Hi,
I am so thankfull to have found somewhere to share my feelings and sorrow tonight. First I am so sorry for everyones losses. My buddy Rex was 11 years old. I did not choose Rex or his name, a friend gave him to me and for some reason I let my father name him. When I got him home he fit in the kitchen sink (he weighed 75 pounds later). Rex never chewed anyting that did not belong to him and he did not know his name or what "come here" meant if he got out of the yard instead he would run as fast as he could while I drove in the car near him and I swear he laughed and smiled the whole time. We had some tough times and battled undiagnosed mange, allergies, enough ear infections for 10 dogs and in the last 9 months Cushings disease. Rex was mister mellow and the only time he barked was when someone got to close to his yard or it thundered (standing in the bark yard looking at the sky). He was my protector my foot warmer my companion and my best friend, he had a watch hidden somewhere and knew when it was 8:30 pm and that it was snack time (he also got the cat a watch). In eleven years I have not slept one night in my bed with out him laying stretched out next to me or across my legs. Tonight he wont be there. This monrning I woke at 5AM to find a very sick dog. Rex was having trouble standing and looked so sad and miserable, I called my vet who saw him and they gave him fluids and antibiotics as he had a really high fever. At 2:00 pm the vet called to tell me that he was pretty sure Rex had a UTI and that he looked a little better. I was so thankfull and went to pick him up at 5:30. When I got there my sweet buddy could hardly walk and collapsed at my feet when he got to me, he was panting and not very alert, the vet said he had looked at his xrays again and was not sure if it was an abcess or tumor near his bladder but he felt that my buddy was now not going to be able to pull out of this. I stared and my buddy and talked to him and realized that I wanted him to stay for me, but that he was already a little gone because my buddy would have stood as soon as I did and when I sat on the floor to love on him wold have tried to get me to stand up. So as a I cried and doubted and questioned every deciscion for the last 16 hours I petted my buddy and told him how sorry I am and how much I love him and that despite what I may say the third time I have to get up every night to let him out to pee he was truly my best boy and I hope he knows I would pick him everytime even now knowing how hard it is to not have him here with me. If you have read this thank you so much. Love you buddy, you are mommas best boy and I am so sorry.

Hi Rex's Mommy
First I want to say I am so sorry for you loss. Second you dont have to thank any of us here for reading your story about your angel Rex. We all here know how it feels to hurt and want our babies back with us. You can tell how much you loved Rex. I like his name my dad had 2 dogs named Rex one was a full blooded white shepard and the other was a white shepard mix. I am so glad you have found this place to come and please come here as much as you need too. We care and and know what you are feeling. When you feel up to it if you have a picture please post it we would love to see him, only when you are ready I know right now it is probably hard to even look at his pictures. Its been 7 and 4 months for me and I still at times have a hard time seeing my angels it brings me to tears all the time. Please know that you and your angel Rex are in my thoughts and prayes. I have posted a candle for your angel.


HUGS
Anna and my Angels



REX

Dear Rex's Mamma and Angel Rex

Sending prayers and hugs to you both.
Yes, as Anna said when you feel able it would be lovely to see a photo of Rex.
Thinking of you.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Rex. I loved your story about him not coming when you called, and running alongside the car instead--he was obviously a Rugged Individualist, much to be treasured.

This grieving journey is a long hard road, for most of us, anyway, Whatever you are feeling today will likely not be what you are feeling tomorrow. We swing all over the place in our grief, from acceptance to anger to depression to denial to guilt to bargaining and back to acceptance again. It's crazy-making, and it's all totally normal! Rex was a big loss for you--as Anna said, it's obvious how much you loved him, and he you.

I too would love to see some pictures when you feel you can post some.

I like to imagine that Rex is up in doggie-heaven now STILL not obeying the rules! Maybe there aren't any rules up there, so he is free to do exactly as he pleases. What a joy of a dog he must have been

You did the right thing for him, don't question that. He was in obvious pain and discomfort, and your vet did you a favor, even if it doesn't feel like that right now...

We love Rex already--please tell us more about him!!

Big hugs--Margi and Spiritwolf and Leopold the Terrible

Hello Rex's Mamma...Thank-you for your story. I too know what it means. As you did, I carried my little boy Zola everywhere for 13 years...To the Vet's, to the park, to the groomers, to the shops...He's not there now to smile at me anymore and I'm so sad. He was truly my best friend. He was fun and funny too, as Rex was...in his final few months because of chewing and ear issues, he wore one of those plastic hats, which I called his crash helmet. I'd hear him slowly walking up the hallway banging gently into the walls and furniture as he plodded his way forward to find where I was in the house. He'd sweetly stick one paw up for me to shake when he was happy, then roll over to play for a bit. He'd get up and sleep in the bed too, which he loved, it was bliss for him to curl up and be warm. I know he's now in heaven free of discomfort (and that blasted hat!) running with vigour as free as the wind, waiting for me. Yours is as well...
Take care and God bless,

x

Thank you all so much. I can not believe how much it helps. This morning is hard. For the first time in eleven years I did not get woken up by thud of him jumping of my bed followed by the click click noise his claws make across the kitchen floor and back telling me to wake up and let him out. Thinking of all of you today and thank you so much for the thoughts and prayers and I so hope there are no rules so he can run all day long.


Love you buddy. Wish you were still here.

Hi Rex's momma
I'm so very sorry about your loss -- we lost our dog at 11 years "young" too. I wish I could be there to hug you. Come back and talk to us as much as you need to --this place is a lifesaver.

Sharon

Rex's Mamma, I'm so sorry about your precious Rex. Thank you for your story. I know how desperately hard this is for you right now. Getting used to all the things you don't have anymore is excruciating. It's especially hard because at this point, you don't want to get used to them. You just want what you had. They're so much a part of us.
We lost our third baby in 10 months this past June. My husband and I were talking about our Buck while trying to eat dinner the other night. We got so upset we couldn't even finish eating. But we were discussing how it feels like they are sewn on to you and when they leave it feels like they are ripped from your body. They're just so much a part of everything we do and everything about us. Getting used to the lack of his presence and his sound has been the hardest thing of all.
Again, my heart goes out to you as you move through this awful process. Please keep letting us know how you are and hopefully you can post a picture of Rex for us. This is the best place to have your hand held as you hurt so bad. Your story made it very obvious how much you love Rex and the special relationship you two had. I'm so sorry.
-Donna

I think you'll find that crying and doubting every decision is pretty much standard procedure for those of us who've lost pets, particularly those of us who've had to make the very painful decision to euthanize a pet. I think it's especially hard when you don't know exactly what it is that's wrong, as I think happened in your case. Sometimes you have to leave it at "I don't know what it is, I just know it's terminal, and it's going to cause a lot of pain," and that can be an uncomfortable place to be, I think. I think that's a place that leaves a lot of room for doubt and second-guessing. And that's a place where I spent about four weeks after I put my cat down. It was hard. I feel like I'm just coming out of it now, thanks to the people on this forum. This is a very healing place. It takes a while, but it's a very healing place.

Hi, Rex's mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Rex. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

You gave Rex the last act of love you could - - at great sacrifice to you - - so that he could be released from his failing physical body so that he could go home to the angels where he is now healed and restored to his youthfulness.

This grief journey is a very painful one - - both physically and emotionally. It is one of the most difficult experiences we will have to endure. Rest assured that your precious Rex knows you love him - - for his love for you is still forever with you in your heart and memories. His sweet precious Living Spirit will always be with you sharing your life just as he always has wherever you go and whatever you do.

Rex's mom, one of the many important things for you to remember during this grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. I wish there was an easier way through this grief journey, but unfortunately there is no fast forward through it. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Rex's mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I wanted to say thank you so much, this means so much.

All I can say is thank you. Thank you to everyone. I was ok at work as it was busy and I had to concentrate on it. Coming home...WoW. I can not believe how overwhelming it is, but getting on here and seeing your messages mean so much. Please know you and your angels are all in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Love you Rex. Hope they have 8:30 snacks there for you.

Dear Rex's Mama,

What a devastating loss. Everyone whom posted before me, to your loss, also helped support me and have continued to accept my pain of losing my Kota (16 years together), just over two months ago. What you said about Rex being sprawled across your legs, your constant companion for all those years, really hit a nerve. Years ago, in the middle of winter, when it was snowing out, Kota would be on my bed, and I would go to sleep with my hand on her, thanking her for being there. I hope that Rex wasn't sick for a long time and that your decision (made out of courage, love and acceptance) was able to me made pretty quickly after seeing the condition he was in.

I don't know if you are alone or have a family, either way, this site can be an accepting family for you. Many people...friends, coworkers, relatives...can be helpful and supportive but not unconditionally understanding of the depth of the loss that you are now going through. I'm glad you have a job to go to, to get out of the house, though I know that coming home and still expecting to see and hear Rex, is a daily heartbreaking moment. My prayers and thoughts are with you and Rex.

Dennis

Rex's Mamma

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Rex. I know that the loss and pain can seem unbearable. Myself and the others here have been through and are still going through the journey of grief. This is such a great place to come to share and sometimes just to vent; knowing that your words and feelings are shared with those with ears to hear and hearts to understand your grief.

I am so sorry
Nikita's Dad
John

Dear tahoeden (Dennis),

I am sorry for your loss. Thank for your prayers and thoughts, I really appreciate them so much. It is amazing how much they give us and how much we need them. You are so right about family and others not understanding. I feel like some are already tired of hearing what I need to say about him, that I need to talk about him and cry and grieve. Thank you again. You and Kota are both in my prayers and thoughts.

Kristina

I can not sleep. I am missig you so much Rex. It has been 28 1/2 hours since I let them end your pain. Your fever was so high, you cold not hardly walk. When they brought you to me for the last time and you collapsed at my feet, I sat next to you petting you,crying and talking to your doctor about ending your life. In those moments you stopped panting and just laid there letting me love you. Thank you for that, I know how you felt about me being on the floor and I know it was hard for you to not stand when I did. I hope you understood all I said to you and I hope you understand why I left you there after I walked you back and you looked at me so confused as to why I was leaving and then I came back and we had a little time and I let them end your life. I am sorry I could not fix you like I said in the car that I would and that you did not get your special snck that I had planned, but please understand that when I left I did not know that would be our last day, when they called me about 2 and said you had perked up and I could take you home I was over the moon. If I had known that in 4 hours everything would change from a UTI to an abcess/cancer and that you would be so sick I swear I would have been there with you to love you for those precious hours and so you would know that I never meant to leave you. I will never forget your face that morning. Please forgive me buddy.

I love you. Please be happy.

Love,
Momma

Rex's Mommy
I am sorry you cannot sleep I totally understand I would sit late at night and write to my angel Max all the time and my Dozer would come in put both his front paws up on the bed across me and lay his huge head on me like to say I know mommy I miss him too. Little did I know my Dozer would soon follow suddenly in 3 months. I have had alot of bad nights this week myself and just cry and cry wishing none of this had happened. So know there are others who are up late feeling very depressed I know that isnt much comfort to you but there is always someone here to listen no matter what time day or night. Hope you manage to get some sleep I have adjusted myself to being up late all the time. It is now like my angels time I write to them write poems about them it has been good therapy for me. Some nights I just go back from to that alwful day and read thru my post and half of it I dont even remember writing. It really shows the state of mind I was in. It has been like keeping a diary and records of my journey. I still have a long ways to go for its only been 7 and 4 months. I dont think we ever get over this I just think we learn to live with it. Since there isnt a thing we can do to change or undo anything. Your Angel knows you love him and he loves you. Thier love is uncondional and I believe we still have the bond beyond here. I talk to mine everyday, everynight and believe they are still with me. I cant and wont believe a love as powerful and unconditional ends with life. I sure hope like you are angels are happy and also hope there lots of treats and pizza there. My Dozer favorite thing was pizza crust and cheese. My max loved everything. Hopefully our angels are keeping each other company and are so healthy and happy and patiently waiting for us. You and your angels our in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Anna and my Angels

Rex's Mamma,
I am so sorry for the loss of Rex. We here all know the pain you are going through. Thank you for the kind words about my sweet Lexa. I can tell how much you love Rex. Please know you are in my thoughts.

Michelle

Rex's Mamma-
I am soo so very sorry. This time is so hard, I know. My boy Baden was also diagnosed with a UTI and I thought I could bring him home with meds and then I found out it was cancer. It is so terrible to hear that death wish. But, Rex is safe now and likely looking down at you only shining love from above. The pain that you feel during this time is so tough and its okay to feel the way you do. Just let yourself BE and go through the process. It is the only way. You will always have that special bond with your Rex, no matter what. He loves you and will always love you!
Hugs,
Amy

Thank you all so much. I am so blessed to have found you all.

Kristina


I Love you Rex