Hi Donna,

That song...good words...the group Bread right?

Sorry you are feeling so low, you have good reason to, 3 losses in such a short time. I have only been around this site long enough to go through the loss of Buck with you, but I'm sure you loved them all equally, individually and in your own special way. I definitely relate when you say "the grief will always be here." I haven't as yet figured out how to get through it all. I'm tired, just wanted to let you know I care and relate.

Dennis

Hi Donna,

I am thinking about you Donna.

Love, Rhapsedy

Dear Donna, I'm so sorry that life is being a challenge for you - - whatever the reasons including the devastating loss of Frasier, Niles, and Buck. It is incredibly hard to find happiness when our heart's love and purpose are no longer physically with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, - - I am here for you.

I hope that you will have a peaceful weekend, Donna - - somehow, and that you will feel the sweet Living Spirits of your precious boys fill your heart.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thinking of you Donna and all your fur angels,

Hugs,
Sonya

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the thoughts every day! Even though I'm not posting as much, I think about this forum all the time. What a great place this is! I've had so much not-so-good stuff going on over the last 1 1/2 years and some of it has even been serious stuff but I just keep floating back to the loss of my boys. I don't know if it's just a familiar place for me to retreat to or if I'm using them as an excuse to mildew. I'm not sure. I just ache for them, you know? I mean, I really ache. When I'm at work, I'm fine and act like my usual self. But when I get home, I feel my face literally begin to fall. Do any of you feel that way? I just sometimes don't feel like I'm progressing in my yearning for them. I want to go back! I just want to go back!
I love Daphne and I sort of like Sera (she doesn't want to be touched or even looked at!) but it pales so much to how I felt about the brothers and Buck. They were just so easy. They made everything easy their whole lives. And I'm not just remembering them the way I want to. After 2 weeks, the brothers got along as if they'd never been separated. We got Buck at 6 weeks old and he house-trained himself! He just came that way. It was strange but so wonderful. We taught him his own sign language, named all his toys, and taught him all the regular commands in a day. He never forgot them his whole life. They just made everything easy from the beginning and these girls make EVERYTHING hard! It's funny and I do laught about the girls but it also leaves me feeling empty and lonely for furballed companionship.
I haven't been any help at all to the newest people on the forum. I find I just don't have the energy lately to respond to their stories and their sadness. I feel so bad about that. Do y'all go through that ever? I don't know, I'm just whining I guess. Thanks for letting me, if you will.

Dear Frasier, you little hambone. I miss you at night the most. We spent some precious time falling asleep together. Do you know how long I stared at your little feet and nose and mouth while you slept? Do you know I memorized your fur pattern and burned it in my brain? Do you know I would've done anything to protect you? Do you know, Bean? Do you?
Dear Niles, I have a song for you. It portrays your last moments exactly the way I remember them. I told you I would never let anything hurt you yet I had to let you die. I told you you would always be safe. Your transition to wherever you are was hard for me. It took all my strength to get you there. I feel as though I held you up to Heaven and held you there while you slipped away. I held you there as the waters flooded me. The waves hit me so hard but I kept holding you there to keep them away from you. You and I had a fantasy that we'd always be together, my little king.
Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your Curly Que's
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books
Are full of fairy-tales
Of kings and queens
And the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see
The truth for lies

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms


Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
Cause you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you

Hey I
Hey I
Will love

Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

In my arms

Dear Buck, I have a song for you too. Actually, Boo, I think Daddy has a song for you. He's been playing it at night and I can hear him singing it. Since he never ever does that kind of thing, I think there's a reason. You know he would never admit it, though. I feel like he sings it to you. He says it's the best song he ever heard. He just doesn't make those kind of comments, does he, Boo? Here's the words, BD.

Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..
Stay with me,..
Let’s just breathe.
Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, aw huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh,..
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed.
Stay with me,..
You’re all I see.
Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.
I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.
Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.
Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

Sweet dreams, little men. Sweet dreams.
-Mommy

Wow! That Eddie Vedder song is my song with Baden. I heard it when I came back from the vets after Baden left. Its huge, amazing, sad and so beautiful-all wrapped up in one. I sing and cry to it as well. You should check out the video on youtube. EV sings it with so much emotion.
Times are tough. I hope you are making it through okay....
Amy

Baden, yes, Eddie Vedder sings that song better than I think anyone could. I'm listening to it now and I think my husband may be right. It could be the best song. The song for Niles is Safe in My Arms by Plumb. Listen to it on youtube - it's hauntingly beautiful (puppygirl829 has the best copy). Just haunting the way she sings it. When I listen to it, I feel him all around me. I'm glad someone else has songs for their pets too. Makes me feel a little less....well.....weird.

For Winston my song for him is Tears In Heaven, since it's the song my son sung to him while I was borrowing a shove from my neighbor to dig his grave.

Donna,

I know exactly what you mean! I ache too for Brando and Callaway and wish I could go back and really appreciate my time with them. I truly believe that I will never have the same bond with another dog and that makes me sad.

I wish I could write more but I'm just exhausted.

I'm thinking about ya.

Hi All--

Ladywolf's and my song was "God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You," from the Beach Boys Pet Sounds album. Of course, I never listen to radio, but whenever I happen to hear it somewhere, that's what they're playing!

I can't decide if songs are helpful for me, or if they hurt too much!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Big

Dear Donna, thank you so o o o much for sharing with us how things are going with you. There is a time to give comfort and a time to receive comfort. Donna, with all that you have been through, and are still going through, this is your time to RECEIVE comfort.

I know what you mean about how your boys made everything easy. That's how it was with my Oslo, Eli, Noah, and Abbygayle. Oslo was our "constant" and the kitty kids would look to him for comfort and stability when things weren't always smoothe. I think perhaps one of the reasons why Noah freaked so about little Hank was because he didn't have the comfort of Eli or Oslo, or Abbygayle, to help him understand. I am his only "constant" now, and apparently he needs my undivided attention, and he so deserves it with everything he has been through.

Songs - - each of my furkids have had their own songs: Oslo's were Elvis' "Can't Help Falling in Love" and Petula Clarke's "This Is My Song." Eli's was John Denver's "For Baby". Abbygayle's were Bette Midler's "The Rose" and "All I Ask" from The Phantom of the Opera. Noah has many songs right now.

Donna, when we hurt - - deeply, unconsolably, - - we do retreat to what our hearts remember as better times. This is part of the coping process when our "reality" is unpleasant - - to put it mildly. I wish there was a way I could ease at least some of your sorrow, Donna. I'm here for you for whatever that's worth, just please know that. You are in my thoughts and prayers frequently every day, Donna.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all. I love reading everyone's songs. Moonbeam, you always touch my heart with your replies. Thank you for explaining how I feel and why I feel this way. It's crazy but when you explain it, it makes sense to me and I don't feel so weird. Frasier's song is John Denver's "For You". The anniversary of his death is coming up this month on the 27th. I hadn't listened to the song since last year but because of everyone's responses to my post, I played it last night. It's still a perfect fit for him. When I listened to it, I felt wrapped in love for him. He was the most gentle and caring and funny thing. A precious love that fills my heart still.
I know that every person carries their own burdens and baggage and experiences. But don't you just want sometimes to carry a sign around that screams "Something happened to me and I'll never be the same!"? "They were just animals to you but they were my children!" Maybe the world would be a little nicer place if we all carried signs like that. It would prove we're all human beings and we all hurt and we're all trying. I don't know where I'm going with this or how/why I got onto this subject. I was just thinking, I guess.
Anyway, I have to go. Daphne's got litter stuck all over her leg so I've got some cleaning to do!
-Donna

Hi, Donna, the music that we share with our beloved companions on this side of eternity takes on a new dimension when they are no longer physically with us, doesn't it? It seems to beomce more angelic in nature rising gently heaven-ward crossing the boundaries of time and space - - it truly becomes the "music of the heart".

I'm glad I'm able to help you understand some things better. I can so relate to what you're feeling and going through, my friend. It is said that experience is the best teacher. I just wish there were some "lessons" I could have missed out on over the years, you know what I mean? However, if the lessons learned from those experiences are offering you some help and comfort now, then perhaps they were lessons worthwhile after all.

I have to chuckle about Daphne's grooming. Abbygayle had the longest and thickest fur pants I have ever seen on a cat, and once in awhile I, too, had to help her with her "clean up" after a potty visit. I started clipping the longest of the fur around her sweet little bottom and that helped out a lot. I'm wondering how your Daphne responded to your assistance.

Donna, please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and look forward to knowing how you're doing. I hope you and your family will have a peaceful weekend.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Donna, just checking in with you to see how you're doing, to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that life is treating you kindly, and that you and your husband will have a peaceful and pleasant weekend.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moonbeam. Thank you for checking in on me. I've been lurking lately but not really up to posting. My mom has told me for years that when her mother passed away that things sort of came crashing in on her about 2 months after she died. It's been that way lately. It's coming up on a year since I lost Frasier - the first true love that I've lost. It's been hard. Sometimes I feel like I just lost them all even though time is ticking away. I'm crying every day again. I know my husband feels the same way because I've found him crying about Buck lately.
I know you miss your babies. I hope you are doing ok. Please give Noah a big kiss for me. I miss snuggly boys. These girls just aren't affectionate in the least. It's probably good for me in the long run but for now, I'm lonely for fur companionship. I miss the relationships, you know? I hurt.
Anyway, thanks again for checking in on me. It's hard to keep up with all the new posts. So much sadness.
-Donna

Hi Donna,

I am so sorry that you are hurting. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I just don't have the energy to post more.

Hi Donna,

I, too, am sorry to hear that you've been having a hard time lately. Sometimes, when the tears come, it's hard for them to stop. I hope in time the pain in your heart will begin to subside a little - though I know it will probably always be there, in one way or another. The "missing them" part is so hard, as well as the emptiness and loneliness that comes with it. I can't help thinking about a quote I read in a article that was posted somewhere on the forum. It sums it up perfectly for me: "There's a hole where whole used to be." I hope you can still feel your babies near and gain some comfort from that.

You are in my thoughts. Cheryl x

Hi Donna--

I too am sorry that you are hurting so much. This grief journey is SO powerful and unpredictable, isn't it? Grief that comes up months, or even years later, is quite common, unfortunately, and just has to be endured.

My mom committed suicide in 1987. About six months later, when I thought I was doing pretty well with it all and moving forward in my life, I was shopping for a silk blouse in a good department store, with money I had inherited when my mom died, when it suddenly hit me that I would never go shopping with my mom again, and I just totally lost it in the blouse department. Suddenly I had saleswomen all over me, trying to find out what was wrong, as I was crying uncontrollably. They were very nice about it, actually, when I explained what was going on--handing me kleenex, putting their arms around my shoulders, etc. I certainly hadn't "planned" to break down in the middle of Sak's Fifth Avenue that day! But it was all beyond my control.

I've never forgotten that incident, as such a painful example of how my grief was still alive, and could strike me down at any moment, logical or illogical...

You've had so MUCH loss in the past few months, it's amazing to me that you are functioning as well as you are...

Again, I am sorry that there is still so much pain for you and your husband--but go on acknowledging and expressing it. The only way out is through, obviously--painful as it is. I hope that today goes more smoothly for you!

Big higs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold

Donna,

I know just what you mean, "lurking" here, trying to stay connected, but feeling out of the loop, like just because a few months have passed (or a year for Frasier) that we're "supposed" to have worked thru things. Been a little over 3 months for me, and when the tears come, it too feels like it just happened. I feel like I've accepted the reality that Kota's gone, yet whenever I come home, I get that pit in my stomach, still "hoping" she'll be here. Your sadness is your sadness, no time limit, and it's real, and it's a tragic thing these losses we are enduring. Thinking of you, and peace to your lost loved ones.

Dennis

Dear Donna, I certainly do have a good idea how you and your husband are feeling. Margi said it so well: "The only way out is through, obviously--painful as it is."

Today is 25 years since the automobile collision that claimed my mother's life and changed mine forever, and is also the 5 months and 2 days anniversary since Abbygayle joined the angels. It's been a hard time lately reconciling everything so close together. For me right now the only real meaning in my life is my Noah - - he is my reason for trying, he is my reason for waking up in the morning, he is my reason for being.

Donna, I'm so sorry that the girls are so aloof to you with their affection. Like you I really need the fur cuddles. Like you there are times when I still cannot believe it's real losing three furkids within a 39 month time frame, and two of them within 4 months.

Donna, I wish I could take your pain and grief away, but I don't have that power. I just hope you know that I am here for you, reaching across the miles, offering you my hand of friendship and a shoulder to share what is iin your heart as you feel comfortable doing.

Please know you and your husband are frequently in my thoughts and prayers, Donna, and honestly look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam