I can understand Petunia. My beloved cat died six days ago from a renal failure. We trying to give him medication for several years, but eventually he started to get weaker of the Xmas, and got very sick last week, until his body could not hold anymore and died. He was on this world for 18 years! Longer than any job, house, friends. He was with me when I was in college through the time I worked on grad years later, moved several times.. he was always with me. I took his passing with a deep sadness and heartbroken. It is normal to feel very sad and guilty, and question all your actions that you do for saving your pet.

Hi, Petunia, just getting caught up on your news of January 18. I am so o very thrilled for you and Smokey!! What a WONDERFUL blessing for you both. I am positive that your beloved Wicket had a talk with our Heavenly Father Creator and asked that you both be given more time together. How much time? Unfortunately we on this side of eternity are not granted that knowledge - - only the opportunity to embrace each day together and cherish every moment. And it sounds like you and your precious Smokey are. I am so oo very happy for you both.

I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Smokey. Thank you so ooooo very much for sharing your wonderful news with us. Please know you and your precious Smokey are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Jennifer - thanks so much for your kind words! Both Smokey and I thank you!

Merlin - I am so sorry for the loss of your Sweetie. It is such a deep grief we feel and I also am grateful for the support of others who understand. Please take care of yourself during this hard time.

Cheri - I am so sorry for the loss of your Diego. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It gave me so much encouragement knowing that you were able to spend 14 wonderful months with him! I also feel like my prayers were answered in getting more time to spend with my dear Smokey. I'll be sure to ask my vet about the steroid. I am not sure what steroid shot they gave her but I really think it made all the difference. Please take care of yourself.

Mysacek - Oh, I'm so sorry about your kitty. Yes, renal failure is such a frustrating illness. I remember when my vet looked at me the night I had to put Wicket down and just said, "this is a battle you can not win". I felt so useless. I'm sorry for your heartbreak. My Wicket was only with us for 7 short years but we miss him terribly. My Smokey who is 18 (and almost 9 months) has been with me my entire adult life and she has been with me for so much. I understand and am deeply sorry.

Moonbeam - Thank you! I am trying to just spoil her rotten. Just like a cat, she often tries to sleep on the keyboard while I'm trying to work. I used to put her down or take her into the other room. Now, I take a break and stop working to let her know how much I love her. She's going to be the queen for as long as she has left.

I am SO grateful for this time with her, and for all the wonderful people here who have helped me SO much during these past months!

Went back to the vet today with Smokey. She is doing poorly. Her pancreas is still irritated but now the real problem are her kidney values are thru the roof.

We tried another shot of the steroid (which has helped her tumors or masses twice before), the vet doesn't want to hospitalize her for the kidneys because of her pancreas she thinks it'll just be too much stress. So we are trying to keep her comfortable at home with fluids and pepcid for her tummy. I was on that whole kidney ride with Wicket for so long that I know the drill.

Smokey's kidneys were holding up pretty well back in Sept. but after we almost lost her from the pancreas problems in Nov and then again with the fluid in her chest in Dec, I guess it was just a matter of time. After Dec & Jan - we decided to stop the kidney food she didn't like and allow her to eat whatever she would eat. And we decided to stop all the kidney medication because we were afraid it was all contributing to the pancreas problems. Now of course I am blaming myself for having stopped the kidney treatment.

She is 1 month and 3 weeks shy of her 19th birthday and it is 6 months and a week since Wicket passed.

Hi, Petunia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Smokey are doing. I am so very sorry that she is not doing well. Please do not blame yourself for stopping the kidney treatment. You are so right that some medications and foods can actually CONTRIBUTE to the medical problems - - particularly when there are multiple medical issues involved. I know so well how your heart is breaking with the way things are going, but if you had continued with the kidney treatments and things had not worked out, then what? You have done the ABSOLUTE BEST by your precious Smokey, and she knows this. Treasure this time with your precious Smokey, as I know you are.

Petunia, you are not alone in this time of Anticipatory Grief, and you will not be alone when your precious Smokey transitions home to the angels. Please know you and your precious little girl are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things go.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Petunia, please allow me to offer you my sincere sympathies on the loss of your precious Wicket. I like the two photos of him that you posted, one as a young kitten, and the other as an adult. He sure was a handsome looking little fella! I am sorry that you lost him at such a young age. I'm praying that your little Smokey will be alright and that the medicine will help him. I find myself in a similar situation. My sweet Danny boy passed on just a couple months ago, and my surviving cat, Tina, has been having health issues. So I can very well understand that you are ill prepared to lose another cat at this time, and hopefully you won't.

Take your time to grieve, Petunia. Grief work is hard, and when those waves of grief come and sweep over us we feel so overwhelmed and want to fight it. It helps to embrace those waves of grief and to cry the tears. Some days will be better than others. Sometimes a favorite toy or a blanket will trigger a wave of grief. Be especially kind to yourself and try to get enough rest. Try to find peace in the beauty of nature.


Hugs,
DannysMom

Moonbeam - as always thank you for your kind words. Yes I guess I would be beating myself up about it either way, if the kidney treatment had made her pancreas flare up again I would have blamed myself for that, so yes, you are right. And her levels already show that her pancreas is still irritated so it would be easy to set it off. It's so hard to know what the right answers are that you just to second guess everything you do.

Danny's Mom - I'm sorry about the loss of your little Danny. Having a surviving cat that is facing health challenges can indeed be difficult. It's like you don't really get a chance to heal before you get thrown into it again. I hope your little Tina soon feels better.

Smokey certainly doesn't like the sub-q fluids but she has been handling it ok. Although she isn't eating anything like normal she at least will eat a few tiny portions for me each day. She is weakened buy still tries to follow me around the house albeit very very slowly. Cats with end stage kidney disease get a particular smell to them (it's not really offensive but distinct) and even my other kitties can smell it and so they know something is wrong.

Hi, Petunia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Smokey are doing. Please know that the words I share with you come from first-hand experience. I often lament how much easier it would be to make decisions on behalf of our furkids if only we could talk to each other in a common language - - they could actually tell us where it hurts and how we could help them feel better. Wouldn't life be so much easier???? But unfortunately we don't have this privilege on this side of eternity, and so we must try to make the best decisions we can with the informaton and resources we have available to us at the time.

Sounds like your precious Smokey still has a determination to share as much quality time with you as she possibly can. I know you and your precious Smokey are cherishing every moment you have together.

Petunia, I hope today is treaing you and your precious Smokey kindly, and that you and your precious Smokey and furkids will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you and your precious Smokey are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Petunia, I am so sorry to hear that your little Smokey is getting worse. Have you tried holistic treatment? I know that something called "Marin" will help regenerate the liver, and it might help the pancreas too. It has milk thistle as the ingredient, and "Marin" is especially made for cats. You could ask your vet about that. You could also give her some Nutri-cal. It's a high-caloried paste, and it will help if she doesn't want to touch her food. It also has a lot of nutrients in it. I hope this helps.

Danny's Mom - thank you. I tried the Nutri-cal and she just turned up her nose at it. I just kind of put a little in her mouth - better than nothing! I've given to other cats I've fostered in the past and they all liked it but she just doesn't like anything these days. Hope you are hanging in there.

Moon Beam - as always thank you for your kind words and encouragement.

It's been another 6 weeks of ups and downs. We went back to the vet because she is getting worse. Her kidneys are getting worse, the levels that usually indicate pancreas problems are getting worse. And now she is very anemic.

The vet gave me more medications including iron supplementation (Hi-vite drops). So we now are on - Azodyl (for kidneys), Pepcid (for stomach), Cyproheptadine (appetite) Hi-vite drops (anemia), and sub-q fluids daily. She is quite a sport about it all but I know she feels badly.

It's like all her systems are just starting to break down. The vet said that in her case a blood transfusion would not give long term help and might cause more problems so that was ruled out. So, we are back home now and just taking all of our medications and fluids and hoping to keep her as comfortable as possible.

It's like a bouncing ball and the ball is now more like rolling than bouncing - the high bounces aren't very high now and there seems to be more low days than high days. She turns 19 May 1st.

Hi, Petunia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Smokey are doing. The quality of life issues are never easy to quantify, particularly during the Anticipatory Grief with the looming question of "when is enough enough" always before us. I know your precious Smokey is deeply appreciative of your loving dedication and devotion to her throughout her life, including this time of her transitioning home to the angels. I know you and your precious Smokey are cherishing every moment you have together, for they are memories you both will have to treasure.

Petunia, I hope today is treating you and your precious Smokey kindly. Please know you and your precious Smokey are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moonbeam.

Tomorrow - May 1st is Smokey's 19th Birthday. The cat age calculators tell me that's somewhere around 91 - 93 years old in human years. She is such a sweetie and I love her so much. She was 3 months old when I got her.

My hubby gets home in about 9 days and I'm hoping she won't deteriorate too much over the next 9 days. I hope she will hang in there so he can see her.

Petunia, please give Smokey a pat on the head for her birthday from me. 19 is quite an age! I am so glad that she is still around for you. My sweet Tina died April 28. She was 14 1/2 and I've also had her since she was 3 months old. I hope your husband gets to see Smokey. Best wishes!

Hi, Petunia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Smokey are doing. May I offer my Happy Birthday wishes to your precious Smokey!!! I know having her with you on this day is a treasured gift that you wil hold close to your heart forever. I hope today is treating you and your precious Smokey kindly, Petunia, and that your husband's travels home will be safe and uneventful so that he and your precious Smokey can spend some quality time together.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Smokey with us, Petunia. Please know you and your precious Smokey are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for the both of you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

DannysMom - thank you for your good wishes. I'm so sorry about your sweet Tina. It is so hard when we have been with our babies for so long.

Moonbeam - thank you. It was a nice day and she was feeling well, so it was extra special. My hubby got down in time and has been able to spend some time with her.

Sadly, this week she has really taken a bad turn. The appetite stimulant is no longer working and she is basically refusing to eat. None of the usual (wet food, chicken, treats, tuna) nothing. I have had to assist feed her with a syringe the last couple of days and she is just very weak. She takes Hi-vite drops for the anemia but I just don't think anything is helping anymore and there really are no more good days. She is getting that faraway look in her eyes. It is heartbreaking.

Hubby leaves again for 3 weeks on Saturday and I have to work every day until then. I don't know - but I don't think she can make it much longer and seeing her like this is so hard and not fair to her. It's so hard to make these decisions.

Dear Petunia, My heart goes out to you, this sounds so much like where I was with my Mischief last year (she was 17 and had been diagnosed with cancer a year earlier, finally her kidneys gave in) - thinking of you and Smokey and sending some huge hugs, Leejaye

Hi, Petunia, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Smokey are doing. I am so very sorry that your precious Smokey's quality of life is quickly diminishing. It is very heartbreaking having to make "the decision" that will physically separate us from our companions, but I know with all my heart that you will make this decision when it is the right time for your precious Smokey with the deepest most unselfish love you have for her in your heart.

Please know you are not alone in your and your precious Smokey's journey, Petunia. We are here with you, for you, and beside you through every step of your journey. Please know you and your precious Smokey are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you and your precious Smokey are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thank you Leejaye & Moonbeam.

It is with a very, very heavy heart that I report that my sweet Smokey is gone.

She got progressively worse and starting on Wednesday, she just refused to eat. By Friday she wasn't able to walk more than a few steps before falling and by Friday evening she could barely raise her head. We took her to the vet Friday night and in the car on the way there she could no longer control her bladder. I thought she might not make it there.

At the vet she could no longer really open her eyes. It was just heartbreaking. We decided to have the vet administer the medication because it was clear to everyone that there was nothing to be done and otherwise it was just waiting for the inevitable. If we waited for it to happen naturally I was afraid I wouldn't be there - what if I left the room or went to the restroom? We knew what to expect after losing Wicket in August.

My husband had to leave town the morning after for three weeks and I have been sitting on the couch ever since. I know you all understand how hard this is. After 19 years of her being in my life. I mean - before her I was in high school. I can't remember life before her. Memories of her are everywhere. It's just so hard, I miss her so much. I can't believe that she and Wicket and both gone. I feel so defeated and so sad. I miss by best friend so much, and I would do anything to see her again.

Petunia, I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my sincere sympathies. Your little Smokey is with the angels, as moon_beam would say, and she and Wicket are playing together again just like my sweet Tina and my Danny are together again. My heart goes out to you for having lost both Wicket and Smokey in the past year. I know it must be so lonely without her for you had been together for so long. Please take good care of yourself.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Hi, Petunia, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Smokey. Losing a companion is never easy, and the grief journey is intensified when our losses are multiplied.

I know how devastated you are feeling, Petunia - - my heart is reaching out to you across the cyber miles. I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss in your heart. I hope you will find comfort in knowing that your beloved Smokey's sweet Living Spirit is with you now as she always has been and always will be. She is forever in your heart and your memories - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so very much for sharing your bleoved Smokey with us, Petunia. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam