Are you talking about the King Charles spaniard? If you are, my mother is obsessed with those dogs. She has 2, and gets together with a club every now and then (25 of those dogs in one house...interesting).

Well, I 'had it out' with my wife just a little while ago about what happened last Friday when I ended up not being able to go out with her friends and just left. It's been 8 days as of today since we lost Diamond (4 days on the day I bailed from going out). My wife told me that it is abnormal to be this upset over the loss of an animal, and while she isn't 'over' the loss of Diamond, she is able to function just fine and not dwell on it. And she also said I'm the only one she's ever seen that got this upset and wasn't back to functioning regularly within 1-2 days. I told her I was bothered by the fact she put on a happy face with her friends as though everything was back to normal. Her response was that it wasn't 'putting on a happy face', and that she was happy to be out with friends and wasn't hiding anything.

So basically she is making me feel like this is an atypical reaction to the death of my pets. Also she thinks it is concerning that when I referred to my dogs as "like my children". She thinks it isn't fair to say that because you can't compare animals to children. I told her from my standpoint, not having kids, all I know is having my dogs and that's the closest thing to me to having my own kids. She thinks it's an odd comparison.

She said I seem to have changed from being upset to being mad because I was 'snippy' with her over the weekend. She thinks I am suffering from depression. I don't know. I think this is my normal way of grieving. I will admit that I've been down about not having my dogs anymore. After all, I had them for the past 9+ yrs and lost both in a shocking manner. And yes while they are 'just dogs', they weren't just dogs to me. I am kind of surprised she is talking like this because she is an animal lover. I guess she just compartmentalizes things better than me in her mind. I can't shut it off like that.

Today I am feeling better than I was. I guess I'm starting to accept it, but it is still tough to come home and not see my dog here, and when I get up to not see Diamond sitting, watching me. Why is that abnormal? It's only been 8 days.

I know that all pet owners don't grieve the same way. Some can move on quicker than others. Some get new pets right away, maybe to ease the pain, maybe because they move on just that quick.

I don't like change, never did, never will. I like routine. I'm a creature of habit. So when anything changes, it automatically disturbs my way about things. When there are major changes, it upsets me more. But these were my babies...and apparently, that's a weird thing to say. I don't think so, but that's what my wife thinks. So, I'm not getting much support apparently from home.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. You were very brave to have a "heart to heart" talk with your wife to try to resolve the friction between you. Sadly, while clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is identical to the physical loss of a human family member or friend, sometimes the people who are the closest to us both emotionally and geographically do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts about our beloved companions with those who truly do understand.

Dave, there is NOTHING wrong with you. In this situation, however, you and your wife are two different people with two different viewpoints on grieving. Even though you are now husband and wife, this does not mean you cease to exist as individuals - - for your experiences each of you had BEFORE you married are what makes each of you who you are NOW, and in the future. It is perfectly okay for you to refer to your beloved companions as your "children" - - as each of us here feel the same way - - including those who are blessed to have human children. I, too, am considered the "wierdo" among my siblings because I happen to value my companions EQUALLY to, and in some instances MORE THAN, the relationships I have with human family members and friends. It has been this way ALL of my life, and now that I am a very senior citizen I truly do not care what people think. I hope and pray you and your wife will be able to come through this together in a way that will bring you closer to each other.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Dave, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I didn't know that a clinical professional would tell me that the grief journey from the death of a pet or human relative is the same. It's good to know. I never bought into what she was saying, but it was upsetting that she would say it and that she would feel that way. I was surprised she was 'relatively' over the passing of my dogs this quickly, but at the same time, they were MY dogs.

I had them since they were 11 weeks, and I got them 1 week before I met my wife, but for the first several years I only saw my wife during the weekends primarily based on schedule, so she wasn't around all the time when my dogs were growing up. Maybe there is a little bit of jealousy mixed into how my wife is feeling. I've expressed how empty I feel with my dogs gone and maybe she is taking that personal. IT is amazing how exact dogs are with their senses. If it were 3:30am or something and my wife got up to use the bathroom, my dog wouldn't move from her bed. But if she heard me stirring, she'd jump right up. I don't know how my dog knew it was me stirring versus my wife, but she always did. And, Diamond would have her routine with me in the mornings, and when I got home she'd always sit by my side during my post-workout meal. I was the clear, recognized master with my dogs, and I just think even though my wife has been with me as my wife for the last 4 yrs now, it's still not the same, because they were MY dogs, and my dogs looked to me primarily as their owner. I just don't think my wife has thought about that; maybe it's painful for her to, or she just hasn't realized it.

Either way, I know how I feel, and I think it is normal, and the grieving I did and am doing is natural. And even if I was the 'oddball' and 'weird', and was the only one that referred to my dogs as my kids in the whole world, I would flip the bird at society. I was proud to have my dogs, and I'm not going to let anybody take away from the relationship I had with them, ever.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Sadly, many people believe that a person who loves animals has to make a decision about loving their animals less and placing them below their human relationships. This is a conditioning our society still "demands" in relationships, and is one of the many reasons why I never found a human companion who could accept me for my love of animals - - because there was always the feeling of "competition" - - love me more than you love your dog or cat or bird or horse, and on and on and on. I never met anyone who desired companionship with me and who could love me BECAUSE I love my dog or cat or bird or horse, and on and on and on. It is through this forum that I have found acceptance among the many people who come here seeking comfort in their deepest sorrow.

My siblings have told me that they believe I "use" my precious companions as a buffer to prevent myself from having a close relationship with them and other people. Clinical professionals recognize that a person who can surrender themselves to the unconditional love of a companion animal has a HUGE capacity to love - - not just their beloved companions but human relationships who are an important, and intimate, part of their life. Sadly, because of many difficult family dynamics I am not close to my siblings, and they still repeatedly rebuff me because of my feelings about my precious companions - - and all animals.

I hope and pray that in time you will be able to talk to your wife about your feelings, and your wife will be able to better understand them, and love you for them. This may take some time and lots of patience, but please know you are always among friends here who truly do understand how you feel, Dave.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Dave and Moon Beam. I agree with everything both of you have said. Our capacity to love our pets very deeply and therefore grieve them very deeply is not in anyway abnormal. It's beautiful. Anna's ashes and paw print plaster arrived last night, in spite of a terrible ice storm we had in the Philadelphia area. It's kind of comforting to have them nearby. Having her physical remains makes her spiritual remains seem closer.

I'm lucky my husband is grieving very similarly to me. We both have bouts of crying, but also bouts of just heavy hearts as we go about work, etc. We both felt Anna (yes a King Charles Spaniel) was one of the strongest loves of our lives. Like your mother, Dave, I think I'm hooked on this breed, but not yet ready to get another while we're on this awful grief journey. I shouldn;t say "awful" because it's part of life, but I do wish there was a fast forward button.


I hope you and your wife can find a way back to each other. My husband and i have been to counselors several times over our long married lives (37 years!) and with the right therapist it can be very, very helpful........just an idea for you to consider. I'm sorry if that's inappropriate for me to suggest. Works for us.

Everyone out there, thanks so very much for sharing and comforting. Joy

We argued for a good 1.5 to 2 hours and then that was the end of it, basically. She has her opinions, I have mine, we both think we're 'right', and I'm going to feel the way I'm going to feel. I'm not going to try to feel some other way because someone else says I should, even if it's someone close to me. I value her opinion but I don't agree with her.

I also felt better once the ashes were returned to me, ESPECIALLY with Ruby. Since Ruby was my first to go, it was the most shocking. I was completely unprepared for that one. With Diamond, I had been through this once, and knew she had cancer, although I felt we cured her of it. She didn't die of the cancer she was diagnosed with, and it was a shock to wake up one morning finding her having a hard time breathing for sure...but I had been through this once recently so I guess looking back, that did help. But the part I hadn't been through is not having EITHER of them around. But, when Ruby's ashes came back to me (it took a good 3 days) I was able to settle down a little bit more. When Diamond came back, it helped, but when I look at their ashes sitting side by side near me at bedtime, it makes me sad. To go from a good dog to an urn, just tough to think about still.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. There are times when two people who dearly love each other need to respect each other's differences, as you have shared with us about you and your wife in this time of deep sorrow for you: "I value her opinion but I don't agree with her." You and your wife are not clones of one another. Therefore, neither of you need to "change" your feelings - - respecting one another's individuality is a major part of love, particularly in times of disagreements.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I wanted to share this picture with everybody.

My mother's friend made this. She got the rainbow bridge photo, and superimposed a photo of Ruby and Diamond, Ruby is licking Diamond's face. It looks like they're in heaven.

I swear, I got choked up when I saw the dogs imposed on there. She made it for me as a picture, but I'm going to put it on my desk at work. Fighting the tears...

Ruby and Diamond are precious.

What a dear and beautiful picture gift from someone who knows how much you love and miss Ruby and Diamond.

Hi, Dave, thank you so very much for sharing this beautiful tribute to your beloved Ruby and Diamond. I know you will always treasure it.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I have some good news. My wife came up to me upset a couple hours ago and said she has been looking online to see what dogs are available for rescue because it is getting herder and harder for her since diamond died. The quiet house is making her more sad. So in a sense this is wonderful news because now we are looking for 2more dogs! Only issue now is i want more labs and she wants small dogs that shed little. She said it makes her nervous that had she been here alone she couldn't have carried diamond to the car in an emergency. I think she could have though. So, im happy we are looking for more. I was going to wait until summer when she is off work (teacher) but she doesn't want to wait.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing your news with us. It sounds like your wife is finally allowing herself to grieve for Ruby and Diamond, and you and your wife are now being able to share your sorrow together.

As a woman, and one who is the only human in the household, I can understand your wife's concerns about a larger dog to try to provide care for in an emergency situation. If you decide on Labs, or another similar size dog, you may want to get your wife a four-wheel wagon so that she can get the dog to the car and easily transfer the dog into the car so that she can take the dog to the vet in case you are not there to help carry and lift the dog into the car. Once they are at the vet, the vet techs can take over transferring the dog from the car to a litter to get the dog into the hospital for treatment. Hopefully you and your wife will be able to find a "system" that will work for her so that she is not afraid of being able to get your companions to a vet in case of an emergency should you not be there with her at the time.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Another thing that happened which was wonderful she was at her doctor for prescription refill and she started chatting with the doctor about how we had lost our dogs and about how I was feeling especially early on. The doctor told her that she also had lost her dog a few months ago and had to take 3 days off work and was deeply upset for weeks, and looked at her dog as her child as well.

That seemed to calm my wife down. She apologized to me today for saying what she said, about how she was wrong and apparently I 'knew what i was talking about'. I told her, I don't know what I'm talking about I just know how I felt and how I still feel. I don't need a professional to tell me how I should or shouldn't feel about the loss of my dog. It was my dog, and I viewed them as my children. I could care less waht the 'medical world' has to say about it.

I wasn't that abrasive as that sounds with her, but i did explain that I felt she was a bit out of line but was glad to see that now she understands that I'm not the only one that feels that way toward animals.

Moonbeam, I also told her what you said about how clinical professionals don't see a difference between grief over an animal or grief over a human. She was willing to listen this time, and nodded.

So I'm glad the friction is gone and that I can openly discuss getting more pets with her now. She seems to be leading the charge even. She's spent 7 hours today already looking up rescue places and such.

I'm happy, but at the same time still sad. I miss my babies very much. My wife was upset as she was explaining her conversation with the doctor. She said she is having a really hard time, and it is getting harder every day for her that the house is silent. I said "welcome to my world".

Dave, I'm just another grieving member of this site, but I too am so very glad for your relationship and that you both are opening your hearts for another or other dogs.

My husband and I have some trips planned and we're going to wait until we're home for a consistent basis before getting another dog. We need to talk about whether we'll get another cavalier king charles or adopt a sweet tempered dog from our SPCA. I've been looking on line at responsible breeders who are trying to breed cavaliers that don't have the heart disease problems. but unfortunately many really don';t have a long life span.

Our Anna was only 4 years old and the love of our lives. that's young even for a cavalier. I believe you said your mother has CKCS's. I'd be interested to know how her's have been health=wise.

My cousin just got a labrador retriever puppy that's bigger boned English type, OMG soooooo cute.

I think you and I both getting along a little better, having lost our dear dogs the same day. Moon beam is such a dear!!!!!!

Take care and good luck. Joy

My mom's CKCS's are in great health as far as I know. She takes them to a cardiologist every year to get their hearts checked. About 5 yrs ago she got her first CKCS and named him Luke. One day they let him out to go potty, and when they called for him he didn't come. They looked and saw him laying in the snow. Heart stopped on the spot. She was devastated. The breeder became good friends with my mom and because that happened she gave my mom a discount on another one. She has 2 now and loves them to pieces.

I'm not a big fan of the small dogs. Not that I dislike any animal but I just have my preferences. When I look at a chocolate or black lab face it just makes me melt. My wife is the same with the little dogs she's been searching online for all day haha. I told her we should'nt rush, but she's in a big hurry. I think she's hurting.

I told her I think we should wait until summer when she's off but she has the opposite view that it'd be better to cage them and get them used to being alone for a few hours at a time now instead of them getting used to someone always being home and then having the shock of nobody being home. She could be right.

I really don't know what's best but I don't think she's going to want to wait. I just told her we can get some sooner than summer but we should take our time finding the ones that make us melt when we see them, however long it takes.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your wife are doing. I am soooo glad to share your news that you and your wife are now being able to share your sorrow together - - to be able to comfort one another.

Your wife does have some sound thinking about adopting a new companion sooner than summer when you share with us: " she has the opposite view that it'd be better to cage them and get them used to being alone for a few hours at a time now instead of them getting used to someone always being home and then having the shock of nobody being home. She could be right." Whenever you decide to embrace a new companion(s), one of the many important things is that you and your wife feel ready. Your beloved Ruby and Diamond are already guiding your paths to that moment in time when you and your wife will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is the RIGHT TIME, and the RIGHT MATCH of companion(s).

And if I may offer an unsolicited suggestion: Please do not feel restricted to one type of companion -- many friendships have been formed between large and small housemates. So, if you want another Lab, please know a smaller dog for your wife will not be in harm's way.

I hope today is treating you, and your wife, kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thanks, Dave. I've been looking at responsible breeders who are breeding for health of CKCS's. We'll probably get one this spring or summer. This has been one heck of a winter in Philly area. Our 11th snow storm coming tomorrow. I miss Anna terribly, but a "dogless" home doesn't feel like home.

Definitely doesn't feel like the same home without pets running around.

We are considering some pincher mixes now. Or, pug/beagle mixes. This weekend we are going to look.

I miss my dogs so much.

Our winter has been a record winter here. It hasn't warmed up enough in 2 months for any of the snow to melt. We probably have 12 inches on the ground still, and ice everywhere, and i have huge piles on the sides of my driveway, nowhere to put any more snow. Looks like about 8 days from now it's going to warm up over 32 degrees finally.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope you and your wife will enjoy your search for a new companion(s). I know you already are reading up on the needs of each breed and the health focuses pertinent to the individual breeds you are considering. Please let us know how things are going in your adoption process.

I hope today is treating you, and your wife, kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

A rescuer is bringing us 2 10 week old Beagle/Cocker Spaniel mixes tomorrow morning. I am so excited...but I have mixed feelings. It does not yet feel the same as it did with Ruby and Diamond. They were my first babies, and I don't know if it's because it's not THEM or because it is like 'replacing' them, even though I understand that I'm not. It just feels different. When I was first getting Ruby and Diamond I was super excited and so nervous about making sure I did everything right. This time I am more knowledgable so not so nervous, I am very excited, but it just isn't the same. I am sure when those little pups are taken up into my arms I will melt, because I always do, but right now it feels strange. I don't really know how to explain it. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

The puppies are siblings, a boy and a girl. Currently the rescue names are Dylan and Darla. We really like Darla, but my wife doesn't like Dylan because she teaches a child name Dylan that is a tyrant apparently lol. I kind of like Mikey...'come here little Mikey'. She sorta likes it...she likes Oliver. I don't mind Oliver either but two names for siblings, in my view, should have a very similar ring to it. The wife also likes Lucy for the girl. I am fine with that. I have a feeling Dylan will be my buddy, and Darla will be her little sweetiepie. Just how it goes, even though we will love them to pieces no matter what.

There are some old nerves coming back about the potty training thing, and leaving them in a crate when gone to work. My mother will be able to run over a couple times to let them out to go potty, and I am sure it will quickly turn into what I felt when I had Ruby and Diamond. I went to work, and then came home and spent every moment with them until bed. It's all I wanted to do.

I dunno. This situation is significantly different. When I got Ruby and Diamond, it was just me making all the decisions. Now it's my wife and me having to agree, and I am not exactly getting my first pick. I wanted a bigger dog, but the wife didn't want to get an animal that has the shorter life span, didn't want a dog too heavy for her to carry, and didn't want to get one prone to cancer like the bigger dogs...and let's not discuss the shedding issues with labs lol. She does most of the indoor cleaning so I guess I can understand. I wish i could post the rescue links to the pups because they are like little stuffed animals they're so cute. I will take pics and post if we end up getting them tomorrow.