Hi Everyone-

I just lost my cat about a week and a half ago. I joined this forum to find other people who have similar emotions about losing a pet. Most of my friends and even my family don't seem to understand the depth of how horrible I feel. I got Scooter when I was 10 years old and he was with me for the past 15 years. I just keep replaying when he died in my mind. He had kidney failure and that saturday night he completely crashed and was having seizures on my bed. He looked so scared and completely out of it. I asked my family to give me some time alone with him before we went to the vet and I told him how much I loved him. I said he was my angel and that my life was so much better because of him. And I kept telling him that all the way and the whole time we were with the vet up until he had to be euthanized. We had spent years giving him treatment for his kidney problems and he just was done. I could tell that this was different from all the other times. The vet said there was no reason to treat him anymore cause it wouldn't be worth it. Even though I feel like I did everything I could there is still always the thought of if I could have done more. I truly feel like I've lost a best friend. I think I'm still in denial. I feel like I'll be able to go home and he'll be there. It seems imaginable that I have to go on for the rest of my life without him. And I don't want to, even though I obviously don't have a choice. How do you learn to accept that? Because at this point I don't want to/know if I can. But at the same time being sad about it all the time is terrible. I have this huge hole in my heart that I can't imagine ever going away. I feel terrible about everything. In the past whenever things would be hard I always felt like I had him to help me. And now that's gone also.

Hi, Julia, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Scooter. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Julia, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time and can literally make us feel like we are going insane. I promise you, Julia, that what you are going through is very normal - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Scooter. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of taste, touch, sound, smell, and hearing. During our companions earthly journey with us they literally physically imprint themselves on us each time they touch us by rubbing up against us and licking us. Through this chemical imprinting they are able to identify us out of all the millions of other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, this physical connection is lost and our bodies go through a literal withdrawal. This is one of the many reasons why we long to hold them and feel them close to us. It is important that you try to find ways to help bridge this physical connection, particularly during your deep grief - - such as holding a blanket or toy or collar that belongs to your beloved Scooter. No, it isn't the same as holding him in your arms but it is something that belongs only to him.

The good news is that the love bond you and your beloved Scooter share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Scooter's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories. He is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Julia, this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Unfortunately there is no fast forward or delete button you can press that will speed up the journey or make it go away. Although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for a beloved companion is identical to the physical loss of a human family member or friend unfortunately many people, including those who are closest to us, do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here so that we can be among friends who truly do understand what we are going through. So please know you are among friends here, Julia. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I promise you, Julia, it will not always be like this. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Scooter and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Scooter wants for you. Until this time happens for you, Julia, we are here for you to share your not so bad days, your not so good days, and the days when you are feeling consumed by the seering pain in your heart.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Scooter with us, Julia. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you are ready. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Julia, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Julia

Please accept my sincere condolences on the passing of your kittie Scooter. Loss of such a long-time soul-mate must be horrible beyond beliefe. I lost my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) 14 months ago and well remember those first soul-searing days. The wonderful people on this forum got me through it - although there is no "getting OVER" it. We animal-relatives are called on to do the most excruciating thing on earth in the name of our love for them - and you did it heroically. We enjoy the most beautiful love there is, and then, all too soon, their time comes to return to the Perfect World from which they came. And we face the supreme test of our love - setting them free - at the expense of a shattered heart. Julia, we hurt in proportion as we love. And as MoonBeam has taught me and many others, our beloveds do not really leave us - they're still there right beside us, but we can't sense them - and that's what hurts more than anything else in this life.

Your only "task" during this bleadding-to-death-from-the-heart period is to live. That's it! Exhale after inhaling. Do whatever your heart tells you to do in grief - regardless of the "helpful" advice you get from well-meaning others. Cry, scream, pound pillows, curl up into a ball under a blanket - what ever your heart says. All of us here have done these things. They have to be done. (I slept on Gretta's huge orthopedic dog bed using a pillow I had made by velcro-ing two of her showsuits together for a pillow for over a week.)

Julia, you have come to the righ tplace. This is THE best support site on the web. People truly care. We/they truly support each other. We have all been through love's trial by fire and are in various places along the grief journey. We love and support each other - always. Welcome to the LS family - we just wish that the price of admission weren't so high! But that would mean we hadn't experienced the true exchange of love with our special spirit-animals.

Please be gentle with yourself today, Julia. We're all lending you our strength - and Scootes is up above sending down love rays always and everywhere.

Move slowly right now, my friend. We're with you.

Gretta's mom

Julia
So sorry to hear about your kitty--But I truly understand your grief----We have had many cats through the years and I have cried for each and everyone!!!! Give it time and it will get better---and the hole in your heart will not feel as big!

Im sorry for your lost and i know exactly how u feel. I lost my cat 5 months ago to a blood clot that formed in her legs. I had her since i was 6 and spent 16 years with her. Its still hard to come to the fact that shes not here anymore and honestly it really sucks. Even after 5 months of her not being here i still think in the back of mi mind imma come home one day and see her. Yea the pain will eventually not be so bad but idk if i will ever come to terms that she wont b spending the rest of my life with me.

Julia, please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your beloved cat, Scooter. I lost both my precious cats within 4 months of each other, and I know how much it hurts. I know full well about the huge hole in the heart and the pain that just doesn't seem to want to go away. My sweet Tina died almost 6 weeks ago. She had been with me for over 14 years, and I still miss her dearly. In the first three months the waves of grief will most likely hit you hard and often, but as time passes it will get easier. It helps to cry as your tears help to release the pain that you're feeling inside. Perhaps it may help you to write about Scooter or put together a photo album. Perhaps you could plant a bush or a tree in his memory. Please be especially kind to yourself and get enough rest. Going through grief is hard.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi Everyone- Thanks so much for your kind words. It is really helpful to know that other people out there feel the same way. Having people around who don't understand or who think "it's just a pet" has been really hard. I have really just wanted to be on my own so that I can start to deal with how I feel. I think the hardest part is going to be accepting it because I still think I'm in denial. I lay in bed imagining him jumping up onto the bed with me. It's like I want to have him back so badly and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel so helpless. We got him cremated and when the crematorium gave us back the ashes they gave us a clay footprint of his. I look at it every day and night remembering him.

Hi, Julia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Getting our beloved companion's ashes back is a two-sided coin: on one side there is the relief of having them back home where they belong while the other side is another "reality check" that they are no longer in the physical presence that our hearts long for.

It is not uncommon for us to feel the presence of our companions after they have joined the angels - - such as manisfestations of feeling them jump up onto the bed or sofa, hearing their distinctive voices, seeing them in their usual places. I assure you, Julia, you are not imagining these manifestations - - you are not going crazy. These are gifts to us from our beloved companions letting us know they are still with us through their sweet Living Spirit. So enjoy these visits from your beloved Scooter.

Julia, it is very normal for us to want our beloved companions back with us physically. This grief adjustment journey is both an emotional AND physical one, and it just takes time to adjust to the "new reality" - - one day at a time in your own way and in your own time. It is very important that you know you are not alone as you travel your grief adjustment journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Scooter with us, Julia. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening and weekend. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Julia, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

OH Julia

My heart is crying with you. The day you get the ashes back brings back all the heart=swords. The crematorium does a loving thing by making a plaster paw print. If they don't let you know they're going to do it - that, too, reopens all the wounds. I almost fainted in the Vet School when I saw the one they'd made of Gretta's paw. Even goodness and kindness hurts during these first few awful weeks.

How did Scooter get his name? It sounds like it really fits what he's doing now - "scooting" around you, watching over you, guiding your steps, loving and being loved by you - the same as always. The "only" thing that's different is that you can't see or hear or touch him right now - and that hurts like HE()*)*)(). The feelings you get of Scooter being in bed with you or jumping on your lap are signals from him that he's OK and that he's joined all the other animals who have ever lived in a place of peace, warmth, softness and happiness - a Perfect World. At the same time, he's right there beside you, ever on his job, ever loving you. True love never diminishes or fades - it only grows. Like you and Scooter's love for each other. One day you WILL be reunited, never to be parted again.

No, Julia, they're NOT "just pets" or "just animals." They are our soul mates - we have carried a piece of their spirits from the beginning of time and they have carried a piece of our souls from the beginning. We have been given the greates miracle of all - having been able to share a physical life with them. Whoever made this world, decided that our spirit-animals' livespans would be shorter than ours - maybe to refine our hearts in the fire of sorrw - to put us through the supreme test of love: to VOLUNTARILY take on what we know is the one of the greatest sorrows on earth so that they may be released from pain and suffering and go on to live in the Perfect World - where they await us, loving us and being loved, the same as always. One dday we will be reunited - because true love, soul-mate-hood does NOT die!

Please take a few quiet, relaxing moments today to comfort yourself. Everyone in your Lightning Strike family is with you - and WE know that they are not "just pets" they're miracles.

Peace and blessing

Gretta's mom

Thank you Moon Beam and Gretta's Mom. It was such a hard day. I almost didn't want to do it. I kept going back and forth with where I wanted his final resting place to be. After we buried it in my front yard I almost went and dug it back up. I thought that maybe if I kept it that he'd be with me. But the truth of the matter is that he's not. And that's the hardest part. The hardest thing to accept. It's worse when I am having bad days- like today. I just want to go home to him and he's not there. It's a horrifying feeling.

Scooter actually got his name from the shelter we got him at. I remember I was 10 years old and I was disappointed that he already had a name and that I wasn't going to get to name him (and I felt like I couldn't change the name he already had). But when I saw Scooter I fell in love with him and his name. And it actually suited his personality perfectly!

Here's a picture of my angel...

Hi, Julia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and the wonderful picture of your beloved Scooter. What a sweet face he has and what a handsome little man he is!!

I truly wish there were an easier way through this grief adjustment journey, Julia, and if there were one I would most certainly share it with you. Unfortunately this journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride because of all the uncontrollable emotional ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that overwhelm us particularly during the deep grief. I promise you, Julia, one day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Scooter and you find yourself smiling -- - truly smiling - - and this is what your beloved Scooter wants for you. But until this day comes for you, Julia, please know you are not alone in your grief adjustment journey. Just when we think we are through the worst, we can find ourselves overcome once again with deep sorrow as though it were the first moment when our companions transitioned home to the angels. It's all a part of the roller coaster ride, Julia, and I promise you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Scooter with us, Julia. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Julia, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam