Well said. I couldn't agree more.

Sending you big hugs, Cheryl x

Loci,

I totally relate to what you said about how people have fond memories but your memories make you cry. Right now, I just feel like memories are a one-dimensional diary of losses we have to live with. Like you, each place I go to, brings back the memories, I try to think how much my Kota loved the places we visited, but then I have to hang my head and cry, because her physical presence is no longer here. I can only imagine how much you miss Cleo when the waves of sadness break upon you. I appreciate your honesty. Peace to you.

Dennis

My dearest Cleo,
Today is the anniversary of your passing......three months have gone by. I am still beside myself with grief. I just try to divert my thoughts throughout each day, but it's hard not to think about someone you love and miss so much. I try to think of all the wonderful things you've brought into my life and all the reasons I miss you so and place those thoughts as my main focus. But today, it's hard not think about the disease that took you away from me and the anguish of seeing you fail so suddenly and making that dreadful decision of letting you move on.

I wonder sometimes why I haven't moved on as much as I should have at this point. I have had dogs in the past growing up and while I grieved their passing, I have never had a connection to an animal like I did with you. I miss your sweet face, your touch, your snuggles, your wet nose, your howling, your spirit, your energy, your kindness, your trust, your loyalty and your love.

I think about you often, but you probably already know that. Life is not the same without you here.

All my love!

Loci,
I'm sitting here reading your post and tears are streaming down my face! I'm faced with the decision of putting my beloved cat Husker to sleep today. He has been battling an unexpected illness and the dr recommended that we put him to sleep this morning. How do you decide if what your doing is the right thing? And how do you move on?? I'm an absolute mess right now...any advice would be much appreciated

Maranda

Aww, Miranda, I'm so sorry for what you are facing right now. This is absolutely one of the most painful decisions that you will ever have to make...

Try to let your heart guide you to the right choice and the right timing. If you let your mind take over, you will probably go a little (or a lot) crazy. Let Husker's comfort level guide you too. This is last ultimate sacrifice that we have to make for our pets, and it is an unbelievably painful one. But remember that we have been there all along to take care of our beloved fur-kids, and that we do have the power to end their pain when the time is as close to right as it can be. There is no "perfect" decision--it will hurt no matter what and when you do it. I have no particular sage words of advice--each of us has to make that decision for ourselves and for our beloveds.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with the probable loss of Husker (what a great name too, by the way...) How old is he? I'm sure that he's lived a very happy life, and that you have loved him very much, and he you. The love will never die, even if the body does. He will be with you always, in your experience and in your memories. We never really "lose" our pets--they will always be part of us. The grieving process is very very difficult, but it will eventually soften and become not so painful anymore, hard as that may be to believe at the moment.

Please keep visiting us and posting. This forum is filled with wonderful, wise, compassionate people, all of whom have had to go through what you are enduring now. I couldn't have survived the loss of both my dog Poppers, six months ago, and my wolf-hybrid, Ladywolf, six weeks ago, without this Forum.

Just trust your heart, and you will do the right thing, I am sure. And try not to second-guess yourself after you've made a decision, if you possibly can. There's no easy way for our pets to pass, but there often is a way to make sure that they don't suffer needlessly...

My heart goes out to you in this awful time--

Big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold (my new Bengal kitten!)

P.S. I encourage you to start a thread of your own, so everyone can know your story...

Margi,
thank you so much for responding. Husker is a little over 3 years old. I feel like I haven't had enough time with him yet...He is so special to me and my boyfriend. He has the best personality and he has definitely brought us alot of laughter. and I'm very sorry to hear about Ladywolf and Poppers....losing these furbabies is almost unbearable. All i can do is hope that we're doing the right thing for Husker and wait for the day when we can see him again...

Hello Maranda,
I am so sorry to hear about your beloved cat Husker. The truth in the matter is that it is never easy coming to grips with the decision of having to let our pets go, especially in the case of an unexpected illness. I knew that Cleo was sick about 3 months prior to her passing, but I never knew the extent of how bad she really was. I thought we had her disease under control and like with everything she went through in her life, I believed that she would pull through with the care we offered her. We literally did everything in our power to save her. My husband and I always knew that we'd have to make the fateful decision "one day" to have to put her down, but never did we expect to have to make that decision on her 9th birthday of all days. I thought she had 3-4 more years with us, so it was just so sudden to me.

When I look back though, I do realize how sick she really was and after reading more about her IMHA, I also realized that she lived so much longer than most dogs do with the disease. When I really think about that, I know that when the doctor said that she was failing and that we'd have to make the decision, although it killed me, it was her time to go. Although I saw Cleo 2 hours before her blood transfusion, I knew she wouldn't make it. I said my goodbyes and I just couldn't bring myself to go and put her down with my husband (I am also pregnant and was TOTALLY hysterical, so I just couldn't go but at least I said goodbye to her). My husband told her how much we loved and cared for her.....and well....a lot more things that would make me cry here at work, but with that said that Cleo gave him the "sign" that she was ready to go. I know that a lot of pet owners say this, but I do believe our animals are not scared of death like we are as humans. They tell us when it's time to move on and I think they know that we will be reunited again one day.

The decision is so hard, but you are doing what is best for Husker, although it's not, of course, what you want at all. Allow yourself to grieve and miss your precious cat. There is no time frame of when things get easier as it's different for everyone. However, although I miss Cleo as I would miss my own child, I do have a feeling that I WILL see her again. That keeps me going and helps me with each day. I feel like she's watching over me and I talk to her ALL the time.

I really hope you find peace with your decision. The best thing you can do is know that you gave your baby the BEST life and that passing is just temporary. As we continue on with our lives, we have to think about the opportunity that we will have to reunite with our beloveds.

Please keep me (us) posted on your decision and your progress. I will be thinking of you!!!
-Christine

My dearest Cleo,
I had a rough weekend. We found a lost yellow lab and we watched him until we got a hold of the owners. Papa had to open your box to get your leash out. It made me tear up so much. I then went to the basement and I saw your box of things sitting out. I know I shouldn't have opened it. Besides having your collar sitting next to your picture in our bedroom, I have not pulled out your stuff since you passed. Today I saw it all. It really shook me to my core. I saw all your toys, your bowls, your leashes, your floaties......it was a whole box of you and I just LOST it. God, I miss you so much.

My dearest Cleo,
It's been 4 months. I cannot even believe it. Both Papa and I have had extremely vivid dreams about you in the last couple of days. Coincidence? Our dreams involved seeing you and loving you to pieces......being able to pet you and tell you what a wonderful dog you were. Oh what a cruel reality it was to wake up and realize I can't hold you in my arms anymore. I still have a "Cleo" moment EVERY single day. Some days are harder than others, but in the end the message is the same.......I miss you more than anything!

I love you so much,
Momma

Has it been four months already, Loci? I can't believe it either--it seems like you just lost Cleo last week! It was good to hear from you, good to know that you are doing okay. I hope that you are slowly healing; it sounds as if you are..

Yes, I know, I miss Ladywolf every single day too. It's the hardest thing there is. I have been at peace about her passing, but I still miss her terribly.

Take good care of yourself, please, and keep posting!

Hugs from Margi and the gang!

Hi Margi,
I can hardly believe it too. Some days it feels like yesterday that this all happened and other days it feels like I haven't seen her for an eternity. Most days I am at peace with what happened, but there are some days when an article will come out regarding the onset of IMHA and I feel immediate and tremendous guilt that I was somehow responsible for her disease since no one could tell us how she go it.......was it the several times I gave her a lick off my plate and she ate those onions that caused the onset of this disease? You know, irrational thinking. I think overall it's helped adjusting to life in a different house since her passing, although next weekend we are going to our old neighbor's house for a party. Seeing our old house reminds me of one thing............Cleo. It was her house. In fact, we moved to the "burbs" to get a house just for her so she'd have a back yard. THAT will be so difficult. I really cannot believe the grief I deal with when it comes to Cleo. But all I can attribute it to is the fact that she was my child and I miss her companionship and love so much! She was truly a blessed animal in my life and for that I am so thankful.

Sounds like you too are doing well with Ladywolf's passing, but like me, it's still a daily struggle when a memory pops into your head. I hope for yours and my sake, that those memories are only the best ones and ones that bring tears of joy because we cherished their time here on earth.

Just having a hard night tonight for some reason. I try so hard to push my thoughts aside when it comes to Cleo to protect myself from breaking down, but tonight, I am thinking about just having her here next to me......me petting her and how she used to feel in my arms. God I miss her!

Dear Christine
I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time and that you are hurting so much. I totally understand what you say. Four months for me was particularly bad. I missed(still do) Noushka like mad and just felt so lost without her. I didn't seem to be moving on at all, sometimes. Some days would be not too bad and I could think of her and smile, others I just cried when I thought of her. One day while surfing the net for Samoyeds, just anything to do with Samoyeds, I saw Pixie's face staring back at me. She was taken from the pound and rescued from Euthanasia by a no kill centre, thank goodness for those good people at the centre, and centres like them. Well you may remember our story, we rescued Pixie... very mixed feelings at the time, but I felt that Noushka and Tasha and our Angels had sent her to us.... lots of reasons why I thought that. As I've said in my thread, we saved each other I believe. She has given me purpose again, and proved that although our beloved pets can never be replaced, we can love and be loved again, in a different way of course, but still in a good way.
I know this isn't right for everyone, but for me, and my family, rescuing Pixie was the best thing that we could have done, for all concerned. I just wanted to let you know that life can be good again, never quite the same of course, but loving and caring and nursing and being loved back so unconditionally by our fur babies, must have a positive effect on our 'life'. I know it's still very painfull for you, as it was for me at the four month stage, and even now at one year, but please try and look after yourself , as your darling Cleo would want her mummy to.

This week it's one year since I lost my Noushka, and I have been having some very bad days, but I try and pick myself up and say, she wants me to go on with life and be happy, she's watching over me and it would make her sad to see how much I am still hurting.
Your darling Cleo will be watching over you, Christine. She is always with you. Close your eyes and her dear face will come to you, and try to feel the warmth that she is sending to you.
Thinking of you and sending hugs.
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Jan,
Thank you SO much for your response. It means so much to me......you have no idea.

I don't know if it's the fact that a new baby is arriving soon and being that Cleo was such an integral part of my first pregnancy, but it's just been really, really hard lately. I have been really upset that Cleo was taken from us so soon and so angry about the whole situation. She easily had 4-5 more years with us. I cannot even fathom getting another dog yet. Every time I think of it (and I do know that NO dog will replace Cleo), I still feel this pain of thinking of taking another dog for a walk, or swimming, buying dog treats, or even taking the dog to the vet.....all I end up thinking is.....it's just not my Cleo. I know one day my husband and I will be ready. I guess I am just not there yet.......I still feel an incredible loss of a "child" of sorts and I think it may be around a year or two before I can get back to a place to open my home again to another dog. I love dogs. I have grown up with them all my life, but for some reason, Cleo was just a little more than just a dog to me (as you very well know). It will take time for me to get to a place where I can finally move on and always hold a special place in my heart for Cleo, but also be ready to rescue another dog.

I really do hope that Cleo is out there watching over me because God only knows how much I need her and miss everything about her.

Hi Christine,

I think the reason it's so difficult for you, with the baby coming, is because you feel like you're starting a new Chapter in your life and you're devasted that Cleo isn't here to share it with you. I've kind of been going through the same thing -- I haven't got a baby on the way, but there's lot's of changes going on in my life at the moment -- starting University, a new job etc, and I was only thinking the other day, how sad it is that Daisy isn't here to start this new Chapter with me. It almost feels like I'm leaving her behind, and it hurts like hell. I think we just have to try to take them with us, in our thoughts and in our hearts, that way they'll always be present. But I know what you mean about missing them so, so much

Take care, Cheryl xx

Loci,

I just completed reading your posts. I am so sorry. I, too, keep going up and down with this grief. I miss my buddy, Little Bit, something terrible. I lost him last Thursday (which means he was here a week ago today, which makes me sad) when he got hit by a car in front of me when he was running to me. (The driver never even stopped).

There is a severe storm brewing outside and I always had to go scoop Little Bit up when it started raining and make sure he was safe from the rain. But, in a way it is a blessing from God because this is the time that it happened last Thursday and at least the outside doesn't look the same as it did "that day."

I enjoy your love letters to Cleo. I write to Little Bit also. But, like you, I would rather hug and kiss them.

And, I know that people at work and a couple of my friends (even though they don't say it), probably think I should be getting over Little Bit by now, or at least I should be starting to "get better." I have no interests in anything that I use to.

One thing that I read last night during my devotions, when I thought I was "doing better" was Matthew 10:29: When birds are sold, two small birds cost only a penny. But not even one of those little birds can die without your Father knowing it.

Even though I would rather have Little Bit back, or I wish I would have NOT called him to me, for a brief moment that verse made me feel a little better.

Cleo is awesome looking, by the way...

Cheryl, You are SO so very right. There has been a lot of changes in our lives lately. We moved into a new house a week after we put Cleo down. We had to adjust to a new home. Then there is the adjustment of starting my 3 year old in preschool and her adjusting her to the new house as well. To top it off, we are adding to our family here in the next month and a half and things will change even more so. It's all been one big adjustment for sure. Knowing that Cleo is not a part of any of it does truly hurt like hell. I had envisioned my children playing with her and loving her as part of the family. I do plan on taking Cleo on my journey and definitely keeping her memory alive by talking to my children about her and how truly blessed we were to have her in our lives. It's just overly emotional for me right now. I like to blame it on the hormones, but when I still see my husband break, I know that she was just a very special part of our lives and we feel like a part of our lives is definitely missing.

Oh my! What a devestating way to lose your baby. I am SO incredibly sorry for your loss. I thought Cleo's loss was so sudden, but I couldn't even begin to imagine what you had to go through. I really hope that you find some peace in the upcoming weeks and months. It will take time to move on. As you can see, it's been over 4 months and sometimes I feel like I grieve for her more now than ever before. It's a process for sure. No one should be expected to move on so quickly and easily. It's impossible when you loved your pet so dearly and as I have stated MANY times, some people just don't have a connection to their pets that others (like us) do and it's hard for them to understand why moving on is so hard for you.

My way of dealing with it is personally and without any one around. I cry it out in my car on the way home from work, or in the shower. Just so I can have my "time" with Cleo. But if someone brings her up, I literally LOSE it. Especially if my husband will bring her up. I can't handle the hurt of missing her quite yet. I (and you) will get there though,.,..

My dearest Cleo,
I woke up from a dead sleep this morning to what I thought was the sound of you licking your paws like you used to do every morning. Although I think about you every day, this was the first time in months that I actually thought you were still here and I had to shake myself into the horrible reality that you are in fact gone. As soon as I came to, I also made the realization that today marks the 5 month anniversary of your passing. So weird and coincidental?!?!?!?!? In 4 weeks, baby Annie should be here and I still feel this big void missing from our lives. Everyone keeps saying that our family just needs to get another dog, but I am still not there yet.......I still have the mentality that the void is YOU and cannot be filled yet by another dog, but I know that will come in time. I miss you dearly as tears stream down my face. You hold such a dear place in my heart where you will always stay. I am missing and loving you as always.