Danny's Mom,

Your Danny was such a handsome boy! I can just see his shining personality even in his pictures. How very much he must have loved you!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through a difficult experience with the emergency vet. When we lost our Horatio, we felt much the same way about the place to which we had brought him - we ended up transferring him to the local veterinary college small animal hospital on the last day he was with us. Took the kitty ambulance with him and all. I felt a great deal of anger toward the emergency vet who I felt shuffled us through a million doctors, and every day it was something new they suspected, and our little Horatio just kept getting worse. No continuity of care! That was so frustrating. We wouldn't take another cat back there if it were the last clinic on earth.

I will say, given my recent experience with Pippin, that it sounds like you did the right thing for Danny by not allowing them to place a feeding tube. It doesn't sound like it would have changed the very unfortunate outcome, and it would have been just one more procedure for Danny to have had to endure. You knew your little man the best. Trust that you did what was right for him. I can't imagine Danny would disagree!

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Danny's mom. Those tuxedo boys - little heartbreakers, aren't they? So much love and life and personality. He's near your heart now, watching over you.

Hello Kel, and thank you so very much for taking the time to stop by and write me this note. I appreciate you recognizing little Danny's shining personality! That is really so true! He was kind of like a noble little kitty knight, a very loyal little boy who stayed with his 'sister' Tina when she was sick and would not leave her side. He was a very gentle cat, loved getting his tummy rubbed!

Thank you for sharing your experience with Horatio. I am sorry that you had to go through such a bad experience at the emergency vet. I think these emergency and referral centers exist just to primarily make money. And you are so right about them shuffling the kitties from doctor to doctor just to see what else they could diagnose.

Kel, thank you for your comfort and support. The tuxedo boys are indeed little heartbreakers. I loved Danny's bright green eyes and his long whiskers. He was extremely handsome! I now have a little Tuxedo girl with amber eyes. She has a cute little doll face, and I call her 'my little puppet'. At first I thought:"A girl?!" But I think it worked out better that way. I probably would have compared another Tuxedo boy to Danny, and they need to be appreciated for who they are. Each one has their own unique personality.

I am so glad that you could take your Pippin to Tufts. It is a good place. I've had a wonderful experience with their pet loss hotline.

Danny sounds like he was such a sweet boy, Danny's mom. I know you must have a huge void in your life, and my heart aches that you have to be without his physical presence.

It was tough to go through that with Horatio, and to wonder if something got missed in the shuffle, but I've come to accept that it probably wouldn't have changed anything. That doesn't make it a whole lot easier, though. In fairness to the emergency centers, there is one near me that has been a godsend - they are fantastic, and though expensive, they were great about working with us to ensure Pippin got the best care. I just wish everyone could find such a fantastic resource, you know? I wish no one else had to go through the frustration and uncertainty we did with Horatio (and that you did).

It's probably a very good thing you found a tuxedo girl, instead of another boy (or should I say, she found you!). I don't think you would compare them, but at least this way, you know for sure you're not.

How is your Tammy doing?

Hello Kel, and thanks for your note. I am glad that you found a good emergency center near where you are and that they took such good care of your precious Pippin. Unfortunately my experiences with the center down here hasn't been so good. The one where I took Danny was primarily out to make money. There's another one where I took Tina when she had a fever, and they treated her really well, but they missed her pneumonia, and it took me two more trips to my vet before she was diagnosed with pneumonia. Tina hat caught the herpes virus from my little Tuxedo girl who had picked it up in the shelter. Mindy was able to shake it without much problems, but Tina developed a fever and pneumonia. That's the difference between a young kitten and a 14 year old geriatric cat.

I've come to learn that cats hide their pain and discomfort and by the time their human notices something it's already much advanced whatever they have. Tina is doing better. She is breathing much easier and her appetite has picked up. She seems to be doing well on the methimazole for her thyroid. I am so glad that they make those liver flavored chews as Tina is extremely difficult to medicate and resists vehemently having a pill shoved down her throat.

Hi DannysMom

I sorry I have not written in a while. I hope your Danny and my Chewy are playing with each other at the bridge. By the sounds of the personality your Danny had they will be having great fun up there.

Me and Danny shared the same birthday so I am sending a belated happy birthday to him. The tulips you left for him are beautiful.

I am glad to hear that Tina is feeling a little better.

Hope to hear from you soon.

xxForeverxx

Hello xxForeverxx, and thank you for stopping by. I am sure that my Danny and your Chewy would be good pals. Danny always loved playing chase. That is so neat that you share the same birthday as Danny. He is the only one of my cats whose birth date I know for sure, and that always made it kinda special for me.

My sweet Danny boy, three months ago, on Christmas Day, I took you to the emergency vet. I was so scared, and I felt so helpless, and most of all it hurt so much to see how you were in pain. While they examined you I sat in the waiting room where the TV was blaring and playing the 24-hour 'A Christmas Story' marathon. I was all alone in my pain and I was even bombarded with a happy Christmas movie. It felt so obscene, as if the world was making fun of my pain. I wanted so much to throw a chair at the TV to shut it down. The vet said you had an enlarged heart, but she thought nothing of it. She said there were no masses or tumors on the x-ray, and that she suspected pancreatitis. They wanted to run some more tests and have you checked on by their internist who would not be in until 2 days after. I had to leave you there and drive home alone. The house felt so empty without you. I kept looking for you on the bed, and in the kitty condo, but you weren't there. It was the saddest Christmas Day that I have ever had in my life. For months I've had a bad feeling that something very bad was going to happen Christmas, and my worst fears came true. You died three days later.

Tonight I miss you so very much, my sweet little boy. I miss your cheerful meows and your sweet, smiley face. I miss you snuggled up by my feet in the mornings and gently waking me up by just sitting there and looking at me. My beautiful little Danny boy, I love you so.

Danny's Mom, thank you so much for sharing your letter to Danny with us. Your love for him is so, so very obvious.

You'll be in my thoughts.

Hi, Danny's Mom, thank you so very much for sharing your and your beloved Danny's angel-versary with us. As we take time to reflect on our earthly journey with our beloved companions during our grief journey it can sometimes feel obscene that we have continued to live on doing our jobs, our errands, our daily routines - - when our hearts are yearning for time to stand still - -- to turn time back to when our companions were physically with us. Hopefully you know your beloved Danny's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and your memories, Danny's Mom. No, it isn't the same as having his sweet physical presence with you, but hopefully the eternal love bond you and your beloved Danny share will bring a warmth to your heart to encourage you and comfort you during the moments of sadness that still consumes your heart. And please know we are here for you, Danny's Mom, through every step in your grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you, your precious Tina and little Mindy kindly, Danny's Mom, and that you and your precious furkids will have a very peaceful evening blessing with your beloved Danny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

DannysMom thank you so much for sharing with us your letter to Danny.

Danny knows just how much you did for him and would have done for him if you physically could have and your love is still as much as it was before if not more! He really was a gorgeous boy and I am sure he still is playin with my Chewy at the bridge.

I hope today you are being treated kindly and your other precious fur babies.

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, thank you for your kind words. I am sure that Chewy and Danny are having fun together. Danny always loved playing chase and being chased. Yesterday I thought of him, and I pictured him in my mind and heard him saying a cheerful 'Raaah'. That was one of his favorite sounds. It felt so real, and I almost went looking for him. Today is being a tough day for me as it is exactly 3 months since Danny died, and all the memories of that day keep flooding back into my mind. The thoughts of his last minutes on earth are not as searing as they were in the first few days after he was gone. They are blunted and softer, but they are still there, and I still cry.

My dear sweet Danny boy, today it is 3 months since you died. December 28 was also a Wednesday. It was a nice, mild Winter day, unseasonably warm and very sunny. It is still very upsetting to me to think of your last hour on earth. When the vet started the last injection into your paw I watched in horror and wanted to scream "No!" and stop him, but something restrained me. I did not want you to die, not in this way, not so soon. I used to think we still had 4 or 5 more years together, but it wasn't meant to be. I remember how you bobbed your head back and forth after you got the first tranquilizer shot. I thought you were fighting it, but I was told that you were feeling woozy and that's why you were bobbing your head. I was looking into your beautiful green eyes and I told you that I love you before the light went from your eyes and you stared into nothing, your body just an empty shell. After a minute the vet listened to your heart and said gently:"He's gone." It felt so unreal. How could you be gone when I needed you so much? I wanted to die along with you. My heart was breaking when your little body was carried out the door and your head fell lifelessly to the side and your green eyes still looked at me. They seemed to look straight at me.

Later that evening I called your name over and over again as if calling your name would bring you back to me. I wanted you to come back to me. How could you be gone? I was in so much pain. Today has been a very painful day for me. I've been crying and remembering you. It was especially hard for me when I picked you up from the emergency vet. You looked at me so lovingly with those bright green eyes and you seemed to be thinking:"Mom is here to take me home!" But I wasn't taking you back home. You cried a lot in the car and started pawing at the carrier door as if you were saying:"No, Mom, I want to live!" Out of fear you had an accident in your carrier like you had most of the time when I took you to the vet. I felt so horrible, and each time you cried and looked at me so pleadingly, I felt like my heart was breaking. I didn't want to lose you, but the vet said you were a very very sick cat, and that I had made the right decision. My sweet boy, I do love you so and I miss you so much.

Hi, Danny's Mom, thank you so much for sharing your and your beloved Danny's angel-versary with us. It never ceases to amaze me how the hardest decisions we have in our lives are the ones that prove beyond all shadow of a doubt the deepest love in our hearts.This is obvious in your beautiful love letter to your beloved Danny. I hope you can feel his sweet Living Spirit in your heart and hear his soft voice say, "it's okay, mom - - I love you for setting me free from my physical body. I'm always with you, mom - -I'm always a heartbeat close to you. Thank you for being my Forever Mom."

I hope today is treating you kindly, Danny's Mom, and that you and your precious Tina and little Mindy will have a very peaceful and cozy evening blessed with your beloved Danny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious furkids are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi DannysMom,

The pictures you shared of your precious Danny really made me smile. He looks like such a happy cat; so full of joy and personality. I can just imagine him being a real character at rainbow bridge -- I bet all the other fur-angels are having so much fun with him!

I'm so sorry you had to physically lose him. I know you miss his physical presence so much. I know you feel like your heart, and the very life of you, has died alongside with him. I promise you that in time the pain will become less raw. There will probably always be that 'nag' - like a wound that has mostly healed, but you still have the scar. We never truly get over a loss like this, but we do learn to adjust. Somehow. Hang in there and just take each day as it comes. That's all you can do for now.

Thinking of you and wishing you well -- Cheryl x

Dear moon_beam and Cheryl, thank you both for your kind and comforting words. This forum has been a real lifeline for me. I feel understood, and nobody is saying that Danny was 'just a cat'. I am thankful for all the support and comfort that I have received here. Hitting the 3 month mark was very tough for me. It was almost like living through that horrible day all over again. I literally had to shut off part of my heart in order to make the decision I made. I know it was right to spare him pain and suffering, but I still hated being the 'Angel of Death' as Jon730 would say. I am thankful that my vet was so compassionate and gentle with Danny. It must be hard on them too when they have to do that. I know I could never do it. And then I think of all the people here in this forum who have lost their fur children in more horrible ways, and I am thankful that Danny was spared such a kind of death. I always thought if anyone would hurt my Danny that I would just go nuts.
He had such a sweet voice, and I miss hearing all his different sounds.

Hi DannysMom

I feel awful I was not on here to send my love on the 3 month anniversary of your Danny.

I hope you are feeling ok today. I know what you mean about the playing the angel of death part. That is the thing that gets me sometimes as it hard knowing they had no choice over their life's. It is silly to think it though as we only do it as we don't want out babies to suffer and it is the right thing to do. They will know that when they move on to their next non painful life.

I thank god for this site a lot as I don't know where I would be now without you all so I am glad you have found this place a lifeline too.

xxForeverxx

Hi, Danny's Mom, stopping by to say hello to you and your precious Tina and little Mindy on this Saturday observance of your and your beloved Danny's 4 month angel-versary. I know this is a difficult time for you in your adjustment journey and now having to travel the Anticipatory Grief journey with your precious Tina. Life must not seem fair to you right now on many levels. Please know my heart is sharing your sorrow, and that I, along with all the other wonderful friends on this forum, am here for you.

I hope today will be find you remembering many treasured memories of your beloved Danny, and savoring this cherished time you have with your precious Tina. Please know you and your precious furkids are in my thoughts and prayers, Danny's Mom, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon_beam, thank you so much for remembering and for stopping by. Today has been most difficult for me as this is not only Danny's 4 month angel-versary, but also marks the day of Tina's passing. Mindy is a bit quiet, but she is eating. I hope she'll adjust to Tina being gone.

Hi DannysMom

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your Tina. No words can make you feel any better at the moment but please take comfort in the fact that your Danny and Tina are now together. I am sure Mindy will be ok eventually. She will grieve just like you are so just comfort each other for now.

I hope you are ok today DannysMom and making sure you eat well and stay active.

xxForeverxx

xxForeverxx, thank you. I just feel so exhausted and fragile. This is taking a lot out of me. I had been slowly coming out of grief for Danny, and now this is hitting me all over again. And sometimes I worry about Mindy and think what if I lose another cat.