Dear Moom_beam,

Thank you again for your compassion, and for relating and viewing Victoria's pictures.

Seeing clients at home yesterday was a hurdle that I feel I was able to walk through with grace.
Today was more difficult as I was working solo at home due to the weather. Whenever I was at home my beautiful Victoria used to follow me around. Since she had become deaf, she seemed to need to see me.

The guilt is haunting me for not being with her continuously in her final 24 hrs. on earth. When I meditate, I feel her forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself.

I'm glad that I will be at the office tomorrow and Thurs.

With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

Dear Rainbohdi,

Thank you for your validating compassionate words and for relating. Yes, Victoria was very alert and smart. And her hair was like soft cotton.

Today was difficult. I went into her crate to touch her blankets and a lock of her hair. I so regret not spending her last 24 hours by her side the entire time.

It is one day at a time.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

Dear Cheryl,

Thank you so much for taking the time to view the pictures of Victoria and for your compassionate, validating words. Yes, Victoria's extraverted, bright spirit is beautiful. I miss her so very much.

Today was difficult. With my other dog that passed, I had warning when she was in her final days. I believe because Victoria's spirit remained so vibrant, her final day seemed to be sudden, even though I knew she was sick.

Thanks again.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

"The guilt is haunting me for not being with her continuously in her final 24 hrs. on earth. When I meditate, I feel her forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself."

Hi, Juturna, our beloved companions understand that we are "mere humans." Your precious Victoria knows that you love her with all your heart and would have forefeited everything to be with her had you known what would happen. Unfortunately we are not blessed with the privilege of foresight, - - only the "wisdom" of hindsight. And it is this hindsight that is the source of our guilt, unfortunately. We are not omnipotent - - we can only make decisions based on the information we have available to us at any given time. One of the most important things for you to hold onto when you feel these moments of guilt creep into your soul is to cling to the reality that you love your precious Victoria with all your heart and soul, and I guarantee you, Juturna, that love - - the love you share with your precious Victoria -- has no room for guilt. Your precious Victoria wants you to hold on to the love bond you and Victoria share so that the guilt will not infiltrate your spirit and deprive you of the joy that you and your precious Victoria shared during your earthly journey together, and the eternal love you continue to share.

The difficult part is traveling through this grief journey to the moment in time that you can feel this absolute truth in your heart and soul. I wish there was some way I could take this doubt and guilt from your heart, Juturna, but I don't have that power. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest friendship, support, and encouragement, and the promise that I am here for you, with you, and beside you - - along with the wonderful people in this forum - - as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Losing our beloved companions is very painful - - both emotionally and physically - - and so it is important that you do whatever you find comforting for you as you travel this grief journey.

Juturna, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and lblessings,
moon_beam

Dear Moon_beam,

Many thanks once again for your heartfelt words of wisdom and compassion.

My evening has been peaceful. I was finally able to get back to some of my animal rights work, which gives me a sense of purpose and movement forward. Then I took time to begin gathering material for my scrapebook of life with Victoria. When I came across photos of our first 6 months together I was actually smiling and had joyful memories. As a puppy, she was such an adorable, hyperactive, strong willed, little love.

With much appreciation and gratitude for your support,
Juturna

Hi, Juturna, I am so glad your evening was peaceful yesterday, and hope this becomes the "norm" for you. Working on a project like a scrapbook can be very comforting as it helps to focus on the earthly journey you shared with your precious Victoria, and to reassure you that your journey together continues for she is forever a part of you.

Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to hearing from you and knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello, Juturna.

Please accept my deepest condolences for the loss of your dear Victoria. She was absolutely beautiful!

I understand your pain, as I lost my dear little Diamond as quickly as you lost your Victoria. I noticed he was sick and took him to the Vet on Friday; I received the devastating news that he had liver cancer. The Vet said there was nothing that could be done for him and that I should just keep him comfortable. He deteriorated so quickly over the weekend, and Monday morning I called the Vet for his final appointment.

It does get easier, but I the milestones are still difficult. It helps me to know that there are such caring individuals on this forum that you can turn to in your time of grief, and I hope that you will find that to be a help and a source of comfort, as well. Others outside of here just don't seem to "get it."

Please know that you are in my thoughts, and like moon_beam, I look forward to hearing how you are doing.

Hugs,
Teresa

Thank you again, Moom_beam for your wonderful support.
Though I miss my beautiful Victoria enormously, I was distracted today by our power outage due to the ice storms.
When all was restored tonight and quiet, I become aware of how much sadness I continue to feel. I hope that I can sleep tonight, and will try to meditate to connect with her spirit.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

Dear Teresa,

Thank you for your kind words of sympathy, for relating, and for your support.

When we took Victoria to the emergency center on the 23rd, the vet suspected that she had cancer that had spread to her liver or kidneys. Because of her cushings disease (which was caused by a tumor on her pituitary gland) she was vulnerable.

Missing Victoria enormously makes each day difficult. I'm very grateful for the people on this website.
With hugs and peace,
Juturna

Hi, Juturna, just stopping by to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, and that your scrapbook project for your precious Victoria will continue to bring you comfort. Will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much Moon_beam for your continued support. I did not get out of bed in tears this morning, so there is progress. I took time tonight to look over the photos of my beautiful Victoria, though I've not had time to work on the scrapebook today. I'm hoping to have time on Sunday.

With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

Hi, Juturna, progress however slow is still progress. And this grief journey is incredibly slow in helping us to believe there is any positive progress being made in having the deep grief ease. I am so glad this morning was a better one for you when you woke up, and I hope and pray that it is the beginning of many more days being the same - - and progressively better - - for you.

I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, Juturna, and that you will continue to find great pleasure working on your precious Victoria's scrapbook. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moon_beam,

Many thanks for your encouraging words of wisdom and support. I've been reflective today, recalling all the years and lessons with my beautiful Victoria. I want to put these in writing for the scrapebook. As a puppy, she was a new spirit in my life, and has taught me so much. And even in her passing there are lessons she brought.

The guilt and regret continue to haunt me. I'm trying hard to put these into purposeful action, rather than allowing it to consume me. I know there has to be a purpose in my journey with this. I am very grateful to have shared my life with my precious Victoria. I miss her enormously and wish that I could just hold her again.

Hope you have a serene weekend.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

Dear Juturna, I do know the longing you have to hold your precious Victoria again. No matter how much time passes we will find ourselves longing to hold our beloved companions one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime.

I know your sweet Victoria is proud of you for focusing your grief energy into positive projects, and honors her sweet Living Spirit as she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has, and always will.

Juturna, I hope your evening and the rest of the weekend will be peaceful for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Collecting pics of my beautiful Victoria for her scrapebook and wanted to pass one along. This was taken of Mother's day about 5 years ago.

With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

Hi, Juturna, what a precious picture - - and how lovely it was taken on Mother's Day. Thank you so much for sharing this picture with us and your cherished memories of your precious Victoria. I hope today is being kind to you, Juturna, and that your evening will be peaceful with the presence of your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit for company.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Victoria looks so beautiful. What a darling she is. Please know that I am thinking of you and your precious Angel girl Victoria.

Hugs Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Dear Moon_beam,

Many thanks for your last 2 replies. They were so encouraging and thoughtful.

I spent time today as planned gathering, printing, and eventually placing photos of my beautiful Victoria in a scrapebook. I'm also collecting inspiring quotes and plan to do some writing. It feels good to work on this project.

This evening I managed to find the courage to pick up Victoria's ashes. Though friends offerred to join me or even pick up the ashes and bring them to my home, I decided that I needed to do this myself. It was difficult going back to the emergency vet center, but I was able to clearly ask for her ashes. Then as the kind secretary was expressing sympathy, I ran out crying. My heart is heavy. I'm grateful that I have the ashes here, and feel this was a step towards healing. I will place them next to the ashes of my beloved Aurara, who died 14 years ago.

Tomorrow will be difficult as I have a couple clients that I will need to tell that my precious Victoria has moved on to her next life. I am praying to have the right words and grace. Telling clients has not been easy thus far as many of them had a warm loving relationship with Victoria. Reactions have ranged from OMG, to tears, to why didn't you call me so that I could be there. I'm hoping that the healing work I did today, will allow me to have fortitude and grace tomorrow.

With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

Dear Jan,

Thank you so much for taking the time to look at Victoria's pic and for your validating words of support. It is very much appreciated.

With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

Hi, Juturna, getting our beloved companion's ashes back is a two-edged sword: on the one side it is comforting to have them back home, although it's not in the way that we would prefer, and on the other side it's another reminder that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us the way that we are so accustomed to having them. I do understand how difficult it was for you to go back to the vet office to do this, Juturna, for I have also made this trip alone and have driven home sobbing in tears. My heart goes out to you.

I'm so glad working on your Victoria's scrapbook is a comfort to you. This is what your precious Victoria wants for you - - to be comforted and to focus on her earthly journey with you - - to remember her with a happy heart, and to feel the warmth of her sweet Living Spirit in your heart and memories knowing that she continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will.

Juturna, I hope and pray that your day will be filled with peace and comfort. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers as you encounter the day's events, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam