Some of you may remember me from July 2002 at Google.Alt.Loss when our beloved cat "Kudi" came down with a severe liver infection. With the help of your thoughts, prayers and support, Kudi fought the disease and went on to have a wonderful 15 additional months of life.

Unfortunately, Kudi's liver and kidney's failed him again two weeks ago and just last night, with Kudi in my arms and with the assistance of our wonderful vet, he passed away peacefully, surrounded by those who loved him dearly.

To say we are absolutely devastated would be the worst understatement in human history. Nothing can describe the grief we are feeling right now. The loss of "Mr. Sweetheart" will be deeply felt for the rest of my life. Kudi will be terribly missed by his two mothers, my wife Yuka and his real mother, Moguwai (who is a very healthy 16 years old right now - they were never apart). Also, Kudi's inherited Brother "Neko-San" and sister "Callie" will miss him greatly too. I want to thank my wife for being such a wonderful mother to my "little man".

He will forever remain the brighest star in the sky. I loved him more than life itself. He was my constant shadow, my best friend, always waiting at the door for me, and never asked for anything in return except for plenty of love and kisses.....and good food of course.

I take great comfort in knowing that Kudi had a wonderful life full of love & happiness and we were there for him when he was born, and when he died. I can only pray that one day, we will be together again someday. He taught some so much about life right up until he took his last breath. I am extremely fortunate and grateful to have had Kudi in my life. I am so lucky to have been able to tell him that, then get is approving "nudge" before he passed away.

Rest in peace old man. You are reborn again. Run, play and re-unite with your long lost relatives and friends. For I will cross the Rainbow Bridge someday and give you all of the love you can handle for eternity - I cannot wait for that day Sweetheart. You gave us so much, and asked for so little.

Dedicated to Kudi..."the one so little, who loved SO much"

No words can describe how much we love you and how much you will be missed. You WILL NOT be forgotten!! Your eternal loving family,

Tony, Yuka, Moguwai, Neko-San & Callie Beason
October 24, 2003 - Phoenix, Arizona

GOD BLESS YOU OLD MAN!

Dear Tony,
How right you are that we are so lucky to have loved so unconditionally, our pets have this ability to pluck a cord in our hearts and keep it vibrating for eternity.

For the whole of their lives they never say a word to us, yet speak volumes with touches and looks, they know exactly when we need them the most and come to us just to sit and be there and give love.

Then the time comes when their spirit needs to go home and from there they support us with love a knowledge that we cant understand but one day they will be there to teach us again and support us and love us and just be there for us.

God bless Kudi and all our little fur babies and help us to understand why we have to have this separation.

Take care,
Love Sue.

I am so sorry for your loss. But thank you for sharing your love and your grief with us. As I read your words, I cry -- because they are my words, my thoughts, my feelings, too. I know the love and the sorrow...

Thank you very much for the kind words. Beautiful avatar huh? Thanks to "admin" for the help.

Words can't describe how much I miss Kudi already, but we live with the love and memories he gave us and I am so grateful that I was able to tell him how much I loved him before he passed on.

To Kudi

"If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again."

I LOVE YOU OLD MAN!

Your papa, Tony

The avatar is indeed beautiful, are those green eyes?

I loved the poem at the bottom, if only our wishes could come true.

Love Sue

Thank you Sue. Yes, Kudi's eyes are green.

It's been 3 days since he passed away and though the grief has subsided just a little, the heartbreak is still there.

God, I miss him!

Tony

Tony - first I have to say that your "old man" Kudi was absolutely beautiful.

I know the heartbreak will be with you for a long time - it always is when we lose someone who was such an important, loving part of our lives.

I am very glad that Kudi had that "extra" 15 months of life with such wonderful people. Hopefully he's with my two guys, playing and running and patiently waiting until we are one big family again.

I hope your pain continues to become an easier burden to bear. I don't believe it ever really goes away but as we learn to handle it, we become stronger in the process. Kudi wouldn't want you to grieve - why grieve when you haven't really lost him? A temporary separation is no separation when you consider you will one day have an eternity of "nudges".

I'll light a candle for him tonight - and pray that he's already being taught how to fly.

Thank you very much. It's day 4 since Kudi passed away. I think part of me died last Thursday as well - his loss will leave a permanent hole in my heart. However, your kind words and those of others have really helped me through the past few days.

It's funny you mention Kudi learning how to fly. Yes, he may grow wings, but knowing him like I do, he'll never get off the ground because he loved to lay down and get kissed and hugged so much (laughing!!!!). Thinking back, it was just incredible how needy he was in the love department - I am forever grateful that not once in his life when he wanted some attention and a kiss, I never walked away from him, not once! I am hopeful he knew just how much I loved him.

Thank you for lighting a candle for him. I truly appreciate it.

Regards, Tony

Dear Tony,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Your words sound exactly like mine when I watched Scott fall to the ground last year. I still cannot think about him without crying.
My chicken has kidney cancer and is on her last legs, I'm probably gonna have to make another decision soon.
My thoughts are with you. What a beautiful cat. No wonder you loved him so much.

Well, it's been over two months since my beloved Kudi passed away, and let me tell you, it's taken this long for the grief to subside. It still hurts that he's no longer with me, but I can tell you that thoughts about him that used to make me cry, now make me laugh - he was so special.

As a New Year's resolution, and in tribute to Kudi, I went to the local human society to offer not only my time as a volunteer, but I also went to donate money (from all of my family) in order to help them build another wing to the exisiting building.

All the sudden, I glanced into one of the cages, and there sat this beautiful, pure white with green eyed female kitten who looked just like Kudi when he was a young man! Guess what, I'm the proud new papa of a tiny, little girl named "Mimi". She's absolutely beautiful and such as sweet little girl. I am so happy to have her and she'll fit right into my ever loving family which includes 3 other "children" (cats). They've already taken to her like she's one of our own.

On the very first night I took her home, she layed on my shoulder in bed all night long. She just purred and purred and licked me to death . That same night, she went up to the little memorial that I created for Kudi in my Bedroom, rubbed her head on the container with Kudi's ashes in it, then came back to me and rubbed her tiny head on my head...........KUDI MUST HAVE SENT HER TO ME!!!

I'm so lucky and filled with happiness. Just when I thought my heart would never mend, Kudi must have looked down and saw my pain, and then sent "Mimi" to me - I am so grateful.

I'm tell you people, the pain does go away. However, the gift our beloved pets leave us when they pass on is the love we feel in our hearts when we think about them. If at all possible, please go to your nearest human society and adopt a beautiful kid. You'll never regret it. It's the animals in the Human Society's that need homes in the worst way - please help them at all costs.

My best to you all.

I'm sitting here grinning from ear to ear, only five days into the New Year and already happy endings, I now the pain goes on for a little longer but I can just imagine that feeling you have wanting to just squeeze Mimi to death – - for want of a better way of expressing myself!!

Happy New Year to you and your family

Love Sue

Happy New Year, Tony and Congratulations on your rescue of Mimi.

We got our Hathor from the shelter 6 weeks after Freyja passed on. I know Frey guided me in picking her. Tim insists that she was born when Frey died and they share a spirit.

As I read your original post, I cried again. But I am very happy for your good start to the new year.

Love, Jennifer

Thanks everyone - Mini is such a handful, but she's so sweet for such a young girl - just like Kudi was when he was young. Looks like our donation is going to help the shelter achieve their fund raising goals and they will begin construction on the new wing this summer - thank god my parents have money

Hi Tony:

As other people already said you expressed my own feelings and despair, and sorrow, in describing your experience and love to Kudi. He is a beautiful cat. I think I cried just a bit more, as he looks like my Nick, white, and manly. Only Nick had blue eyes, but the pose and face expression is so like him! He is gone for two years already. My own old man, as you've said. Since then I got two cats, brothers, about a year ago, very reluctantly. They are very nice, and kind, but they are not Nick, he did take a part of me with him. I take care of them, but I love Nick, and miss him terribly, already two years. I do feel guilty about that. How you guys could love as intensively the other cat?

Annette,

You are right - my love for my other cats is much different that the love I had for Kudi....actually, I don't think there is a word for how I felt, and continue to feel about Kudi. He may not be with me any longer physically, but I know he's there in spirit, I can feel his presence at home - and that is very comforting.

I still find it extremely hard to accept that he's gone, but I've started to have dreams about him and I am forever hopeful that this is a sign from him that he's healed and he's waiting for me to come get him....

I have wanted to answer annette's question since she asked it.

[QUOTEHow you guys could love as intensively the other cat? ]

I feel like there is something I want to say, some answer I want to give, but I don't know what it is....

I loved Saki best. Can't help it. Don't know why. Do not know if I will ever be as blessed with that kind of love again. Tony said re Kudi "I don't think there is a word for how I felt..." and I know what he means...

It's a topic that reappears on the board, almost as often as guilt does. We are afraid to use words like "favorite" bc we do love the other ones too, and bc they are our furbabies, and parents don't have favorite kids (at least they're not supposed to, not out loud...).

Right now, Tim is trying to deal with the fact that he loves Hathor best. We got her while grieving for Saki and Freyja, and I have come to love her, too. But tim clearly has an incredibly strong and incredibly special bond with her. More than he had with those who've passed on, more than with our two new kittens. I am trying to tell him that's ok.

I want to say to Annette that it is ok that she loved Nick best.

And maybe it is possible that she will never love a furbaby in the same way ever again.

But maybe she will. But only when you open yourself up to it. Losing someone you love that much -- I think it scars your heart a bit. I worry about when Hathor and the new kittens are going to die. Even if it is 15-20 years from now!!!! When I got Frey, Lec and Saki it never ever ever even occurred to me that someday they would die. And it scares me to think of going thru the pain again.

But then again, I am open to it. I don't love the kitties yet. I think I will. But we've only had them 3 weeks. I barely know them!!! But that I will love them like I did saki -- well, that is a big ?????? I don't know if I will ever love anyone like I did Saki... But I do think it is possible to love again....

So this is kind of rambling and all. I don't know if it makes sense or answers Annette's question. But I wanted to try...

It's an interesting questions being posed here ... I have to agree with Saki & Freya's Mom ... every once in awhile you bond with a particular pet ... it could be the first one or maybe one in the middle but for whatever reason the bond you have with that one is somehow deeper than the others. To me this is OK ... I now have two new little ones and I love them dearly but not like I loved Snoops. I don't think I will ever have a pet who is as close to me or who I feel as strongly about as I do Snoops. That I think is part of life. I'm not even sure I would want to be as close to another animal as I was to Snoops ... it would feel like he was being replaced and I don't ever want that. Maybe given time this can change ... I don't know ... but I don't think it is a bad thing to not love with that intensity ...I love my new pups ... I would do anything for them ... but it is a different level of love that I have ...not any worse or better than what I had for Snoops ... just different.

I too worry about when the new ones are no longer here and I have fears everytime they go to the vet or something seems not right. I think this goes with having been "hurt" ... I do think that your heart is scarred a bit when you lose a furbaby ... this too seems to me only natual.

hugs,
Beth

Hi guys:

Thank you very much to share your experience about your loved ones. It is somewhat helpful to know that you feel similar, and I am not different. First, I come from different cultural background, where pets are basically nothing, just things around you, and disposable. I've been looked down upon that I mourn a cat, while I should think of people, ets. I was concerned about my integrity. People around me are not receptive to my feeling of loss of a cat, no matter what I say. However, despite of everything, I feel so much attached to Nick, and so much empty without him, that in addition to sorrow, it gives me almost anger (?) that I can not have him anymore, and unfortunately, I have to admit, no matter how much I try to love other cats that I diligently take care of, I have this fear that I'll never experience that bond as Nick gave me.
Thank you again for sharing, and I feel so much better knowing that you know what I am talking about.

Hey Everyone,

Hope all is well....I just didn't wanted Kudi's thread to sink to the bottom. It's been 4 months and I miss him so much! I love you old man!

I am hoping to have a picture of our newest edition, "Mimi" posted shortly, she's so sweet!

My best to all of you.

Tony

Tony - open a new Thread and tell us all about your new addition in it!!!!!