I have posted about the passing of my baby Sir Thomas and the difficulties my other baby Theresa and I have gone through. I know that in humans (siblings for example) there is what is called survivor's guilt. Theresa has been acting odd of late. I'm wondering could she be going through this? If so, how can I help?

I don't think it's survivor's guilt but just the stress and sadness of not having their friend around. I know when I lost Eileen, Cayenne seemed anxious and depressed for a long time. I ended up getting some Bach flower remedies for her and I think that did help.

Hi, Tom's Dad, I agree with Magdalene. Survivor's Guilt is usually the result of a severe life threatening trauma which involves the death of a loved one - - like September 11, 2001, Pearl Harbor, combat, POW's, fires, bombings, automobile collisions, etc.. It also includes PTSD and flashbacks to the traumatic event(s).

Magdalene has made a good suggestion about natural scents and aromas that can be soothing and calming. Theresa just needs your devoted attention and reassurance. It can weeks, sometimes months, for Theresa to be acclimated to the "new normal." Encourage her to be close to you. You mentioned that she doesn't cuddle with you in your lap like she used to. Well, perhaps you need to take her to your lap and tell her that you miss her cuddles. It's a time of "adjustment" for the both of you, and it's just going to take time to define your "new normals" for each and the both of you.

Just one day at a time, Tom's Dad. Please know you and your precious Theresa are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks all. I was probably over simplifying. It's just that when I get home she's full of energy and anxious. After some petting and play, I continue with my nightly tasks before settling in for the night. I've tried to engage her with catnip toys, but she seems to keep losing them (or hoarding them somewhere?) But then after a while she will withdraw either to the bedroom or on top of the VCR that sits under the TV table. Granted both those places have space heaters blowing, and she hates the cold. She does continue to sleep with me though. I have to point out it's probably partly my fault she does not lap cuddle when I'm watching TV so much because I'm up and down a lot and she probably got tired of it. Theresa has always been around other cats. First, her 4 years at the shelter and then almost 3 here with me and Tom. I think she's lonely during the day when I'm gone. I'd like to get a friend for her. But I feel like it's too soon and I probably should not extend myself financially right now. I guess we'll see what the future brings. Still missing my baby boy, though....

Hi, Tom's Dad, it is important for you and Teresa to take time to establish your "new normal". Teresa is probably lonely, but she is lonely for Sir Thomas - - not just any companion. Teresa will be okay for she has your devotion to her and loving reassurance. If you have a heating pad, you might plug it in and lay it on the sofa and put a blanket over it so that she can snuggle down on the sofa close to you. I got a heating pad from the pharmacy and put a fleece throw over it to warm and put it over Noah when he's snuggled next to me, and he just LOVES it. Since I am the only one now he has to snuggle with, this helps to simulate when he was able to snuggle with his fur family members. It is so precious to see him so warm and comfortable, and to feel his sweet little body snuggled so close to me. It's just a thought - - for whatever it's worth.

Tom's Dad, in this grief journey there are so many new things to get used to, so many adjustments to make, and it is very stressful - to put it mildly. One day at a time, Tom's Dad. You and Teresa are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moon_beam. The heating pad is a great idea. I only wished I'd thought of it especially for Tom It will have to wait for the paycheck after this one since rent's coming due and I'm literally counting pennies. At least she has plenty of food. But you did give me an idea. I put a fleece blanket over the VCR - I figure that will be more comfortable and help trap the heat from the space heater. As I write this she seems more comfortable than before...

Hi, Tom's Dad, so glad I was able to give you a good idea. Just want to caution you - - only do this when you're home - - I do NOT want to be reading a post that your home caught fire because of a "bright idea" you got from me.

I hope you and your precious Teresa will have a very peaceful and cozy evening tonight, and I will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Not to worry moon_beam, fire is one thing I'm very paranoid about. I check multiple times each morning before I leave for work, that space heaters are unplugged, oven/stove OFF, etc, etc. I even have a save our cats sticker for the fire dept. from ASPCA. But I think it will be nice to be able to lure her over to the couch so she' at least more or less beside be when I sit and watch TV. She is liking the fleece blanket over the VCR by the 360 degree space heater in the mean time...

Hi, Tom's Dad, whew!!! I'm so glad to read your post this evening. I, too, am paranoid about fire, and I'm smiling at your "check list" as I have a very similar one as well before I leave for work in the morning. I'm so o glad Teresa is enjoying what her dad is doing for her, and I will be looking forward to knowing how things go whenever you're able to get the heating pad. I do so well understand about "literally counting pennies." Hopefully having her back on the sofa next to you will give you a chance to touch her and caress her - - which will be good for the both of you in keeping the "dad - furkid bond" sealed together.

I hope you and Teresa will have a peaceful weekend, Tom's Dad. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks, moon_beam. Budget being tight as I said, I decided that the usual trip to Kroger was not in the cards. I stopped at the Save-a-Lot by my bus stop instead. Just to get what was absoutley necessary. One of those things was litter. Well, I knew I was not going to carry that all the way home from there, I needed some sort of aid. Low and behold the market had a 2 wheeled cart on sale in the front. Yes, I know the heating pad is needed, but I had more immediate concerns (as in she needs litter) So, I purchased it and the few items I needed to get by. Here is the good part. When I got home and put things away, she was SO in love with the wheels of the cart. The nuzzled, and rolled, just pure joy. I guess because they smelled like outside? Or just because she I knew I needed it? I don't know. But it made me smile.

Hi, Tom's Dad, isn't it lovely when the stores have on SALE what we need when we need it??!! How lovely you were able to get the cart!!! For it not only provided you the assistance you needed to get your purchases home, but it also brought joy to you and your precious Teresa - - for Teresa to play with the wheels, and for you to see Teresa getting so much fun with the cart. Now, how much better can that get???!!! I'm so o o o glad for the both of you.

I hope you and Teresa will have a peaceful weekend, Tom's Dad, and thank you so much for sharing this very good news. Please know you and your precious Teresa are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moon_beam. I'm not sure if it was on sale exactly, but it was the same price as the one I got 15 years ago that's been ruined for a while, and it was the only one. But if it helps cut back on some cab rides, it's worth it. Theresa and I have enjoyed cuddle time on the sofa all weekend. Next will be the heating pad, I keep you posted....

My kitty Cayenne loves to sit on a heating pad too. I hope you are able to get one soon. I know how it is when you have to count every cent, but fortunately you can usually get one that's not too expensive so hopefully you can get one soon.

My kitties always lose their toys. Or hide them. Sometimes I can discover their hiding places and dig out a big pile of toys that have been missing forever.

Magdalene