Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.

I'm so sorry for your loss of Squiggy, I know where you're at at the moment, I've been there and it's the most horrible feeling in the world. Worse still when you don't have anyone around to talk to who understands. Grief always seems to make us regret our decisions, no matter how right they are, all we know is we miss them beyond belief and we want them back. It takes a lot of time and talking through to accept in your mind what you have lost. I'm so glad you found this forum and I'm sure you'll get some great advice and understanding from people here. Thinking of you xx

madi xx

I am so sorry for your loss, LostInDespair. Losing a pet is hard, especially when you don't have the support of family that understands the depth of your grief.

Even if you can't get the support you need from your family, you'll get it here. We're a family here, bound by the love we have for our pets and the shared pain of their loss.

Welcome to our family, and please let us know how you're doing.

I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss......I lost my Mozart just 6 days ago...there were times I cried so hard that I could barely breathe....I still feel so guilty that I couldn't do something. It is so much more diffcult on you since no one in your family understands the increditable pain you are feeling. I'm new here but know that the others here have experienced the awful loneliness,guilt, and pain you now feel.Try to take each day,be kind to yourself....don't let any guilt you have creep in.If you can maybe do something nice for somebody who needs help as a tribte to your Squiggy.I am just now able to contain my tears a bit better.

Terry

Dearest LostInDespair,

Allow me to extend my deepest condolences on your loss of precious Squiggy. I am so very sorry and clearly understand and empathize with your pain, feelings of guilt, grief, devastation and your shattered world. I too know how it feels when family and friends just don't want to hear about it for this, that or the other reasons they have. There's a thread in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here at LS about just that and a whole lot more which you're sharing, so I'm going to link you directly to that thread so you don't have to hunt it down. Please read the short snippet which is within that Website. Please click the link below ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss

<<Snippet>>

For pet lovers, the death of a cherished companion can be as painful as the death of a relative or friend. In fact, the death of a pet can affect some of us even more than the death of a relative or friend.

When a pet becomes terminally ill or dies, it is natural to hope that your pain will be acknowledged, even if it is not shared, by your support group of family, friends, and coworkers. Although you may value your pet as much or more than many of your relationships with people, the significance of your loss may not be fully appreciated by those you turn to for support. Your grief may be intensified if you are disappointed by the lack of empathy from someone you turn to for support. You do not need approval to justify the pain you feel because of the loss of your pet. You do not need to justify your feelings to anyone. On the other hand, understand that not everyone can appreciate the joy you experienced with your pet, or how their loss has shattered your world. Perhaps they are distracted with their own turmoil, and simply are not emotionally available to you right now.

Move toward people who show you compassion. They may emerge from the least expected places. Open yourself to colleagues at work; you might make a new friend. Validate your pain with people who understand, such as your veterinarian, veterinary technician, groomer, or another pet owner. A local pet grief support group or bereavement might provide the comfort you need.

<<End Snippet>>

Please also click on the candle image below.

It's a free, non-denominational, loving, caring, comforting journey ...



Winging many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this gawd awful time, Dear One.

I Wish You Peace.

Many Comforting Hugs and Lighting Candles for You and Your Angel Fur Child Squiggy.




Always, Dottie xoxoxox

Hi, LostinDespair, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies on the loss of your beloved Squiggy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can be healed from their failing physical bodies in the company of the angels.

LostinDespair, this grief journey is one the worst experiences we will have on this side of eternity. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence is so painful for us - - both physically and emotionally.

I am sorry you are not receiving support from your family. However, clinical studies show that this is not uncommon, particularly with the loss of beloved companion. That is why forums like Lightning Strike were formed so that people can come to a place where they can find support and encouragement and comfort and hope during their grief journey.

And so, LostinDespair, please know you are among friends here who do understand first hand what you are going through. This grief journey is filled with so many highs and lows, ups and downs, and turnarounds. It is frequently referred to as the "nightmare roller coaster ride" - - so very unpredictable. Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will find that your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - just as he always has been and always will be, for the love bond you shared during his earthly journey with you is eternal - - and so it continues on even now for Squiggy is forever in your heart and memories.

LostinDespair, thank you so o o much for sharing your precious Squiggy with us. Perhaps sometime you can post a picture of him here. We look forward to sharing your many memories of him. Unfortunately in the early stages of our grief journey, our precious happy memories are veiled with the consuming emotion of guilt. This is one of the hardest emotions of this grief journey to reconcile, for guilt comes from the "looking back" and trying to make sense out of all the things we wish we "could have done", "should have done" "should not have done", "why didn't I", etc.. But guilt is not where our beloved companions want us to be. Our beloved companions want us to remember them with a happy heart, and hopefully someday - - when you least expect it, LostinDespair, you will be thinking of your precious Squiggy and will find yourself smiling. And when this happens, LostinDespair, hopefully your heart will be warmed by feeling the presence of your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit.

LostinDespair, I know there are no adequate words that can soothe your broken heart right now. The tears you shed are healing tears. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that their loss will not be so painful. In reality, clinical studies show that suppression only prolongs the grief journey, and can literally cause physical medical problems.

LostinDespair, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dearest Moon Beam,

Reading all that you've said to LostinDespair has also helped me enormously regarding my own grief journey. I do hope and pray that everyone will read what you've shared, drink it in, and that it will help them, too.

Thank you so o o o o o much, sweet Moon Beam!

Oceans of Love to you and Yours!

Always, Dottie xoxoxox

Thank you all so much for being here for me.
I am so traumatized. My vet was not able to be with me. I had to deal with his **&^^ partner (insert colorful metaphor here). He has no bedside manner. He told me to put my head in a plastic bag and breathe for 10 minutes and that's how squiggy feels. WHO says that?!!

I can't block out some of that day. I miss him. I miss his little Peke face, his stubborn self. I miss him near me. I'm still talking to him because I forget for quick moments he's gone and that is so unbearable when I come to.

I have more to tell, but I cannot yet find the words to articulate. I'll check back in with you, I hope to get through the night, it is the worst part of my day.

Thank you dear friends, may you all sleep well tonight.

-Di

I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling Squiggy. I love the photo of him. Thankyou so much for posting it.
I am sending hugs and prayers for you to get through these days and nights. I know it is so hard to just 'carry on' when we feel so broken and empty inside, but that is waht your dear Squiggy will want you to do.
I still talk to my Noushka and Tasha, and even Soot at times and he has been at the Rainbow bridge for 18 years. They never really leave us. Physically ,yes, but they remain part of us for eternity, always in our Heart and Soul.
I had the same experience with Noushka. A vet with no sympathy whatsoever. Hence, when we rescued Pixie 6 months ago we changed vets. I suppose there are good and bad in every practice, as with our doctors.
I do hope that you are getting more sympathy from your family now.Some men, certainly not all men, as we have some wonderful male friends on this forum, sometimes feel as though they have to appear to be 'strong' for some reason, and in lots of cases they just go into a 'shell'. Right when we need them to just give us a 'Hug'. Maybe your husband can't bear to see you hurting so much, and so he just thinks it's better to stay away. Lots of men can't cope with us crying? You cry as much as you need to, it will help to cleanse away some of the pain.
I found that posting pictures and writing my Angels stories was a wonderful way of feeling close to them, and sharing them with this great community of like minded people. It did however take me a month or so before I could do that.
When you feel ready we would love to hear more about your Squiggy.
I send a great big HUG.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Dearest LostInDespair,

I am so very sorry that you're suffering this terribly. Please know that his Heart beats with yours, and he's healed now.

He Lives in you and always will, Dear One.



Winging more loving Angels to comfort you and gently guide you through your devastation.

Many Comforting Hugs!

Love and Butterfly Kisses to Your Little Boy Angel Fur Kid Squiggy.

I Wish You Peace.

Always, Dottie xoxoxox

Hi all. Hope everyone is well. Got through another day.
I keep forgetting my Squig is not here-opens the wound right up. I get out of bed and step gingerly so I don't bump him, then I remember. I reached up to pet him where he sat on top of the couch and it was empty. I washed dishes with no one at my feet. No one greeted me today after a long day. I think the aftershock is horrible. Thank you all for listening.
Many blessings to you all for a good night.
-Di

Hello LostInDespair,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved pet Squiggy. My condolences go out to you during this hard journey. I too know the pain and suffering that you are feeling and I wish there was some magic words that I could use to take away everyone’s pain that comes to this forum. The pain and emptiness that you describe is a feeling we are all familiar with and please know that we are here for you during this sad journey.

All though everyone’s story is different, every pet is different, the years our precious pets shared with us vary, we all have one thing in common; the pain, the emptiness and the guilt when our beloved pet departs. I do know that since I lost my dog Lukas over a month ago, this journey is a rollercoaster ride and there will be days that the pain and emptiness is still very fresh.

As Moon_Beam so kindly has written, it is unfortunate that the beginning of this grieving journey is filled with so much of the guilt “why didn’t I do this”, “I should of done this” , “why did I do that” that it consumes us at times. I know that it is a hard journey and please know LostInDespair, that my heart and prayers go out to you and Squiggy and know that we are all here for you during this hard time.

MommyluvsuLukas

Hello, Di, this adjustment time to re-defining our lives without the physical presence of our beloved companions is very hard indeed. It is one of the hardest experiences we will have during our earthly journey. The feelings of emptiness is deafening, isn't it?

Di, I wish there was an easier way through this grief adjustment journey. Please know you are not alone. This is so important for you to know - - to hold onto. Even though we are not physically able to gather around you, to be physically with you during the really hard moments - - please know we are here for you every step of your journey - - with you and beside you.

Di, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all, again, for getting me through another day. Sleep well my friends.
-Di

Hi Di,

I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your precious Squiggy. He's absolutely gorgeous - what an adorable face! In one of your posts you said that you still talk to him because you forget he's not there. I personally think it's a good idea to carry on talking to them anyway. Almost 6 months after the loss of my fur baby, Daisy, I still speak to her. I have a pillow with her face printed on it, and whenever I walk past, I say, "hello, baby" or tell her that I love her in the baby voice I used only for her. Just hearing myself talk like that again helps. I hope you will be able to feel you Squiggy's presence - he is still with you, and he still hears you when you talk. A love that powerful cannot just die. That just doesn't make any sense to me.

Keep doing what you're doing - taking it "one day at a time". That's all any of us can really do.

Sending you hugs, Cheryl xx

Thanks Cheryl.
It's ok when I get to the place of consciously talking to him. It's the unconscious that hurts-when, for moments I forget.
Another night to get through.
Good night friends.
-Di

Now you have come here you are definitely not alone. I have a similar problem with my family but we all took care of Rudy and had no choice because he demanded everyones attention. But I try to keep in mind everyone feelings are different when it comes to this area. You can find the support you need for the most part right here. Your right no one loved him as you did (a mothers love). I hope you remember the feeling he gave you acknowledging your dedication to him and him to you. That love is so pure thats why its so hard to shake. I am a mom with a household of 8 (including me). We have a cat, bird , iguanas. And some days I feel so guilty because all I want is Rudy (was my 7mth old westie). I know exactly how unbearable it is. Take every little piece of affection from your family and friends you can. Your husband or children don't have to know what that hug is really for. My point is it opens those strings pulling your heart little by little. I hope my words translated what I want to say to you in this sad time. For it is not always easy to do. Please know I have you on my mind and will pray for your heart to mend.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of a "love like no other". It's an unconditional love, and nothing and noone can give like a pet. There are many people here that know what you mean and have felt the same things. We do understand. Squiggy will be in your heart forever.

Moosie's Mom

^^ thank you. I'm still so numb. I miss his little face.
Another night through. Good nite.