Hello to you all. I'm glad there's a forum to talk to people when it regards losing an animal. I'm not sure how many come on here, or if I'll get a reply, but I need to write this down somewhere.

We lost our cat Tobi on September 16. She was 12-years-old and a maine coon. We got her for my 10th birthday down at a mill. We started to see her limp on her left hind leg in mid-July. We took her to the vets and had to checked out. We thought her limping was due to my mom stepping on her shortly before, but we later found out she had severe spinal arthritis and nerve damage in her leg. She was also given an antibiotic because the vet said she probably had an infection that caused her to urinate more. After nine days she started vomiting. We took her off of it. After that she progressively gotten worse.

She wouldn't eat on her own. She was losing weight. She wasn't walking on her own. Messing herself. Urinating on the carpets. We started syringe feeding her but she was still losing weight. We kept taking her to the doctors. He gave her the equivalent drug of gravol, appetite stimulant and nothing worked. She lost 25% body weight in about a month. We tried giving her morphine and other pain medicine but it didn't work. We found out she had renal insufficiency also. She was put on Convenia because she didn't finish the other antibiotics.

I knew on Wednesday, two days before she was put down, that she was dying. She wasn't walking on her own. Barely purring, not meowing. I knew she was in pain, so I made the decision and told my mom to phone the vets. We brought her up and she was put down between 3:30 and 4 p.m. She died in my arms.

For weeks I was determined we were going to get her back to health. Then I started seeing her deteriorate. A few weeks before her death I would cry profusely when I went to bed. When she died I didn't cry until a few days after, but it wasn't the same. I have no interest in food but I eat, because I have to. No interest in reading, but I do it out of habit. Music, shows and movies don't interest me. Nothing does. i haven't been the same. On Saturday, October 1, I couldn't get to bed until 6 a.m. Three nights after that I didn't sleep at all. I'm not meaning just a few hours of sleep. I'm meaning NO sleep. And when I couldn't sleep I got extremely angry. I wanted to hit my fist into something so I could feel. Either I feel extreme numbness or extreme grief.

on the fifth day I went to a walk-in-clinic to get some help. I was put on Ativan for 10 days. I have 5 1/2 pills left. He told me to try it for a few days then don't take one. I did that but I couldn't sleep. Last night I took a half of one and I didn't sleep all throughout the night. I'm worried I am become dependent on something just to get sleep. I've tried everything. No caffeine. Dark room, silent and cool. Don't eat heavy in the evening. And still I can't sleep on my own. I feel as if I want to put myself in a hospital. What are my options?

Hi, Sibby, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Tobi. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be released from their failing physical body and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Sibby, what you are experiencing is VERY NORMAL. You have been through what is called Anticipatory Grief -- the watching of your beloved Tobi physically and medically deterioriate in spite of all your efforts to help stabilize her so that she could continue to have a good quality of life with you. The emotions of Anticipatory Grief are similar to the deep grief you are now feeling because you no longer have your beloved Tobi physically with you.

While you were trying to help Tobi your body was producing Adrenalin which is necessary to keep you going in times of stress and duress. Now that your beloved Tobi no longer requires your caregiver skills, your body is actually going through an Adrenalin crash. It is a very typical physical response frequently referred to as the "caregiver's crash."

The emotions for grieving the physical loss of a beloved companion are identical to the emotions we feel with the physical loss of a human family member or friend. Anger, guilt, restlessness, inability to focus, loss of interest, lack of appetite - - ALL of these symptoms - - and many more - - are typical of normal grieving. The stress of grieving can literally cause a change in our brain chemistry - - which can induce symptoms of depression and insomnia. Most of these times these symptoms will resolve on their own. However, when they become prolonged, it is wise to seek medical intervention, which I am glad you have done. Please remember that a drug that works for one person may not work for you. Since you have not noticed any relief with the Ativan, a change seems appropriate. I do understand your concern about becoming dependent on pharmaceuticals, but with the scrutiny that qualified physicians are under with the FDA in writing prescriptions for controlled substances, right now this is not an issue for you. The important thing is for you to start getting some sleep - -which you desperately need in order to endure the stress of this grief journey. Sleep deprivation can induce a whole host of other symptoms, so it is important for you to find a healthy way to get some sleep. May I suggest that you call the doctor who prescribed the Ativan and let him / her know that it is not working so that he / she can prescribe a different medication for you to try?

Hopefully by now I have been able to reassure you that you are NOT going crazy. Hopefully by now I have been able to reassure you that what you are experiencing is NORMAL. It is important that you also try to find a healthy way to express your grief emotions. Crying is very healthy because the tears literally release the toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grieving. Some people find keeping a journal of what they are feeling to be helpful. Exercise can be very helpful as it releases endorphins into the brain that bring a feeling of release from tension and relaxation. Unfortunately there is no "one" way to work through the many overwhelming emotions we experience during our grief journey. This grief journey is a process - - it can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time - - in your own way and in your own time.

One of the many things for you to remember is that you are NOT alone in your adjustment journey, Sibby. Each of us here DO understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Sibby, thank you so much for sharing your beloved Tobi with us. I hope you will feel both our individual and collective strength and encouragement empowering you to endure through your grief journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sibby, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

the forum is typically quite busy, but we do have lulls now and then. glad you found us, sorry you needed to.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear cat. It is very hard seeing a pet's health going downhill and then having to make the decision to let them pass on. I was in the very same position with my Yorkie in July and I sympathize very much with what you are going through.

Moon Beam has already given you wonderful advice and assured you that what you are going through is very normal in the grieving process and you are not losing your sanity. Grief takes a lot of forms but loss of sleep and/or sleep with bad dreams is very common after a loss, especially in the case of having been a caregiver to a pet or a person. I once went through bouts of sleepwalking after the passing of my mother because I had cared for her at home during her long illness and I would wake up in the night walking through the house, thinking I was going to her beside and that she had called for me. Also, after my 15-yr-old poodle died some years ago, I kept jumping out of bed during the night thinking I heard him whimper because on several occasions during his last year he had seizures during the night.

You were so good to your cat and so focused on fulfilling every need during the illness that you probably are still on alert and are unable to wind down. It is smart of you to be concerned about becoming dependent on a pill to sleep, so a further follow-up with your doctor or even a grief counselor might be recommended if you continue to have sleeping problems. Lack of sleep does take a toll on the body so you want to make sure you are keeping yourself in good physical health. I not employed in the health care field at all but I don't think it would be a bad idea to discuss the sleep issues with someone just to make sure you are keeping a good balance between not getting hooked on a pill but also you are not going without sleep to the point that your health is affected. I think over time this will probably improve on its own but if you have any doubt then checking with a health provider would not be a bad idea. Cold and flu season are coming on so you want your immune system to be good and strong.

I cannot tell if this is helping in my own situation yet, but I have started a new plan for my health which includes getting about an hour of activity a day such as walking or bicycling, eating healthier, taking my vitamins, and drinking more water. Some of this might or might not be helpful for you but your dear sweet cat will want you to stay in the best of health. And also, knowing that there are others here who understand what you are going through will help. Sometimes our friends and family are not as supportive as we would like, but everyone here has been so kind and understanding to me and I know they will be there for you too.

I am wishing you a good night's sleep and happier days ahead. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. All of us here care very much.

Thank you all for the supportive words. They are appreciated by my mom and I.

Ativan has worked to get me sleep, unless I take a half. I was told on the second or third day I should stop taking it to see if I could sleep on my own, but clearly I couldn't. I took a half a pill last night later than I usually do and I didn't get much sleep either.
I feel a little more relieved when I talked to my mom yesterday after posting this. The reason why I felt so horrible is that I put so much hope in her recovery that I lost my fight when she died. That fire in me that keeps me going whenever things go horrible. And putting a name to my pain helped me thankfully.

I just wanted to ask if any of you had severe insomnia after you lost your animal? And did anything help? Or did the insomnia last until you felt you healed somewhat from the pain? Did you ask for sleeping aids and did they help?

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow regarding a safer sleeping aid. Ativan can be highly addictive and that's the last thing I want.

Has anyone had insomnia after a pet's death? I'm curious to know because since the 2nd I haven't been able to sleep on my own. I just wanted to know if that's normal.

Hello Sibby!

You asked if insomnia is common after the loss of one's pet. The answer is a definite YES! The death of anyone close to us, human or not, can cause surges of adrenalin in our body which easily disrupts and chance of sleeping. In addition, our whole routine is changed, even if for a little while, and that is enough to throw off a sleeping pattern.

I lost my Trevor, the bravest little dog that ever lived, exactly 12 weeks ago and I am still up, every night, until 1 or 2:00 am. Then I have to get up by 6:30am which makes for a short night. But every night, until I fall asleep, is filled with toughts and memories and questions about Trevor. Writing on this site or even just writing about Trevor and I, is usually the last thing I do before going to bed and going to sleep. It seems that if I can put in writing, somewhere, anywhere, the thoughts in my mind, I don't have to put as much energy into remembering everything (holding onto them) and I can relax just enough to fall asleep.

I also take a sleeping aid prescribed for me. There are several good ones on the market. I personally don't think Ativan is that good for anything long-term, especially sleep. Might I suggest that you ask your doctor for something to help you sleep? Unless you are very anxious at night as well, I think you'll find a sleeping "pill" a lot better and safer over the long run. And I've been on various brands for years. (I''ve lost 7 dogs over the past 30 years)

Dear Sibby, you have suffered a tremendous loss and it will take time, perhaps a lot of time, to get through this grief journey you are on. I know I've only taken a few steps along the way, others are much farther along and they are the ones who help me the most. Remember, we're always here for you, even during those times that you cannot sleep. You aren't alone and never will be.

Blessings...................
Bobbie

Thank you Bobbie. I don't know how you do it. You remind me of my mom. She had more pets than she can remember, and Tobi was probably the hardest.

I am relieved that having insomnia is normal. I have done EVERYTHING. You name it, I've done it. The only sleep I've had in the last two weeks was from Ativan. But this insomnia is not caused from thinking of her. It's just I can't fall asleep. And if I do, it's only for a little bit. It's like I'm just in the bed with my eyes closed, and I'm doing nothing but that. It can drive a person crazy.

I laughed when I read, "until 1 or 2 pm..", yeah, I'm right beside you with that.

I went to see my doctor a few days ago and he gave me an anti-depressant that was 'supposed to help with sleep." Well, 5 minutes after taking I had horrible side effects. Extreme numbness in my feet, then body, and I felt more stoned than a junkie. It got worse during the night, but ironically I slept! But I went to the ER, because I was stumbling, everything was numb, blurry and I felt horrible. So I'm glad I'm off that. And all of this was caused from my obsessive need for some shut eye.
He gave another type of pill to help me out, but I'm hesitant. I'm worried if I take a traditional sleep aid, then once I stop taking it the insomnia will rebound again. I'm all for the natural remedies, and trust me I've tried on my own. But having a chronic illness prevents you from some things. So it's a catch 22.

So, should I let it ride out on my own and let the grief take its course and the insomnia disappear, or take another anti-depressant? I'm asking for advice, not a yes or no answer.

Sibby - I'm so sorry for the loss of your kitty. I think it's normal to be out of it for a while and I think that probably takes different forms for different people.

I had a hard time sleeping too. I don't take medications normally but I ended up taking unisom to help me sleep (it's over the counter). It's the stuff they put in Tylenol PM basically. I'm no doctor but I do have friends who swear by Melatonin (which is over the counter).

It was just my mind that was preventing me from sleeping. Racing a mile a minute with all the "should have and could haves and only if I had"... thoughts. This might sound nutty but taking that unisom and then playing a video game (for me it was angry birds) was the only thing that emptied my head. Just focusing on the game allowed me to quiet my mind and 30 minutes or an hour into it I'd fall asleep.

I think it's like anytime someone experiences a shock to their system. Different people are just going to react differently. It's TOTALLY normal.

I hope you can find something that works for you or you have a chance to speak to your doctor soon.

Again, I'm SO sorry for your loss and I'm thinking of you and your sweet kitty.

Hi Sibby,

I want to give you my sincerest condolences to you. I'm am very sorry for your loss. In lost my pup 8 days ago and it still raw. I was able to sleep the night my baby passed. It s because I cried my eyes out to the point my eyes were aching so bad and my head hurting. My eyes couldn't deal with any more pain. But the next day and night I cried again and fell asleep and again the next day. I haven't accepted that my pup is no longer with me. But maybe the next week or so, I might go through what you are going through.

You may try some sleepy time tea before you go to bed and see if that will help. Or maybe some drinking some warm to hot water before bed.

Keep us posted.

Again I am sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself,
Missing My Baby Bear

Hi, Sibby, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so very sorry you had a negative reaction to the medication your doctor prescribed for you. This would indeed make you hesitant, as it would make me hesitant, in "trying" something different.

I guess there are some questions that need to be asked: Is insomnia a routine challenge for you? If so, how have you been able to overcome it in the past? OR - - is the insomnia a result of not having your beloved Tobi physically with you? If insomnia is a routine challenge for you, the grief of not having your beloved Tobi will intensify the challenge - - because insomnia, unfortunately, is a symptom we experience during grieving. If the insomnia has only been experienced since your beloved Tobi joined the angels, this is a temporary - - yet very unsettling - - effect of your grieving. As our forum friends have shared with you, your body - - including your mind - - has experienced a tremendous shock, and this will have an effect on everything - - including your sleep patterns.

Usually grief insomnia resolves itself as your body - - and mind - - begin to relax. The night time is usually the hardest during the deep grief because this is when we are done with the activities of the day and we are more aware that our beloved companions are not physically with us to share our lives. Emotionally this means that falling asleep means that we also have to wake up - - to the seering pain reality of our grief. Insomnia is the body's way of "protecting" us from having to deal with this - - BUT - - prolonged sleep deprivation has its own "can of worms" that we really don't want to have to contend with.

Certainly having a warm cup of tea or milk before bedtime has a history of being helpful. You might also want to have a light snack - - like a bowl of cereal or toast - - to go along with the hot drink. You also might try a warm shower before getting into bed and then doing something that will help to relax you - - reading, knitting, listening to music, watching a movie, - - but ONLY something that will be relaxing for your mind. I used to be an avid reader in my younger years, but now that my eyes are very old trying to read at night for me is a very good way to fall asleep. Basically you need to find something for YOU that will help you re-establish your normal sleep patterns - - and to do it as naturally as you possibly can. Focusing on the present fact that you cannot fall asleep will only aggravate the insomnia because your mind is focused on this - - rather than relaxing.

Another good point that Bobbie offered is to keep a journal of what you are feeling, thinking, day's events - - everything - - because this also does help to quiet the mind and can be one assistive factor in helping you to get some sleep.

As our wonderful forum friends have already shared with you, so I wish to add my affirmation: each of us experience our grief journey differently. The good news is that we are here to share our experiences that will hopefully offer you support and encouragement as you travel your journey. Unfortunately there is no "smoking gun" to point us in the direction of an "absolute" resolution to this grief journey, and this can be very discouraging indeed. We're here for you for the long haul, Sibby.

I hope today is being kind to you, and that you will find yourself relaxing enough to get a restful nap. Sometimes in the process of re-establishing our normal sleep patterns we first have to take it in "baby steps", and napping can be a very good way to begin this process. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sibby, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Sibby,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think this insomnia can be common for anyone who's gone through what you have, and/or has deeply loved and lost a pet.

I also couldn't fall asleep before 1 am for at least 4 weeks after I lost Bowie on Aug. 28. I didn't even want to get in bed until I was unable to keep my eyes open any longer. I didn't want to lie there, crying and thinking about losing both my babies; and how they weren't here anymore. I didn't want to wake up early as I used to, either. I didn't want to be reminded of the routine I used to have with early morning medications for Misha and making breakfast for the two of them. I still resist getting out of bed when I used to, when they were here. I still don't go to bed as early as I did before I lost them, but it's no longer 1 or 2 am. But, I still cannot sleep soundly through the night. It's been 7 weeks since I lost Bowie, 10 since I let Misha go.

Someone else has suggested melatonin to me. I think I'm going to try it. I thought about sleeping pills, but wasn't motivated enough to go get any.

I hope you find something to help you sleep. I'll be thinking of you. And, again, I'm so sorry about Tobi.

Misha's (and Bowie's) Mommy

Petunia, I would swear by Melatonin too, but it will interact with one of my other meds. So it's unfortunately I can't take that. lol @ angry birds. I could never get a handle on that game. I always aimed too high. But I was thinking of Unisom, but I'm concerned over the insomnia rebound effect.
Nothing has helped, except Ativan. And I don't want to be on that at all.

@ Missing, I've tried every trick in the insomnia book. I'll go to bed around 2 a.m., stay in bed with my mind racing, and two hours pass with no sleep. I think I have some sleep between 6 a.m. and beyond. But that's it. Not even the cassette with the song that use to put me to sleep work any longer. But I was thinking of sleepy teas, so thank you for reminding me.

@ Moon beam, no it isn't a challenge. I've never had this kind of sleep issue before. I truly hope it's temporary. I've had issues with my sleep since the 2nd, and all I would love to do is to lock myself into a hospital and hock myself up to an IV drip full of sleep meds. With me, night time was when her and I would fall asleep with each other. Before she got sick, Tobi would come upstairs to sleep near my feet or pillow. Two months before she died, she couldn't get upstairs anymore. But i contribute that to my insomnia also.
I've tried the warm shower, change beds, make it darker, reading (I'm a bookworm, so this always helped), writing in my journal (an avid writer, but alas it doesn't help), and any other trick in the book. I'm not a tea drinker, but I'm willing to try.
I find I can have long calming and numbing moments throughout the day, and night doesn't bother me. But I can think of her in my semi-comfortable numb place and not cry. It doesn't bother me to think of her. But like Petunia, my mind doesn't want to shut off. I can think of anything.
The only thing that has helped was crying a night. When I immediately noticed I had sleeping issues was when I didn't cry at night, when I was in bed. I cried profusely a few weeks before we knew we had to put her down, and almost two weeks after her death. Sometimes I can cry and that helps, but sometimes I can't and I'm stuck with this insomnia.

I just wanted to ask, has anyone used 5 HTP for sleep? It's an amino acid supplement that can help with insomnia. I'm curious about it, but I've only talked to one person, -on another forum site-, about it. Just curious on what your thoughts are on it.

And I would love to thank you all for listening and replying to me. It does help.

Misha's Mommy, here is a link to information regarding melatonin : Melatonin information

I'm sorry you're having issues with sleep. I would rather deal with the pain of losing my pet than to having insomnia. It makes things worse.

I hope this website helps.

Hi Sibby!

You have been on my mind and I thought it was time to see how you are doing. Still not able to sleep? A few minutes ago I remembered what one therapist taught me to do when I was having trouble sleeping because my mind was racing, also, thoughts of work, what needed to be done, who was going to do what, etc. This is what she told me: the minute that the thoughts start speeding up - GET UP - take a notebook or paper and start writing (or I guess you could use a computer now (this was in the days before computers). I was to write EVERYTHING that came to my mind. Things like getting fired, losing the apartment, where would I live, I would have to move back home, etc. Absolutely everthing had to be written down until there was nothing more to write. Nothing. If there was, I was to continue writing. When I was finished (and usually pretty tired by then) I was to go to bed and try and sleep. If the racing thoughts (or bad thoughts) started up again, I was to GET UP AGAIN and write everything down that was on my mind. I had to do this every time the racing, worrisome, etc. thoughts started up. The first night I remember being up 7 times and getting just 3 hours of sleep, but somehow, not feeling especially tired in the morning. The next night was better, only up 5 times and writing a bit less (repeating myself, over and over, with the same scenarios). It seemed as if writing everything onto paper (or computer) slowly allowed my mind to relenquish some of the control of my thought to the paper! My thoughts were certainly there if I wanted to read them and think about them again. But somehow, I didn't. I'd write and write, but hardly ever re-read things I'd written. It didn't seem necessary. I filled many notebooks over the course of just a few months, but it did help both my insomnia and anxiety a lot!
I kept a couple of the notebooks. Reading them some 20 years later is incredible.

I hope this might help a little bit. I worry so, that you are not getting rest and sleep, which you really do need. OH! Have you tried sleeping with Tobi's picture? I wrap Trevor's in a piece of his blanket, so I can snuggle with Trevor, the only way possible right now.

I am always thinking of you, dear Sibby. Please let us know how you are doing.

Blessings.................................
Bobbie

Hey Bobbie

Thank you for that advice, I'll be trying it soon.

Well, I slept with one of her blankets and toy and that didn't seem to help me at all awhile back. So I'm not sure if having a picture of her with me at night will help.

I slept great the night of the 16th, but slept horrible last night. Just a few hours of sleep. I think I'll be trying the 5 HTP to see if it will help. I've gotten to the point where having two hours of sleep is putting through the ringer. I can't afford to have this. I have an inflammatory disease to watch out for. You see the less sleep you get, more inflammation will be produced in the body. Thus putting myself in a catch 22.

I've told my doctor all I want is to sleep, and I don't want to depend on drugs to do it. He thinks that putting me on an anti-depressant will help. I'm not sure. It's slow reacting, so I won't see any results for 7 to 10 days at least. That may help with my emotions, but I don't know how it'd help with this.
I understand they're trying to help with the root of the problem, but my main concern is sleep.
Perhaps talking with a pet psychiatrist may help.

Hi Sibby!

I don't understand why the doctors won't give you a mild prescription sleeping aid. Mine were not addicting and my psychiatrist had no problem with my taking one every night to fall and stay asleep. After a few years it didn't work any more. That's why I stopped it. I would like to try it again. The name is Ambien and it comes in several different strengths. What is HTP?

How are you doing otherwise? I'm sure being exhausted 24/7 is almost more of a challenge now than anything else.

This is how I sleep with Trevor's picture: it's a wallet size in a small frame. I wrap it in a piece of one of his favorite blankets and then hug the blanket until I fall asleep. It's always interesting to see where Trevor ends up in the morning!

I'm sending every sleep fairy your way tonight, with buckets of sleeping sand for your eyes! Hoping for the best!

Love,
Bobbie

Perhaps they're worried I'll get a bad reaction or become dependent on it. I've been sensitive to a lot of things. Or think helping the root cause will be more beneficial to me than helping my insomnia.

I'm tired, which is an understatement right now lol. I only get a few hours of sleep. Most times I'm in the bed not asleep. I'm trying to deal with it, but sometimes I just want to scream at someone for them to help me.

5-HTP is an amino acid that helps you sleep. It can help with onset sleep and keep you asleep once it kicks in. But you have to have the right dosage in order for it to work. Between 100-300 mg would be sufficient.

And thank you for the fairies. haha.