My darling boy is gone. His cremation was today. I decided to observe the cremation. I was nervous, but I am glad I did this. It was a last chance to touch his soft fur. I am still struggling to move on. Everything I look at reminds me of him and then I feel so sad and empty. I am crying less now than I did a week ago, which is when my boy died. I have been reaching out for support, which is not easy for me. I even attended a pet loss grief support group.
How do I ever get another cat, when I will always compare that cat to my perfect Snugs, I can't imagine how I can be a good parent to another cat. I also don't want to go though this again.
My boy Snugs was beautiful, intelligent, and had a great personality.
Since he used to sleep with me, I am still having trouble sleeping. I know I took good care of Him, but there are times when I am filled with guilt, wishing I gave him more attention. I took him to his vet for regular exams, but I didn't know how important it was to have his blood pressure checked as he grew older. His regular vet never brought it up until it was too late. With vision problems and kidney problems, he bravely continued on a couple of more years, I wish I could go back in time and check his blood pressure before he had problems.

Dear sad parent, I hope today is treating you kindly. I was just reading through your posts about Snug and I was wondering if he was by chance a Siamese cat? You mentioned that he had blue eyes. Would you mind perhaps posting a photo of your precious Snugs? He surely was blessed with good genes that he lived to the age of 24, and I'm sure your love for him also played a part in his longevity. You were blessed with his companionship and love for 24 years, that surely is a long time, and sometimes we think those happy times should never end. But unfortunately their little bodies wear out just as our bodies wear out, and on this earth unfortunately death is a part of living. You will miss your Snug for quite some time, but grief is also a journey where we learn how to live without our precious friends. There are seasons in life. There is a time to be born, and a time to die. There is a time to mourn and a time to be happy again.

Sad parent, one day you will be happy again. I know this is hard to believe right now, but your Snugs would not want you to be sad for the rest of your life. You were saying that you don't want to go through this again, and I know what you mean. Losing a precious companion feels like someone has ripped your heart out. We can close ourselves off and not love again to protect ourselves from hurt, but we'd also miss out on love and that would be a sad and lonely life. The kindest and most loving thing you could do is to one day adopt a new kitty. No, it won't be Snugs, but our hearts are big enough to love again, and we have many friends, not just one. There are so many beautiful, loving cats out there that need a home, and I think you need not worry about being a good parent as you gave Snugs so much love. Yes, you probably will compare a new cat to Snugs, but that is normal, we have all done that. But eventually a new bond will form and you will love again. Snugs would want you to. I've lost both my longtime companion cats within 4 months of each other, but the 2 cats I have now are just as precious and sweet and loving. They're different, yes, but that's the beauty of it. It's discovering their personality and what they like. If you can open yourself up to giving love to another cat you'll find that love more than reciprocated in return. As I said before, our hearts are big enough to love again, and we go through life loving many people and many animals, and that in itself is a wonderful thing.

Hi, Sad parent, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. DannysMom has very comfortingly shared with you what is also in my heart. The love bond you share with your beloved Snugs is eternal. But as DannysMom has shared with you this does not mean you cannot embrace a new companion into your heart and life again - - when or if you should want to. The grief pain we experience when our companions precede us to the angels is definitely life changing - - there is no doubt about that. Fortunately embracing a new companion into your heart and life is not a decision you need to make today or anytime in the near future. For now just take one day at a time. Your beloved Snugs' sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. Perhaps someday he will guide a new companion in your direction and you will know he / she is a gift to you from him - - and there will be no doubt in your heart that you can love this new companion completely.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Sad parent, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Snugs' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Tanks for your support. I am having a bad day. I miss my Snugs and have trouble sleeping. I ache and feel so empty,
I will post some pictures now and some later

Hi, Sad parent, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Snugs. From first hand experience I do so understand how deeply sad you are feeling, and the seering pain of loss you are feeling in your heart. Particularly during the deep grief it can feel like the deep sorrow will never ease. I promise you, Sad parent, that one day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Snugs and you will find yourself smiling again - - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Snugs wants for you. Until this time comes for you, though, it is important for you to take one day at a time - - one moment at a time - - in your own way and in your own time. And please know you are not alone in your journey - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Sad parent, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Snugs' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moon-beam. Your support means a lot. Right now it is hard to believe the pain will ever improve. Snugs was my best friend, I am not married and have no children, so Snugs was my major support. I had him so many years, I need to change my life and add more into it, but I am hurting so much that I can not do much yet.

Hi, Sad parent, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so understand how you're feeling when you share with us that your beloved Snugs was the center of your universe during his earthly journey with you. I, too, am the only human in my household which is blessed with my precious companion Noah who is now the sole survivor in a home that once enjoyed the physical presence of 4 precious furkids - - including Noah.

When our companions come into our hearts our lives are changed for the better. They are totally dependent upon us for their every need - - their food, their exercise, their medical care, their emotional support and development - - they literally become the center of our universe. They give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without hesitation or fear of rejection. The bond we develop with them is deeper in a different way than the bond we share with family members and friends - - even with the most loving and intimate relationships. With human relationships there are expectations - - which is normal - - but these expectations are not always met for whatever reason. Depending on the intensity of not having these expectations met they can either not make a difference or be a source of the relationship breaking. All our precious furkids ask of us is for us to love them and take care of them to the best of our ability. They do not care if they live in a palace or a highway underpass. Their love for us is a constant in our hearts and lives that will never change - - except to grow deeper - - for love is a growing, nurturing, presence that is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

So even if you already had millions of social contacts and were previously active in your community - - I assure you, Sad parent, that this would not diminish the deep sorrow of grief you are now feeling in the physical absence of your beloved Snugs. No one and nothing can ever take the place of your beloved Snugs. But what you eventually do with your life once your deep grief has eased and you are feeling stronger emotionally and physically can bring a different perspective and appreciation for the eternal love you and your beloved Snugs share. For now, though, just take one day at a time - - one moment at a time. The outside world will always be there - - for now you need to focus on YOU.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Sad parent, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Snugs' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Sad parent, thanks so much for sharing this picture of your beloved Snugs. He sure was a beautiful kitty boy! You've spent almost a quarter of a century with him and you were so blessed to have him. I wish I could say something to make the pain go away. I know full well the pain and the emptiness and missing them at night. Please take good care of yourself.

Thank you so much for your understanding comments. It means a lot to me. It is still so hard to believe that I will never see and hold my Snugs again. When I go out and come home, it hits me hard. He is not there to greet me. If someone asks how I am, the tears roll down. I get so embarrassed. Nothing feels good now. I feels so alone without him.

Thanks for your support. It helps to know I am not alone. How have you handled the night pain and emptiness ?

Hi, Sad parent, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing emotionally is very normal. During our deep grief our emotions are very unpredictable - - this is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. I remember very well going to the store after one of my beloved companions joined the angels and openly crying as I walked the aisles for food for my remaining furkids knowing that I no longer needed to get as much as I had before because one of my fur family members no longer needed my care. I so remember being thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to try to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk and continue on with my work. And then there were the drives into work and back home with gut-wrenching sobbing as if a dam had broken and the flood waters were pouring uncontrollably. The waking up was hard as well for awhile - - and once again my heart would break anew because there was one less precious companion waiting for my attention and care.

It is vitally important for your health that you allow yourself the opportunities to openly grieve for your beloved Snugs - - as you feel comfortable doing - - for the tears you cry are literally healing tears, Sad parent. They literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up during the stress of grieving. I promise you, Sad parent, it will not always be like this - - but for now you are entitled to this time of grieving for you have lost the physical presence of your beloved Snugs - - and this is a very painful experience both emotionally and physically.

Part of the reason why this grief journey is so painful is because we live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell. Every time our companions touch us, rub up against us, kiss us, they are imprinting themselves onto us so that they can tell us apart from all the other humans inhabiting this planet. When they precede us to the angels, this physical contact is lost and our bodies literally experience a physical withdrawal from them - - and this one of the many reasons why this grief journey is a very painful one both emotionally and physically. To help bridge the physical absence, I always found it comforting to hold one of my companion's toys, or a blanket or their collar when my arms ached so much to hold them one more time. No - - it isn't the same thing, but it does help until the seering pain of deep sorrow eases.

I promise you, Sad parent, that when it is your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy, you will see your beloved Snugs again and will be able to hold him again - - and this time there will be no separation from each other again. But for now as difficult as it is you must continue on with your earthly journey in a way that will honor your beloved Snugs' treasured memory that you and you alone are entrusted with.

Thank you for honoring us with sharing your beloved Snugs with us. I hope today is treating you kindly, Sad parent, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Snugs' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear sad parent, the only thing that I could really do to deal with the night pain and emptiness was to cry until the pain eased and I felt better. Crying helps to release the pain. After I lost my precious calico cat, Tina, I was inconsolable at night as she always slept with me. I missed her presence so much it hurt. I couldn't stand it no more after two weeks and so I brought home a sweet young calico cat. Shelley now sleeps with me every night, snuggled against me, and I take so much comfort in her presence.

I find myself having times when I can't believe my Snugs has died. I almost look for him and expect to see him and then it hits me that I will not have him again and that overwhelms me. Snugs also slept with me. I have trouble sleeping now. I also find myself feeling guilty that I didn't pet him more and give him more attention. I know I did a lot for him, but there were times I was busy.
While I am glad I went to his cremation as I had a last chance to see his body, I didn't know what to expect and I now am haunted by images of his cremation . I miss him so much. I feel so old and tired now. I also wonder if I could have kept him alive a few more days. Did I act too soon? He had stopped eating and nothing was turning that around. I brought him to the vet. He had started whimpering and pushing my hand away when I tried to give him a pill or some food. I wanted to do the best for him. I am tortured by my decision to end his life.

Sad parent, you did the right thing by ending Snugs' suffering when you did. He wasn't eating and wasn't going to get better; if your decision wasn't the right one, your veterinarian would never have gone along with it. I know how you feel. I have also had some guilt and remorse at putting our beloved English bulldog, Jake, to sleep when we did, especially during those times when I am just missing him so terribly. However, in retrospect, it was the right thing to do at the right time. Take comfort in the knowledge that one day you and Snugs will be reunited forever. He waits for you now at the foot of Rainbow Bridge.

Dear sad parent, when cats stop eating and nothing helps to get them to take food then that is usually an indicator that it's time. While they can survive for some days without food or water it also means that their internal organs are shutting down and they are on a slow road to starvation. I think that considering that Snugs wasn't eating you did the most loving and humane thing. I found a good link to assess your fur kid's quality of life and that can help as a guideline at http://www.lapoflove.com/Pet_Quality_of_Life_Scale.pdf

I don't think you made the wrong decision to end his life. If Snugs wasn't eating anything then he was probably trying to tell you it's his time to go. You did all you could do. Snugs would not want to torture yourself.

Thanks for the quality of life scale. Snugs was a 5 or at the most a 6. It is helpful to look at that.
It is just so hard to let go. Sometimes I can't believe he is gone. And then it hits me and I am again overwhelmed.
I am not functioning very well. I am making silly mistakes and having a hard time getting things done.
I am not sure how to get through it. I realize I arranged my life around Snugs and his medication needs the past few months.
It is hard to imagine my life without Snugs.

Actually, when I think about the scale, Snugs was a 5, no more. It is hard to face how bad his condition was. But the scale helps to validate euthanasia

I am so sad, missing my boy Snugs. It is still so hard to believe that he is gone . I can tear myself up thinking about things I wish I had done - more hugs, more pictures, more time with him. I was so attached to him. He helped me through some of the toughest times in my life. The pain is constant. I can sometimes distract myself and briefly get some relief.
He died Sept 21. It seems only yesterday. It is horrible to choose euthanasia. I can easily forget why I made that decision.
I have to remind myself that he was not eating and was starting to have problems walking. It feels that his decline was sudden. I think I didn't want to face what was happening. I wish this was all a nightmare and I could wake up.
I start to question what is important and what matters. There is a dark cloud over me and I don't know if it will ever move away. I know I am not the only one who has felt this way. I can't imagine how people survive this.

Sad Parent,

I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I had my Penny girl put to sleep on August 30th after she had a really bad grand mal seizure. She was a senior and started having the seizures about 3 weeks prior. Due to that and other symptoms, our vet felt that she had a brain tumor. When I'm rational I know I did it because I loved her and because she was declining. She also had dementia and most of the time did not appear to know who we were, where she was etc and had started to develop horrible separation anxiety despite not even responding to her own name. I still feel guilty and have days that I feel I murdered my dog! That morning when we got to the vet I remember sobbing and asking him several times if I was doing the right thing. All he could say was "you aren't doing the wrong thing." I know in my heart if he thought he could have done more to save her, he would have done so and not euthanized her that day. Her symptoms showed up on August 5th so I understand your feeling a sudden loss. I had a healthy happy dog in July and by the end of August she was gone. She was my loyal partner for 8 years with me through college, marriage and our first baby. Some days I can't imagine facing life without her.

I'm having more "good" days than bad days now. I still miss her terribly but the soul crushing guilt has subsided somewhat. I made the best decision I could have in that moment and I know I could have never gone through with it had I not loved her enough to put my selfishness of holding on to her aside.

Tonight has been a difficult one. I woke up around 3 am last night because I thought I heard her and then laid there forever trying to remember how she felt, her smell. Things that I can remember fine in the middle of the daytime but last night the memories were failing me. I sat outside on the deck tonight sobbing because it hit me again that she isn't coming home. Some days I feel like it is a nightmare and I will wake up and she will be here, clicking toes and tail wagging.

I pray a lot and talk to her a lot. It took me awhile to realize that I felt like I needed her to forgive for me for the decision. It hit one day she had forgiven me for everything else in her life that might not have been perfect and she loved and trusted me as her leader and that I think she knew that day when she finally came out of the seizure and looked up at me that it was time for her to let go.

You are most definitely not alone. I don't know when/if the guilt ever totally goes away. At this point I don't know that mine will. But it does get easier to move forward and for me to remember more pleasant memories of her. You are in my thoughts.

Hi Sad parent,

I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved Snugs - he was a beautiful boy. I am so in awe of the fact that you had him 24 years - that is so amazing and what a gift. I lost my beloved Oliver last December to congestive heart failure - he died in my arms on the way to emergency vet. He was only 13, and I thought for sure he would live into his 20's. He was my soul mate kitty, the love of my life - it was the most heart wrenching pain and grief and I never thought I would see the light of day again - I know exactly how you feel. The feelings you have are exactly like the ones I had - and there is no time limit on grieving - it's an individual process. And you will always miss Snugs, although the pain does become less severe over time - it does get better. And that dosen't mean you don't love him and miss him just as much as you do now - it becomes a part of who you are, and there is strength to be found in those dark moments. I know there is nothing anyone can say that will take away your pain - please know that you are not alone - I SO feel for you and completely understand. And you don't have to put a time limit on yourself or think "I should be over this by now"...there is NO time limit. And you will never get over losing Snugs - your pain will just shift in it's severity over time. But take all the time you need - from now until forever if you want.

I just joined this site because I lost another one of my kitties - Henry - on August 20th - and I mean I literally lost him - I was moving out of my apartment and he was scared and jumped out of my arms and ran - I have been desperately searching for him since and it has been beyond gut-wrenching - not knowing what has happened, if he's hurt, scared, hungry, you name it. I feel like I've abandoned him and have literally had a breakdown. So the pain is very present in my life again, although it's almost worse than when I lost Oliver because I don't have any closure. Henry was only 8, and he was so precious and sweet - it has literally almost killed me. I don't have children either and my kitties are my babies - they are my children and the fact that I cannot protect Henry and be with him - it is guilt and grief beyond meaure. I talked to an animal communicator who told me he has passed on - that he ate something toxic and it killed him - and I know it's not 100% proven, but I feel she is a valid source. I am still looking, of course, but part of me feels he is gone and knowing I might never see him again or never really know is almost more than I can bear.

Sorry to go off on my own tangent - I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain SO MUCH and you are NOT ALONE. You are so lucky that you had your precious baby for so long and were with him at the end - it doesn't lessen the pain, I know that - but what a gift. Over time you will realize that - I realized that with my precious Oliver - even though I thought I was going to die from heartbreak and never see the light of day again, I slowly realized what a gift it was that he was in my arms when he passed - as painful as it was, I know it was a gift and I have learned to be grateful that I was with him - I hear so many sad stories, and now have my own with Henry - so I hope you know that you being with Snugs to the end is a gift - it's a hard reality of life - none of us will live forever - and it's always painful to be the one who is left behind - but know you will be reunited with your baby one day. My heaven is not a heaven without my kitties - so I know we will be reunited.

And I hope you know that you made the right decision about him - he was going and knew it was his time - animals have an interesting way of letting us know that they are ready, that they are tired, etc. Your precious Snugs knew how much you loved him and knows you did the right thing for him - you freed him from his pain and failing body - his spirit and soul are always there, but you allowed him to be released from the physical pain and he's now light and alive again, in spirit - and he is with you, without a doubt. Do you talk to him? I did that with Oliver and still do, and have done it with Henry too - they are there, they hear you, and they know how much you love them and miss them.

Bless you in this trying time - I am so, so sorry for your loss, but know that there is nothing lost where there is love - you will always have your connection with him and he was SO blessed to have you as his mama - what a wonderful life you gave him. It will become more apparent to you over time - all of the good and the blessings - but for now, let your pain out, continue to reach out for support, cry as much you want (you should never keep that in) and know you are NOT alone AT ALL.

You are in my thoughts and prayers - and so is your Snug - hopefully he has met my Oliver on the other side - and they have become fast friends and are bragging to each other about how great their mamas were and are

Take care and hope to hear from you more - take your time, be gentle with yourself and share your pain - we are all here for you.

xoxo - Gsnap75

Thank you for sharing your story. It does help to know I am not alone. I think most people in my life fry to be understanding, but think it is time for me to move on. It is a cloudy day today, and I miss times I would snuggle up with my Snugs on a day like this. In thinking about what you wrote, I too may want forgiveness from Snugs. He was also very forgiving of everything else. But it was so hard to make the decision for him to end his life. He seemed fo perk up when we got to the vet. His usual vet was not in, so I had to use another vet at the same place. She made the comment that I have done so much for him and if I think it is time for him, it must be time. Those words haunt me. I wonder if I made a mistake. My brother reminded me that Snugs' usual vet wanted to do it a day earlier when I brought him In due to not eating. I was not ready to end it right then, but the next day was Friday and I didn't want to chance him getting much worse over the weekend and having to go to a strange emergency room. As you can see, I still torment myself over this.