I had to put my precious cat Libby down on Tues of this week. She had some sort of lung disease we fought for almost 2 yrs. She was comfortable until the end when her breathing got out of control and she was using her abdomen to help her breathe. I knew without a doubt I had done everything for her that I could and my vet confirmed this. However as prepared as I thought I was to hold my sweet girl and watch her drift away for the last time it did not go nearly the way I thought it would or had been told it would. Just about everyone I talk to says they pretty much just close their eyes and go to sleep for the final time. However, to my dismay my poor Libby fought...she tried to climb me and was gasping for air and gagging. It was the most horrible thing I have seen. I did feel at peace for her once all was quiet and her discomfort stopped. However I still feel so guilty and am making myself sick worrying that she was so scared in her last moments. I feel like I let her down. Did anyone else have an experience like this and/or is this normal? I need to stop reliving this and let her spirit rest in peace within me. Help!

Hi, kelgirl, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Libby. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

I am so sorry that your beloved Libby's moments in her journey to the angels were not as peaceful as you had needed them to be. Was your veterinarian present when Libby was acting "frightened"? Was this after the initial tranquilizer shot was administered and before the final shot - - or after the final shot? Unfortunately just as with humans our companions have different reactions to medications. I hope your veterinarian was with you and was able to offer you and your beloved Libby comfort until the medications took effect to help ease her journey home to the angels. I do understand how upsetting this was for you, and your concerns about what was happening with your beloved Libby. I assure you, though, that your beloved Libby is eternally grateful you were there for her, and is eternally grateful for doing the best thing you could by releasing her from her frail, failing physical body so that she is now restored once again to her former youthfulness. I hope in time this will bring peace to your heart, kelgirl - - for your beloved Libby does not want you burdened by the last few moments of her earthly journey - - but rather able to focus on the lifetime of treasured memories you share together.

Kelgirl, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions which can sometimes overwhelm us all at once, and unfortunately guilt is one of the many emotions that are a part of this journey, and is one of the hardest to reconcile. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief, and that you did NOT let your beloved Libby down. I do hope and pray that in time you will be able to let your heart be at peace, kelgirl, so that you will be able to feel your beloved Libby's sweet Living Spirit close to you in your heart and your memories - - so that you will be able to feel the warmth of her eternal love in your heart and your memories - - so that you will know she is forever a heartbeat close to you.

One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey, kelgirl Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here, kelgirl.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Libby with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, kelgirl, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Libby. All of us here on this site are here for you if you need us. Take care and God bless.

Hi

I am not really sure on advice here as my Chewy was let go peacefully although his ordeal before was not. But I just wanted to add my sympathies to you for what happened. I'm sure she knew what you were doing, you were doing to release her of pain and give her a new life illness free.

She loved you more than anybody else in the world and knew how much you loved and still love her.

I'm sorry for your loss.

xxForeverxx

Dear Kelgirl,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Libby. No matter how much we think we are prepared, it is never easy to lose our beloved friends. I lost my Sweetie to spinal cancer on 1/14 and while my experience wasn't quite the same as yours, it wasn't the completely peaceful one we hope for either. I held her head in my arms as the vet administered the last shot and while Sweetie was calm while receiving the shot -- always my good girl she never acted up at the vets or anywhere else -- once she started feeling the effects of the shot, she started to pant very hard. That only lasted a few second thankfully and then she closed her eyes and was still. After the vet listened to her heart and told me she was gone, she left me alone with Sweetie. I was still holding her head when she swallowed once, then again. I kind of freaked out in there alone with her - sure that the vet made a mistake and left my dog still alive. I sat there with her for a really long time, not wanting to leave her. I watched her to see if she was still breathing (she wasn't). Eventually when I left, I asked the vet, who told me the swallowing was just a reflex. The whole thing was pretty upsetting, though I'm sure not nearly as upsetting as your experience with little Libby. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but maybe if you can, try to remember her in better, happier times. Our animals love us and I think she would want that for you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers --

Sweetie's Mom

Thank you so much moon_beam.
This happened after the initial injection and the vet tech was with me. She didn't act as though Libby's reaction was abnormal but like I said everyone else that I have spoken with said their pets went peacefully. It's hard to understand. It made me feel like she wasn't ready to leave and she was fighting to stay. I was not still there when they administered the final injection. The vet tech assured me she was already gone. I have never had to do this before and I didn't see any signs of life in her any longer. No breathing, no heartbeat and I witnessed her taking her last couple breaths. So the tech then walked me out. I wasn't sure if I should have stayed for the final injection. The tech obviously didn't seem to think it was necessary. I hope I did the right thing by my sweet girl. Like you said I need to be at peace so I can move past it and enjoy our memories. As of yesterday I was better able to remember a couple funny things she had done and crack a smile before I ended up in tears. So, I know in time it will get easier but like I said I am just stuck in that moment at the vet and am trying so hard to move past it.
Thank you so much for taking the time to help me through this. No one seems to know what to tell me.

Gratefully,
Kelgirl

Thank you Sweetie's Mom,
This does help me. I guess no matter what the experience isn't one we want to be a part of again any time soon. It's just so hard as you are well aware. Still an open wound. I miss her more then I can explain.

You are in my thoughts and prayers as well,
Kelgirl (Libby's Mom)

I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts & prayers go out to you. <3

I had to put mi babygirl down 1/9/12 nd i couldnt even stay in the room but my mother was in there and she said she didnt fight she just went peacefully because she couldnt hold on anymore i knew tha day was the day she was gonna leave me on the way to the vet she kept goin in and out i knew she wasnt going to fast any longer i honestly now regret not bein in the room wen they put her down..i went in there after and just saw her hopeless body thinking i wish there was something more to do even thou the vet said there was nothing more to help her
i still cant get over it
so i know how u feel rite now
i would like to say time heals all but honestly for me it doesnt
nd im sry for ur loss

It has been 5 months and I still relive the horrible days of the end - the entire week, in fact. I am feeling more at peace with the fact that my Gingy-bear must be at peace, now. In fact she must be more than to be in that uncomfortable body. I pray that you, too, find peace soon.

Kelgirl,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of Libby.

I had a similar experience with my dog, Misha, who I let go last August 5th. She had been going downhill for 2 & 1/2 years with various health problems. She could barely walk at the end, and whenever she did walk, it was obvious she was in pain, even with all the pain medication she was getting. Her passing was not peaceful and I still have regrets about when I took her in. She fought the sedative (the first injection) - even tried to get up and walk, among other things. It was horrible for me to watch and it's very difficult for me to write about now. I felt such intense guilt for many weeks afterward. I, too, wondered if she was afraid and if it really was the right time. I felt like I had betrayed her.

It's been almost 6 months. The guilt is not as intense now. Honestly, the way I'm handling it now may not be the best, or healthiest way. I try not to think of her last moments, because when I do, I feel sick again and begin crying. It's still difficult, but not as raw as it was in the first few weeks.

In time, I hope you'll find peace in the fact that Libby is now pain-free.
My thoughts are with you.
Misha's (and Bowie's) Mommy

Hi, kelgirl, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Libby. I can understand how disconcerting your beloved Libby's reaction to the injection is for you, as this is the last few moments you had together in her earthly journey. It is normal for these last days, hours, minutes to be the focus of our thoughts for awhile during our deep grief. And the more traumatic these moments are, the more our minds will be focused on them. When we lose our companions it is a traumatic event, and we do go through a period of post-traumatic stress. Hopefully, eventually, as the stress of our deep grief eases we can find a peace in our hearts and comfort in knowing that they are now restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. And I hope in time, kelgirl, you will be able to feel your beloved Libby's sweet Living Spirit letting you know that she is eternally grateful to you for releasing her from her frail physical body - - the last gift of love you could give to her on this side of eternity at great sacrifice to you.

Kelgirl, I hope what I have shared with you along with our other wonderful correspondents will be a source of comfort and encouragement to you. Although each of us has to find our own way as we travel this grief adjustment journey, please know you are never alone in your journey. Together we can find hope, comfort, encouragement, and support from each other. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, kelgirl, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Kelgirl, the Bible says that in Heaven there is no more pain, no more suffering, and that our bodies are restored. And since Heaven is a perfect place, I believe this about our pets as well. xoxoJennifer

Hi Kelgirl..First of all i'm so very sorry for your loss. What you experienced really is horrible..but in time all those bad memories will be replaced with only good...trust me...i lost both my pets within 4 months of each other and i'll tell you one thing..YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! You were there till the very end! I sadly waited to long and believe both my pets suffered at the end but that is something "I" have to live with forever. Dont beat yourself up over it i'm sure your beautiful baby wouldn't want that. Give yourself time... yeah yeah i know it sounds a million miles away right now but i can promise you, you will stop reliving it and you will smile again....Just let the thoughts and images come and go...don't try blocking them out....just let them pop in and pop out..they will lessen with time, I know you'll probably sit there and &%^yze everything that happend and all the "what if's" will start to plague you, but honestly in time it will be only the happy times that pop in and out of your mind. She KNEW she was loved. I'll be thinking of you

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I am going to continue to try to find peace. Thank you so much for sharing with me.
Libby's Mom

This place is amazing! Thank you all so much for the support you have given me. It is and will continue to be a very difficult loss to bear but I will keep reading all of your kind words and move forward. Thank you again! My thoughts are prayers are with you all as well.
Kelgirl (Libby's Mom)