something at the breeder's that I didn't like". As sad as it all turned out for Steffie, yes, as you have stated, as well as Moon_Beam, if it wasn't for me taking Steffie home that day at the breeder, she never would have lived past ~6 years old. Very few if any people would have spent the money or had the money to save/extend her life. I try SO DAMN HARD to CONCENTRATE on this FACT and it all goes back to 'She Didn't live long enough'. My Father has said many times since 2011 that the breeder should be taken out and hung. Well, he is right for all the pain and suffering she caused and most likely there are many other sad stories other than just Steffie from her litters. But, Again,...."I saw something I didn't like'.

At some point, I HAVE TO grab ahold of something, something that is positive in all of this.

"If Only Love Alone could have saved/cured our Holly and Steffie"....If Only.

Earl from my own personal experience and reading others I think this age thing is par for the course. I obsessed about losing Holly at age 14 for weeks. My other old dogs of the same breed lived till they were nearly 17 and 16 and a friend lost hers at 21. 14 seemed very young and I wasnt prepared for it. I fully expected her to live another couple of years. So when I see others living that long it cuts me up for my Holly.

Rich has just posted that his Percy was 10 and he fully expected another 2 or 3 years. Someone else lost their cat at 18 and was expecting 21 at least. I think it shocks us when we lose them younger than we expected. My own research has basically shown me that really anything from 6 onwards is likely.

What I have learned from this in regards to my other dogs is to appreciate them day by day and never expect that they are going to reach a certain age. It doesnt bother them as long as each day you are there for them.

Steffie doesnt know that she lived only to 9. She knows that each day you were there and that is all she wanted. I think we have to walk in their shoes. This is how I try and find peace. I wanted Holly to last a few more years but really she didnt know or care as long I was there in her life each day. I too wish love had been enough to save them, but it was enough for them in their lives. For me it teaches me to value time more. I know now that I could lose my dogs at any time so rather than have expectations I need to value them more in the present and try and let go of this concept of lifespan. I think this was what Holly helped me understand.

When one of my young dogs was going through the nightmare of elbow dysplasia which is very unpredictable and it was difficult to find anyone else going through similar issues. A friend of mine who I initially met on an orthopedic site started a yahoo group for dogs with ED. Quite a lot of people landed on the site from around the world seeking answers and information and I made some very good internet friends with ED dogs and it was nice to share their journeys. It would surprise me if there wasnt a similar support group for CKF. You certainly do need support from people travelling the same road with their dogs or you do feel very alone especially when it is serious.

Yes, there is no doubt that sometimes you go off course with life's ups and down and then realize how important it is to give full attention, day by day, to them.

I didn't mention yesterday, and I wouldn't disclose this to anyone except you or Moon_Beam, as well as on this site, but, like you with Holly, I talk to Steffie every night before I fall off to sleep. Whenever I leave here, I go to her grave and assure her 'I will be back'. Everytime I had planned to go to the store, etc., the next morning, just before we would go to sleep, I would tell her that we were going riding tomorrow AM. She woke the next AM knowing exactly what we were going to do. I think all dogs love to go riding in a vehicle. Whenever I wouldn't be able to take her with me, which was very seldom, I would assure her that I would be back and to 'Stay Here'. Then there was your return home and the Grand Welcoming-Back celebration at the gate. Unconditional love at it's finest.

Nothing beats the sight of your beloved companion eating each of their meals with zest and pleasure, then they exhibit 'Thank Yous' after they finish. It is a horrible feeling when that day doesn't occur.

Ah yes I talk to Holly often when I am around my farm. I tell her I love her and wont forget her all the time. I think it is totally healthy to talk to Steffie and Holly. I hope they are listening!

Dogs do love riding in cars and Holly was no exception and she always got the choice spot. Love the return home too. Holly was always first to greet me, barging the others out of the way. Yes meal times always brings a lump to my throat when preparing it for my other dogs. Holly always got hers first and was always super enthusiastic.

So many things that we miss about them.

Hi, Earl, stopping by to say hello and let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers as you continue your grief adjustment journey. Like you and SummerHolly, I too talk to my beloved companions for it is comforting for me to lift my voice heavenward where I know they continue to listen as they did when they were physically with me.

I smile when I read your, and SummerHolly's, posts sharing your memories of your beloved Schatszie and Steffie, and SummerHolly's Holly. I can so relate to your experiences with your precious companions enjoying their travel / errand time with you. If I may share with you one of my memories of my beloved Black Lab Oslo. Oslo enjoyed a distinguished career as a Special Needs Service Partner for someone who had both physical and vision challenges. When he retired from this and I was chosen to adopt him from Guiding Eyes for the Blind in upState New York he enjoyed a second career as a Therapy Partner pioneering an Animal Assisted Visiting Program in his community with the local hospital and several long term care facilities. On the days he visited patients in the local hospital he would accompany me to work so that we could make our visits after my work hours. He KNEW the days he was to go with me to work and the days he would go visiting at other facilities after I got home from work. When he had to retire from this activity due to his age and medical challenges, he still would get that "look" in his eyes and face on the days he "remembered" he used to go visiting. For about 3 years I continued to keep the mattress that he would settle down on in the back of the van because I just couldn't bear to remove it. Finally this past summer I was able to take the mattress along with other items to the local no kill shelter knowing that some other precious companion could benefit from the items.

I know so very well from first hand experience how very excruciatingly painful it is adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions who are now with the angels. What helps me even now as I'm writing to you is knowing that each of my companions are always and forever a heartbeat close to me wherever I go and whatever I do. I hope in time you, and SummerHolly, will also find this comfort.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's and Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions', sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It's been my observation for years now, that women seem to somehow pull through or handle their grievance much better than men, in regards to loosing a pet, let alone a human companion.. Of course, I'm referring to those individuals that are eligible, those that have a conscience. It could be that women are masters at hiding their grief.

I had a person email me via private message on this site. I replied back to her but haven't heard anything. Her beloved dog had passed ~1 year ago, and she is still trying to regroup. Her profession, etc, etc, created a scenario of massive grief when her companion passed. Her dog was literally the 'Only Sane Thing' in her life. Oh, how I could feel her pain, in a very direct way.

I know myself very well. I know my limitations. 'I Know' that my mornings will 'Never' be the same, ever again. As we discussed, me, myself, I have mortality staring me in the face, even though my health is excellent. I managed to eventually crawl out of the pit after loosing Schatszie, and I was younger. But now, older,......and what Steffie and I shared together, my wounds will never heal. Certain people can be wounded so many times. I am simply one of those people.

If I was as wealthy as a Bill Gates, etc., I would, without exception, create the worlds largest 'NO KILL SHELTER(s)',......NO CEO.......NO 6-Digit Salaries. It wouldn't be about money, it would be about saving the lives of countless animals. Donations would pour through the roof.

I think it very much depends. Men I know can go either way. Move on very quickly without a backward glance or take it very hard.

My dogs are also my anchor in this life which is why I couldnt be without one. I know I can give them a safe haven and 3 of them are rescues. I also regonise limitations in myself and try and push through them, that is just who I am. I try and look outside myself for positive ways to move forward.

When Holly died I made a donation in her name to the no kill rescue organisation where 3 of my dogs have come from, saved from a bullet, and plan to continue doing so as resources allow. This is my motivation, to not only have the companionship of dogs but also to give them safe haven and of course I couldnt run my farm without them.

There is currently a wonderful story from a woman who founded and heads up a big rescue organisation. A woman called Julie lost her very special dog who was also blind. A traumatised blind dog of the same breed came into a local pound, picked up by animal control.

He had been living wild and was a right mess, in constant pain, absolutely terrified and likely abused. There was a mad scramble from his breed rescue networks to pull him from certain death. Julie pulled him immediately and with kind donations got him fixed up and out of pain and gradually gained the trust of this terrified dog in a beautiful way for the next 3 years. He recently passed from cancer and she is immediately set to take on another special needs dog. She feels it honours her original special needs dog that she loved so much. Her way of dealing with grief.

So the way my mind works is to hold all my dogs that have passed tightly in my heart. I remember each one and the day that I lost each of them. I still shed a tear for all of them even years later and that is how it should be. However to keep me sane in this life I need to keep giving safe haven to dogs.

I tend to be a practical person and although I grieve for ever for each dog I cant let it sink me, I need to keep moving forward and honour them in the only way I know how to and that is to keep offering my love and safe haven to others. I kind of feel it is part of my purpose.

So yes each passing wounds me. Holly's loss was particularly wounding probably because I am older, but I am still driven forward to do what I can for dogs in my own small way. It does break my heart but for me it is really all about the dogs and I know they are happy with me for how ever long I have them.

I think Holly's gift was to cement this in me.

I am with you on the no kill shelter. I would also add that I would spend a lot of money on education of people about owning and caring for dogs and cats. Shelters no matter how good are still very traumatising places and some special needs dogs languish in them for years. Many dogs are there because they were innapropriately bred, people got the wrong breed, had no idea how to train them, the animal got sick, they wanted to go on holiday, the animal got pregnant, the reasons are often gobsmacking.

You are a good person Earl and you gave safe haven and love to your dogs. I think this is always a measure of someones character. I hope you can find a way through this. I think these conversations are great, for me it helps to talk about loss. It helps me clarify in mind the way forward. I hope it does the same for you.

Yes it helps very much to 'talk'. I'm so glad you are able to find a 'Way Point', a Goal to reach as per finding peace. You remind me of my Sister.

SummerHolly, I wish I could find a 'Way Point', I search for one daily, but to no avail. I don't think I will ever find peace in accepting that Steffie lived only 9 years. Our bond became too strong from all the ups and downs. I don't mean this, but for some time now, I keep thinking if I would just die and get it over with. Nothing is easy being an introvert.

Theres no doubt that there are MANY people out there that should NOT have pets. With the 6 friends I grew up with, not one of them had a family pet. I always found that sad. The animal shelters have probably seen it all, as per why so many shouldn't have pets, most of which goes back to their childhood/family. Thats why, probably, most shelters have a strict screening process BEFORE they allow adoption.

I've NEVER had a Pet with so many medical issues like Steffie. I'm thankful that they weren't surgical related, but a death sentence of CKF over an extended agonizing period does things to you, to your SOUL. It creates damage deep within. Just like her high triglyceride problem, they never could find the cause. Then she had lower respiratory issues, but that FINALLY cleared after NUMEROUS trips to the Vet. Then she had hair folicles growing down on the bottom edge of her eye lids, which in turn, off and on, irritated her corneas. Yes, it was obviously Genetics, but how in the hell could Steffie be so unlucky? It eats at me daily. Its not that she lived a miserable life, not the case at all. She lived a good life, considering everything. She simply didn't deserve all of what she lived with. She was just too sweet and benevolent to have had all these issues, and I will forever feel like 'Why Her'? Now you can understand my feelings on the breeder. Its on my agenda to email the breeder. Call it revenge if you like. No animal should go through what Steffie went through. Not because of the owner, or the environment in which the dog was raised, but because of greed and to disregard the potential health risks of 'New Lives'.

Sorry SummerHolly, its been one of those days for me. I hope you had a peaceful one.

No being an introvert is not always easy, you have to look deep inside yourself to find a way forward. I look for it in nature and wide open spaces and my animals. Without my animals I could not be happy.

Yes it is not fair that Steffie had to deal with all those issues. Holly too was a sweet, pure spirit and I hated to ever see her in pain. She had 2 major surgeries but was always an upbeat dog. I can understand how the continual issues that Steffie had would be heartbreaking for you. I thankfully didnt have that with Holly.

I can also understand why you would feel why her. I obviously didnt know Steffie but I have found that dogs are remarkably resilient and they obviously dont ponder on these things as we do. They just live their lives as best they can and having a person who cares deeply for them is often all they need to be happy. I think you will always feel "Why Her" because you are human and you loved her.

Glad you will email the breeder. Anything that may reduce the chances of another dog and owner going through the same heartache. I did the same with my elbow dysplastic dog along with the owner of a related dog with the same issue from the same breeder, unfortunately the breeder denied it had anything to do with her dogs and my dog's sisters were used in her breeding program. Grr, we even reported it to the main governing body of the pedigree breeders, to no avail, although they have responded with certain breeds because of the number of complaints and for some breeds certain genetic testing is now compulsory.

My first dog had ongoing skin issues until finally towards the end of her life they come up with a new medication that was fantastic for her. I sometimes catch myself thinking about how great it would have been to have had that all her life. It didnt shorten her life just made her uncomfortable at times.

I think Earl that although it is hard, there will come a time where you should probably try and focus on all that was good in Steffies life. The negative bits always bring one down and we seem naturally drawn to agonise over them. They are a one way street to sadness and this is never productive as it is something we cannot change, no matter how much we wish we could.

I still do the same with my past dogs. However I am trying really hard now to focus on the good. I look at photos and videos of my Holly and my other dogs I have lost and I like the ones that make me smile about them.

It is not easy to do this but it is my current journey to try and deal with this. It is often not possible early in the grieving process, but I am finding it gets easier with time for me. But I did have to try and let go a little of all the guilt I felt over not recognising that Holly was so sick till near the end. I often tell her out loud that I am sorry.

I also felt like dying to get over it, I missed my Holly so much. However I have my other dogs to think about and I just kept working my way through it trying to find a way forward. To do this I just had to let go of agonising over some of the unproductive stuff.

I know it is hard.

Yes SummerHolly, I daily tell Steffie 'I'm Sorry'......'I did all I could do'....., usually when I go to bed and in the morning as I go to the refrigerator door and see her picture(s).

On the window ledge above the kitchen sink is still a set of tweezers. I used it to remove the dried mucous excretions from her nostrils(the secondary infection in her throat, etc) the last 4-5 days. For some reason I refuse to put them away, out of sight. I also haven't put away the remaining container of Epakitin, sitting on the kitchen countertop, that I gave her for 3.5 years. I put away all the other medications, but not these two items.

I know it doesn't help, because our relationships with Holly and Steffie were ones of immortality. As I've suggested to you before, never loose sight of the fact that you had 14 loving years with Holly. I lived for 3.5 years on pins and needles not knowing when Steffie would leave me. That was no way to live except Steffie wasn't aware of it.

My Father got a Blue Tick Hound from a local No Kill shelter back in 1997....Blue. Blue was ~1 year old at the time and when my Father took him to Vet to get checked, Blue had Heartworms. Blue survived the treatment and lived to 15. When Steffie passed, my Father couldn't really understand the major difference in grief between Blue and Steffie. Even though I told my Father he was blessed with 15 years and Steffie with only 9, he just didn't see any difference. Here again, this site is really your only outlet to talk and discuss.

I hope you have a good day Summerholly.

I have a lot of photos of Holly around and a candle I sometimes light. I particularly like the photos that capture the essence of her that I loved, I did various dog sports with her so I have some awesome photos of her and me working as a team.

Her supplements and medications are still around because my next oldest dog has the same medications. I actually find that hard especially as I just ordered a new supplement specifically for her.

I know where you are coming from with the age situation but I did lose a dog I loved at less than 3 yo and it feels much the same, although I think Holly hit me a lot harder because she had been in my life for more than a quarter of it and I knew her so well. It almost seems unreal that she is gone, no matter how much I tell myself I had her for 14 years, I expected more.

I think this age thing seems to be the aspect we struggle with most. It is the one that I am trying hard to let go as I have other dogs coming up behind Holly that I could lose at any age. I have a lot of deadly snakes out here and am too far away from vet help for a dog to survive a bite. It is a 3 hour drive for me to get any form of vet help in an emergency. I am very careful but I have had some close calls.

I am now trying to focus on the fact that a dog is not aware of how long he or she lives. It is all about quality, time and age is purely something that tears us up.

The whole thing is very hard and we each have to try and find a way through. I think about Holly everyday but I think I am getting much better at putting aside the thoughts that bring me down and thinking more about the ones that make smile.

Hope you are doing better although it sounds like you having a really hard time trying to find a way through all this.

As per the age aspect, I'm just trying to form an anchor for you. Me, I'm a hopeless case. I simply will not accept that Steffie is gone forever, as sad as it is to think like that. I just feel I have unfinished business in taking care of her.

I hope your mornings are getting a wee better. I'll assume that thats the most trying part of your day. It is mine. I just look forward to going to sleep, but I toss and turn most of the night.

I sure wish I could do what you do and think about the goodtimes with a smile. Interesting,....When I do, it defaults back to 'Steffie's Gone'.

Yes I understand and have tried to form that anchor with age too but in the end I have had to let that go as my other dogs lived quite a bit longer and I keep asking why not Holly. I wanted her for ever.

I feel terrible that I didnt pick up the subtle signs that Holly was sick. I feel cheated out of saying goodbye properly or being able to help her. I was totally blind sided by what unfolded in a very short space of time. I simply didnt see it coming.

Yes the mornings are the worst, I would wake up very early and play the events that unfolded scene by scene untill I thought I was going to go mad. I guess I just know that is not healthy. I just coulldnt keep doing that, seeing the fear and confusion in her eyes when she could hardly breathe, looking to me to help her which I couldnt. I trawled the internet, I exhausted every scenario about how I could have helped, what I did wrong and what type of cancer it was etc. etc. I basically got it all out there till I was exhausted. Then I knew I had to move forward.

I had to realise that there is nothing I can do now because it is done. I now have to concentrate on what a great life she and I had together. She is the only one of my dogs that shares an important watershed time in my life which made losing her all the more painful along with her sweet trusting personaility.

I make myself try not to dwell on those last few days and losing her anymore, and by doing that I am feeling like I am moving forward. I also have my other dogs, so unlike you I do have them to focus on. I am determined to learn lessons from Holly and move forward in my relationship with them.

There will never be another Holly but I am positive about having fun with my other dogs. I hug them all much more now.

I am not sure how to help find your anchor in your loss of Steffie. You have a lot of work still do do in coming to terms with her age and that unfinished business of caring or her. I think it will either try and consume you or one day you will start to adjust and think more about what an amazing dog she was in your life and celebrate that.

There is nothing easy about any of this. I had to totally torture myself and exhaust myself in my quest for answers and what ifs, before I just couldnt do it any more and had to move on.

We will always miss them and shed a tear for them even down the years, but I believe that I can't go on being consumed by it. Holly would want me to be happy and to take could care of my other dogs and enjoy them.

I haven't written/emailed the breeder yet. I will shortly. The woman deserves to be punished by some means. I've come to the conclusion that dealing with ANY breeder 'Now' as compared to the past is 'risky', 'very risky'. Never in my life have I had or seen a dog with so many back to back problems like Steffie. It was just so damn sad to see her get so tired of pills being shoved down her throat. Steffie wasn't easy to deal with as per any form of administration of such. She would pick out most vitamins, like vitamin E out of food, etc.. You couldn't just put anything in her food and expect her to eat it.

The breeders have ALWAYS been in it for the $$, nothing else. 'NOW', the Vets are eating into their expected profits. I think they would do almost anything now to preserve their profits. 'ANYTHING', and thats 'Sick', if not criminal.

SummerHolly, I will never be able to get it out of my mind watching Steffie deteriorate to a walking skeleton, her stomach sounds/nausea waking me up at nights, even with medications, and even way before her kidney failure went to stage 4. I could go on and on. For 6 years of never really getting the high triglyceride problem to normal range. Yes, it consumed me. Yes, I need to move forward. As I said, the wounds are very deep and deep anger for sometime now. It has totally destroyed 'Any' desire to 'Ever' get another 'Puppy', in fear of this happening again. As I said originally, CKF leaves total devistation in it's wake. It destroys and devours all that is or was good. It has the potential to bankrupt the owner. You walk on pins and needles 24/7 days, months, years not ever truly knowing WHEN the end is near, until it hits. Yes, there is cancer, etc., that is horrible, but, none can hold a candle to CKF. No, my head won't explode as per trying to move forward. At some point, like you said, you have no choice. But, CKF wounds never heal.

For some time now I've seen a small abandoned dog that hangs out at the Home Depot/Tractor Supply store locations. He looks healthy and no weight loss. He just roams around the parking lots with no place to go. Always moving. I suspect someone is feeding him, but with it being so cold now, I figure he hardly ever sleeps, but instead moving to keep warm. I saw him in the Home Depot parking lot this AM, and I stopped and got out to see if he would come to me. He wanted to but didn't. I'm sure he trusts no one. I usually keep some spare dog food in my trunk but I was out. This particular scenario is really sad. Theres a lot of pain out there you never see, but when you see it, it hits hard.

Have you ever thought of becoming a foster carer - provide safe haven untill a suitable owner can be found? or even taking on a rescue dog? So many dogs in need. I have 3 myself all working line dogs that were facing the bullet.

Your stray is certainly no exception. One feels sorry for them because they probably have so much love to give but have been denied that by circumstance and unpleasant humans.

Yes the struggle with CKF sounds pretty dire. So many so called breeders chasing the almighty dollar. A good friend of mine who was a specialist vet tells me that breeders have a lot to answer for.

She was always trying to fix up problems that were a result of poor breeding practices although she said the breeders nearly always blamed the owners, very few accepted any responsibility. She got really tired of it. She ended up herself with the occassional special needs dog or cat where it was going to be impossible for the owner to care for them, but they had a wonderful personality and she was in the position to give the specialist care they needed.

Very sad really. Dogs are certainly not being bred with longevity as a breeding criteria either.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can certainly understand your intense anger about what happened to your beloved Steffie. Several years ago I experienced a life-changing traumatic event which not only permanently affects me to my last breath on this side of eternity but also resulted in the physical death of my mom. The individual responsible for this tragedy was legally released of all responsibility, and I still struggle with the anger from time to time as there was no legal appeal process - - the judge's decision was final.

I have learned in my earthly journey that there are specific life changing events we experience that leave a permanent impression on us. It is inevitably up to us to decide how we respond to these experiences - - if we choose to become embittered by them or if we choose to try to find a way to bring something "positive" - - however limited that "positive" may be - - out of the negative. Sometimes it is a part of the lifetime "new normal" adjustment journey rather than a "short-term" resolution.

If I may make a suggestion about contacting the breeder: Instead of contacting the breeder, perhaps you may want to contact the breed specific AKC headquarters division in your area / State / region. If she is not an AKC approved breeder, but is a licensed breeder - - then you might consider contacting the State breeder licensing organization. These organizations can begin an investigation into her methods of breeding - - if she is "inbreeding", etc.. They will do an on-site inspection of her premises, etc.. While she may inevitably continue to advertise herself as a breeder, she could lose her license and accreditation - - which could leave her prone to lawsuits for improper breeding and could eventually lead to her losing her business. It's just a thought.

I can relate to how you feel about the effects of CKF as many, many years ago a feline companion succumbed to CKF after 2 years of initial diagnosis. Back then the veterinary care provider blamed me for not recognizing the symptoms earlier and threatened to take her away from me. I was already devastated and my mom was furious with the veterinarian. There was another veterinary physician in the practice that spoke with my mom and me when we went to pick her up from hospital. My mom confronted him with what the other veterinarian had said, and he told us both that neither of us was responsible - - that the symptoms were not obvious until they did a blood panel check on her. For the last two years of our companion's life she was under the care of this compassionate veterinary care provider who took the time to thoroughly explain what care she needed at home and the follow up care she needed from him. And he stood with us when it was time to release our companion from her frail, failing, painful physical body.

Earl, please know that what you are going through is very normal deep grief and anger about how your beloved Steffie suffered from her medical challenges. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's and Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions', sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon-beam I could tell a similar story about the death of my dad from some of the most incredible incompetence ever. My mother in particular still bears those scars. The anger is very difficult to deal with and it was impossible to get any justice at all over what happened. Neither of us can talk about it still even years later.

As to the vet who tried to blame you for missing the signs, all I can say is WOW. We are not trained vets, the majority of us miss the subtle and not so subtle signs, even vets and doctors do.

SummerHolly, I'm going to give a dual reply to Moon_Beam for both of you. Hope this is OK with you, that I'm not forgetting you.

Moon_Beam, I really can't put into words how badly I feel for you living with the wrong doing of your Mother, leaving with you no place to turn, because of the 'System'. Yes, as you have said, as well as SummerHolly, as a result in moving forward, there is a choice for the 'positive' or 'negative'. In reality in not trying to fool ourselves, there is truly never any 'positive', there is only 'negative'. Someway, somehow you attempt to 'live with it', but you are forever wounded.

Incompetence is rampant with bot Medical and Vet Doctors. In my whole lif, I've NEVER had a Doctor tell me the importance of 'WASHING MY HANDS'. ANYONE with any sense knows the extreme importance in dodging medical upsets via washing your hands. Take Vets for instance, Other than possibly Holistic Vets, I've NEVER had a standard Vet tell me about 'Titers', Titering your pet AFTER their initial vaccinations, to avoid further unneeded Vaccs. I've come to the conclusion that there is a basic elementary REASON that neither Doctors ever tell you this.....$$$$$$$$$. Yes, I know I keep beating my drum about the greed thing, but, it is the absolute truth. It has nothing to do with incompetence. It is imperative that a person, whether they are a patient, or the owner of a Pet 'KNOW SOMETHING'.....'ASK QUESTIONS',.......'REASEARCH'. The 'System' is not fair out there, never has been. Even my previous statements saying that if you wanted to get 'directly' to the bottom of what is wrong with your Pet, go to the clinic of a Teaching Vet University. Yes, this isn't possible for so many people for many reasons, BUT, if you have one close, GO THERE. In the long run, you would have spent less than being bled by your local Vet. This of course, is having to do with a problem that you have to know requires such, or that you feel that 'Isn't Going Away' with your Local Vet's treatment.

BUT, having said all this GOOD about going to the University Clinic, THEY have NEVER mentioned 'TITERS', and when they ask me if my pet is UP on all Vaccinations, I tell them yes, they had their initial Vaccs but 'I Titer'. They say nothing in response, there is silence, as if, how do I know about that top secret area. It's the 'System'.....it's rotten to the core and we or our Pets pay the ultimate price eventually. My Father wouldn't be alive right now if he and my Mother decided to move to where my Sister is located in San Antonio. I had been taking care of them since 3-2008, and they moved in 4-2014. It turned out that his care here was bass ackwards, but it was hard to deal with my Father. He never has questioned his medical care.

As per writing the breeder vs. AKC, etc., if she is licensed. Thanks Moon_Beam for the pointer. In 2012 Tx passed the 'The Dog or Cat Breeders Act', and it was co-written by the AKC. As you would expect, it has a HUGE escape hole(s) in it that allows most breeders to escape licensing. Well, what would you expect with all the AKC and Dog Club lobbyists controlling the write-up.....$$$$$$$$. In the act, the guidelines, You have to be licensed if you are producing 20+ puppies in a given year, and, you have 11 or 12 male and female intact dogs on site. Basically, the 'Act' is a joke. No, my breeder is not licensed. The only possible recourse is to write AKC and include with that letter every single copy of my 2.5 inch thick stack of Vet Bills with Steffie. Actually, I like the idea of writing the Breeder, then CCing it to AKC, Weimaraner Club of America, and ALL the other organizations she is affiliated with.

This AM was a bad morning for me, and I don't say this for sympathy, for I know I'm among friends here. My mornings are hot & cold, but, I woke up thinking about how I used to grab Steffie's rear legs and say "Look at those Muscles!" She would stick her leg out stiff as I did that and have this big smile on her face. Then this AM as I thought about that, I then thought about her pooe emaciated back legs with just skin wrapped around bone. Jesus Christ I worshipped her, and she me, and I've NO ONE to discuss such with, except here at this sight. Moon_Beam, SummerHolly, if you two only truly knew how truly grateful I am to have had your company with all of this. Somehow, I hope I have contributed to you.

Moon_Beam, I hope you and Noah have a peaceful day, and SummerHolly, you as well.

Hi, Earl, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm glad you found my suggestion helpful about writing letters to the AKC, which offered you inspiration about other organizations you could write to as well. It helps work through the grief journey when we feel we can "do something" that will honor our beloved companion's experience.

Earl, please understand that when I say we ultimately have a choice in choosing a "positive" or a "negative" response to our experiences, I do not say that glibly - - for I know so well that we cannot ever forget the horrific experiences we - - and our beloved companions - - have. In your efforts to try to "do something" that will honor your beloved Steffie - - and perhaps eventually help other companions who are adopted from the breeder - - you are trying to do something "positive" - - and your beloved Steffie is so proud of you for this. There are experiences we have in this earthly journey that cut to the core of who we are, what we used to be, and changes us forever. Please believe me when I say that I know trying to work toward a "positive" respose from that point forward is a life time journey - - one that is filled with many ups and downs, trials and errors in the effort to achieve a "positive" response. Because of the permanent effects of PTSD with the traumatic event several years ago, even to this day I do know what it is like to wake up in the morning and ask "where and how do I go from here". With the help of a very wise and compassionate professional counselor who helped me through a time of very dark depression, I know that each day of trying to live it as best I can is a victory for me, and I am thankful for the blessings each day brings.

I truly wish there were some words I could say that could take the horrible pain in your heart from you, Earl, but even if this isn't possible I hope the words I share with you can offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope in your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Earl, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Schatszie's and Steffie's, and all of your beloved companions', sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam