In nine days, it will be one year since my Finn was taken from me, in the prime of his life.

I have lost other pets to death, old age mostly. I have been through the process of losing a beloved pet 6 times. Five of those six times, I have suffered, healed and moved on over time.

For some reason, the one time, with my Finn, in many ways it feels like it did almost one year ago. I relive the joy he gave me before that day, and I relive the horrible day of his death. (For those who don't know me, my cat Finn was lying on the road in front of our house one Sunday morning. To this day don't know if he was hit by a car or killed by some crazy neighbor, which adds to the torture).

I was supposed to be better after a year. In some ways I am--I don't cry 'every' day, or feel that awful almost physical, but not quite, pain in my chest and stomach area that took forever to go away. I even gained back the 10 lbs I lost that first month, since I just couldn't eat.

But I have way too many days and nights of sobbing and aching and missing him so much that part of me wants to die just to be with him again. But I have two other cat babies who are alive and one in particular, Sean, who I feel as connected as I was with Finn. So I will always live for him and cherish every second I have with him.

This year has gone by in a heartbeat. I'm stunned so much time has passed and yet I still see him so clearly, feel his presence, imagine him doing the things he does/did. I can even still smell his little musky body...He's still SO present. My husband intimated he felt the same way and we cried togehter a few days ago.

Some pets make a mark so very deep. I sincerely feel like I lost a child. And I would never say that to someone who actually lost a child, but seriously, I suffer in the same way. I dream of him, I think of him, I agonize over the loss daily... his young life taken so cruelly....

So because this loss is still so dominant in my life and causing me to fall into very dark places, I've decided to seek some professional grief counseling. I know, "it's just a damn cat!!! you say".... Well to anyone who would say that to me now, I will flip them the bird! Finn was important and I hurt, still after so much time and I may be crazy, but I need help to deal with this loss; because I've not found a way to get out of the grief and sadness on my own. It's just not "normal loss of a pet grief" anymore. It's affecting my ability to live a happy, 'normal' life.

As I sit here sobbing, I think, I would cut off my arms to have him back....

Dearest Connie J,

First let me offer you my deepest sympathy on the loss of your precious and beloved Finn.


Although my sweet boy, Trevor, has not been gone as long (a bit over 6 months), I do know what you mean when you talk about one very special creature, unlike all others you have loved and lost. That was Trevor and still is Trevor.

ConnieJ, this is called Eternal Love, Extraordinary Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love. And I hope it is there until Trevor and I and Finn and you meet again on the other, Heavenly side where we will be together FOREVER!!!!

Please pardon my short words. You and Finn are in my thoughts and prayers from now on. And I'll be telling Trevor about Finn tomorrow. (I write to him every day.)

You sounds like an amazing person and Finn, an amazing cat.

Blessings................................
Bobbie (Trevor's mom)

Hi, Connie, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. There are some situations we experience in our lives that are very difficult to cope with in spite of our best efforts. Please know you are very wise to seek professional counseling, and I hope you are able to find a counselor who will be of help to you. Clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful as, if not more so, the physical loss of a human family member or friend. Anyone who would even remotely imply to you that "it is just a . . . " is someone who - - in my opinion - - would need to be avoided.

Unfortunately, Connie, there is no date on the calendar that we can circle that we can say "this is the date the pain and sorrow will end." It is customarily recognized that the first year of grieving a loss is the most critical because it is filled with all the "firsts" we experience in our grief adjustment journey. However, it does not mean that come the end of the first year that our sorrow will be gone. How does one EVER completely recover from the loss of a loved one - - whatever the life form? There will always be a place in our hearts that feels empty because we MISS the physical presence of our beloved companion. This is normal and natural. Depression however needs attention, and I am thankful you are seeking assistance. For different reasons many years ago I also needed the assistance of professional counseling, so please know I am still with you, beside you, in your journey to offer you comfort, encouragement, support, and help in whatever way I can.

Connie, thank you again so very much for sharing your beloved Finn with us, and how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Connie, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam