I am very new here as I just registered last night. I wrote a new topic post but now I can't find it on the site so I am trying again. My husband took our 2 little Schnoodles out for their morning walk on Monday and a few minutes later I got his frantic call. Our little girl had gotten off her leash, run into the street and was hit and killed by a car. We took her to the ER even though we knew she was gone. I can't remember ever being so hysterical in my life. I have cried and wailed for the last 4 days.
I am so glad I found this site last night and that all of you are out there. It is so lonely trying to go through this pain. My husband and I are not really able to talk much about it yet. I know he is replaying the scene in his head and always will. We have our little boy, her brother, and he is trying to figure out why everything has changed.
Friends have said we should think to the future about getting another dog but right now all I can think about is my Zoe and the fact that I will never hold her again or get those sweet kisses from her when I get home from work at night.

here is your first message: http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...amp;#entry62959

hope that helps!

Dear Joanne

I am sorry to read about the sudden loss of your darling Zoe. This site is a wonderful place for support because it seems unless a person has experienced this awful grief, they cannot understand the indescribable physical and emotional experience. I am sure people mean well when they make suggestions like getting another dog but they do not understand the irreplaceable relationship that we have with our beloved pets cannot simply be reproduced by getting a "replacement".

Take care - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband at this difficult time. I hope that the happy memories you have of Zoe will help you both work through the grief and shock of your loss.

Margie

Hi, Joanne, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Zoe. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. And a loss is even more painful when it is through tragic events.

Joanne, please know that this was a very unpredictable event that happened. Our furkids have a way of surprising us with what they can do, and most of the time it is with our delight. But then there are times such as eluding their leashes, collars, getting out of their fenced in yards, etc., that lead us to the deepest grief we will know during our earthly journey with them.

Clinical studies show that the mind "records" events in our lives, and unfortunately this includes traumatic events as well. The more traumatic the event is, the more fixated the mind becomes and the traumatic event is then re-played over and over and over again - - like a phonograph needle stuck in the groove of a vinyl record - - yes, I know, I grew up with what was then "modern" technology. This is a form of post-traumatic stress, and believe me when I say I do know what your husband must be going through right now - - for different reasons. Hopefully in time this will subside over the coming days, perhaps weeks. However, if your husband finds himself unable to re-focus his mind from that horrible tragedy, then he may need to seek professional medical assistance. This is not a sign of weakness of his part. Our brains are a combination of several different chemicals, and our brains are physically affected by the stress of traumatic events which can literally change the way our brains function. Our bodies have a wonderful way of healing itself, including our brains, but sometimes they need some help. Will he ever forget this horrible event? Probably not, but the goal is to have him focus his memories on the wonderful life he shared with Zoe BEFORE this horrible tragedy occurred. And I assure you, Joanne, this is what your precious Zoe wants for him, and for you. She wants you to remember her life with you with happiness in your hearts.

Joanne, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will have during our earth journey. And yes, our beloved companions' housemates do mourn the physical loss as well. So, I know you and your husband are doing all you can to comfort your precious little boy, and that he is trying to be a source of comfort for you and your husband as well, particularly since he was there and also witnessed the events.

Clinical professionals have just recently begun to understand, and accept, that the grief journey of the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as that for a human family member or friend. Unfortunately, our society in general, and sometimes specific people who are the closest to us, do not understand the depth of the love bond that we share with our beloved companions, and therefore do not accept the deep grief that we go through. Joanne, I promise you that each of us here do understand what you, your husband, and your precious little boy are going through, and we are here for all of you for as long and as often as you need us. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely. When they precede us to the angels, they do take a part of us that belongs only to them so that they will have a part of us with them while they wait patiently for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. This is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence is so very painful -- both emotionally and physically. Our lives change for the better when our beloved companions come into our lives, and they change again when they precede us to the angels. This time, however, we are blessed with their sweet Living Spirits forever in our hearts and memories, and nothing can ever take this away from us, because love is eternal, Joanne, - - it is not bound by the physical laws of time and space. Only you and your husband will know if, when, you are ready to embrace a new life into your hearts and home, and this is how it should be, Joanne.

Joanne, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. There are so many ups, downs, twists, turns, and turnarounds - - sometimes overwhelming us at the same time. It is important that you and your husband physically release your deep grief for this will help both your hearts and bodies to heal. Scientific studies prove that our tears are healing tears because they release the toxins that build up in our bodies from the stress of grief. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will help to make their loss less painful. Clinical studies, however, show the opposite is true, for suppressed grief eventually causes both physical and emotional challenges that will inevitably need to be dealt with.

Joanne, thank you so much for sharing with us your precious Zoe. Perhaps in time you will feel up to posting picture(s) of her and sharing with us some of your wonderful memories. Please know you, your husband, and your precious little boy are in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and please do let us know how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your quick responses. I really need all the help I can get right now. The animal hospital called my husband to say that Zoe's cremains were ready to be picked up but I asked him to wait until next week.

I just can't face it today. I am on new medications for my back and neck pain and willl start PT next week. I do know that the meds for the physical pain are also helping to dull the emotional pain but the pain will come back full force.
I am not seriously thinking of another dog at this point but the vet was surprised when I told her I would "never get another dog". Only time will tell if we and Zack, our boy Schnoodle, want another doggie companion.

Joanne, bringing your Zoe's ashes back home does have two sides: on the one side it can be a relief to have our beloved companions back home, although not in the same way, while on the other side it is yet another blatant reminder that our beloved companions are no longer physically with us in the way we so desperately want them to be.

I am so sorry you are having pain in your back and neck. Many years ago I required intensive PT for serious injuries from an automobile collision, and had an excellent physical therapist. I still require the use of a cane, and occasionally my walker, but for the most part just looking at me one never would suspect the extent of my injuries. I hope your recovery will be successful, Joanne. Chronic pain is debilitating, and when you are coping with grief, it only adds to the burden of your heart.

When my Oslo joined the angels on Thanksgiving weekend 2009, many people asked me if I would ever get another canine companion. The vet techs, as compassionate as they are, just could not accept - - at first - - why my answer is "no." Joanne, this is a decision only you can make that is in both your and your precious Zack's best interest.

Joanne, thank you so much for letting us know how things are going for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Need some advice about how to help my little boy dog, Zack, through this time of grief. He has gotten more sad looking as the week has gone on. He is eating and sleeping OK but I know he is aware that his sister is not here.

Hi, Joanne, as long as your little Zack is eating properly, drinking water normally, and is able to take care of his personal needs, these are all good signs. Emotionally, it's just going to take time for him to "adjust" to the physical absence of his sister. He and Zoe shared a canine "pack" - - like their wild wolf cousins. And now his sister is no longer a physical part of his family "pack."

When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels in December 2006, my little Noah was very heartbroken. He grieved deeply for Eli. It was 2.5 years before he finally abandoned the comforter that Eli slept on, and I knew then it was okay for me to finally wash it. Noah's sibing sister, Abbygayle, joined the angels 10 months ago, and Noah still finds comfort in laying on her towel. So, if possible, perhaps keeping something that still has Zoe's scent on it available for Zack might be helpful to him. It may also be helpful if you could develop a special "new" routine with him.

Joanne, your little Zack just needs a lot of special love, attention, and reassurance that everything will be okay. I wish there was an easier way through this grief journey for the both of you.

Please know you and your precious Zack are close in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for all of your support. Zack did seem to notice Zoe's scent on a blanket on our bed that she had slept on the night before she died last week. I am glad you suggested leaving it for him to sniff.
I have to return to work tomorrow as the doctor's note covered me until tomorrow. I have stopped the muscle relaxant because I am not safe driving or working after I have taken it. My back and neck still hurt but much better than last week. I know people at work will ask about our loss and I know I have to face at least a brief explanation. I worked with most of these people when we first got the puppies a little more than 3 years ago. Going to be another hard day tomorrow.
I will be back here tomorrow night but I have to get to bed early and try to get back into a routine. Won't be the same tomorrow night when I come in from work and Zoe is not jumping to greet me and lick me.

Thanks
Joanne

Joanne

My thoughts are with you as you return to work. It's not the same but I hope you and Zack can adapt to the absence of Zoe. Be kind to yourself - I only started this grief journey about 10 days before you and I have learned that each day and night is different. Whilst it is comforting to have another pet at home, it is challenging seeing them grieve as well. Take good care.

Margie

Joanne, just stopping by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers today, and hope that today has been kind to you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Again I want to thank you all for your support. I really don't know how I would make it without you. My husband and I can only discuss this to a point since he was the one who put her leash on and was with her when she got off leash and was killed.
I did go back to work today and got a hug and support from my boss. She is a cat lover and has experienced the death of a pet. I only told a few of my coworkers and only the ones who are pet owners and lovers. I am not ready to deal with people who would wonder what I am so upset about as "she was just a dog". We all know she was like my child to me. I did cry much of the way home knowing she would not be here to greet me when I walked in the door. Zack is still acting puzzled by her absence and clinging to either my husband or myself. He does occasionally go off by himself but then comes back to check on us. I know he does not understand where his sister went.
Snow and ice here tonight so I will most likely be going into work late tomorrow and having to deal with weather issues. Will have to really concentrate on the roads and not my pain. I just still can't believe she is gone for good except in my memories. Sooo hard.
Joanne

Hi Joanne

I agree that grieving is very hard. In fact, it's almost a state of shock we find ourselves in...unable to fathom the reality of the situation. Therefore, I think it is important to ground ourselves in as much reality as possible whenever we feel fit for it. Since Bruno passed away, I've felt like I'm floating with my head stuck in a horrible thunderous cloud with no handle on my everyday existence. I still haven't seen my friends since Bruno got ill at the end of November. Only now I'm realizing I will need to make a concerted effort to get out and about again, because by getting out I'll be able to chat to my friends and share my story. Talking and sharing, as you know, helps us with our healing and coming to terms with the shock of our loss.

That's great that you got a hug and support from your boss on your first day back. It gives me great heart to hear of loving and considerate people in our world. I hope the weather doesn't hinder you too much and that you have a safe journey.

Take care

Peter

Hi, Joanne, just adding my heartfelt thoughts to Peter's. I'm glad that your first day back to work was okay, and that you have some supportive people there to comfort you as well. Peter is so right about the shock of grief. This is the mind's and body's protective mechanism to keep us from being overwhelmed all at once - - it helps us to process our grief in stages when we're able to. Particularly during the first month or so we seem to function on what I call "automatic pilot" - - things get done, bills get paid, we go to work, chores get done, etc., but it seems as though we're not really a part of the daily routines -- sort of like an out of body experience - - looking down on our "life" but not feeling connected to it. And it's because we aren't connected to it - - because the life we have known is now permanently changed - - and sorrowfully so because we are now faced with the reality of having to adjust our lives to the physical absence of our beloved companions. It never ceases to amaze me how "life goes on" without skipping a beat - - when in reality our lives as we have so joyfully known them have crashed and our hearts are broken with the deepest sorrow we will know.

Joanne, your little Zack will probably look for Zoe for awhile, and perhaps in some way he may sense her sweet Living Spirit. Their intuitive senses are far more advanced than ours. When my number one kitty son, Eli, joined the angels, my Noah would look high and low for him - - when he was outside on his tether he would go to every spot he and Eli would spend time together, and would go upstairs and look for him. It really broke my heart. Last spring when I was outside raking leaves I let Noah out on his tether to get some fresh air in his lungs and sunshine on his face, and to share time with me in the yard. He and Noah and Abbygayle could hardly wait to get outside on their tethers on the nice days, and would spend HOURS outside together - - for we have a very nice wooded lot with the squirrels and birds and rabbits coming to visit. The squirrels learned how far their tethers would reach, and would tease the heck out of them just staying beyond the reach of their tethers when they would chase the squirrels, and I would hear the squirrels literally laughing at them. Well, anyway, last spring Noah visited each place that he spent time with Eli and Abbygayle, and then came back inside the house and stayed. He no longer has any interest in being outside on this tether. So now he is an indoor kitty and on the nice weather days I open the big basement living quarters door and gate it off so that he can hear the squirrels and birds and other woodland critters and get some fresh air in his lungs. He seems to be content with that.

So, the point of sharing all of this with you is that Zack is also "adjusting" to the physical absence of his sister, but he will be okay with the extra T L C you and your husband are giving him. It's just going to take time.

I hope your commute this morning was okay. I live in the Blue Ridge / Piedmont Mountain region of south central Virginia, and we too had a weather advisory for a slippery drive this morning into work. Where I live in Franklin County it wasn't too bad. The good part is that the schools were closed for some sort of teacher work day or something like that, so we didn't have school buses added to the mix, which was good for the students and the school system didn't have to flip a coin wondering what the weather was actually going to do. As I'm writing to you now the sun is out and the temperatures have warmed in to the mid-40's - - still a bit cool but it's nice to see the sun shining.

Joanne, thank you so much for sharing with us how your day was yesterday, and I hope that today is being kind to you. Please know you, your husband, and Zack are close in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Need to write to you tonight. I did OK at work today. Did not cry while I was there but once I got in the car to drive home I cried so hard I made myself sick. I got dizzy but had no place to pull over because I was on the 6 lane highways that I commute to work each day. I just kept telling myself that I could not pass out or I would be joining Zoe and I am really not ready for that.
It is true the grief can really make us sick. My husband picked up Zoe's ashes today and I told him where I wanted to keep them but I can't look at the box. I know I will one day soon but it is not the right time for me.
I was very glad our office opened 2 hrs late today due to the snow and ice. I commute approximately 1 hr each way to get to and from work. It gets dark so early now I am driving home in the dark. I usually listen to audio books on the commute but I am having problems concentrating because when I am alone in the car it really hits me hard that Zoe is gone for good.
Joanne

Hi, Joanne. Bringing home the ashes of our beloved companions can be very comforting, but it is also another confirmation that they are not physically with us the way our hearts long and ache for them to be.

I know what it's like to need to just release all the emotions that have been pinned up during the day at work, and it's not like we have any control right now when we just need to let them out. I remember thinking I needed wiper blades for my eyes while I was driving.

Joanne, thank you so much for sharing with us how things are going for you. I hope today has been a peaceful one for you, and that your travels will be safe and uneventful. Please know you are in my thougths and prayers, Joanne, and will look forward to knowing you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Joanne

Has the weather improved for you at all? There's something mind-numbing, I found recently, about being so upset and visually seeing all this snow and ice around us. December was horrendous in Northern Ireland with our worst snow for decades, and Bruno was ill throughout. What I would say about this is that it might be advantageous to our grieving...because once the snow and ice thaws and disappears you get the sense that you are moving on and no longer stuck in that freezing sad place. I'm rambling, but I think this is how the heavy snow we had in Northern Ireland has affected me. Now when I look in the garden I see little birds and sunshine rays through the branches. When the snow was here I felt tremendous gloom and misery and frustration. Anyway, I hope that when the weather improves where you are it might help lessen your burden a little.

Thinking of you. Take it as easy as you can.

Peter

I have been hoping for a heavy snow but all we get are dribs and drabs. I just want to be in a cocoon.
Today was a really tough day at work and since it helps me to write to you I will put down some of my feelings. I was so sad all day and it was hitting me all over again that Zoe is gone.
I could not sleep last night and had visions and dreams about her all night. I keep seeing her wagging tail, happy face and cute little rear when she sat down to get comfortable. I just miss her so much the pain is unbelievable.Zack went to the groomer today for the first time without his sister. I don't love the cut she gave him but he is perking up. He was not happy with it either when he first came home. I just know he realized that Zoe was not with him and that something was wrong.
Supposed to have light snow tonight and I am hoping for a late opening at work just to cut the number of hours that I have to try to concentrate there. Hoping also for some sleep tonight. This is one of the hardest experiences of my life.

I am also new here, and haven't quite figured out how the whole post thing works either. I am so sorry for ur loss. I also lost a pet this week. I had to make the decision to have my kitty cat euthanized, and now I just feel as though I made the wrong decision. I can't get him out of my head. I don't think I will ever get over this.

Hey,

Thanks for your response to my post. I just read yours. PHUCK! It makes me sick to think about how Zoe went. Please tell your husband not to get lost in any guilt he may feel. No one's fault, it just happened. I'm sure Zack misses his best friend, like Moonbeam said, our little loved ones see, sense, hear and feel things that we don't. I've read lots of stuff about animals and I believe that they too, grieve. I have Kota's ashes on a shelf by her picture. I've spread most of her ashes and want to spread the rest, when I'm up to it. For some people the ashes are a cherished connection to their lost companions. For me they are now just a sore reminder of the physical entity that is no longer with me, and I don't want the ashes anymore. But for you, you will figure out what they mean to you. Like you said about pulling over and crying on the highway...I get home late at night and am in tears before I put the key in the door.

I've read a couple books by an author who writes about his dogs. Jon Katz, A Dog Year, brought me to tears, but somewhere in the back of my mind, after reading the book, it gave me a little sense of "maybe someday it'll be OK to get another dog." Not now though, and for you I feel the loss is way too fresh, way too painful, and as you said, way too unbearable. It's worse than losing a loved human friend or family member. Don't force conversation about Zoe, between you and your husband, just accept that each of you will grieve in your own way. Hug Zack a little closer than usual, pamper him, talk to him about Zoe, give him extra treats and love...just because he exists for you. I've forced myself to do so many things since I lost Kota, but my heart and mind are always thinking of her. The loss is too close for you to HAVE to make yourself get out and about, or to have to censor yourself from talking about it with friends or family. Nobody else can ever know the love you had for Zoe, thus they can never really know what it is you need now. You may not even know what you need. I wish you some peace of mind in the near future, even for just a minute if that's all there is, for now. My thoughts and heart go out to you, your husband and Zack.

Dennis