I really feel your pain and all I can say is that I know you were a great Mom and your sweet pet loved you for being that way. I still have a huge void in my life because I lost my pet also. It is the worst pain in the world that only a pet lover would understand. Puppy's Mom

Thank you, puppy, for your comments, they are very appreciated! Yes! it is sooo painful!

Two weeks tomorrow. I look at the clothes I was wearing when we took Molly into the vet on her last day...I don't know if I can wear them again. Sounds silly, but they are a reminder of that day.

I am looking for a therapist to see here in town. This is feeling just SO painful, and I am afraid that it's just going to feel this way forever, so maybe some grief counseling will help. I have a huge fear, though, of getting someone who really doesn't "get it." If so, I'd just not go back. Hearing someone who doesn't really get it, actually makes it worse.

I feel so exhausted. I really can't look at pictures of Molly right now. If I can keep thoughts of her at bay, if I can work at it, I can not cry all day. But the tear and pain are always just under the surface. And it's all the harder to be around friends who don't understand. I just feel so, so, so, so sad. SO sad.

Dear Molly's mum,

I, too, have not worn the dress and the cardigan I wore that fateful night when I took my George to ER. I remember thinking that night 'oh, I should look decent and presentable in the hospital for George' although I was in a super hurry to get him to ER. It was 10 pm and I was in my pyjamas. I took out that new grey dress very quickly to get changed.

I can't look at those clothes. I will never wear them again.....I don't know why I didn't throw them away. It maybe that deep down I want to hold onto that guilt and painful memory of that night. I didn't know then.....it would be his last time at home alive. I still see the scene with me in that dress with George following me out to the car. I never imagined that would be our last night together at home. He came home 5 days later, dead. I re play that night over and over. Can't help. I miss him so much that I feel my heart is going to explode. I wish it did.

Tears and hugs to you

George's mum

George's mum,

Thanks, George's mum! You so totally get it. Yes, I'm not sure why I haven't thrown those clohes out. And, for me too, as with you, I didn't know that when I was taking Molly to the vet, that it would be the last time. I thought I'd be taking her home with some meds, for a respitory infection, or some such thing--I didn't expect to find lung cancer, lungs full of fluid and less than a week to live. It's just all SO painful. And now, I see a little bit of her kitty litter on the floor in the upstairs bathroom, in "her" bathroom, which I missed cleaning up and now I don't want to clean it up, I just want to leave it there, who knows, maybe even thinking she may come back. Crazy, but I look at those few grains of litter on the floor and my heart just breaks. Why is it that we love these furry babies so much!!! The memories are sooo hard, aren't they?

And I think of the afternoon we took her into the vet, that last day. I'd been really busy for the several days before...had I known we were going to lose her, I'd have cancelled everything to spend that time with her. I don't think of myself as someone who's prone to drama, but geeze, when I think of her, I feel like my heart is just being ripped out of my chest, it just hurts SO much. Thank you for listening. - Molly Rose's mom

Hi, Snapdragon, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Molly Rose's two week angel-versary today. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal.

There are no "rules" in what you "need to do" in terms of cleaning up. Leave the kitty litter on the floor for as long as you need to. Don't wear the clothes you wore - - fold them up and put them away in a storage box if looking at them is a painful constant reminder.

Sometimes seeking professional counseling can be very helpful when we are experiencing a traumatic event - - and the physical loss of a beloved companion does qualify as a traumatic event. When you call to make an appointment with a counselor please feel free to ask if the counselor has training in bereavement for a beloved companion - - or pet counseling. Some counselors have "specialty" areas, and bereavement counseling for a beloved companion is one of them. I hope you will be able to find a counselor with whom you feel comfortable and who is responsive to your sorrow. Please let us know how things go, Snapdragon - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Snapdragon, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Molly Rose's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks Moon Beam. I wonder who you are. How you keep supporting us, all of us. You are truly a blessing.

Thank you for your recent words of encouragement. I think this group is a life-line to me right now. I kind of feel guilty because I don't have a lot to give, just a big blubbering world of hurt.

I just started dinner. I stepped outside for a minute...it rained earlier...the sun is out now. I looked at the side of the house, at a place behind some shrubs, where Molly used to lay in the summer months, for hours on end. I used to go outside and spot her and say "what's baby do'in?" and smile and know that she was so enjoying just being outside on a warm day. How can I ever look at that spot again and not feel pain? I "know"....intellectually, that given time, in my time, that things "should" get "better." But it surely is hard to believe right now. Right now, two weeks after losing Molly, the pain feels as sharp as that day. Sometimes I kind'a, sort'a think, ok, yeah, it's going to be ok, but then a minute later, a smack down, another punch in the gut, another "I just wanna die" moment. Moments. I just have to believe this horrid pain will pass, for surely I could not live a lifetime of this (which is how it feels at the moment).

Tomorrow I'm going to have coffee with probably my closest friend here in town. She's a caring person, compassionate, but she doesn't "get" my intense feeling of loss over Molly. So, I think I'm going to tell her I really, really miss Molly, and tell her it's been hard, but I just don't think--no, I know--I can't be totally honest with her. She just doesn't understand, and I surely don't want that feeling from someone who doesn't understand. So I will not fully disclose my feelings.

I read some of what others post here. It does help to not feel so alone in this kind of grief, but then I usually break down crying....that may be good, I don't know. But so many broken hearts out there. And I'm sure this is just a drop in the bucket. I've always been somewhat sensitive to others' pain, not sure why, but this whole experience, and reading others' stories.... I pray for the day that I don't which I was dead.

Two weeks. It feels like yesterday, and it also feels like an eternity. I've had moments, usually when distracted with something, where I seem to find some relief from the crushing pain of loss. When I think maybe...maybe, maybe, maybe I can survive this. But then a crushing wave of grief washes over me--again. I think of Molly and just ache to touch her. I cry a cry that is pure pain...

I was watching the news tonight, watching about the mud slide in Washington State that has killed many people, with many more missing. I think about the grief of those families and then I feel a little embarrassed by the intensity of my grief for Molly. The missing Malaysian jet. People who have lost spouses, parents, family members. I have accepted that it's normal to feel such grief for the loss of a pet, but when I see these terrible tragedies, I think twice.

But still, I miss Molly Rose more than words can express. I almost feel I'm living in some alternate universe, that this isn't real and that Molly will be there again, when I wake up in the morning. It feels impossible to imagine life without her in it. And the grieving just feels bottomless.

Hi, Snapdragon, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately I do not have any miraculous words to say that can take away the deep sorrow that is in your heart right now. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship hoping somehow it will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your adjustment journey.

First I want to reassure you that YOUR loss of your beloved Molly Rose is no less tragic than what other people endure through other tragic circumstances. It is because of the love bond you and your beloved Molly Rose share that you are able to feel for others in their moment of loss and grief - - even during a time when YOUR heart is also filled with deep sorrow.

I also want to reassure you that this deep sorrow will eventually ease, and one day you will be able to look out into your garden and smile remembering how your beloved Molly Rose enjoyed her garden. You may even feel her sweet Living Spirit there with you - - you may even catch a glimpse of her laying in her favorite spot. Does this mean you will stop missing her? No, - - but I promise you the deep intense pain of not having her physically with you will eventually ease so that you can focus on - - and enjoy - - the many treasured memories you and your beloved Molly Rose share.

It is sad when some of the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically are not as supportive as we need them to be. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here as a safe place where we can come to be among others who truly DO understand what we are feeling. Please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you, Snapdragon, through every step of your grief adjustment journey for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Snapdragon, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Molly Rose's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi - This forum caught my eye - and especially your post. As, I, too, lost my beloved cat Mission on Tuesday, March 11th. Not sure exactly how old he was, but think somewhere between 14 - 15. I, too, like you, have been suffering severe grief and am devastated over losing him.

Mission came into my life as a sickly stray farm cat full of parasites and with a bad respiratory infection at another time when I was losing my other beloved cat of 21 years. He needed help and I needed distraction and comfort and so we bonded together, I took him in, nursed him back to health and he helped ease my pain and grief over the loss of my other cat. There was always something special and mystical about how he came wandering around right at that time when I had lost her. And, so...I felt he had been sent on a mission. Hence...his name.

Since 2010 though we had been battling with Inflammatory Bowel Disease. (And I firmly believe it all started with the severe parasite infestation he had as a young cat when I rescued him.) I was taking him to a specialist/internist over these past few years and spent thousands of dollars on him on diagnostics and treatments/meds to try to help him. I would do it all over again for one as special as him, if I had to. We never really knew if it may have progressed to Lymphoma. He had 2 endoscopies but both biopsies did not pick up on any cancer cells, just inflammatory lymphocytes.

He was on Pred (steriod) off and on in the beginning and then we had to increase it to daily PLUS add in Leukeran - chemotherapeutic agent. It held him for a while. His pancreas also wasn't functioning properly so I had to give him enzyme supplement as well. I constantly fought to keep up his weight and appetite and also fought the loose stools and vomiting. This poor cat was on so much medication and I would literally pop 3-4 pills one after the other down his throat - sometimes twice a day.

Yet, throughout the entire time, he was the world's BEST most patient little trooper.

In January this year I started noticing weight loss once again, took him in, vet increased Pred dosage and enzymes. Then we tried switching out to a different steriod and that didn't go well. Back to Pred. Then I took him back in Feb. for a good "going over". Bloodwork revealed that now there was some liver involvement, possible heart issue with a heart murmur and mild enlargement of right atrial side of heart, and a progressive anemia as well as severe pancreatic insufficiency. It appeared that his entire body was just breaking down. I knew then that we had lost control and that I was losing hiim - he was losing his valient battle over this horrible disease.

For the next few weeks, I pampered him and fed him all kinds of treats, fresh cooked salmon, hamburger, and whatever he liked. I took him outside on a leash and harness on one nice warm afternoon and thought then it might be his last time outside. But, he actually seemed to rally - seemed more alert and chipper during this time.

I now realize it was his last "hurrah". People have told me that both people and animals dying sometimes have this last little "spurt" of energy right before they go. And, I believe now this is likely what was happening. But, it "teased" me into believing that he was doing better and I might have him around for a while longer.

On Sunday, the 9th of March he seemed to be going to the litter pan constantly and so I though - uh oh, UTI brewing. I watched carefully and he seemed a bit better later in the day. But, something told me on Monday morning when I woke up that I needed to stay home and keep an eye on him. I also made an appt. to bring him in to check on possible UTI on Thursday. But, he seemed to be doing better still that day. I spent the entire day around the house and checking on him, coaxing him to eat, and mind you, I had to give him appetite stimulants pretty frequently during the past few months to keep him eating and interested in his food.

During the afternoon it warmed up into the 60's - and was gorgeous. I decided to take him out again on a leash/harness to let him enjoy some fresh air and sunshine. And, BOY...it was like he was a young healthy cat again. The life sprang back into him and he was THRILLED. He rolled around on the sidewalk, nibbled a blade of grass, sniffed & strolled around, scratched his claws on the railroad tie surrounding the driveway. We spent a good 1/2 hour out, at least, and when I brought him back inside he ran back to the door begging to go out again - I'm thinking SPOILED you! I propped him up in a few open windows after that and he stayed awhile and then would jump down again. I put him back up finally in the bedroom thinking - wow, he sure had a good day today.

That evening after dinner, I fell asleep on the sofa and then went on up to bed late. As I entered the room I noticed him on the bed laying in an awkward position with an anxious expression. At first, I didn't think too much of it and, silly me, decided to give him a his dose of Carafate (coats the stomach) since he was laying there. But, he didn't move much when I gave him the dose and continued with the anxious look. So, I picked him up and set him on the floor that's when I saw it.

He was crippled on his right front and right hind legs and could not walk/hold himself up. He had had a CVA (stroke or clot.) I remember feeling at the time this calm sense of reality that "oh no, this was it, my baby - your time has come."

Through the rest of the night I curled up with him in bed and kept telling him that it was alright to go and that I'd be OK and that we'd see each other again at the Bridge one day. I didn't cry and was very calm and reassuring to him throughout the night and he seemed reasonably comfortable. He struggled once in an effort to get up, but simply couldn't. I realized he likely needed to potty. So, I took him to the litter pan and, bless his sweet heart, he peed and pooped for me as I support him - otherwise he would have been face down in the pan unable to stand. I set him down by his food and water bowls and he seemed confused looked back and forth at them, sniffed briefly but just lay there uninterested and kind of in a "daze".

I snuggled with him the remainder of the night talking to him. Got little to no sleep as I knew what faced me in the morning. I called the vet and she gave me a little more time to spend with him that morning, Tuesday, the 11th. I layed down on the floor with him on his cushion and continued talking to him and reassuring him and asking him to let me know when he got to the Bridge and made it safely over. At one point he looked up and out the window at the cypress trees blowing in the warm wind and then his gaze shifted up to the sky. I asked him if he saw "the light" or saw the bridge and if he was ready to go....shortly after that, the vet arrived and I saw the process through to the end.

Since then, although I know he had a wonderful last day on earth...and I feel happy about the fact that I was able to give that to him, and I did my very best to help him with his disease, I am STILL devastated over his loss. He was my earth angel and was an "old soul". Just the sweetest most patient and adoring cat you could ever ask for. I miss him terribly. I've tried doing all the right things to get through the grieving. But, I still bawl my eyes out every day. I have a memorial set up in the room with his pictures, flowers, etc. It may or may not be helpful, I'm not sure. But, I knew I had to set that up in his honor. There will just NEVER EVER be another cat in my life like him.

I totally understand your grief. Some of my friends have been wonderful about this (And some whom I thought would be more supportive have not) But, one got me a book called, "Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die" by Jon Katz. It is really really good, and you might want to find a copy and read it. What really hit me was the chapter titled "The Perfect Day". He describes basically what he did with his dog who was dying - gave him the "perfect day" and a few weeks later the dog passed. I realized that I had instinctively somehow knew to do this for my Mission - it just happened that way, as he described...only it was that very last day and then the stroke hit him.

And so, I feel that Mission left my life in just the same special way as he came into my life and I will NEVER EVER forget it....

OnAMission,

Your story is heartbreaking! I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful baby, you describe him sooo well. You were such a very, very good mom to him!!! He was such a lucky boy to have you.

And it does feel, doesn't it, as if you're heart has just been ripped out of your chest?! I can tell from your writing that Mission was your everything...you baby, your best friend, and such a giving kitty.

I rescued my Molly from the shelter and, like your Mission, she had a severe respiratory infection, wouldn't even drink water. Had we not nursed her back to health, I have no doubt she would not have lived. And I have often thought of that...that we were able to save her, somehow that made the relationship even that more special (if that's even possible).

The heartbreak, the heart ache is just beyond words though, isn't it?

Thank you for sharing your story about Mission.

-Molly's mom

A friend had been after me to meet her for coffee. I finely relented and met her at a coffe shop today. Early on she asked me about Molly, and at the mere mention of Molly’s name I burst into tears. Up to that moment I was “ok.” She was really understanding and it took a minute to gain my composure.

OnAMission posted, on KatyR’s page “It Happened So Fast,” that she’s unable to sleep in her bed without her Mission there. I have that same feeling about being in our house, especially the sofa. I cannot now sit in the same place on the sofa where I used to sit in the morning, having coffee, with Molly sitting on my lap—every morning. I can’t sit there now. EVERYwhere I go in the house, I expect to see Molly…meowing at me, snuggling with me, “demanding” her bedtime snack. She was as the breathe I breathed every day. That is SO how I feel about her as I think of her….she was SO much a part of my life and gave me SUCH joy and pleasure (and I spoiled her rotten back!!). I try to block out the pain much of the time, simply so I can get through the day….get through another day without her….but the pain is still so there, still SO deep.

Am having a particularly hard time of it right now. I think I'm trying to "keep a stiff upper lip"....but the pain is breaking through. I am able to go through my day without crying (for the most part....but when I do cry, I'm fine with it, I just cry); I think to others I might seem mostly "ok," maybe a little bit low energy, but somewhat like myself. But inside I just wonder what I'm doing, going through the motions of a typical day--the world just seems like some place that I just don't want to be.

My hubby, thought I really believed he loved Molly very much, is simply not grieving her like I am. He is giving me a lot of space, but still, I feel pretty much alone. I overheard him tell his cousin "...she doesn't deal with death very well." I don't know that it'd death, per se, but just the I SOOO miss my Molly. I miss her horribly. I miss her in a way that is beyond words. Y'all know.

Over the weekend I didn't get out of bed until after noon! Even then, honestly, if my husband weren't around I think I'd just stay in bed all day. My energy level is zilch! I just don't want to do anything. I knit, and we have a family wedding to go to at the end of May, and I offered to knit a lace wrap for the mother-of-the-bride, so that's about all I do. I have a novel I started before Molly died, and I thought getting into that would distract me, but I just can't even pick it up. Every minute of every day just seems pointless, empty and devoid of any joy or pleasure whatsoever. I feel like I'm just waiting....waiting for something to change, waiting for the pain to ease up, waiting for....whatever. Any and all joy has completely left my life.
I’m normally not “into” drama. I gravitate towards equanimity. But losing Molly has completely knocked me down to my knees.

Snapdragon, my friend, it's Mission's Mom. I just read your last post. My heart aches for you and feels your same pain. I'm so sorry you had a rough weekend. Believe me, my weekends, too, have been so very hard and depressing since losing my sweet butterfly boy.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now in hopes it will make you feel better.

Some others close to us don't always understand the depths of our grief. I spoke to my sister BRIEFLY last night and mentioned again my excrutiating pain. I was just in no mood to talk to her and the conversation was cryptic. She mentioned she saw I had joined this forum and that was good as she joined a bereavement group when she lost her son. She asked about my other sick cat and how she was doing - I told her she was great. (NOT - this cat will have to be put to sleep in the near future, as well.) But, I feel I can no longer divulge my feelings to her since she was so minimally supportive to me through this loss. This other cat is not anywhere NEAR as close to me or special to me as Mission was. Still my sister never even sent me a card....and it would have meant so much to me - that simple gesture.

I'm working through it and have found it DOES help to get up and out to take my mind of it. But, mostly what I've been doing is stuff to do with remembering and honoring Mission.

-I finished the book on pet loss and have ordered a few others that I'll pick up today.

-I wrote a eulogy on the front page to Mission.

-I went to the jewelry counter at Walmart and purchased several lockets. I've placed Mission's pictures in them and in one I placed a little piece of his hair. I plan to order a nicer locket when I find the right one and have it engraved with his name and place more of his hair in there so I know I will always carry around a little part of him close to my heart wherever I go.

-I've rounded up all the photos I've had of him (none were recent though - in his illness, he looked pretty bad and I did not take any.) I took them, got some single and collage frames and albums and made a memorial from this. I've take a few of these and placed them in strategic locations around the house near or at where the photo was actually taken. So, now I see his sweet little face everywere I go in the house. I have his photo on my phone, and carry a wallet photo in my purse.

-I went to a garden center and purchased an adorable miniature cypress tree (like a bonsai size) but it looks similar to the large cypress trees that are just outside my bedroom window. One of the last things Mission did while laying on his cushion on the floor was to peacefully gaze up at them swaying in the breeze and then up to the sky. I know he saw the Bridge or saw the Light then. So I've made a little mini "fairy" garden in his honor - with this little tree. It has a small bench with a "cushion" on it and I placed a little tuxedo cat figure sitting on the bench along with his favorite "toy" a little white string. There is also a gazing ball on a pedestal nearby - I place the actual large size one next to these large cypress trees every year. So, it was my fantasy creation of Mission in his new life...in his lovely little garden next to the trees that were just outside the bedroom window that he saw in this life.

I'm anxious to find another locket and have been looking at a site called Whispers in the Heart. Maybe this is something you might like, too? Even if you don't have any hair or ashes, you can still put a photo inside.

I never thought about saving any hair from my other beloved cat, Healthcliff, when I lost her at the ripe age of 21 - so I just have her photos that I framed and a lovely watercolor that a local artist friend did for me of her.

But, I've found doing all of this helps me to feel a little more connected with Mission in his Afterlife.....

I'm thinking of you, today, Snapdragon. And, I'm thinking of your beloved Molly Rose....I think she's met Mission and has probably visited him in his little garden under the cypress tree....tears are starting again, now...so I need to close down.

HUGS to you....

Mission’s mom….

Thank you sooo much for your kind words and support. Yes, I guess that’s the way it is….some days are better/worse than others.

I hear what you’re saying about your sister. And yes, it’s protective, when necessary, to not open ourselves up to others who are not understanding of our grief. There are some people, whom I thought of as somewhat close anyway, but when I talk with them now, they don’t even mention Molly or how I’m doing. I do have people who care, are understanding, and really very sympathetic and supportive, so I’m grateful for them, for sure! But I think I’m taken a little by surprise by those who aren’t. But, someone said, and I kind’a know this, that they must have some reason for being that way. Maybe they can’t “deal” with it? –who knows. But it’s still hard.

What is your other cat’s name? the one that will not love too much longer? I’m so sorry that this comes on the heels of losing Mission.

Yes, I should get out more….I just feel like I don’t want to do anything. When I have been out, socially, meeting someone for coffee, shopping, it does seem to take my mind off of it. And I know a lot of others do things, such as you, to remember and honor their loved one. But for me, it is just so, so painful to look at pictures of Molly. They just make me cry. I posted a picture of her as my avatar, but it’s making it kind of hard for me to come to the forum. Actually, I kind of don’t want to think of her, because of the sadness it brings me.

But I am trying. I am reading about grief—grief in general, I find is being helpful. Grief, I am coming to believe, is grief. Pet, friend, family member, no difference. When someone feels like a part of your very being, and you lose them, a part of yourself is gone. So, I read. I don’t really feel like being social right now. I know I need to “get out” more.

Your eulogy to Mission was beautiful. Really. He was really lucky to have you as a mom!!

Like you, I also bought some remembrance jewelry. I bought two pendants. One is a glass one, in which I have put some of Molly’s fur. The other is a silver urn pendant, in which I placed some of her ashes.

I envy you (and not in a “bad” way….just in a “I wish I could too” way) that you can put pictures up of Mission around your house, on your phone… I think it would be so sweet to be able to look at your loved one everywhere you turn. Almost like his presence is there, huh? Looking at pictures of Molly only brings on the tears. Maybe later on I will be able.

Reading about the bonsai sized cypress tree, and your last time with Mission, him looking out the window….I just started crying as I pictured him in my mind. But what a sweet, sweet story you have of your fantasy creation of Mission in his new life. So sweet. Yes, what a sweet thought, of Molly and Mission by the cypress tree.

I sometimes find myself trying to &%^yze my grief. Am I just “giving in” to it? Am I allowing myself to “wallow” in it? Molly has moved on and is no longer in pain, has no more “worldly” concerns…. she is not grieving. She had a good life (very good), and has now moved on. I try to understand why I am grieving so hard for her. Tomorrow (as you know!) is three weeks. It’s still hard for me to imagine a world without this intense pain of longing for her. Her absence is just screaming in my ear. I would really like to feel a little better, but it’s just not there (yet). Well, I guess nothing to do but just get through each day.

Thank you, Mission’s mom, for your care and support. I really do like the thought of our babies playing together under a cypress tree, that is a pleasing thought. Thank you again.

Hi Snapdragon...just wanted to let you know that I just PM'd you. I picked up a few more books today about pets and grieving. One is unusual in the fact that is it a small poetic pictorial type book - like a memento on grieving and loss but comes with a CD of 4 songs. I have to admit I tried playing them on lunch break at work and just burst into tears. NOT the right place or time. But, at some point, I will listen to them...maybe when reading through the book or the other books.

I'm glad you've been reading about grief...and agree, it doesn't matter WHAT you are in grief over...it all amounts to the same emotional turmoil we endure. We have to face your grief and try to work through it the best way we can, personally. No one can really help us with that process. But, just know that we are here to suppport you -- to support each other d understand --as we are all bonded together here on this forum because of the same reason...we've lost a beloved, cherished pet that was such aa part of our being. They WERE a part of us...our family.

Just know, that I'm also having a hard time socializing with others, right now. I know, though, it is not good to isolate myself like that, so I'm trying....

Last night, I lit some candles in my bedroom for Mission - all around his memorial. Miss Molly Rose would probably love for you to do that, too..sometime? Maybe??? When you feel up to it??? I know how hard it is...but, I think she wants to connect to you still...I can see it in her face. And, if this isn't the right way to connect to her, we need to put our heads together and figure out, what IS the right way?

I have to tell you that although I asked Mission to send me a sign that he had made it over the Bridge safely, I haven't really gotten any clear sign, yet. But, the more I remember him, think of him, pray about him and memorialize him, the more comfortable I'm starting to feel that he really IS OK....and he may not send me a sign right away, but it will come in time.

Like you, I MISS HIM TERRIBLY...it's that void of their presence that about KILLS you...but, it is what it is, now. We gave our beautiful babies the last and greatest gift of love....a release from their pain and suffering and their freedom to fly on to another place of peace and comfort like they had at one time with us.

Hugs....

Hello Snapdragon,

I haven't been on the forum for a few days but checked in today and was wondering how you are doing? It's been 2 1/2 months since I lost Ari and it does get easier to get through the days, not easy, but easier. My husband and I are worlds apart
in how we grieve so I understand what you are talking about. People also don't ask me much anymore, not that too many did in the beginning either tho, about my loss. It's ok because if they are good enough friends, I talk about it some anyway. It helps. I don't talk about it in a maudlin way but acknowledge to my friends and family that I still hurt. Sometimes when I do that, it allows them to express their feelings to me and offer support. Sort of opens it up a bit. I have gone to grief counseling and support groups that are pet specific only and I plan on doing that at least once a month. We are getting two new kittens this Friday and I am scared and excited at the same time. I cry almost every day for a little but allow myself to feel the grief when it hits. I have to. If I don't, I know I will never get to a place where I can truly be happy again. We have kept some of Ari's things for his baby brothers to use and while it makes me sad, it also makes me happy to know they will have some part of their older brother with them. I also know it will make me sad AND happy to see them in the places where Ari used to be.

Take care and take care of yourself Snapdragon.

kk - You are so sweet to write. Hearing from you really does help, thank you. Your encouragement is much needed at this time. Early on it's just so hard to ever imagine that your life will be anything other than pure pain, daily. So hearing your words really does offer some encouragement.

I'm excited for you getting your new babies later this week! Really! I hope you post pictures, though I guess I'll need to go over to another section of this forum, huh? I'll have to do that. And that your new babies will be able to use Ari's toys and things, well, that's kind of nice, kind of bitter-sweet. It's so, so good of you to give some new babies a wonderful home--you will be giving them many, many joyful years with you, I'm sure.

Although I have had my experience with people who don't seem to understand, I am fortunate in that I do have a number of very loving, understanding, caring and supportive friends, though they're all out of state. But all are willing to talk whenever I need. So I'm thankful for that. But it has been agony losing her, and that's no exaggeration. But I will hold onto words of hope, such as yours, that I will see an end to this tunnel of grief.

Thank you again for thinking of me and writing. And all the best to your new kids!! Have you picked out names yet?? :-) And are they siblings? I'm very happy for you! --hugs - Molly's mom

I just saw your pics of Miss Molly Rose, Snapdragon...OMG...what a BEAUTIFUL kitty...I am so sad....YES, she and my Mission man would have been quite the pair together....

I am in tears....what a beauty...you were soooo blessed to have had her in your life, Snapdragon....

Snapdragon,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It hurts so badly for sooooo long. I had to put my cat Kaya to sleep last July and I still cry a lot over her loss. The memorial idea is good. I'm glad you got a few. It took me over 6 months before I was ready to let her ashes be used to create a pendant. Now I actually enjoy having people notice my beautiful pendant. It gives me a chance to talk about her. I bought a glass one too and it came out more beautifully than I could have ever expected. I feel like the artist, Mark, really cared about me and my loss. He even requested photos and some stories about Kaya that he could read and focus on while creating her pendant. People like that, and the people here on this forum and other pet loss forums help make it easier. I don't want to advertise for Mark, but do want to share his link in case because he truly cared... http://psychecremationjewelry.com/about/pe...d=Ash_Memorials . I got the sunrise pendant because my cat would wake me up at odd hours licking my nose. Funny how you miss the thing most afterwards when they were slightly annoying at the time.

I hope your pain becomes manageable over time. It's hard and I hurt for you. I'm sorry you and anyone else ever has to go through an experience like this. Big hugs. Hang in there.

Kaya's Companion